True Story

[snugglestruggle]

I can't be the only one that does this kind of Stuff. So post your Own. I'm tired of seeing political threads at the top of the page.


This week I was at Publix buying a large bag of Dog food for my dog Sheba. I was in the check-out line when an attractive woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I liked to snack on this ?

So because I'm a smart ass & impulsive at times I told her very seriously that I didn't have a dog, I was starting a new diet adding that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time I did this diet but I'd lost 27 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. She just looked at me not knowing what to think.

So I continued while the person holding up the checkout lane tried reswiping her debit card. I told her that it was a perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pockets with the dog food and you just eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention that by now people on both sides of the line were listening in.)

Another woman asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was Laughing so hard.

At this point the woman behind me realized she had been taken in but was a good sport about it commenting " You..Owe Me a drink". So I said ok and handed her my phone so she could give me her number. I paid for my dog food and retrieved my phone but as I was leaving she said don't forget to call. I sent her a text but the she never answered. Fuck that Bitch I wasted a good story on her LMAO

 

[Stewart_Pidd]

I can't be the only one that does this kind of Stuff. So post your Own. I'm tired of seeing political threads at the top of the page.


This week I was at Publix buying a large bag of Dog food for my dog Sheba. I was in the check-out line when an attractive woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I liked to snack on this ?

So because I'm a smart ass & impulsive at times I told her very seriously that I didn't have a dog, I was starting a new diet adding that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time I did this diet but I'd lost 27 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. She just looked at me not knowing what to think.

So I continued while the person holding up the checkout lane tried reswiping her debit card. I told her that it was a perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pockets with the dog food and you just eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention that by now people on both sides of the line were listening in.)

Another woman asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was Laughing so hard.

At this point the woman behind me realized she had been taken in but was a good sport about it commenting " You..Owe Me a drink". So I said ok and handed her my phone so she could give me her number. I paid for my dog food and retrieved my phone but as I was leaving she said don't forget to call. I sent her a text but the she never answered. Fuck that Bitch I wasted a good story on her LMAO

did she ask if the dog was hung bro?

Stew

 

[Garnate]

Your story has made the facebook rounds for years bro.

Impressive!

 

[pointless]

one of my favorite pics to use as my desktop background is a girl exposing her adorably tiny, perky boobs in the soda aisle of a publix. just thought i'd throw that out there. it's really a nice pic. not porny, but with cute boobs. best of both worlds, yo.

 

[bronzeage]

Yesterday, I paid for my lunch with ten $1 dollar bills. I told the cashier, "I worked a bachelorette party, last night." She smiled and asked if she could have my card.

 

[Phillyguy902]

Every year on election day, someone always asks at the bar, "So, did you vote today?" I just say that I'm not allowed to, since I'm a convicted felon. That usually stops the conversation in it's tracks.

 

[Garnate]

Every year on election day, someone always asks at the bar, "So, did you vote today?" I just say that I'm not allowed to, since I'm a convicted felon. That usually stops the conversation in it's tracks.

Brilliant

 

[JohnnySavage]

I got 24 pairs of socks today. The thick winter ones. Later today I'll throw away my several dozen summer socks.

 

[toubab]

The other day I took a whole box of Rice Krispies to a park and poured it out in a line along the edge of a lake, about six or eight feet from the water, then got back into my vehicle to watch developments. It didn't take long for three ducks to show up, swimming across the lake to investigate. I could tell they thought they had hit the jackpot as they went crazy for the Rice Krispies, eating as fast as they possibly could. This attracted the attention of three more ducks, then more ducks, and pretty soon there were about twenty ducks eating the cereal so fast it was amazing. But then here came three Canada Geese swimming across the lake, loudly proclaiming their arrival and strutting up to bogart the ducks, who all scattered back to the water. The biggest, loudest goose started eating the cereal right in the middle of the line with his back to the water. One of the ducks came back out of the water and sneaked up behind him and goosed him. I laughed seeing the big goose get goosed by the little duck. The little duck ran back to the water and safety, but he got his revenge first, and I drove away still laughing.

 

[snugglestruggle]

Your story has made the facebook rounds for years bro.

Impressive!

Say what you want but it still get's laughs.

 

[lovecraft68]

Every year on election day, someone always asks at the bar, "So, did you vote today?" I just say that I'm not allowed to, since I'm a convicted felon. That usually stops the conversation in it's tracks.

Unless you were in Providence RI where Buddy Cianci a two time convicted felon was running for mayor and everyone really thought he was going to win....

 

[PayDay]

Texting for a date = fail

 

[Joeybagadonuts]

the other day I....

oh wait...that wasn't me.

~Steven Wright~

 

[lemonbread]

one of my favorite pics to use as my desktop background is a girl exposing her adorably tiny, perky boobs in the soda aisle of a publix. just thought i'd throw that out there. it's really a nice pic. not porny, but with cute boobs. best of both worlds, yo.

I want this picture.

 

[Jennifer]

I want this picture.

How do you feel about larger, slightly less perky breasts? I will take the photo in the public place of your choice.

 

[lemonbread]

How do you feel about larger, slightly less perky breasts? I will take the photo in the public place of your choice.

Really? That would be pretty awesome. I don't know which public places you have though. What are my options?

 

[smoothg103rd]

It's this old black man that comes to the house every Friday to preach to my uncle. My uncle wasn't there today, so the man decided he was going to preach to me. I told him I worship the devil and that this is Satan house. He said god bless you and hurried out the house. I don't think he will be around next Friday.

 

[Jennifer]

Really? That would be pretty awesome. I don't know which public places you have though. What are my options?

oh, the typical. Target, Walmart, CVS, any fast food joint. I prefer artsy, outdoors shots but to each their own.

 

[Disgustipated]

one of my favorite pics to use as my desktop background is a girl exposing her adorably tiny, perky boobs in the soda aisle of a publix. just thought i'd throw that out there. it's really a nice pic. not porny, but with cute boobs. best of both worlds, yo.

Wtf is a Publix? I've seen that word more in the past week than in my whole life.

 

[PayDay]

It's this old black man that comes to the house every Friday to preach to my uncle. My uncle wasn't there today, so the man decided he was going to preach to me. I told him I worship the devil and that this is Satan house. He said god bless you and hurried out the house. I don't think he will be around next Friday.

Shows what you know, there will be a prayer vigil by the end of the week.

 

[pointless]

Wtf is a Publix? I've seen that word more in the past week than in my whole life.

a chain of grocery stores in the south east. like bi-lo only a bit classier.

and way better than winn dixie. man, fuck winn dixie.

 

[lemonbread]

oh, the typical. Target, Walmart, CVS, any fast food joint. I prefer artsy, outdoors shots but to each their own.

Well, whatever works for you. I'm not picky.

 

[pointless]

here. i had to shrink it. stupid size limits.

 

[Noor]

I can't be the only one that does this kind of Stuff. So post your Own. I'm tired of seeing political threads at the top of the page.


This week I was at Publix buying a large bag of Dog food for my dog Sheba. I was in the check-out line when an attractive woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I liked to snack on this ?

So because I'm a smart ass & impulsive at times I told her very seriously that I didn't have a dog, I was starting a new diet adding that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time I did this diet but I'd lost 27 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. She just looked at me not knowing what to think.

So I continued while the person holding up the checkout lane tried reswiping her debit card. I told her that it was a perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pockets with the dog food and you just eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention that by now people on both sides of the line were listening in.)

Another woman asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was Laughing so hard.

At this point the woman behind me realized she had been taken in but was a good sport about it commenting " You..Owe Me a drink". So I said ok and handed her my phone so she could give me her number. I paid for my dog food and retrieved my phone but as I was leaving she said don't forget to call. I sent her a text but the she never answered. Fuck that Bitch I wasted a good story on her LMAO

Some people don't text. It costs them money if they don't have a data plan.

She asked you to call, so call her!

 

[Disgustipated]

a change of grocery stores in the south east. like bi-lo only a bit classier.

and way better than winn dixie. man, fuck winn dixie.

Gotcha, thanks. We just got a Winco here, it's decent. Winn Dixie sucks except for the fact when I was in college and they always had lots of samples.