Honest Truth...How much?

[MrsSexless39]

Married here in a statistically speaking sexless union according to the tabloid quizzes. (1-2 times a month and turned down frequently).

A. How much sex do you get?
B. How much realistically speaking would you be great with?
C. Suggestions on how to breach the subject of me having a "side somebody"?

FYI...I do not want a divorce. I simply do not want to live "underutilized". It's not enough and never has been.

I've answered my own A. already
B. 4 times a week would be great. Morning, noon, night doesn't matter
C. I've threatened to cheat after being turned down and he threatens me with our kids.

 

[NightOfPassion2]

Married here in a statistically speaking sexless union according to the tabloid quizzes. (1-2 times a month and turned down frequently).

A. How much sex do you get?
B. How much realistically speaking would you be great with?
C. Suggestions on how to breach the subject of me having a "side somebody"?

FYI...I do not want a divorce. I simply do not want to live "underutilized". It's not enough and never has been.

I've answered my own A. already
B. 4 times a week would be great. Morning, noon, night doesn't matter
C. I've threatened to cheat after being turned down and he threatens me with our kids.

Wow. About the same here. It can go from more than 2 (its been a while) to about a month between. Anytime one of the 5 adult children do something wrong it causes problems...

I would LOVE 4 times a week..Of course losing count even better.

So he thinks 1 to 2 a month is good enough...be happy with it??

 

[lovetoread]

A. None
B. Once a month
C. This is nothing but an excuse to cheat

Either live with what you have or leave.

 

[bronzeage]

Married here in a statistically speaking sexless union according to the tabloid quizzes. (1-2 times a month and turned down frequently).

A. How much sex do you get?
B. How much realistically speaking would you be great with?
C. Suggestions on how to breach the subject of me having a "side somebody"?

FYI...I do not want a divorce. I simply do not want to live "underutilized". It's not enough and never has been.

I've answered my own A. already
B. 4 times a week would be great. Morning, noon, night doesn't matter
C. I've threatened to cheat after being turned down and he threatens me with our kids.

First, a person has sex with another person. You don't get sex, as if it was pizza delivery. The real question is, how much good sex, does a person have in any given time period.

One thing I have learned from a long and pleasurable sex life it that quantity is no substitute for quality. If quantity is really a problem, masturbation is a very efficient way to deal with the problem.

If it "never has been enough," it's a little late to start complaining now.

 

[ms_ann_thrope]

Wow. About the same here. It can go from more than 2 (its been a while) to about a month between. Anytime one of the 5 adult children do something wrong it causes problems...

I would LOVE 4 times a week..Of course losing count even better.

So he thinks 1 to 2 a month is good enough...be happy with it??

Scissor?

 

[parodyluvr75]

So he said he'd take the kids away if you got a lover?

So you repeatedly approach him for sex and he rejects you? What are his reasons? Does he have ED?

I can tell you, it will only get worse the older he gets. I think LTR is right, if you can leave, leave. If you stay, insist on marriage counseling, maybe there is another reason for his lack of libido or maybe it will encourage him if he has ED to seek help. Maybe he just needs hormones.

There are other possibilities for his lack of interest, he might have someone on the side.

 

[dolf]

coercing/blackmailing sex out of someone who doesn't want sex with you is tantamount to rape. gross.

if your partner is unwilling to talk about it then you then a decent person has two options: deal with it or leave.

 

[IrezumiKiss]

Married here in a statistically speaking sexless union according to the tabloid quizzes. (1-2 times a month and turned down frequently).

A. How much sex do you get?
B. How much realistically speaking would you be great with?
C. Suggestions on how to breach the subject of me having a "side somebody"?

FYI...I do not want a divorce. I simply do not want to live "underutilized". It's not enough and never has been.

I've answered my own A. already
B. 4 times a week would be great. Morning, noon, night doesn't matter
C. I've threatened to cheat after being turned down and he threatens me with our kids.

It doesn't sound like you're living by staying.

sooooooo...

https://31.media.tumblr.com/2a558c89ff4ef6fff87fe251ae993c20/tumblr_inline_mwbps3zAE31rxijia.gif

 

[MNGuy]

A. How much sex do you get? About once a week, usually on Sunday night. The Peanut goes to bed early for school, and there isn't the stress of working all day.
B. How much realistically speaking would you be great with? Twice a week would be better for me.
C. Suggestions on how to breach the subject of me having a "side somebody"? Don't.

 

[Bert Notorius]

i had to pass this weekend. sometimes i'm just not feeling it.

 

[AskMeVic]

A. How much sex do you get? 5-6 times per week, average. Doesn't include the 5 days.

B. How much realistically speaking would you be great with? Twice a day

C. Suggestions on how to breach the subject of me having a "side somebody"? It's not going to happen. If you can't figure it out between the two of you and you're unwilling to compromise, leave and sort out the consequences.

 

[MortalKombatKitteh]

Why do people always resort to cheating? What the fuck is wrong with you? Be a decent human being and talk to him instead of telling us about your sex problems.

Do you not remember the vows you said or was it all just bullshit to you to get some ring, a wedding, and a man to put up with your shit???

If I were him, as soon as you threatened me with that, I'd file for divorce and take you for everything you got including the kids.

 

[Debbie]

Married here in a statistically speaking sexless union according to the tabloid quizzes. (1-2 times a month and turned down frequently).

A. How much sex do you get?
B. How much realistically speaking would you be great with?
C. Suggestions on how to breach the subject of me having a "side somebody"?

FYI...I do not want a divorce. I simply do not want to live "underutilized". It's not enough and never has been.

I've answered my own A. already
B. 4 times a week would be great. Morning, noon, night doesn't matter
C. I've threatened to cheat after being turned down and he threatens me with our kids.

Threatening or giving your spouse an ultimatum usually backfires. And it is never ok to threaten each other.

If you are not calmly and kindly communicating with each other then perhaps a counsellor might help or a frank discussion on maybe our relationship is in trouble and we work things out or... maybe we can't work things out but we should be grown ups and be kind to each other and think of the kids.

 

[CandiCame]

Married here in a statistically speaking sexless union according to the tabloid quizzes. (1-2 times a month and turned down frequently).

A. How much sex do you get?
B. How much realistically speaking would you be great with?
C. Suggestions on how to breach the subject of me having a "side somebody"?

FYI...I do not want a divorce. I simply do not want to live "underutilized". It's not enough and never has been.

I've answered my own A. already
B. 4 times a week would be great. Morning, noon, night doesn't matter
C. I've threatened to cheat after being turned down and he threatens me with our kids.

I'm not married but I'm in committed relationships so I'll answer in accordance with that; maybe it'll be helpfull, maybe it won't.

GF

A: Not as much as I did before BiteSize, who is the biggest cockblock EVER. The amount of times hasn't changed, so probably... 5 times a week, but the sex itself is shittier. If that makes sense. We went from mindblowing, two-three hour lovemaking sessions to "I finally got her to sleep, come fuck me in the shower before something else happens!"
B: I'm cool with the amount of times, I just wish that we could get our quality back up. The quality control department has been slipping. Hell, I'd be happy to trade all the quickies in for one good, long, emotion-draining fuck a week.
C: "I'd like to fuck ____________". And then we talk about it. But there's a presetablished ground to work from there, since I met her kind of as a sidepiece, and we went into the relationship knowing we were both polyamorous. The key is communication, which I think is what anyone would tell you.

BF

A: Like once a month but with occasional weekend orgies, because I moved and now we're doing this long-distance thing and it SUCKS!

B: We used to have sex like every half hour- I'd come to work and he'd fuck me into submission in the back room, between classes in the car, at home in every room... That was awesome. But I'd probably be happier just to be together again, in the same city. Not even for the sex, I just really miss the actual relationship parts. He'll send me messages sometimes that are just like, "Watching TV and miss holding you" "Saw a Hyrule Warrior's figure and thinking of you" "Miss watching you amaze everyone at the buffet" "Playing D&D and missing your tabletop skillz". We could not fuck at all and I'd be happy just being together. So... I guess my answer is 0. I would legitimately be happy with 0 sex. Which is really fucked up because I'm a total whore.

C: Actually, he normally breached this. He'd be like, "That _______ in your photography class was flirting with you. You should ask him out." And I'd be like, "Omg no he wasn't" and he normally was. He has significantly better people skills than I do. If it was somebody I had a crush on, I'd bring it up not really for permission but because I knew he'd know how to court them. But if it was somebody he didn't want me with he'd strait up tell me no. No absolutely do not do that, there will be problems if you do that. He's not jealous somuchas protective.

 

[CandiCame]

First, a person has sex with another person. You don't get sex, as if it was pizza delivery. The real question is, how much good sex, does a person have in any given time period.

One thing I have learned from a long and pleasurable sex life it that quantity is no substitute for quality. If quantity is really a problem, masturbation is a very efficient way to deal with the problem.

If it "never has been enough," it's a little late to start complaining now.

This is actually what I was talking about too. I should have read other people's responses. I'd much rather have one good, mind blowing session than a bunch of bullshit. It kinda sounds like you judge sex by this like.... standard where you think it's something you need/are owed and not somuch as something that you do with someone else because it's fun. You can live without it.

 

[MrsSexless39]

Excellent points and well taken. I will say this. Sex cannot "make" a relationship but it can "break" one. When you are married, the one thing that keeps you from just being "roommates who raise children" is the sexual intimacy component. With regards to the question is it quantity or quality, I think it needs to be both and mutually agreeable.

Marrying for just the ring or the celebration? We've been married 15 years...I'm pretty sure it wasn't that. But it got a chuckle out of me.

I didn't join to find a "hook up" on Lit. I wanted to see what open minded people who were positive "sexually speaking", would say. This is obviously not a subject you bring up to friends and acquaintances without making your husband look bad. So, no better polling place than total strangers!

I understand why some of you would say to leave. As a product of a divorced family, I believe it messes up the children. The kiddos happiness is more important than mine. Which is why I requested advice on asking my husband for a "hall pass". BTW It's not cheating if they know about it and condone it. It's called an open marriage and maybe I should have phrased it as such. The threats to find it elsewhere are out of frustration not some trumped up crazy rape fantasy. In my mind, telling your spouse they need to put out more or you will be forced to find it elsewhere is merely a warning shot over the bow.

So it goes... I am no closer to the answer than had I asked a bunch of random strangers...
Oh wait, I did.

 

[bronzeage]

Excellent points and well taken. I will say this. Sex cannot "make" a relationship but it can "break" one. When you are married, the one thing that keeps you from just being "roommates who raise children" is the sexual intimacy component. With regards to the question is it quantity or quality, I think it needs to be both and mutually agreeable.

Marrying for just the ring or the celebration? We've been married 15 years...I'm pretty sure it wasn't that. But it got a chuckle out of me.

I didn't join to find a "hook up" on Lit. I wanted to see what open minded people who were positive "sexually speaking", would say. This is obviously not a subject you bring up to friends and acquaintances without making your husband look bad. So, no better polling place than total strangers!

I understand why some of you would say to leave. As a product of a divorced family, I believe it messes up the children. The kiddos happiness is more important than mine. Which is why I requested advice on asking my husband for a "hall pass". BTW It's not cheating if they know about it and condone it. It's called an open marriage and maybe I should have phrased it as such. The threats to find it elsewhere are out of frustration not some trumped up crazy rape fantasy. In my mind, telling your spouse they need to put out more or you will be forced to find it elsewhere is merely a warning shot over the bow.

So it goes... I am no closer to the answer than had I asked a bunch of random strangers...
Oh wait, I did.

That's not a warning shot over the bow. It's a shot below the waterline.

 

[Fala]

Married here in a statistically speaking sexless union according to the tabloid quizzes. (1-2 times a month and turned down frequently).

A. How much sex do you get?
B. How much realistically speaking would you be great with?
C. Suggestions on how to breach the subject of me having a "side somebody"?

FYI...I do not want a divorce. I simply do not want to live "underutilized". It's not enough and never has been.

I've answered my own A. already
B. 4 times a week would be great. Morning, noon, night doesn't matter
C. I've threatened to cheat after being turned down and he threatens me with our kids.

"How old are the couple" would have been a good first question.

 

[KUJACK]

Married here in a statistically speaking sexless union according to the tabloid quizzes. (1-2 times a month and turned down frequently).

A. How much sex do you get?
B. How much realistically speaking would you be great with?
C. Suggestions on how to breach the subject of me having a "side somebody"?

FYI...I do not want a divorce. I simply do not want to live "underutilized". It's not enough and never has been.

I've answered my own A. already
B. 4 times a week would be great. Morning, noon, night doesn't matter
C. I've threatened to cheat after being turned down and he threatens me with our kids.

Masterbate a lot and be happy when you get it for real.

 

[yossi]

Talk to him about seeing a marriage counselor. If you're threatening, then you aren't communicating.

 

[Jackoffking]

Minus one, will explain one day man
One
Tell the bitch they are just fucks but you make love to her man

 

[MrsSexless39]

That's not a warning shot over the bow. It's a shot below the waterline.

Maybe... but it is a warning nonetheless. I believe one below the waterline would be something more to the effect "You and I obviously see the physical act of intimacy differently and so I AM sleeping with someone."

What is said is this..."I love you and I want and need more. I DO NOT under any circumstances want to find that elsewhere. I only want it with you. However, you turning me down and not wanting me physically makes me want to fill that need elsewhere. I don't want to cheat on you but I feel like you are leaving me with no option." His reply is "If you cheat on me, you will never see your kids."

He does not suffer from ED, low testosterone that he refuses to acknowledge or seek professional help for? Perhaps.

I look at it like this, if he said, I NEED xyz, if its part of a marital obligation "read consummation of a legal and binding marriage is sex" I would find a common ground. I would schedule it. I would make the effort. period. you can only GIVE so much and get nothing in return for so long. I was looking into the option of "Hey, you are not interested in this portion of a relationship. Can I look for it elsewhere and are you ok with it?"

 

[Riles]

When I was married, our sex life was usually pretty frequent with the usual highs and lows...it was all the other crap that did us in.

Wit a new relationship, we both reserve one day a week to for each other since we don't involve our respective children in the relationship (meaning the kids don't know mom or dad are dating). On those days we spend most of it wrapped up with each other in my bed. The sex is great, fun and easy. Though I spend a lot of mental energy trying to head off overly intimate conversations that lead into admissions of emotions that I just can't think of right now.

Since it's a once a week thing usually, I still play solo about 3 days/nights a week, but I'm not sure if I'd choose sex over solo play for those times....I'm kinda liking how it all works right now. And I enjoy playing with my own body almost as much as I enjoy a man playing with it, so....yeah.


As for others, I know first hand how that conversation goes, and it's really not as satisfying as one might hope. Either fix whatever's going on at home or pack the bags...it's actually easier.

 

[MrsSexless39]

When I was married, our sex life was usually pretty frequent with the usual highs and lows...it was all the other crap that did us in.

Wit a new relationship, we both reserve one day a week to for each other since we don't involve our respective children in the relationship (meaning the kids don't know mom or dad are dating). On those days we spend most of it wrapped up with each other in my bed. The sex is great, fun and easy. Though I spend a lot of mental energy trying to head off overly intimate conversations that lead into admissions of emotions that I just can't think of right now.

Since it's a once a week thing usually, I still play solo about 3 days/nights a week, but I'm not sure if I'd choose sex over solo play for those times....I'm kinda liking how it all works right now. And I enjoy playing with my own body almost as much as I enjoy a man playing with it, so....yeah.


As for others, I know first hand how that conversation goes, and it's really not as satisfying as one might hope. Either fix whatever's going on at home or pack the bags...it's actually easier.

Thanks Riles!!! This was great. I am not satisfied with the self induced O. It's more about the "love and intimacy". I can suck it up, I guess, until the kids leave. Well, guess I have a lot of Lit reading to do! Time to begin to learn to enjoy myself all by myself.

 

[SCcouple1990]

A - one to three time per week
B - three times per week
C - if you don't know how to bring that subject up with your wife, I don't think anyone here can help you