My "cute" Poetry: Give your Thread a Bump

[ThatOneBlindGuy]

Hi folks,
This is the first bit of actual poetry I'm posting here. I request that everyone be nice. I'm not a technical poet, I just love what I do. I said all this in my introduction on this forum, but I thought it was worth reiterating here. I hope y ou enjoy this. It's part of a fake song from a fake musical I'm tentatively calling "The Internet." The Song is Entitled "Give your Thread a Bump." It got a lot of positive feedback in the thread I originally posted it in, but I'm still nervous posting it here in the actual poetry forum. So... Here goes. Enjoy.

When... A... Good man tries
to socialize,
and finds he's in a slump,
he doesn't see red,
just clears his head,
and gives his thread a bump.

When the latest trends
in making friends
are just enough to stump,
just keep in mind
you're quite a find,
and give your thread a bump!

(chorus)
When those nasty trolls
are being A-holes,
well just try to ignore 'em.
Or just play nice,
and they'll think twice,
next time they see your forum!
Second Verse:
If you try to face
a brand new place,
and fall flat on your rump,
get off your seat,
and on your feet,
and give your thread a bump!

If your jokes don't fly,
and you wonder why
your social life's a dump,
just hear this song,
and know you're wrong!
Just give your thread a bump!

(second chorus)
See the real key here
is that you steer
completely clear of bordum.
Just keep 'em laughin,
more than half in,
then you'll rule the forum!

 

[butters]

well you have me grinning

 

[ThatOneBlindGuy]

well you have me grinning

Thank you! I'm glad. I hope you got a chuckle out of it.

 

[ramyanetgrrl]

Amusing!
I will write you more in private message.

Ramya

 

[Magnetron]

You can strip out (chorus) and similar notes. These ultimately distract from the read.

* fist bumps thread *

 

[ThatOneBlindGuy]

You can strip out (chorus) and similar notes. These ultimately distract from the read.

* fist bumps thread *

Thank you for the constructive criticism. I thought since there was no actual music backing this, I should specify those things.
I admit I'm a bit put off at the moment because I've already gotten the sort of thing I tried to explain I didn't want when I posted here. Not from you, Magnetron, but already what I said about writing it for the sole purpose of making people laugh, for the enjoyment of myself and others, to put smiles on faces, is being ignored in favor of criticizing me about how it's "not a poem," or questioning why I wander into whimsy when I start to approach a serious subject. This is, unfortunately, what I expected, and therefore I probably won't be posting anything more here.
To ensure we're on the same page, I absolutely appreciated what you said, Magnetron, and if I ever show anyone this little thing I wrote again, I'll strip out those extra bits.
I guess the only other thing I have to offer is this. A link to the one erotic poem I've published here, a poem that has been downgraded to "porn" by the same critic, (which I guess isn't entirely wrong even though I think there's a greater theme there), should now be in my signature. So feel free to check that out if you like.
Have a lovely day!

 

[Magnetron]

Thank you for the constructive criticism. I thought since there was no actual music backing this, I should specify those things.
I admit I'm a bit put off at the moment because I've already gotten the sort of thing I tried to explain I didn't want when I posted here. Not from you, Magnetron, but already what I said about writing it for the sole purpose of making people laugh, for the enjoyment of myself and others, to put smiles on faces, is being ignored in favor of criticizing me about how it's "not a poem," or questioning why I wander into whimsy when I start to approach a serious subject. This is, unfortunately, what I expected, and therefore I probably won't be posting anything more here.
To ensure we're on the same page, I absolutely appreciated what you said, Magnetron, and if I ever show anyone this little thing I wrote again, I'll strip out those extra bits.
I guess the only other thing I have to offer is this. A link to the one erotic poem I've published here, a poem that has been downgraded to "porn" by the same critic, (which I guess isn't entirely wrong even though I think there's a greater theme there), should now be in my signature. So feel free to check that out if you like.
Have a lovely day!

There's a few people around here who take themselves way too fucking seriously.

The rest are decent peoples.

 

[ThatOneBlindGuy]

There's a few people around here who take themselves way too fucking seriously.

The rest are decent peoples.

Exactly. That's all I'm trying to do. I knew it would be difficult for people to understand that I don't actually care if I'm not the best writer ever. I just care that what I do gives people some enjoyment of some kind.
Thank you again for your support, Magnetron. You're one of the awesome ones.

 

[pelegrino]

I liked your song. I thought that what you say, you say in good spirit and it should be said.
Your aim is to entertain and you did entertain me with your lighthearted mood on a ... problematic subject. So, well done on that score.
On the technical side, although I agree with Mag that the words "chorus", "verse" etc. are visually destructing, I find them most of the time necessary (in the kind of stuff I write, that is), in order to give the reader a sense of musical structure, especially if the piece is a long one. So I do it by leaving spaces between the stanzas and underlining the technical terms thus:

stanza 1

chorus 2

da capo al fine

etc.
I hope you get the idea.

Thanks for posting. I hope to read more of your stuff.

 

[ThatOneBlindGuy]

I liked your song. I thought that what you say, you say in good spirit and it should be said.
Your aim is to entertain and you did entertain me with your lighthearted mood on a ... problematic subject. So, well done on that score.
On the technical side, although I agree with Mag that the words "chorus", "verse" etc. are visually destructing, I find them most of the time necessary (in the kind of stuff I write, that is), in order to give the reader a sense of musical structure, especially if the piece is a long one. So I do it by leaving spaces between the stanzas and underlining the technical terms thus:

stanza 1

chorus 2

da capo al fine

etc.
I hope you get the idea.

Thanks for posting. I hope to read more of your stuff.

Thank you so much for your feedback and your support. I am beginning to feel better thanks to you guys.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

The poem on this page I like very much, it's amusing and it's original (very hard to find these days)
The poem linked to your profile I also like and is also an original but I think it needs tidying up because I stumble with the meter on a lot of the lines.
All in all well done and I don't know what you're worrying about, you are a poet with lots of original ideas. I can't wait to read more of your work

 

[ThatOneBlindGuy]

The poem on this page I like very much, it's amusing and it's original (very hard to find these days)
The poem linked to your profile I also like and is also an original but I think it needs tidying up because I stumble with the meter on a lot of the lines.
All in all well done and I don't know what you're worrying about, you are a poet with lots of original ideas. I can't wait to read more of your work

Thank you so, so very much.
I confess I was having a downer day overall yesterday. Lots of things hit me the wrong way. Today is much, much better, though, and I appreciate your compliments.
I'll be the first to admit I'm probably better at writing funny stuff than I am at writing naughty stuff. Ah well, at least you still liked it. heheh. Thank you again.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I like writing funny stuff too, check out my Ode to a dung beetle