Cheating Spouse...

[IyaMemora]

So I recently found out that my husband of two years cheated on me right after we were married. It only happened once but he maintained a friendship with her since then supposively because he was afraid she'd tell me.

I consider myself a nympho, but I was willing to ignore my own needs because his work kept him away from home. I was faithful and loved him despite his many faults. So though we are still together and trying to work it out, I can't help but be angry because all this time, if he had just been honest, I could've been with someone else on the side instead of suffering.

So my dilemma, would cheating help heal me? If I went and got a side man to take care of just my physical needs while my SO is gone, would I feel better about his wanderings?

I figured some of you have more experience with this than I do. I have never cheated on a partner before but I feel like maybe I should. Thanks guys.

 

[Wife of Bath]

Cheating is not a solution, it's a bandaid. If you are both unfulfilled, perhaps you should seek counseling.

You cheating on him will not fix your problems, just create another matrix to work through.

 

[unregistered]

 

[greygotskills]

You may be better off in moving on from this relationship before it becomes really toxic or go into couples counseling. Do you even still want to be in this relationship? Do you even still love your husband after what he told you?

 

[richard_daily]

How would cheating help heal you? That doesn't make any sense.

 

[girlsmiley]

How did you find out?

 

[Wings]

So I recently found out that my husband of two years cheated on me right after we were married. It only happened once but he maintained a friendship with her since then supposively because he was afraid she'd tell me.

I consider myself a nympho, but I was willing to ignore my own needs because his work kept him away from home. I was faithful and loved him despite his many faults. So though we are still together and trying to work it out, I can't help but be angry because all this time, if he had just been honest, I could've been with someone else on the side instead of suffering.

So my dilemma, would cheating help heal me? If I went and got a side man to take care of just my physical needs while my SO is gone, would I feel better about his wanderings?

I figured some of you have more experience with this than I do. I have never cheated on a partner before but I feel like maybe I should. Thanks guys.

Oh dear.

Beside the creative spelling, get a divorce. If you're not willing to be faithful then just start over.

 

[unregistered]

 

[hogjack]

I figured some of you have more experience with this than I do. I have never cheated on a partner before but I feel like maybe I should.

I've bagged a lot of tail on the side. It's just part of life. Move on and just enjoy the better aspects of the relationship. Nurture the good and make peace with the less fulfilling elements (cheating, drooling during sleep, humming in elevators, etc.).

 

[warrior queen]

Sure!
Go out, fuck someone on the side, and become the very same thing that made you angry at him.
Great solution

(That was sarcasm, btw. Wasn't sure if you were old enough to recognise it so I thought I'd clarify just in case!)

 

[thør]

So my dilemma, would cheating help heal me?

This will heal ya.

 

[girlsmiley]

Just have sex with people you love. It's always good.

If he cheats just leave his cheating ass and go find yourself someone better. Someone who enjoys people who ask dumb questions like, "Would cheating help heal me?"

Maaaate. Seriously.

 

[IyaMemora]

We have children that I'm the caretaker for. He has the well paying job...can't leave that. We are too comfortable and too secure. I do love him. He's my best friend and my partner. There is no one else. But I just think of all the times he neglected my needs and maybe didn't respond to a text or a phone call. Id try flirting with him and he wouldn't flirt back. And all this time he had another woman that he would text and call and flirt with. Not saying he neglected me completely, but any time he gave her attention, well it belonged to me dammit.

Cheating, in my mind, would be a way to strike back. Revenge. He hurt me so now I get to have fun and hurt him too.

Yeah guess that does sound dumb when I put it that way. But you guys just don't get what is going around in my head. It just can't make sense of all of it.

 

[IyaMemora]

Sure!
Go out, fuck someone on the side, and become the very same thing that made you angry at him.
Great solution

(That was sarcasm, btw. Wasn't sure if you were old enough to recognise it so I thought I'd clarify just in case!)

I think the emote with the rolling eyes clarified that.

 

[Wings]

That's why you go to a therapist, not suck dick on the side.

 

[girlsmiley]

Take a deep breath and have a cup of tea and try to keep calm. It's not your fault your mate is a wanker.

 

[Que]

I am going to speculate here.

Everyone from time to time runs into someone interesting that seems interested in us.

My speculation is that you just had that happen, and are pissed off that it reminds you of all the times you took a pass on opportunities in the past, believing that your partner was also passing up such opportunities.

Your decisions in the past should have been because that is what you believe leads you to a more balanced serene life, not contingent on the other person practicing self denial.

Forgive him, or leave.

 

[richard_daily]

We have children that I'm the caretaker for. He has the well paying job...can't leave that. We are too comfortable and too secure. I do love him. He's my best friend and my partner. There is no one else. But I just think of all the times he neglected my needs and maybe didn't respond to a text or a phone call. Id try flirting with him and he wouldn't flirt back. And all this time he had another woman that he would text and call and flirt with. Not saying he neglected me completely, but any time he gave her attention, well it belonged to me dammit.

Cheating, in my mind, would be a way to strike back. Revenge. He hurt me so now I get to have fun and hurt him too.

Yeah guess that does sound dumb when I put it that way. But you guys just don't get what is going around in my head. It just can't make sense of all of it.

I don't think that you're so naive that you think that revenge would heal you.

If there really was "no one else" then you wouldn't want to cheat.

If he's neglecting your needs, then you need to deal with that problem head on, and not stick your head in the sand, or stick someone else in your pussy.

It sounds like you have some issues that you need to resolve that are completely independent of your relationship... I'd recommend a good therapist.

 

[Que]

That's why you go to a therapist, not suck dick on the side.

I don't know what kind of feedback you have been getting but it feels best on the frenulum. On the side is an appreciated effort visually, but work your way to the sensitive part.

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

We have children that I'm the caretaker for. He has the well paying job...can't leave that. We are too comfortable and too secure. I do love him. He's my best friend and my partner. There is no one else. But I just think of all the times he neglected my needs and maybe didn't respond to a text or a phone call. Id try flirting with him and he wouldn't flirt back. And all this time he had another woman that he would text and call and flirt with. Not saying he neglected me completely, but any time he gave her attention, well it belonged to me dammit.

Cheating, in my mind, would be a way to strike back. Revenge. He hurt me so now I get to have fun and hurt him too.

Yeah guess that does sound dumb when I put it that way. But you guys just don't get what is going around in my head. It just can't make sense of all of it.

If you cheat, even if you justify it as a form of revenge, there is a high likelihood that it will end your marriage. People will disagree with my views as sexist, but the truth is women can cope with infidelity better than men. Couple that with the fact he isn't at home and has the attention of another woman... Your marriage isn't going to withstand it. You may as well get a divorce now and save yourself the drama and potential courtroom battle. Or cheat and don't let him ever find out. Which of course means you don't get the satisfaction of getting revenge.

That isn't to say that I think his cheating mean you should divorce him per se. That you have to decide for yourself (sounds like you don't want to give up the financial security which is fair enough).

 

[unregistered]

 

[Wings]

I don't know what kind of feedback you have been getting but it feels best on the frenulum. On the side is an appreciated effort visually, but work your way to the sensitive part.

I'm good with my technique. Thank you.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Seems that neither of you are happy. Is the money and security really worth it? If not, maybe it's time to try to make the divorce as amicable as possible. I hate it when divorce becomes a way to impoverish everyone but the lawyers. Anyway, just walk away. Get together on custody and make it easier on yourselves, but just walk away.

Unless, of course, you care more for money than actually living your life.

For some people (like me), an open marriage works, but given your motives for cheating, I think that you need to learn more about yourself before stepping into any serious relationship for a while. Walk away. Play the field. Learn about yourself. Oh, and use protection.

 

[warrior queen]

We have children that I'm the caretaker for. He has the well paying job...can't leave that. We are too comfortable and too secure. I do love him. He's my best friend and my partner. There is no one else. But I just think of all the times he neglected my needs and maybe didn't respond to a text or a phone call. Id try flirting with him and he wouldn't flirt back. And all this time he had another woman that he would text and call and flirt with. Not saying he neglected me completely, but any time he gave her attention, well it belonged to me dammit.

Cheating, in my mind, would be a way to strike back. Revenge. He hurt me so now I get to have fun and hurt him too.

Yeah guess that does sound dumb when I put it that way. But you guys just don't get what is going around in my head. It just can't make sense of all of it.

I find it intersting that in this reply you put the good points in this order....
1. Children
2. Finances
3. Feelings

 

[greygotskills]

You don't want to do something rash out of anger that could potentially come back to haunt you and your family. Therapy would be the best way to handle this. Like you said you do not wish to destroy your family unit. As hypocritical as it sounds most cheaters would never accept their SO of cheating on them and if he were to find out then everything would most likely begin to unravel.

We have children that I'm the caretaker for. He has the well paying job...can't leave that. We are too comfortable and too secure. I do love him. He's my best friend and my partner. There is no one else. But I just think of all the times he neglected my needs and maybe didn't respond to a text or a phone call. Id try flirting with him and he wouldn't flirt back. And all this time he had another woman that he would text and call and flirt with. Not saying he neglected me completely, but any time he gave her attention, well it belonged to me dammit.

Cheating, in my mind, would be a way to strike back. Revenge. He hurt me so now I get to have fun and hurt him too.

Yeah guess that does sound dumb when I put it that way. But you guys just don't get what is going around in my head. It just can't make sense of all of it.