Bad car names

[Balladeer08]

I mean the names of the particular model of car, not the brand.

My choice for the worst is "Escalade".

escalade
[es-kuh-leyd, -lahd, es-kuh-leyd, -lahd]

noun
1. a scaling or mounting by means of ladders, especially in an assault upon a fortified place.

If you go back a couple of hundred years, you would find this term more common.

When an Army didn't have time to lay siege to a town, or just surround it and wait for the defenders to surrender due to starvation, they would perform an escalade.

Basically this meant cobbling together as many make-shift ladders as you could, then forming up your troops to run across the open field in full view of the enemy, prop the ladders on the walls and try to climb over them to get inside the walls before being killed.

For the first troops in line, this was almost certain death, a suicide attack.

Why in the hell would you name a car for that?

There are a couple of others, but I'm not greedy, I'll let the rest of you have a shot at your favorites.

 

[Que]

Nova.

In Spanish it means "No Go."

The Datsun 240Z named the "Fairlady" outside of the US is a dumb name.

 

[Fata Morgana]

Skodas all sound slightly sexual. I've had a Felicia and now a Fabia. Of course being simple minded I call them Fellatio and Labia.

Do you wanna ride in my Labia?

 

[Balladeer08]

Nova.

In Spanish it means "No Go."

The Datsun 240Z named the "Fairlady" outside of the US is a dumb name.

I figured someone would bring up the Chevy Nova. I think it is kind of a borderline case, as it was an American car sold in America to mostly English-speaking people. In English a Nova is an exploding star. As long as the star that is exploding isn't the one your planet circles, they can be rather pretty, and are certainly bright and noticeably.

But I've often wondered if they sold them under a different name in Spanish-speaking countries. Like the Ford F150 is called a Ford Lobo in Mexico.

 

[Balladeer08]

Skodas all sound slightly sexual. I've had a Felicia and now a Fabia. Of course being simple minded I call them Fellatio and Labia.

Do you wanna ride in my Labia?

If I rode in your Labia, would I be a Labiator?

 

[Que]

The edition letters are dumb. GTO means Grand Turismo Obligato and refers to race cars that meet the minimum thresh-hold of 500 copies in order to be considered a "production" car. Putting it on a mass-marketed car is silly. Dropping the O to create the "GT" is even dumber.

Dodge has an SXT edition for people that sext and drive, I suppose. For those that are even sluttier, they have the SLT edition.

 

[Adre]

Skodas all sound slightly sexual. I've had a Felicia and now a Fabia. Of course being simple minded I call them Fellatio and Labia.

Do you wanna ride in my Labia?

Always with the cunt talk.

 

[Balladeer08]

Always with the cunt talk.

Wassamatta? Cunt you stand it?

 

[warrior queen]

Reliant Robin.
Not only was it not reliable, it resembled a stoned chicken more than a flying bird (falling over sideways frequently!)

 

[rimmy]

In Brazil Pinto means penis and in Quebec the Buick LaCrosse translates to the Buick Masturbation.

 

[Balladeer08]

In Brazil Pinto means penis and in Quebec the Buick LaCrosse translates to the Buick Masturbation.

I knew I was going to learn some fun new facts from this. 8)

 

[rimmy]

Ford Fiera – In Spanish-speaking Latin American countries Fiera means “ugly old woman”.

Chevrolet Nova – In Spanish “no va” means “it won’t go”. To get around this, in Latin American countries the Nova was renamed Caribe. In Spain it was sold as the Corsa.

Ford Pinto – When Ford decided to market the Pinto in Brazil they had to perform a hasty name change. Because in Brazil the word “pinto” is a nickname for the male member.

Toyota MR2 – Who could be offended by MR2? Well the French it would seem. When spoken, “MR2″ would be pronounced “me-re-de”. Or in other words s**t. Toyota’s practical solution. Remove the 2 from all French-market cars.

Mazda Laputa – In Spanish “La puta” means “The Prostitute”.

VW Jetta – In Italian the letter J is rarely used. Meaning that in some dialects, especially near Naples, the name is pronounced “Letta”. And that translates as “throw away”.

Mitsubishi Pajero – In Spain the Pajero is sold as the Montero. Pajero in Spanish is a crude word for masturbation.

Buick LaCrosse – The car is being renamed in Canada, and that’s because in the area around Quebec lacrosse is a slang word for self pleasure.

Honda Fitta – In Scandinavian countries the Honda Fitta was hastily renamed after the company found out they’d effectivley named their car the Honda c**t.

Nissan Moco – In Spanish “moco” means “mucus”.

Opel Ascona – In Galician, a language spoken in the north of Spain, “ascona” translates as a lady’s private area.

Rolls Royce Silver Mist – Almost! Rolls Royce dodged a bullet by renaming the Silver Mist to the Silver Shadow just before launch. In Germany “mist” means “manure”.

Mitsubishi Starion – Not a bad name, just an accident. It is said that when Mitsubishi were looking to name their new car, they wanted to continue with the horsey theme they’d started with the Colt. However when “Stallion” is said with a heavy Japanese accent it sounds like “Starion”. The badges were ordered and stuck on before anyone spotted the error. And the name literally, and figuratively, stuck.

 

[Colonel Hogan]

AMC Gremlin.

I think there were at least a dozen or so free gremlins that came inside the engine and/or suspension of every car.

 

[Littlefinger]

Why are they renaming all their cars when they sell them in other countries? Calling it the "Biggest Wang" in Spanish/Turkish/Russian/etc. seems like a good marketing strategy. Or how about the men who have their own "Vulva" to ride around in? "I'm a tight fit but she comes fast wherever I go." Right?

 

[Tathagata]

Do you wanna ride in my Labia?

are there floor mats and a cup-holder?

 

[Fata Morgana]

are there floor mats and a cup-holder?

Fuck, yes. It's smooth ride too.

I'll PM you my mudflaps.

 

[Tathagata]

Fuck, yes. It's smooth ride too.

I'll PM you my mudflaps.

I'll change my screen resolution in anticipation of that

 

[RobDownSouth]

I figured someone would bring up the Chevy Nova. I think it is kind of a borderline case, as it was an American car sold in America to mostly English-speaking people. In English a Nova is an exploding star. As long as the star that is exploding isn't the one your planet circles, they can be rather pretty, and are certainly bright and noticeably.

But I've often wondered if they sold them under a different name in Spanish-speaking countries. Like the Ford F150 is called a Ford Lobo in Mexico.

Yep. Chevy Nova ("no go") is taught in Marketing 101, along with "Bite the wax tadpole" ("coca cola" in Mandarin or some other Asian language)

 

[oggbashan]

There were some older ones too:

Hillman Wizard - you had to be a mechanical wizard to stop the big ends being starved of oil. They renamed it the 20/70 but people still knew it was the same awful engine.

Standard Sportsman - when the car company Standard started, something built to a standard was a good recommendation. Later 'standard' changed its meaning to 'basic model', and yet the company didn't change its name. The Sportsman was slightly faster than their Vanguard but the chassis couldn't cope.

The Standard Eight of the 1950s was very basic indeed. They announced that the boot (US = Trunk) was sealed against rain and dust. That meant it didn't open. Everything had to be put in the boot by pulling the back seats forward and loading from inside the car.

Their top of the range car was the Standard Vanguard, named after the Royal Navy's last battleship, completed after the Second World War when battleships were obsolete, having been displaced as major fleet units by aircraft carriers. So Standard's new car was named after an obsolete concept.

They produced a cheaper version with lower specifications and a smaller engine called an Ensign. The final model produced by Standard was an Ensign De Luxe. How can something be 'standard' and 'de luxe'? At that time their top of the range car was the Vanguard Six - but the cheaper Ensign De Luxe had a larger engine and was faster than the Six. Standard eventually saw sense and named their later cars 'Triumph' - a company name they had owned since 1945.

Austins offended musicians by producing a car called 'Allegro' that was slower than most other cars, followed by a 'Maestro' that was a masterpiece of how not to design a car.

Skoda's Rapid wasn't.

As for Skoda's Superb? No comment.

Riley Pathfinder - steering problems with early models meant it was nicknamed 'ditchfinder' or perhaps still 'Pathfinder' because it wouldn't stay on the road.

 

[Fata Morgana]

Fuck you Ogg!

I had a Rapide and it was when I was driving the fucker.

 

[oggbashan]

Fuck you Ogg!

I had a Rapide and it was when I was driving the fucker.

A Lagonda Rapide was. One of my cousins owned one like this:

http://www.classiccarweekly.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/1936-Lagonda-LG45-Rapide.jpg



A Skoda? I'd have overtaken you in my Volvo Estate.

But it wasn't a Volvo 850R - the Volvo Estate with a limiter restricting it to only 155 mph.

 

[Fata Morgana]

Ooh that's smart.

Seriously I've had five Skodas and that was my fave. I just loved it.

 

[oddity83]

The Ford Probe.

 

[JohnnySavage]

Ooh that's smart.

Seriously I've had five Skodas and that was my fave. I just loved it.

In my part of the country we call them, "sodas" and five is way too many. Too many empty calories.

 

[GothAngelBabe]

Ford Pinto (enough said)

Chevrolet Nova (No va means doesn't go in Spanish) try selling that in Latin America!