Feedback Evaluation for a First Timer

[Got2]

Hi all,
I'm new here and I am a new author, 'Got2'. My work has never been published in a literary forum in any real sense. I have posted a few stories and ideas for stories on 'chat' websites.

I am very excited to see that my first story has been excepted for publication here.

And then the 'reviews' came in:

First three feedback posts: All negative, one call it 'garbage', another saying it deserved a Negative 2.

One feedback saying he was delighted and wanted to see a continuation of the story. An email saying telling me how much my story was liked and suggestions as to how it should continue.

In less than one day, three people have added it to their favorite list!

Huh?

How should I evaluate this?

I understand that Haters 'Got To' hate (LOL), but I am both hurt by the negative and overjoyed at the positive.

But really, was my story so bad that it engendered such negative comments? How can I improve?

 

[Got2]

Oh, and here is the link to my story, in case you are wondering:

http://www.literotica.com/s/the-competition-and-consequences-pt-01

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I gave your story 5 Starz. You write well enough. It satisfies my basic requirements.

Understand that many readers bring their baggage to a story and cant separate things into proper piles. Its how people are. They'll hang you for a penny or a pound.

 

[Got2]

Thanks! That was my feeling from the start.

I chose a very 'hard' or Taboo subject, what ever term. I knew there would be a few haters for that.

And I really appreciate the positive feedback.

I tried to keep all the spelling and grammar correct, but I guess that ever writer needs a good editor.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Thanks! That was my feeling from the start.

I chose a very 'hard' or Taboo subject, what ever term. I knew there would be a few haters for that.

And I really appreciate the positive feedback.

I tried to keep all the spelling and grammar correct, but I guess that ever writer needs a good editor.

I'm reading Gordon Williams' STRAW DOGS, it would get nothing but 1's here.

 

[PennLady]

Given that all the comments were anonymous, I think it's fairly safe to say that -- as JBJ pointed out -- the readers brought some baggage with them. I'll guess also that they were male, and many men don't like to read about weak or submissive men, nor to see men willingly submit or be humiliated. But some do, and you can't please everyone anyway.

I couldn't understand why you kept capitalizing "Black" and "Black Man." I could make some guesses, but it bugged me because it seemed like a mistake a little kid would make. If I'd edited, I'd have suggested fixing that, but perhaps you had a reason.

It was well written in terms of mechanics; a few mistakes but everyone makes them.

I can't comment a whole lot on the content. It's not the kind of thing I like, but I think for people who do like that situation, you did it well.

 

[Got2]

Given that all the comments were anonymous, I think it's fairly safe to say that -- as JBJ pointed out -- the readers brought some baggage with them. I'll guess also that they were male, and many men don't like to read about weak or submissive men, nor to see men willingly submit or be humiliated. But some do, and you can't please everyone anyway.

I couldn't understand why you kept capitalizing "Black" and "Black Man." I could make some guesses, but it bugged me because it seemed like a mistake a little kid would make. If I'd edited, I'd have suggested fixing that, but perhaps you had a reason.

It was well written in terms of mechanics; a few mistakes but everyone makes them.

I can't comment a whole lot on the content. It's not the kind of thing I like, but I think for people who do like that situation, you did it well.

Thanks,
Yes, I need an editor to ferret out those little mistakes. <donning the arrogant hat> I am an artist, a word smith, I don't have time to correct every silly grammatical, spelling or contextual mistake. LOL, sometimes, for me, the act of writing is deeply imaginative. Fingers on the keyboard get disconnected from p
As for the capitalization: I call it Artistic License. I wanted to emphasize the Black Domination by using CAPITOLS to make that point. I know, some readers will see that as a 'mistake'.

We don't point out that he hands on the Statue of David are out of proportion as being 'mistakes' by the artist Michelangelo. We accept it as the artist expression, to emphasize a theme.

Thanks for the helpful feedback

 

[xhellblazerx]

Thanks! That was my feeling from the start.

I chose a very 'hard' or Taboo subject, what ever term. I knew there would be a few haters for that.

And I really appreciate the positive feedback.

I tried to keep all the spelling and grammar correct, but I guess that ever writer needs a good editor.

I liked it!

James said it well, a lot of people bring their baggage to fantasy stories and there are a lot of racist turds that hit that category so I would ignore the hateful comments.

Incest and non con and GM get a lot as well I always think the story turned them on and that's what really made them mad

 

[PennLady]

Thanks,
Yes, I need an editor to ferret out those little mistakes. <donning the arrogant hat> I am an artist, a word smith, I don't have time to correct every silly grammatical, spelling or contextual mistake. LOL, sometimes, for me, the act of writing is deeply imaginative. Fingers on the keyboard get disconnected from p
As for the capitalization: I call it Artistic License. I wanted to emphasize the Black Domination by using CAPITOLS to make that point. I know, some readers will see that as a 'mistake'.

Well it is a mistake, but I can see that you were going for a certain effect. I'd say if you're going to do that, you need to be consistent and there were times you weren't.

Yeah, fingers can get away from you on the keyboard, that's true. And I get that you were kidding, but I will say -- having done some editing myself -- that I don't have time to correct every "silly" mistake, either. That's not my job, unless the author and I negotiate that it's my job.

I think most of us here advise writing to please yourself, and I stand by that. However, if you *want* people to read your story, then you will probably need to make an effort to make it readable. And that can mean anything from proper spelling to correct punctuation, etc.

And again, you'll never satisfy anyone. My reaction as I was going along was, "Okay, I get it, he's got a thing about black guys, let's move on." The capitalization of the words bugged me, as though I wasn't smart enough to get it on my own. But someone else will see it differently.

 

[sr71plt]

Authors would best understand that it's a partnership between them and the reader; it's not all about them. Literary License is fine when the reader is clued into it and goes with it. Otherwise it can throw the reader right out of the story. If I saw a repeatedly capitalized term that I didn't understand/accept as having a reason to be capitalized when it normally wouldn't be, it would intrude on the read for me--and thus the author wouldn't get full value of the partnership either.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I couldn't understand why you kept capitalizing "Black" and "Black Man." I could make some guesses, but it bugged me because it seemed like a mistake a little kid would make. If I'd edited, I'd have suggested fixing that, but perhaps you had a reason.

I don't know if this is the OP's reason, but there's a school of thought that advocates capitalising "Black" when used to identify race, for the same reason that we'd capitalise "Native American", "Aboriginal Australian", "Tea Party", and various other proper nouns that originated as common nouns or adjectives.

 

[sr71plt]

That's not the trend, no. There have been two "politically correct" phases since "black" (popularized in the 80s). "African-American," starting in the 90s, and, more currently, the awkward "people of African descent." The authorities have pretty much gone to preferring "black," using it because more recent renderings are very awkward in copy and lowercasing it in recognition that there are newer formal preferences. (Chicago Manual of Style, 8.39; New York Times Manual of Style and Usage, pages 25 and 26; The Associated Press Stylebook and Libel Manual, page 25) The APA Publication Manual (2.15), which isn't used for fiction, does cap "Black." But it also caps "White" and says to use "African American" (not hyphenated as other sources do) instead of Black. But, again, the APA isn't for fiction, so it's not really an authority for fiction--just another voice. (neither are the New York Times and AP authorities for fiction--but they do point to common practice even in the nonfiction world.)

 

[Bramblethorn]

That's not the trend, no. There have been two "politically correct" phases since "black" (popularized in the 80s). "African-American," starting in the 90s, and, more currently, the awkward "people of African descent."

"African-American" is commonly used in the USA, but it's not a general-purpose substitute. Most black people aren't "American" and quite a few aren't "African" either, unless we go back so far that everybody is African.

If I'm talking about the director Steve McQueen or about Australian Aboriginal hip-hop culture, "black"/"Black" is significant, "African-American" is not an adequate replacement. (I've seen more than one person refer to Nelson Mandela as "African-American"...nope.)

The authorities have pretty much gone to preferring "black," using it because more recent renderings are very awkward in copy and lowercasing it in recognition that there are newer formal preferences. (Chicago Manual of Style, 8.39; New York Times Manual of Style and Usage, pages 25 and 26; The Associated Press Stylebook and Libel Manual, page 25) The APA Publication Manual (2.15), which isn't used for fiction, does cap "Black." But it also caps "White" and says to use "African American" (not hyphenated as other sources do) instead of Black. But, again, the APA isn't for fiction, so it's not really an authority for fiction--just another voice. (neither are the New York Times and AP authorities for fiction--but they do point to common practice even in the nonfiction world.)

Yeah, my impression is that overall "black" is more common usage than "Black". And to be honest, I still find "Black" jarring; I grew up with the lower-case usage and I'm a creature of habit.

But this is one of those areas where neither majority usage nor my own sensibilities are authoritative for me. I've encountered several folk who use "Black" self-referentially, and in general I try to respect people's preferences on how they'd like to be named, even if that conflicts with majority usage or my own sensibilities.

 

[sr71plt]

I'm not sure the authorities give two pfennigs for what's authoritative to you, actually. Of course, this is probably in the "do as you please" realm at Literotica.

 

[Got2]

Well,
Someone posted a long winded comment that my story was about dumb people, that don't really exist, doing some dumb things that are all made up.

Oh, and the White guy is going to be humiliated even more in Part II.

Well, that is what the Efffing story is! Most of the stories on this site are fictional fantasies.

Yes, I am reliably informed that real people do have sex, and that it's mostly in vanilla situations.

Seems there is an agenda out to quash this kind of story. Yes, I expected and can deal with that bogus criticism.

 

[RejectReality]

There's an agenda to crush virtually every type of story that fits in the LW category. None of them can succeed because they're all evenly matched in asshattery.

If the commentary and trashed scores don't bother you ( keeping in mind that some of that will bleed over into your stories in other categories ) laugh it off and keep writing for the largest erotica audience you're going to find. Regardless of the venom and 1-bombs, you can be sure there are a lot of people who are thoroughly enjoying exactly what you're writing there. They just get drowned out by the screaming idiots.

 

[AlwaysDancing]

One of my stories had the best response. It was something like, "No threes for this one. Only ones and fives.". And that seemed very true. It was a more polarizing piece than I expected. I took all the comments in stride, pleased that I had elicited such strong reactions.

You should feel the same. "It's a nice story," is the kiss of death. Stand proud for story and keep writing.

 

[gordo12]

Well I read the story and frankly gave you a 1*. I didn't bother to comment.

The problem (in my mind) with stories/fantasies like yours is that they depend on cliches.
1/ The super stud black guy hung to the heavens
2/ The wife salivating to get that cock
3/ The white guy is so stupid he keeps jumping into the pot

There is nothing erotic about it, the story line has been used a million times and all you're doing is re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

It's not that your writing was bad but there was really no imagination shown.

 

[sr71plt]

If you don't think his writing is bad, why in the hell do you think the story is worth a 1? The writing should be part of the assessment, shouldn't it? (Trotting off to look at your stories.)

As suspected, there are none--which doesn't inspire confidence that you have a clue about what has to go into writing a story.

 

[gordo12]

Well perhaps we should only allow feedback from authors from now on. After all what could us poor readers possibly know :-(

Go and read my comments again. He asked for feedback and I gave him my HONEST opinion. The score wasn't about his writing so much as his lack of imagination and an overused story line.

 

[robertreams]

I enjoyed the story and thought it well written, especially for a first effort. I totally agree that you need an editor. Two examples: your for you're and cloths for clothes. The capitalization of Black bothered me, but I didn't read anything into it. As far as the sex is concerned, I am not into submission (except to me) and I don't like the guy with the little dick always being the abused one, but, and this is what I call a big but: I would never let my personal dislike for the type of sex in a story affect my opinion about the quality of the writing. As I said, good writing, but seek the counsel of others.

One last comment: your sentences could flow better and faster in the sex scenes to make the action more immediate. There are several literary devices for accomplishing this.

 

[sr71plt]

Go and read my comments again. He asked for feedback and I gave him my HONEST opinion. The score wasn't about his writing so much as his lack of imagination and an overused story line.

I think you're showing that you still just don't get it--and that's probably because you haven't gone through the writing process yourself here. You've twice indicated above the bottom score for the writing--and yet you've given it the bottom score. Do you have any idea how many stories there are here that suck on all levels, including writing?--and yet you give this one the bottom score when you say the writing isn't bad. Sorry, it just shows your assessment ability is out of whack and insensitive--most probably because you are clueless on what it takes to put a Literotica story together.

 

[gordo12]

Again it's you not getting it. I'm not giving feedback as an author. I don't need to write a story to "get it". I'm a recreational reader and that's where it comes from.

I don't need to go to cooking school and work countless hours in a kitchen to be able to eat the food and tell you whether or not I liked it!

Get it?

[edit]
Yes I know there are tons of stories that suck a lot worse than that one. That's neither here nor there.

 

[robertreams]

Well perhaps we should only allow feedback from authors from now on. After all what could us poor readers possibly know :-(

Go and read my comments again. He asked for feedback and I gave him my HONEST opinion. The score wasn't about his writing so much as his lack of imagination and an overused story line.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to overcome a 1 rating? A 1 is like 20%. Eight other readers would have to rate him 5, with no other ratings, merely to overcome your single rating. Do you really think his writing is that bad? how about you come up with a totally original porn story that doesn't involve one of three holes and a dick?

 

[sr71plt]

Get it?

No I don't get your position on this at all. I think you're way, way off base. (And apparently going to stay there until you gain some understanding and sensitivity.)