Being Dominant

[griffingirl]

I never really thought about the whole dominant / submissive thing.
Honestly in the extreme it is a real turn off for me .
A little power play I find very intriguing.
I think I am somewhat more submissive in bed.
So my question is how to be dominant?


Gg

 

[Harold_Hill]

I never really thought about the whole dominant / submissive thing.
Honestly in the extreme it is a real turn off for me .
A little power play I find very intriguing.
I think I am somewhat more submissive in bed.
So my question is how to be dominant?


Gg

Just my opinion, but it is either in your personality, or it isn't. You can learn Dominant techniques, but I'm not sure being Dominant is something you can learn. It seem to be part of a person's personaliity

 

[bailadora]

So my question is how to be dominant?
Gg

Oh, honey. Ask a ten different people what dominance means to them, and you'll likely get 10 different answers. Really, your best bet is to read, research, ask tons of questions, do some soul searching, and measure what you learn in relation to your desires. Take what you like, leave what you don't.

While we have some folks on HT who are into various forms of D/s, I'd also recommend spending sometime over on the BDSM forum. In general, they seem like a helpful group of folks (as long as you don't act like an asshat).

Note: Along the way, you'll find there will be those who try to tell you that you aren't a "true" dominant because your vision of dominance doesn't match theirs. Yeah, no. The reality is more likely to be you're just incompatible with that person.

Good luck and happy learning!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Oh, honey. Ask a ten different people what dominance means to them, and you'll likely get 10 different answers. Really, your best bet is to read, research, ask tons of questions, do some soul searching, and measure what you learn in relation to your desires. Take what you like, leave what you don't.

While we have some folks on HT who are into various forms of D/s, I'd also recommend spending sometime over on the BDSM forum. In general, they seem like a helpful group of folks (as long as you don't act like an asshat).

Note: Along the way, you'll find there will be those who try to tell you that you aren't a "true" dominant because your vision of dominance doesn't match theirs. Yeah, no. The reality is more likely to be you're just incompatible with that person.

Good luck and happy learning!

Theyre a herd of caped capons pretending theyre what they aren't. Dominance is like having blue eyes or being a midget or having 12 fingers, you got it or you don't.

 

[fire_breeze]

I never really thought about the whole dominant / submissive thing.
Honestly in the extreme it is a real turn off for me .
A little power play I find very intriguing.
I think I am somewhat more submissive in bed.
So my question is how to be dominant?


Gg

It really depends on how you define dominance and submission. Is it service? Is it playing with some whips and chains? Is it name calling? What does power play mean to YOU? Only you and your partner can answer that.

Stella Omega has a wonderful essay that I really suggest that you read and digest.

I would suggest that you have an honest discussion with your partner what dominance and submission means to the both of you, what are your limits (both submissives and dominance have limits and these should be sacrosanct) and how/when you want to play.

Also, the good people at the BDSM forums are more than willing to help!

Good luck and play safe.

 

[griffingirl]

Thinking

Thank you for the thoughtful replies.
I was sort of propositioned by a cute younger man.
It is his fantasy. And well can you blame me for giving it some serious thought lol.

Gg

 

[midwestyankee]

Thank you for the thoughtful replies.
I was sort of propositioned by a cute younger man.
It is his fantasy. And well can you blame me for giving it some serious thought lol.

Gg

Then what really matters is what dominance means to him. Chances are fairly good, in my humble experience, that he wants you to be Top to his Bottom (i.e., you will be the one doing the doing and he will be the one being done unto). Find out what will trip his trigger and then, if it pleases you, give it (or him) a whack.

 

[Que]

Theyre a herd of caped capons pretending theyre what they aren't. Dominance is like having blue eyes or being a midget or having 12 fingers, you got it or you don't.

Dammit. So close.

I'm a 10-fingered, blue-eyed midget!

Thank you for the thoughtful replies.
I was sort of propositioned by a cute younger man.
It is his fantasy. And well can you blame me for giving it some serious thought lol.

Gg

What you are talking about is being a "sevice top" Wander over to the BDM thread and read Stella's excellent essay on the subject. It is simply role playing in the way you mean and I would imagine like most other things sexual: enthusiasm sells it.

You cannot do it "wrong."

I am naturally dominant, my ex was fairly submissive with some top from the bottom tendencies. We used to blog about it. We switched a couple of time. It was fun, and interesting, and she did far better at it than she seemed to think she did.

 

[DesEsseintes]

Listen to JBJ, Griffingirl. He knows. You've not seen dominance until you've seen him work that trailer park events planning committee room (second on the right, just beyond the brown bins and behind the abandoned toilet block).

 

[Erochic]

I never really thought about the whole dominant / submissive thing.
Honestly in the extreme it is a real turn off for me .
A little power play I find very intriguing.
I think I am somewhat more submissive in bed.
So my question is how to be dominant?


Gg

Hi, I've just been thinking and reading about this very topic.

I've actually played a lot with it, and am moving more to claiming it as the way I want to go.

I understand what you mean by the extreme being a turn off... but a lot of the "extreme" is formed by porn and fantasy ... And porn and fantasy tends to bear very little resemblance to reality.

I don't have much time right now, but I'll find all the good links I've found and also talk about my experiences and what it is to me.

Being a service top is just fine and if you are enjoying it that's fantastic, but you said that a little power play is intruiging ... So how about also thinking about what you find intriguing about power play.

Oh and I also came here to post some really sexy images of men and submission... Totally hot and not at all weak or wimpy.

 

[Erochic]

http://femdomfairytale.tumblr.com/post/101904674944/carmenicadiaz-maybe-just-once-by-andrei-who-has

Very sexy image... And a different way of looking at it.

 

[multitalentman]

http://femdomfairytale.tumblr.com/post/101904674944/carmenicadiaz-maybe-just-once-by-andrei-who-has

Very sexy image... And a different way of looking at it.

Damn. missed it!

 

[multitalentman]

Thank you for the thoughtful replies.
I was sort of propositioned by a cute younger man.
It is his fantasy. And well can you blame me for giving it some serious thought lol.

Gg

There is no better way to learn than by experimenting. Its not a career, just a different view. You always retain the right to stop or change the relationship. If anyone tells you different, it's probably a manipulation tactic.

 

[griffingirl]

Update

So listen to this. I read up on what it means to be dominant.
Start thinking this might be fun role play.
And he only wants to be financially dominated
I didn't even know that was a thing.

Here I am thinking finally maybe I can have some kind of sex life.
I think the internet has really warped the natural order of things.

Why on earth did this person go through the trouble
Of essentially courting me for this.

Ugg

 

[Aphro]

Financially dominated? He wants you to take all his money?

 

[Aphro]

Listen to JBJ, Griffingirl. He knows. You've not seen dominance until you've seen him work that trailer park events planning committee room (second on the right, just beyond the brown bins and behind the abandoned toilet block).

*snort!*

 

[fire_breeze]

So listen to this. I read up on what it means to be dominant.
Start thinking this might be fun role play.
And he only wants to be financially dominated
I didn't even know that was a thing.

Here I am thinking finally maybe I can have some kind of sex life.
I think the internet has really warped the natural order of things.

Why on earth did this person go through the trouble
Of essentially courting me for this.

Ugg

Send him to me, or at the very least, have him send me his credit card(s). I'll financially dominate him. I have some beautiful Louis Vuitton and Bvlgari bags that needs to be acquired in order to please me. Add in a few Jimmy Choos, Cartier watches and Hermes scarves and I will be a very happy mistress indeed.



Sorry, couldn't resist

 

[Erochic]

I came to post a link to a pretty good guide to domination I found on Reddit, butim not sure I need to if he's into Financial Domination.
That I don't get. Isn't that just gold digging updated?
But if everyone is happy more power to them

Here are the links anyway and I'll also post them on the thread I just started.
http://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/13xmww

http://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/13y2lo/female_domination_part_2_rougher_and_hopefully/

 

[griffingirl]

Thank you for the links.
It is all new to me. Presently just fun play in messaging.
I think I like this whatever it is. I am very surprised.
I had no idea there were men in the world who want to be ordered around.
Good thing I am a quick study.

Gg

 

[Felix_Jones]

I never really thought about the whole dominant / submissive thing.
Honestly in the extreme it is a real turn off for me .
A little power play I find very intriguing.
I think I am somewhat more submissive in bed.
So my question is how to be dominant?


Gg

Don't do it. Your desire for a private dominance is a symptom of your need for a public fascism. I, for one, refuse to fall in line under the iron heel of some autocratic goon.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

To be dominant you gotta survive THE ORDEAL AND TRIAL, plus be made of the right stuff. A costume wont transform you, you must KNOW that youll prevail and leave your mark on what remains when all is said and done. The stink from your piss will be on everything.

The caped capons over at BDSM are nutless frauds.

Ask old STELLA how she dominated me hahahahahaha. She tried hard.

 

[shellieslut]

I love being dominated and told what to do

 

[griffingirl]

Note to self and others: Don't go in the deep water if you don't know how to swim.

So I am just exploring in my head mainly and in messages.
And as someone who never really thought of themselves in this role
It is refreshing.
I have no desire to become a Real Dominant.

But I think shifting power dynamics is very
healthy .

So I am in the shallow water and do not expect to
Go further.

Gg

 

[amofiga]

To the OP..... dominance in a true D/S relationship is different from topping in a sexual scene. One is as some have said, a personality trait that isn't so much learned as it is a part of you. Just as true leadership is different from "learning leadership qualities". People follow a good leader because it just feels like the natural thing. People will "listen to" a designated leader in order to get a job done, but in face all may feel a bit uncomfortable with it.

If your boyfriend is a sub who wants a domme, you may just not be able to give him what he wants. If on the other hand he's just looking to play out a sex game where you tie him up, spank him, torture him, whatever, then you may wall be able to learn to "act that out" well enough to make it work for him. You guys need to figure it out for yourselves.

If you want to PM me, I can explain.

 

[griffingirl]

Oh well I declined. It was a fun daydream. Might still treat myself
To some new boots or something.