First real Daddy experience...

[hollyandivy]

I took a break from this site for a while. I think I just kind of lost my inspiration and my interest in everything after going through some down times. But I had an unexpected "Daddy" moment over the weekend, and I don't really know where to go from here. Maybe nowhere at all. But I remembered this forum and thought it might be worth posting to see if anyone has feedback or similar experiences to share.

I'll try to make a long story short. I've had an online friendship with this man for a few years now. Mostly it has been platonic and fun with occasional flirting. He lives halfway across the world, so it's unlikely that we will ever meet in person, and that's fine. He's over 20 years older than I am, so he frequently jokes about being old enough to be my father. But it never went further than that, even though I have always loved older men and had a few Daddy fantasies.

We talked privately over the weekend. He was drinking while we talked. I could tell he was getting a little flirtatious, so I pushed it in that direction. After a while, he mentioned our age difference again. So I said something like "You should be my Daddy." I really expected him to laugh it off or tell me to stop it, because that's his usual response when I get too suggestive. But this time, he didn't. I don't know if it triggered something within him or what. At first, he kind of ignored it. Then, a few minutes later, he said, "You need Daddy, don't you?"

From there, it just went deeper and deeper and more explicit. I was totally surprised, but I was thrilled. For nearly three hours, we played Daddy and daughter. He seemed to be really into it. He said everything I'd been dying to hear from the right man. I was lying in bed with my laptop, writhing from what he was saying to me. I got the feeling that this is a fetish he's explored before me because he seemed to know exactly the right words and the right way to play that role. But he also swore he'd never done it before, and I believe it, based on what I know about him.

None of that even matters, though. I just can't believe the effect it had on me. I have not been able to stop thinking about it. I was up until nearly eight in the morning after we talked. I was so turned on and wide awake, but even masturbating couldn't help because it was so far beyond sexual. It was something inside me that he touched emotionally. I can't quite explain it, but I know that you all know exactly what I mean. I admit that I have always had "daddy issues" and always gravitated toward older men. But he knew exactly what to say to me. All I wanted in the world the other night was for it to be real, to be in the same room with him. The part of me that needed this came up from the depths and now I can't make it go away.

But this is the problem now. It happened two days ago, and I cannot stop thinking about it. I have been completely distracted, thinking about all the things we said to each other and all the things I wish I could really do with him. Up until now, he was just an online friend I enjoyed talking to and knowing. He was always special to me and we had a great connection. But now it is different. This experience has forced me into feeling more emotionally attached to him. The thing is that he is not an emotional or open man. I am worried that this only happened because he was drinking and was able to let himself be uninhibited temporarily.

Earlier tonight, I caught him online for a few minutes, but he was about to go to bed. He's several hours ahead of me where he lives. I sent him a pm just to say hi and to see how he would respond to me. He immediately started calling me "child" and names like that again. But then after a few minutes he said, "You know, I think your fetish is really sick." I said, "You seemed to enjoy it just as much as I did, or maybe even more." And he told me it was because he was totally drunk. But then, before he went to bed, he told me again that I was his daughter, to "let Daddy sleep," and to sleep well myself. So I feel a bit confused right now. I think he was playing with me when he said it was sick because it was clear that he enjoyed it and he called me his daughter again. But I do not want to lose this. Right now, I want more, and I'm worried I'm not going to get it if he is actually uncomfortable. It opened something inside me and, right now, I feel like I could do it every night if I had the chance. Hearing him calling me his daughter and how he wanted to take care of me and have me on his lap, etc., was everything I needed to hear. Sexually, emotionally, mentally. It obviously opened something inside him, too, but I worry he can't handle it.

So, tonight I feel anxious, but still totally excited and thrilled. I am just hoping that this can work out somehow. I want to keep him as my friend, but I want this new aspect of our relationship to blossom as well. I am not sure I could do this with any other man because it took me years to build up to this with him and is based on the bond we'd already established, not to mention our age difference that partly fuels the fantasy. And I am fine with keeping it online for now and possibly forever. I don't have to have it in person to make it worthwhile. Even with the great distance between us, he was able to touch me.

Anyway, thanks for reading and understanding what I am going through in my head right now. I just needed to get it out.

 

[unregistered]

 

[Orchid56]

A most moving posting

Thi is a most touching posting. The recognition that you have a need so intense and consuming is most eloquently desribed. Whatever else you do you must find a way to satisfy this compelling need. If you cannot achieve this with your long term online friend then be brave and seek out someone who can provide what you crave.

 

[Prince Albert]

Sorry to hear you had both such an intense, but bad experience at the same time. There are p,eople out there who would love a "little", "ittle girl", "daughter" like you & respect you desrve as a human being. Good luck in your search.

 

[FurryFury]

You need to have a real talk with him outside of the daugther / daddy dynamic. Does he think this kink is disgusting? If so, will it stop him from continuing to do this with you or does it add to his "fun"?

If you get answers from him that mean he will not be able to continue to do this with you, then you have even more valuable information.

You want / need that dynamic.

He will / will not be part of it.

You will need / not need to look for someone else who has this kink in a way that fits with your kink.

That discovery of what you want / need is very exciting. Congrats and enjoy the moment!

*hugs*

 

[hollyandivy]

Thanks for the advice, everyone who responded.

I spoke to him for a while tonight. In so many words, he told me that he liked it, but that he could only do it drunk. I asked him to try it again and he wouldn't.

So, I feel extremely frustrated and let down right now. It's something I really enjoyed, maybe even needed, but I am not the least bit interested in looking for someone else who can do this for me. It worked with him for a variety of reasons. We've known each other a long time, we're pretty close, and he has a lot of traits that I find attractive. I really don't feel like doing this with anyone else and I'm not even sure now where this will leave my relationship with him. But it obviously meant far more to me than it did to him.

 

[BenBullben]

But it obviously meant far more to me than it did to him.

Don't loose this precious relationship.
I think he's reluctant to let himself flow wholeheartedly into this fantasy.
Blocked by who knows what...
Find that out together and discover what blocks him.....
And go on eating the forbidden fruit together!

 

[hollyandivy]

Thanks, Ben. I think he's reluctant, too, but part of the problem is that he has been reluctant to show me any serious emotion in all the time I've known him. We have a strange relationship. And I know he likes me a lot and cares about me, but he has a hard time expressing it. I could tell from talking to him earlier that he has no intention of doing this again unless he talks to me again when he's drunk, but I am not sure that I want that situation. He's not just blocked about this, he's blocked about a lot of things. I just don't see it happening, but I hope it will.

 

[BenBullben]

With heremits like that, a sideways approach is needed.
Straight on never works..... Only shy them off.
Perhaps other, less unconventional play could do the trick...
His careful hidden emotions coming out on drinks are a sign he sure wants and he wants it with you.
Patience and little steps....

 

[box13]

Thanks for the advice, everyone who responded.

I spoke to him for a while tonight. In so many words, he told me that he liked it, but that he could only do it drunk. I asked him to try it again and he wouldn't.

So, I feel extremely frustrated and let down right now. It's something I really enjoyed, maybe even needed, but I am not the least bit interested in looking for someone else who can do this for me. It worked with him for a variety of reasons. We've known each other a long time, we're pretty close, and he has a lot of traits that I find attractive. I really don't feel like doing this with anyone else and I'm not even sure now where this will leave my relationship with him. But it obviously meant far more to me than it did to him.

It's almost like he's saying: "I know you have this emotional need, but I can't meet it, unless I'm high."

I dunno. Sounds like you're setting yourself up to be hurt. The shame he feels doing it will build up, and go someplace. Verbal vomit.

I hope I'm wrong. Take care.

 

[BlueSugar]

Tread carefully, sounds like he is wrestling with how much fun he had as well. He is clearly having a moral dilemma all his own. Also, be careful how invested you get with him (not all your eggs in the basket) because he may not revisit it again because he disgusted himself.

Sounds like he is touch and go with it, too much too quick. Going against the feminist pangs I feel, .... he sounds like a woman who needs to get drunk to be slutty and enjoy her feminine wilds.

There are other daddies out there - you'll see.

 

[richard_daily]

I took a break from this site for a while. I think I just kind of lost my inspiration and my interest in everything after going through some down times. But I had an unexpected "Daddy" moment over the weekend, and I don't really know where to go from here. Maybe nowhere at all. But I remembered this forum and thought it might be worth posting to see if anyone has feedback or similar experiences to share.

I'll try to make a long story short. I've had an online friendship with this man for a few years now. Mostly it has been platonic and fun with occasional flirting. He lives halfway across the world, so it's unlikely that we will ever meet in person, and that's fine. He's over 20 years older than I am, so he frequently jokes about being old enough to be my father. But it never went further than that, even though I have always loved older men and had a few Daddy fantasies.

We talked privately over the weekend. He was drinking while we talked. I could tell he was getting a little flirtatious, so I pushed it in that direction. After a while, he mentioned our age difference again. So I said something like "You should be my Daddy." I really expected him to laugh it off or tell me to stop it, because that's his usual response when I get too suggestive. But this time, he didn't. I don't know if it triggered something within him or what. At first, he kind of ignored it. Then, a few minutes later, he said, "You need Daddy, don't you?"

From there, it just went deeper and deeper and more explicit. I was totally surprised, but I was thrilled. For nearly three hours, we played Daddy and daughter. He seemed to be really into it. He said everything I'd been dying to hear from the right man. I was lying in bed with my laptop, writhing from what he was saying to me. I got the feeling that this is a fetish he's explored before me because he seemed to know exactly the right words and the right way to play that role. But he also swore he'd never done it before, and I believe it, based on what I know about him.

None of that even matters, though. I just can't believe the effect it had on me. I have not been able to stop thinking about it. I was up until nearly eight in the morning after we talked. I was so turned on and wide awake, but even masturbating couldn't help because it was so far beyond sexual. It was something inside me that he touched emotionally. I can't quite explain it, but I know that you all know exactly what I mean. I admit that I have always had "daddy issues" and always gravitated toward older men. But he knew exactly what to say to me. All I wanted in the world the other night was for it to be real, to be in the same room with him. The part of me that needed this came up from the depths and now I can't make it go away.

But this is the problem now. It happened two days ago, and I cannot stop thinking about it. I have been completely distracted, thinking about all the things we said to each other and all the things I wish I could really do with him. Up until now, he was just an online friend I enjoyed talking to and knowing. He was always special to me and we had a great connection. But now it is different. This experience has forced me into feeling more emotionally attached to him. The thing is that he is not an emotional or open man. I am worried that this only happened because he was drinking and was able to let himself be uninhibited temporarily.

Earlier tonight, I caught him online for a few minutes, but he was about to go to bed. He's several hours ahead of me where he lives. I sent him a pm just to say hi and to see how he would respond to me. He immediately started calling me "child" and names like that again. But then after a few minutes he said, "You know, I think your fetish is really sick." I said, "You seemed to enjoy it just as much as I did, or maybe even more." And he told me it was because he was totally drunk. But then, before he went to bed, he told me again that I was his daughter, to "let Daddy sleep," and to sleep well myself. So I feel a bit confused right now. I think he was playing with me when he said it was sick because it was clear that he enjoyed it and he called me his daughter again. But I do not want to lose this. Right now, I want more, and I'm worried I'm not going to get it if he is actually uncomfortable. It opened something inside me and, right now, I feel like I could do it every night if I had the chance. Hearing him calling me his daughter and how he wanted to take care of me and have me on his lap, etc., was everything I needed to hear. Sexually, emotionally, mentally. It obviously opened something inside him, too, but I worry he can't handle it.

So, tonight I feel anxious, but still totally excited and thrilled. I am just hoping that this can work out somehow. I want to keep him as my friend, but I want this new aspect of our relationship to blossom as well. I am not sure I could do this with any other man because it took me years to build up to this with him and is based on the bond we'd already established, not to mention our age difference that partly fuels the fantasy. And I am fine with keeping it online for now and possibly forever. I don't have to have it in person to make it worthwhile. Even with the great distance between us, he was able to touch me.

Anyway, thanks for reading and understanding what I am going through in my head right now. I just needed to get it out.

He is either:
a) fucking with you
or
b) a person of low quality.

Saying "your fetish is disgusting" after initiating it is kind of like a guy who says that a woman who fucked him on the first date is disgusting.

 

[IrisAlthea]

He is either:
a) fucking with you
or
b) a person of low quality.

Saying "your fetish is disgusting" after initiating it is kind of like a guy who says that a woman who fucked him on the first date is disgusting.

I'd add:
c) both

Otherwise I think this is spot on.

 

[Ardent1]

It sounds to me as though He may have been in that type of relationship before and lost her, for whatever reason. A Daddy can care deeply for his little one and be devastated by the loss of the relationship just as anyone can. Is he broken? It's possible. Is He truly disgusted by 'your' fetish? His words don't meet his actions. It sounds like that was his way of telling himself he'll never get involved again.

He may have true ethical doubts about His fetish and is in denial about his involvement with the bright, burning sun that can occur in it, and be nearly snuffed out, in a love relationship. I hate to bring Hollywood into it, but he could be like Spader in The Secretary - looking for the acceptance that he can't find within himself. A lot of Doms and subs end up in that situation as they're brow beaten every day by education and our intolerant culture that does not understand the nature, or need for some people to power exchange.

Go slow. He's likely trying to come to terms with the idea. Try once more? And if you ever decide to meet him, stay on home turf. Let him come to you.

 

[moon_spirit]

I am in no way shape or form any sort of expert on this. I've never had any sort of "Daddy" fantasy, so to me the idea is strange already (but who the hell isn't strange in their own way on this site, am I right?).

That said, I can somewhat relate to where he is coming from. Maybe it does disgust him, but I don't think he means that in a rude way towards you. I think he is surprised by how much he enjoyed and how good of a job he did in that role.

If what you said was true and he has never done anything like that before, imagine how freaked out he must be by how much of a natural he was at it! Maybe he feels disgusted in himself because he always looked at this kind of fetish in a negative or creepy way.

Give him time. Enjoy just the friendship when you talk to him. Let him be curious for a while before you try to push anything on him.

In the mean time, play those memories over and over again in your head.

I have a feeling he is just scared so let him think about it on his own for a while without you asking him questions on the subject.

I know it will all work out for you