I wonder....

[sweetsouthernsa]

I just wonder if I'm destined to be alone. I met this guy that seemed to be everything I was lookin for, but the longer we're together, the more I see he's not. He's lazy & likes to hear himself talk alot and I suspect he expects me to put him before my kids. I want him out of my house, but I dont know how I'm gonna accomplish this without pissing him off & becoming an enemy. He doesn't have a good relationship with his family & I feel like he doesn't want me to have any kind of contact with any of mine. I care about him and love him as a friend, but I'm not in love with him. He doesn't have a way to go, so he expects me to take him everywhere, especially to work and he has odd hours. I have chronic hereditary migraines, so a lot of days Ii shouldn't be driving anybody anywhere. I apologize for my vent, just wanted to get it off my chest.

 

[Que]

Not trying to be rude but:

"I just want a good man with a bad boy attitude" is the problem.

 

[1AliceWonder]

I just wonder if I'm destined to be alone. I met this guy that seemed to be everything I was lookin for, but the longer we're together, the more I see he's not. He's lazy & likes to hear himself talk alot and I suspect he expects me to put him before my kids. I want him out of my house, but I dont know how I'm gonna accomplish this without pissing him off & becoming an enemy. He doesn't have a good relationship with his family & I feel like he doesn't want me to have any kind of contact with any of mine. I care about him and love him as a friend, but I'm not in love with him. He doesn't have a way to go, so he expects me to take him everywhere, especially to work and he has odd hours. I have chronic hereditary migraines, so a lot of days Ii shouldn't be driving anybody anywhere. I apologize for my vent, just wanted to get it off my chest.

How long have you been together?

 

[Emmcee20]

Probably telling him that...
"I care about him and love him as a friend, but I'm not in love with him. "
should do the trick.

Sorry to hear your pain. Life is just too short!

 

[sweetsouthernsa]

How long have you been together?

We've been together about 4 months

 

[Emmcee20]

Definitely act sooner rather than later Sweetsouthern before he feels he belongs and has rights. Four months is long enough to be able to say that you just don't think this is working and you are going to need to take time with your kids. make it clear they are your priority and that way it removes the likelihood of him becoming an enemy.

Sorry to say I work with two women who in the last three weeks have split from long term relationships and had to avoid the angry lash out.

Then when you feel ready look again for someone - there really lots of fish in the sea (not all are blowfish!).

 

[RobDownSouth]

We've been together about 4 months

I know it sounds difficut...change is hard....but cut your losses sooner rather than later. Don't be 40 years old and looking back wistfully at a life full of "woulda coulda shoulda".

Easy for me to say, I know.

And disregard anything query says..he's bitter because his wife just dumped him.

 

[Ishmael]

We've been together about 4 months

You realize that you brought this dilemma on yourself? You let this guy move in almost immediately. What ever possessed you to do that? Did it occur to you that maybe you should have found those things out about him BEFORE you let him move in? Especially with children in the house.

You've got some serious soul searching to do.

Ishmael

 

[unregistered]

 

[PoppingTom]

I want him out of my house, but I dont know how I'm gonna accomplish this without pissing him off & becoming an enemy.

Well...try to be an enemy. Soon you'll realize it's impossible. Persons like that cling on everybody giving him attention in any way. He's too self centered to realize his environment, so being rude helps sometimes.

If you can't run away - do the ignorance. No talk, no cook, no attention, no matter how small. Let him feel uncomfortable in your home, so he likes any place more than yours.

It's better to be hated then to be "loved" that way.

 

[kbate]

He's a mooch. Place his packed bag next to the door the next time he asks you to take him somewhere.

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

Like Ishmael said, you let him move in too soon. But four months is hardly an emotional investment. If you aren't happy now, I doubt you ever will be. Your kids should always come first, and if they won't, it's time to kick him out. Tell him that you had a lot of fun, but that it's time to end things. Don't explain ANYTHING because then you'll be opening yourself up to hearing him promise to change.

 

[orinocoflow]

Probably telling him that...
"I care about you and love you as a friend, but I'm not in love with you. "
should do the trick.

That's got to be the only way to deal with this if you hope to remain friends.
If he kicks off and gets mad, or doesn't speak to you again then he obviously didn't value you as a friend anyway. I've been through a storm like this and quickly got out the other side.

You've got your family to think about so you need to get it sorted, no point living an unhappy life with someone you don't love.
Life is for living, you'll find somebody else sooner or later and have fun in the meantime.

 

[RobDownSouth]

Like Ishmael said, you let him move in too soon. But four months is hardly an emotional investment.

Four months isn't much to us old folks...hell, Ishmael goes four months without brushing his teeth and doesn't bat an eyelash.

When you're 20 or so, though, four months can be an eternity. Just sayin'.


Now all these whippersnappers can get the hell off my lawn.

 

[Pookie]

He's a mooch. Place his packed bag next to the door the next time he asks you to take him somewhere.

This.

Do it for the kids if not yourself. The relationship is only gonna go downhill.

 

[sweetsouthernsa]

Nothing about this relationship is immediate. Yes, he lives in my house but he does NOT sleep in my bed...lots of raised eyebrows, I know, but other than holding hands & kissing..there hasn't been any kind of intimacy. He wants to, but I don't and he respects my decision. I'm not a hateful person and like i said, I don't want to become enemies. I lived thru a controlling marriage and I'm not going thru anything like that again.

 

[1AliceWonder]

Whoa! That's not very long at all. Four months in you should still be getting to know one another and "honeymooning," in my opinion.

I agree with Jtohis. Honestly, he's using you. Wouldn't you rather be taken out like a lady then be a chauffeur?

If you don't mind me asking how old are both of you?

 

[Ishmael]

Nothing about this relationship is immediate. Yes, he lives in my house but he does NOT sleep in my bed...lots of raised eyebrows, I know, but other than holding hands & kissing..there hasn't been any kind of intimacy. He wants to, but I don't and he respects my decision. I'm not a hateful person and like i said, I don't want to become enemies. I lived thru a controlling marriage and I'm not going thru anything like that again.

Guess what? That makes him a boarder and in most locales, and if he wants to be an absolute ass, it'll take a court order to move him out.

Ishmael

 

[Pookie]

Guess what? That makes him a boarder and in most locales, and if he wants to be an absolute ass, it'll take a court order to move him out.

Ishmael

This is true.

 

[sweetsouthernsa]

I agree with Jtohis. Honestly, he's using you. Wouldn't you rather be taken out like a lady then be a chauffeur?

If you don't mind me asking how old are both of you?

I'm 47...he's 40

 

[sweetsouthernsa]

Guess what? That makes him a boarder and in most locales, and if he wants to be an absolute ass, it'll take a court order to move him out.

Ishmael

Not necessarily cause I'm renting and his name isn't on the lease.

 

[1AliceWonder]

I'm 47...he's 40

I'm 46 so I can say this: Girlfriend get rid of him NOW. Time is of the essence. You owe it to yourself and to the welfare of your children.

Your To Do List:

1. Pack Slackers Bags.

2. Put them outside with a note: "Sorry you've got to go I have Ebola."

3. Update page on Match.com.

 

[Ishmael]

Not necessarily cause I'm renting and his name isn't on the lease.

<sigh> He's still a boarder.

If your rental contract allows sub-lets you would still need a court order if he wants to be an ass.

If your rental contract specifically disallows sub-lets (and the overwhelming majority do) then you both may find yourself on the streets.

Ishmael

 

[sweetsouthernsa]

I'm 46 so I can say this: Girlfriend get rid of him NOW. Time is of the essence. You owe it to yourself and to the welfare of your children.

Your To Do List:

1. Pack Slackers Bags.

2. Put them outside with a note: "Sorry you've got to go I have Ebola."

3. Update page on Match.com.

I love it!! I'm sure my sister will be glad to stand on the porch with a mask on!!

 

[1AliceWonder]

I love it!! I'm sure my sister will be glad to stand on the porch with a mask on!!

Seriously. Do it. I'm sure the whole "boarder issue" won't be a problem, this guy doesn't sound all that savvy.