Confidence vs Insecurity

[sprincess1990]

I'm not sure where's best to post this, so if you think it needs moving please let me know!

So, I've read numerous posts where people refer to how sexy confidence is, and I completely get it because it's a quality I look for in a partner too.

The problem is, when those confident people find out I'm a bit emotionally unstable, lack self esteem or self worth, they very quickly lose interest. Again, I get it, I would too!

But it got me thinking, is there a "market" out there for people like me? Are there people who find the concept of being "damaged" attractive, or is there no hope other than that one day I'll feel better and join the confidence club too?

 

[pete]

sounds like you're a sub.

check out the BDSM pages

good luck.

 

[Learnsmith]

I'm not sure where's best to post this, so if you think it needs moving please let me know!

So, I've read numerous posts where people refer to how sexy confidence is, and I completely get it because it's a quality I look for in a partner too.

The problem is, when those confident people find out I'm a bit emotionally unstable, lack self esteem or self worth, they very quickly lose interest. Again, I get it, I would too!

But it got me thinking, is there a "market" out there for people like me? Are there people who find the concept of being "damaged" attractive, or is there no hope other than that one day I'll feel better and join the confidence club too?

I remember dating a woman some years back - early into our involvement, I asked her what she wanted out of "this." I should have taken it as a warning sign when she told me, "a father figure." Not that submissive tendencies are bad, or that you're wrong for having them. It's just that such tendencies can SOMETIMES presage an external locus of control, a certain emotional immaturity, which causes problems. Again, not saying that's your deal at all; just saying, that's where some of the cultural bias may come from.

Again, agreeing with Pete above - BDSM threads. Here's hoping you find what you need.

 

[ms_ann_thrope]

I'm not sure where's best to post this, so if you think it needs moving please let me know!

So, I've read numerous posts where people refer to how sexy confidence is, and I completely get it because it's a quality I look for in a partner too.

The problem is, when those confident people find out I'm a bit emotionally unstable, lack self esteem or self worth, they very quickly lose interest. Again, I get it, I would too!

But it got me thinking, is there a "market" out there for people like me? Are there people who find the concept of being "damaged" attractive, or is there no hope other than that one day I'll feel better and join the confidence club too?

You are mistakenly assuming that confident people are only interested in other confident people or that they are any more desirable simply because they are confident. There are a lot of dull, rich men with huge cocks out there. Shop around.

 

[Learnsmith]

a lot of dull, rich men with huge cocks

I'm suddenly thinking of that Monty Python song: "All Things Dull and Ugly."

 

[Stewart_Pidd]

I'm not sure where's best to post this, so if you think it needs moving please let me know!

So, I've read numerous posts where people refer to how sexy confidence is, and I completely get it because it's a quality I look for in a partner too.

The problem is, when those confident people find out I'm a bit emotionally unstable, lack self esteem or self worth, they very quickly lose interest. Again, I get it, I would too!

But it got me thinking, is there a "market" out there for people like me? Are there people who find the concept of being "damaged" attractive, or is there no hope other than that one day I'll feel better and join the confidence club too?

I'm fairly confident that security is a state of mind...at least I think I'm confident bro!

Stew

 

[ms_ann_thrope]

I'm suddenly thinking of that Monty Python song: "All Things Dull and Ugly."

I'm thinking about elephants.

 

[dolf]

I'm not sure where's best to post this, so if you think it needs moving please let me know!

So, I've read numerous posts where people refer to how sexy confidence is, and I completely get it because it's a quality I look for in a partner too.

The problem is, when those confident people find out I'm a bit emotionally unstable, lack self esteem or self worth, they very quickly lose interest. Again, I get it, I would too!

But it got me thinking, is there a "market" out there for people like me? Are there people who find the concept of being "damaged" attractive, or is there no hope other than that one day I'll feel better and join the confidence club too?

hell yeah! I got way more attention when I was way more screwed up. i'm still pretty damn screwed up and it doesn't seem to put guys off. maybe they're losing interest for some other reason... maybe you're dull, or crap in bed, or just ill matched.

i'm about as damaged as damaged goods get!

 

[Learnsmith]

I'm thinking about elephants.

Yes, well, your sundry perversions are rather a matter of public record, now aren't they?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I'm not sure where's best to post this, so if you think it needs moving please let me know!

So, I've read numerous posts where people refer to how sexy confidence is, and I completely get it because it's a quality I look for in a partner too.

The problem is, when those confident people find out I'm a bit emotionally unstable, lack self esteem or self worth, they very quickly lose interest. Again, I get it, I would too!

But it got me thinking, is there a "market" out there for people like me? Are there people who find the concept of being "damaged" attractive, or is there no hope other than that one day I'll feel better and join the confidence club too?

Theyre called pimps. Your nigger pimp will come, be patient.

 

[Learnsmith]

Theyre called pimps. Your nigger pimp will come, be patient.

So unimaginative.

 

[lovetoread]

subs subs subs

they are everywhere!!

 

[ms_ann_thrope]

Yes, well, your sundry perversions are rather a matter of public record, now aren't they?

You spelled Sunday wrong.

 

[parodyluvr75]

If you get involved with someone and they leave you because of who you are, then maybe you should start a relationship by letting them know who you are in the first place. Some men like to love and be protective. You'll find one, just be more honest about who you are. Why is lack of confidence damaged? Some people are more confident than others. Others need to find that boost outside themselves.

And there are people who pretend to be confident and it's all window dressing.

Confident, is knowing who you are and what you can do, it's nothing more than that. Some people just need to be reminded, of who they are.

 

[Learnsmith]

You spelled Sunday wrong.

http://d2tq98mqfjyz2l.cloudfront.net/image_cache/1341996135552762_animate.gif

 

[parodyluvr75]

subs subs subs

they are everywhere!!

They are? I want a turkey on wheat with Swiss cheese, please.

 

[lovetoread]

If you get involved with someone and they leave you because of who you are, then maybe you should start a relationship by letting them know who you are in the first place. Some men like to love and be protective. You'll find one, just be more honest about who you are. Why is lack of confidence damaged? Some people are more confident than others. Others need to find that boost outside themselves.

And there are people who pretend to be confident and it's all window dressing.

Confident, is knowing who you are and what you can do, it's nothing more than that. Some people just need to be reminded, of who they are.

For this I'll get you a sammich.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

So unimaginative.

You look like a freshman pansy.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

If you get involved with someone and they leave you because of who you are, then maybe you should start a relationship by letting them know who you are in the first place. Some men like to love and be protective. You'll find one, just be more honest about who you are. Why is lack of confidence damaged? Some people are more confident than others. Others need to find that boost outside themselves.

And there are people who pretend to be confident and it's all window dressing.

Confident, is knowing who you are and what you can do, it's nothing more than that. Some people just need to be reminded, of who they are.

No, Bird Brain, confidence is doing what you intend to do. Confident people don't need excuses or do-overs.

 

[bluebell]

I'm not sure where's best to post this, so if you think it needs moving please let me know!

So, I've read numerous posts where people refer to how sexy confidence is, and I completely get it because it's a quality I look for in a partner too.

The problem is, when those confident people find out I'm a bit emotionally unstable, lack self esteem or self worth, they very quickly lose interest. Again, I get it, I would too!

But it got me thinking, is there a "market" out there for people like me? Are there people who find the concept of being "damaged" attractive, or is there no hope other than that one day I'll feel better and join the confidence club too?

Since your profile says you're a sub, I'm going to assume you're already looking into what that means.

Like Learnsmith said, it looks like you might be seeking someone (or multiple people) who are willing to help give you guidance (possibly control) and to help foster you emotionally and physically. A "traditional" relationship might not be what you're looking for. If it is, and you only want D/s going on inside the bedroom, you might want to consider professional counseling and self-help to work on issues that go beyond a sexual preference. It just depends on what works best for you. No one else can "fix" you, though. They can help uplift you and even change your life, but true life change has to come from yourself.

A lot of D/s relationships focus on that fostering aspect, and the people worth their salt will discuss boundaries and expectations with you prior to starting a relationship like that. Sometimes those relationships aren't even sexual, they just have an emotional/behavioral bent to them.

Like Pete said, you can look at all the glories of the BDSM pages here on Lit. You can also check out Fetlife.

ETA: Parody's post is great insight as well!

 

[parodyluvr75]

For this I'll get you a sammich.

I'd give up feather for a sandwich.

 

[Learnsmith]

You look like a freshman pansy.

Coming from you, that doesn't mean anything, I'm sorry.

 

[parodyluvr75]

No, Bird Brain, confidence is doing what you intend to do. Confident people don't need excuses or do-overs.

Old grumpy man, so if you fail once, you give up, doesn't sound confident to me.

 

[ms_ann_thrope]

You could fail miserably every time and still be confident.

 

[parodyluvr75]

You could fail miserably every time and still be confident.