To Be Out of the Closet...

[Joso]

I am a 47-year-old bi-sexual man. My wife knows I'm bi and is okay with it, as long as I don't bring him home for dinner.

I have told my sister that I am bi, but am terrified of letting that little secret of mine get out into the open. I am afraid that once I DO come out, several of my friends and maybe even a few of my brothers would more than likely disown me because they are against that lifestyle.

The older I get, though, the more I see how short and how fleeting life is. I am getting tired of staying behind the curtain.

Any guys (and girls) out here in the same boat?

 

[bluesky496]

I am a 47-year-old bi-sexual man. My wife knows I'm bi and is okay with it, as long as I don't bring him home for dinner.

I have told my sister that I am bi, but am terrified of letting that little secret of mine get out into the open. I am afraid that once I DO come out, several of my friends and maybe even a few of my brothers would more than likely disown me because they are against that lifestyle.

The older I get, though, the more I see how short and how fleeting life is. I am getting tired of staying behind the curtain.

Any guys (and girls) out here in the same boat?

it is a choice only you can make but if your family truly care about you and your friends are true friends they will accept your choices ,i have been lucky revealing my lifestyle to nearly everyone i know but it wasnt an easy decision to make .

 

[downforce]

Ive come out as bi to two of my closest friends do far, and both have been amazingly supportive. For years it was my deepest, darkest secret that I had no desire to tell anyone about that I even remotely associated with, for fear of word getting around out of my control. But as I get older (Im only 34, but Ive identified to myself as bi since I was 17) the more I sort of feel the "pressure" to reveal myself to people I choose to know this about me. Of course its kind of a biased group I am choosing or trying to decide to choose to come out to, they are already very cool with the LGBT scene, or have come out to me as gay or bi.

And both times I have revealed that, immediately there was a feeling of "buyers remorse" if you will, but I really feel a lot better and more, I guess you can say liberated or less pressured, about myself. Like Im terrified of how people are going to react, but happy when they accept it.

The one I really want to come out to, I dont know that I ever will, is my wife. I love and need her in my life too much to risk losing her. I know, if they really love you they will accept you for who you are, but its something Im not really prepared for. She has several LGBT friends, and she is very accepting of them, but I dont know how she would react to finding out her "super masculine" husband is bisexual.

I have sorta "tested the waters" with her before, and it doesnt really seem like she's into bi guys. I know at a minimum she would never want that to be part of our bedroom life, and for sure not something we could have in our regular life, like if I openly talked about guys I have been with or am meeting. She has told me that she would be okay with me being bi, just dont tell her about it or let her know what Im doing. I dont know how serious she is about that, so I just keep it to myself, basically.

 

[klippert]

I am a 47-year-old bi-sexual man. My wife knows I'm bi and is okay with it, as long as I don't bring him home for dinner.

I have told my sister that I am bi, but am terrified of letting that little secret of mine get out into the open. I am afraid that once I DO come out, several of my friends and maybe even a few of my brothers would more than likely disown me because they are against that lifestyle.

The older I get, though, the more I see how short and how fleeting life is. I am getting tired of staying behind the curtain.

Any guys (and girls) out here in the same boat?

Am I in the same boat...Nope, Bi yes....having the urge to run out in the street and tell the world I've sucked cock....nope, not on my list of things to do...Because my life ins't Facebook.

I understand your wife knowing...better her not becoming the victim of a lie... But, the question begs to be asked...What is the real purpose that everyone just has too know what sexual-life-style you've chosen.. Is it to make it easier, sitting in the pub, someone can hit you up for a blowjob in the men's room... this is, to a point of ridiculousness.

I'm Bi (as mentioned)..I don't run around writing books, advertising it, having some reason that everyone has to know my 'Choices" in life. This isn't picking out paint for a room.

Just live your life...This board may not believe this, BUT, No oNe really wants to know, and what makes people think everyone should know and wants to know. Is it fair to put them in that position anyway. To me it's all self serving. It prepares you to claim 'victim' status. So when you "come OUT', and Mom and Dad freak, you can cry, Victim ..

Listen man, as long as your healthy, and not eyeballing young-boys...just take a deep breath, stop watch Opra...and live your life. Without jamming others with your trials and tribulations...god knows they have their own.

What I learned...I'm comfortable in my skin...I don't need to tell the world my life's choices..My wife knows and actually get turned on when I wear her thong panties...When I'm sitting in my hunting blind with my buddy...Am I stressing..."OH Man, I have to tell him I'm wearing Panties.."....NO.

 

[teddie_grl]

Am I in the same boat...Nope, Bi yes....having the urge to run out in the street and tell the world I've sucked cock....nope, not on my list of things to do...Because my life ins't Facebook.

I understand your wife knowing...better her not becoming the victim of a lie... But, the question begs to be asked...What is the real purpose that everyone just has too know what sexual-life-style you've chosen.. Is it to make it easier, sitting in the pub, someone can hit you up for a blowjob in the men's room... this is, to a point of ridiculousness.

I'm Bi (as mentioned)..I don't run around writing books, advertising it, having some reason that everyone has to know my 'Choices" in life. This isn't picking out paint for a room.

Just live your life...This board may not believe this, BUT, No oNe really wants to know, and what makes people think everyone should know and wants to know. Is it fair to put them in that position anyway. To me it's all self serving. It prepares you to claim 'victim' status. So when you "come OUT', and Mom and Dad freak, you can cry, Victim ..

Listen man, as long as your healthy, and not eyeballing young-boys...just take a deep breath, stop watch Opra...and live your life. Without jamming others with your trials and tribulations...god knows they have their own.

What I learned...I'm comfortable in my skin...I don't need to tell the world my life's choices..My wife knows and actually get turned on when I wear her thong panties...When I'm sitting in my hunting blind with my buddy...Am I stressing..."OH Man, I have to tell him I'm wearing Panties.."....NO.

Very well said, Klip

 

[Joso]

Am I in the same boat...Nope, Bi yes....having the urge to run out in the street and tell the world I've sucked cock....nope, not on my list of things to do...Because my life ins't Facebook.

I understand your wife knowing...better her not becoming the victim of a lie... But, the question begs to be asked...What is the real purpose that everyone just has too know what sexual-life-style you've chosen.. Is it to make it easier, sitting in the pub, someone can hit you up for a blowjob in the men's room... this is, to a point of ridiculousness.

I'm Bi (as mentioned)..I don't run around writing books, advertising it, having some reason that everyone has to know my 'Choices" in life. This isn't picking out paint for a room.

Just live your life...This board may not believe this, BUT, No oNe really wants to know, and what makes people think everyone should know and wants to know. Is it fair to put them in that position anyway. To me it's all self serving. It prepares you to claim 'victim' status. So when you "come OUT', and Mom and Dad freak, you can cry, Victim ..

Listen man, as long as your healthy, and not eyeballing young-boys...just take a deep breath, stop watch Opra...and live your life. Without jamming others with your trials and tribulations...god knows they have their own.

What I learned...I'm comfortable in my skin...I don't need to tell the world my life's choices..My wife knows and actually get turned on when I wear her thong panties...When I'm sitting in my hunting blind with my buddy...Am I stressing..."OH Man, I have to tell him I'm wearing Panties.."....NO.

Good advice, Klippert. I was not really thinking of broadcasting my sexuality to the world. It isn't their business. What I was thinking is that I come on Lit, or silverdaddies, for example, and am not comfortable with using my real name or posting a picture of myself. It's not that I am thinking that I'm doing something wrong, I am who I am. But, it scares me to think that someone I know might come across it, and things would unravel from there. Does this mean I am ashamed, or something? Because how I feel is socially taboo?

And trust me, please. I don't watch Oprah.

 

[Joso]

it is a choice only you can make but if your family truly care about you and your friends are true friends they will accept your choices ,i have been lucky revealing my lifestyle to nearly everyone i know but it wasnt an easy decision to make .

Thank you, Blue. You're right, of course. Real friends and family would accept me for me. If not, well...maybe they're really not friends after all and I should think about developing some new ones. Which is part of why I discovered and joined Lit.

 

[Joso]

Ive come out as bi to two of my closest friends do far, and both have been amazingly supportive. For years it was my deepest, darkest secret that I had no desire to tell anyone about that I even remotely associated with, for fear of word getting around out of my control. But as I get older (Im only 34, but Ive identified to myself as bi since I was 17) the more I sort of feel the "pressure" to reveal myself to people I choose to know this about me. Of course its kind of a biased group I am choosing or trying to decide to choose to come out to, they are already very cool with the LGBT scene, or have come out to me as gay or bi.

And both times I have revealed that, immediately there was a feeling of "buyers remorse" if you will, but I really feel a lot better and more, I guess you can say liberated or less pressured, about myself. Like Im terrified of how people are going to react, but happy when they accept it.

The one I really want to come out to, I dont know that I ever will, is my wife. I love and need her in my life too much to risk losing her. I know, if they really love you they will accept you for who you are, but its something Im not really prepared for. She has several LGBT friends, and she is very accepting of them, but I dont know how she would react to finding out her "super masculine" husband is bisexual.

I have sorta "tested the waters" with her before, and it doesnt really seem like she's into bi guys. I know at a minimum she would never want that to be part of our bedroom life, and for sure not something we could have in our regular life, like if I openly talked about guys I have been with or am meeting. She has told me that she would be okay with me being bi, just dont tell her about it or let her know what Im doing. I dont know how serious she is about that, so I just keep it to myself, basically.

You have more of a reason to stay in the closet than I do, Down. You definitely want to protect your marriage above all. I guess in a way I'm fortunate that my wife understands that I am me, and she can't help me in that area. But, it's not a marriage-breaker, either. I try to stay honest and above board with her. One thing helps in my case...she gets jealous when I talk to other females, but she doesn't mind if I talk to other guys.

 

[Samsacks]

Good advice, Klippert. I was not really thinking of broadcasting my sexuality to the world. It isn't their business. What I was thinking is that I come on Lit, or silverdaddies, for example, and am not comfortable with using my real name or posting a picture of myself. It's not that I am thinking that I'm doing something wrong, I am who I am. But, it scares me to think that someone I know might come across it, and things would unravel from there. Does this mean I am ashamed, or something? Because how I feel is socially taboo?

And trust me, please. I don't watch Oprah.

I don't post face pics or use my real name, either. Very few do. I admire the guys that do, but, I like to build up some trust before sharing a face pic.

Most guys have been cool, but 1 or 2 creeps can really ruin things. Early on, before I knew how to cover my tracks, I was e-mail flirting with this guy. Things went well until he wrote back with my real name, address, neighbors names, etc.

I also never give out my phone number.

 

[Joso]

I don't post face pics or use my real name, either. Very few do. I admire the guys that do, but, I like to build up some trust before sharing a face pic.

Most guys have been cool, but 1 or 2 creeps can really ruin things. Early on, before I knew how to cover my tracks, I was e-mail flirting with this guy. Things went well until he wrote back with my real name, address, neighbors names, etc.

I also never give out my phone number.

This is part of the reason why, although I don't care to broadcast my sexuality (I pretty much stay to myself, anyway) I don't really care to maintain this secret.

When I was a teenager, I found myself WANTING to get caught smoking so I could deal with the temporary repercussions and not have to worry about hiding anymore. Being bi is the exact same thing, but on steroids. The difference now being that I'm 47, not 15, and this is MY life, anyway.

I would like to hook up with people like me, writing on here, IM or email, but it is smart not to give out phone numbers. Or even use real names, as long as everyone involved is not being lied to about it.

Thanks for the advice. I will keep it in mind and try to be careful to avoid the idiots.

 

[coati]

Coming out as Bi?

Society has a lot of rules, written and unwritten, that have nothing to do with respecting the health and rights of others. These are just rules, sometimes steeped in the sexual hangups of prior generations, that have been passed along through the ages, eventually gathering the inertia of a steam roller. Sometimes it is appropriate to join with others, and stand in front of the steam roller, and sometimes it is just plain foolish. The ability to distinguish between those two available options is so important.

Many of us have no reason to come out as Bi. We are not married, or our partners are not obsessed with knowing every detail of our lives and "owning" us. We do not engage in unsafe sex, thus endangering the health of others. We are not ruled by external constructs of guilt or shame, but rather are guided by the ethics of mutual respect.

I think the only good reason to come out is when not coming out has caused you to lose essential freedoms or rights.

 

[Joso]

Society has a lot of rules, written and unwritten, that have nothing to do with respecting the health and rights of others. These are just rules, sometimes steeped in the sexual hangups of prior generations, that have been passed along through the ages, eventually gathering the inertia of a steam roller. Sometimes it is appropriate to join with others, and stand in front of the steam roller, and sometimes it is just plain foolish. The ability to distinguish between those two available options is so important.

Many of us have no reason to come out as Bi. We are not married, or our partners are not obsessed with knowing every detail of our lives and "owning" us. We do not engage in unsafe sex, thus endangering the health of others. We are not ruled by external constructs of guilt or shame, but rather are guided by the ethics of mutual respect.

I think the only good reason to come out is when not coming out has caused you to lose essential freedoms or rights.

Well said, Coati. Thanks. I think the only freedom I'm losing is the freedom to be myself wherever I am and whatever page I'm visiting on the internet. It's no big deal, but I've decided to just be me without broadcasting my life. Let the chips fall where they may.

Hell, it's been me-against-the-world my whole life, why should it be any different now? As they say, "Screw 'em if they can't take a joke."

 

[4yourpleasureiam]

Well I don't think I post clear facial pictures but I do believe in posting pictures of my self. I do it because I do not want anyone to think I am a nice slim soft person when in fact I try to be nice but my body is anything but slim and soft. Just look at my avatar. That does not mean I do not respect and love some on here who use other pictures for themselves. I tend to love what is in a persons mind. And for some reason I do love so many of the Ladies from the U.K.

 

[coati]

Well said, Coati. Thanks. I think the only freedom I'm losing is the freedom to be myself wherever I am and whatever page I'm visiting on the internet. It's no big deal, but I've decided to just be me without broadcasting my life. Let the chips fall where they may.

Hell, it's been me-against-the-world my whole life, why should it be any different now? As they say, "Screw 'em if they can't take a joke."

I avoid labels because I love the mystery of sensuality. Out in the real world, I don't explicitly announce that I am bi, but non-rigid men and women pick up on it. I get as many hugs and friendly touches from men I meet as I do from women.

By not being chained to a gender role, you can embrace a much wider spectrum of humanity. You become much more approachable. There is so much non-verbal communication that takes place in the real world, so many opportunities to connect. Non-rigid people usually want to connect intellectually, emotionally, and physically.

 

[Joso]

I avoid labels because I love the mystery of sensuality. Out in the real world, I don't explicitly announce that I am bi, but non-rigid men and women pick up on it. I get as many hugs and friendly touches from men I meet as I do from women.

By not being chained to a gender role, you can embrace a much wider spectrum of humanity. You become much more approachable. There is so much non-verbal communication that takes place in the real world, so many opportunities to connect. Non-rigid people usually want to connect intellectually, emotionally, and physically.

That certainly gives me something to think about. The way I walk, act, talk...I don't think I would get picked up on anyone other than Superman's gadar...I need to loosen up a bit. I could have already shot down a possible friendship with a guy or two and hadn't even realized it.

 

[Joso]

Well I don't think I post clear facial pictures but I do believe in posting pictures of my self. I do it because I do not want anyone to think I am a nice slim soft person when in fact I try to be nice but my body is anything but slim and soft. Just look at my avatar. That does not mean I do not respect and love some on here who use other pictures for themselves. I tend to love what is in a persons mind. And for some reason I do love so many of the Ladies from the U.K.

I wouldn't feel too comfortable showing a full-body shot of myself, but not because of being recognized but because of the shape I'm in myself. I'm no hunk by a long shot. I don't try to hide the fact, though. Like sexuality, it just doesn't really come up.

 

[J1biboi]

I avoid labels because I love the mystery of sensuality. Out in the real world, I don't explicitly announce that I am bi, but non-rigid men and women pick up on it. I get as many hugs and friendly touches from men I meet as I do from women.

By not being chained to a gender role, you can embrace a much wider spectrum of humanity. You become much more approachable. There is so much non-verbal communication that takes place in the real world, so many opportunities to connect. Non-rigid people usually want to connect intellectually, emotionally, and physically.

Wish I knew how to give off and pick-up on those vibes. My actions are way to straight for anyone to pick-up on, that I really would love to suck cock.

 

[Joso]

Wish I knew how to give off and pick-up on those vibes. My actions are way to straight for anyone to pick-up on, that I really would love to suck cock.

I was saying the same thing. Maybe I'm TOO masculine when I'm out in the public. I don't think I would even be a blip on someone's gadar. Maybe I should shake my hips a bit when I walk, instead of walking like a bulldog. lol

 

[downforce]

You have more of a reason to stay in the closet than I do, Down. You definitely want to protect your marriage above all. I guess in a way I'm fortunate that my wife understands that I am me, and she can't help me in that area. But, it's not a marriage-breaker, either. I try to stay honest and above board with her. One thing helps in my case...she gets jealous when I talk to other females, but she doesn't mind if I talk to other guys.

In hindsight, I think the better thing to have done was to tell her on the front end. Explain that its not something I necessarily actively pursue, or will I leave her for a guy and be fully gay but that I do enjoy it. That way she can decide early if she's okay with it, or she can hit the road before the relationship gets too far.

I do know that if we ever, god forbid, get divorced, the next girl I date I will tell on the front end.

 

[J1biboi]

I was saying the same thing. Maybe I'm TOO masculine when I'm out in the public. I don't think I would even be a blip on someone's gadar. Maybe I should shake my hips a bit when I walk, instead of walking like a bulldog. lol

There should be some kind of secrete signal that bi guys could give off, to let other guys know that they are wanting to suck cock, or willing to have their cock sucked.

 

[coati]

There should be some kind of secrete signal that bi guys could give off, to let other guys know that they are wanting to suck cock, or willing to have their cock sucked.

I find it has a lot less to do with shaking hips or giving secret signals than it does with listening and and showing an interest in people when you interact with them. I've been bi for many years, so I feel comfortable talking with men and women about whatever they are interested in.

Generally, women and bi or gay men tend to be a little more likely to talk about what is really happening in their lives, as opposed to projecting an image of themselves. I like talking with people who take the mask off and be real, so when I run into them, I really see it as an opportunity to share.

 

[J1biboi]

I find it has a lot less to do with shaking hips or giving secret signals than it does with listening and and showing an interest in people when you interact with them. I've been bi for many years, so I feel comfortable talking with men and women about whatever they are interested in.

Generally, women and bi or gay men tend to be a little more likely to talk about what is really happening in their lives, as opposed to projecting an image of themselves. I like talking with people who take the mask off and be real, so when I run into them, I really see it as an opportunity to share.

I understand and agree with what you say. But when you have no social life, therefore no interaction with people other than family and a few friends, there's not much chance of picking up on someone else's feelings.

 

[Joso]

I find it has a lot less to do with shaking hips or giving secret signals than it does with listening and and showing an interest in people when you interact with them. I've been bi for many years, so I feel comfortable talking with men and women about whatever they are interested in.

Generally, women and bi or gay men tend to be a little more likely to talk about what is really happening in their lives, as opposed to projecting an image of themselves. I like talking with people who take the mask off and be real, so when I run into them, I really see it as an opportunity to share.

I don't have much of a social life, but when I do get around other people I will practice being more attentive. That's good advice! I think I need to learn to be more comfortable around men, and not just watching football or doing other masculine things. I can relate to women VERY well. In fact, I like the idea of having a pen pal and I always aimed at women because of that very fact.

 

[Joso]

I understand and agree with what you say. But when you have no social life, therefore no interaction with people other than family and a few friends, there's not much chance of picking up on someone else's feelings.

Don't feel bad, Boi. I have absolutely NO social life myself. That's kind of why I like the internet so much, to connect more with the world. It's easier to BE ME online, hiding behind a keyboard. One of these days I'll meet up with a friend, I think. Just don't know when. Still learning about all this relationship stuff.

 

[Joso]

In hindsight, I think the better thing to have done was to tell her on the front end. Explain that its not something I necessarily actively pursue, or will I leave her for a guy and be fully gay but that I do enjoy it. That way she can decide early if she's okay with it, or she can hit the road before the relationship gets too far.

I do know that if we ever, god forbid, get divorced, the next girl I date I will tell on the front end.

No one where I used to work knew I was bi. But, I told myself that in my next job, although I won't broadcast it, I won't hide from it, either. It's really good that our girlfriends/wives know the 'real' us. Secrets are destructive, and can only complicate relationships.