New story posted.

[greygotskills]

It's a quickie (pun intended). I have new story up with brand new characters. Taking a little break from my current series. Will revisit them at some point. Hope you guys enjoy. Have a good weekend everybody.


http://www.literotica.com/s/nosy-neighbor-1

 

[GoldenCojones]

Fun Story

This was a fun story. It was quick and sexy but the sex could have been longer and maybe a little more descriptive.

I only have two real criticisms, and they are just my opinion.

The first is the use of numbers. I dislike stories that describe breasts as 34 DD's or give measurements to men in inches. I can't tell you why, but to me it kinda jars me from the story.

Also, in the second paragraph

They saw a man walk out from the driver's side he was extremely well built, had crew cut blonde hair with a boyish grin and crystal clear blue eyes.

This should be two sentences like this:

They saw a man walk out from the driver's side. He was extremely well built, had crew cut blonde hair with a boyish grin and crystal clear blue eyes.

After that either there weren't more errors or I was too interested in the story to notice

 

[monoblanco]

Agreed. A fun, quick read.

I like the brevity of it.

One critique though. You could use a good copy editor.

You've got some issues with misplaced commas and the like that are distracting.

Once you get those fixed, you'll have a nice intro to what I hope will be a much longer series.

 

[greygotskills]

This was a fun story. It was quick and sexy but the sex could have been longer and maybe a little more descriptive.

I only have two real criticisms, and they are just my opinion.

The first is the use of numbers. I dislike stories that describe breasts as 34 DD's or give measurements to men in inches. I can't tell you why, but to me it kinda jars me from the story.

Also, in the second paragraph

They saw a man walk out from the driver's side he was extremely well built, had crew cut blonde hair with a boyish grin and crystal clear blue eyes.

This should be two sentences like this:

They saw a man walk out from the driver's side. He was extremely well built, had crew cut blonde hair with a boyish grin and crystal clear blue eyes.

After that either there weren't more errors or I was too interested in the story to notice

Thank you for the compliments and critique of my story. This is my fourth story posted to this site and even though it is the shortest of the four it is the one I am most proud of. I feel like I am starting to find my groove as it were as a writer of not only erotic fiction but in general. I truly appreciate that you took the time to comment. Thank you.

 

[greygotskills]

Agreed. A fun, quick read.

I like the brevity of it.

One critique though. You could use a good copy editor.

You've got some issues with misplaced commas and the like that are distracting.

Once you get those fixed, you'll have a nice intro to what I hope will be a much longer series.

Thank you I'm glad you liked my story. I agree with you about the commas. This is the first part of a series part two is currently pending approval and I hope that you check it out when it is published. I will probably post it onto this forum once it is up. Thank you so much for your comments.

 

[GoldenCojones]

Thank you for the compliments and critique of my story. This is my fourth story posted to this site and even though it is the shortest of the four it is the one I am most proud of. I feel like I am starting to find my groove as it were as a writer of not only erotic fiction but in general. I truly appreciate that you took the time to comment. Thank you.

You're welcome.