Nice guy, needs some confidence

[gubernacht]

Now I know this is probably going to get mocked by some users here, or i may get flamed, but i dont care. I am 31 year old Canadian Male that needs some confidence talking to women, I have never been very good at it, but i have tried but always seem to fail miserably.

What I am looking for is a woman or couple of women that I can chat with on Lit and maybe Yahoo regularly or semi regularly, to help me boost my confidence, just talk for now, about work, our days, fantasy etc, not cyber (if it develops into that ok, but i don't want it to be strictly about getting off).

If you think you could help me out, feel free to pm

thanks

-G

 

[igotthis]

Now I know this is probably going to get mocked by some users here, or i may get flamed, but i dont care. I am 31 year old Canadian Male that needs some confidence talking to women, I have never been very good at it, but i have tried but always seem to fail miserably.

What I am looking for is a woman or couple of women that I can chat with on Lit and maybe Yahoo regularly or semi regularly, to help me boost my confidence, just talk for now, about work, our days, fantasy etc, not cyber (if it develops into that ok, but i don't want it to be strictly about getting off).

If you think you could help me out, feel free to pm

thanks

-G

Props to you man...it took more guts to ask that then you would need with most women...GL

 

[gubernacht]

I figured it was worth a shot, I am just figured this was the place to do it and ask, and see if someone would help a canadian out or at least start him down his path...

 

[mike_confident]

Argh....

1. No guy can mock you, because no guy came flying out the dating-gate firing on all cylinders. Any guy who claims he did is either lying, or got lucky his first time and his confidence snowballed from there on.

2. Don't look to girls for advice on girls. I have tremendous amounts of respect for women, but heterosexual girls don't know how to woo heterosexual girls. They will give you wishy washy advice. The same reason why the word clingy and romantic can be used to describe the same behavior depending on the girl and her mood.

3. Women can sniff insecurity like bees and dogs can sniff out fear. The good news is women are kinder than men and will not hold it against you, they just won't sleep with you for it either.

4. Confidence doesn't invent itself. The human mind is trained to eventually believe whatever you tell it repeatedly. A lot of guys talk themselves out of hitting on girls because they use the excuse "she won't like me" or "I'm not good enough". It starts as an excuse, and after the 100th time it's no longer an excuse, it because something your brain believes and affects your mood. Good news is the opposite is true too. Just because you don't sleep with tons of girls doesn't mean you can't tell yourself that. You're a rock star and women love you....tell yourself that 1000 times over and eventually you'll start showing the confidence you lack, because your brain will just normally believe it.

5. I've said this in another thread so I'm not going to repeat it. If you can carry an interesting conversation with a guy, you can then equally carry an interesting conversation with a girl. You just need to understand your audience. Men like to focus on the object of a conversation, while women love to focus on the relationship in the conversation.

6. This thread is nothing to be ashamed of, you just need a better delivery. Trying to listen and make yourself a better lover is something women appreciate, but the defeatist attitude isn't going to help you.

 

[gubernacht]

Argh....

1. No guy can mock you, because no guy came flying out the dating-gate firing on all cylinders. Any guy who claims he did is either lying, or got lucky his first time and his confidence snowballed from there on.

2. Don't look to girls for advice on girls. I have tremendous amounts of respect for women, but heterosexual girls don't know how to woo heterosexual girls. They will give you wishy washy advice. The same reason why the word clingy and romantic can be used to describe the same behavior depending on the girl and her mood.

3. Women can sniff insecurity like bees and dogs can sniff out fear. The good news is women are kinder than men and will not hold it against you, they just won't sleep with you for it either.

4. Confidence doesn't invent itself. The human mind is trained to eventually believe whatever you tell it repeatedly. A lot of guys talk themselves out of hitting on girls because they use the excuse "she won't like me" or "I'm not good enough". It starts as an excuse, and after the 100th time it's no longer an excuse, it because something your brain believes and affects your mood. Good news is the opposite is true too. Just because you don't sleep with tons of girls doesn't mean you can't tell yourself that. You're a rock star and women love you....tell yourself that 1000 times over and eventually you'll start showing the confidence you lack, because your brain will just normally believe it.

5. I've said this in another thread so I'm not going to repeat it. If you can carry an interesting conversation with a guy, you can then equally carry an interesting conversation with a girl. You just need to understand your audience. Men like to focus on the object of a conversation, while would love to focus on the relationship in the conversation.

6. This thread is nothing to be ashamed of, you just need a better delivery. Trying to listen and make yourself a better lover is something women appreciate, but the defeatist attitude isn't going to help you.

Thanks i am mainly hoping as i said to have one or two that i can chat to on here, flirt, gain a bit of online confidence and try to transfer that to the real world, as I am 31 almost 32 in a bit, never really had a relationship, never had sex, so it kinda wears on me for some reason

 

[igotthis]

Argh....

1. No guy can mock you, because no guy came flying out the dating-gate firing on all cylinders. Any guy who claims he did is either lying, or got lucky his first time and his confidence snowballed from there on.

2. Don't look to girls for advice on girls. I have tremendous amounts of respect for women, but heterosexual girls don't know how to woo heterosexual girls. They will give you wishy washy advice. The same reason why the word clingy and romantic can be used to describe the same behavior depending on the girl and her mood.

3. Women can sniff insecurity like bees and dogs can sniff out fear. The good news is women are kinder than men and will not hold it against you, they just won't sleep with you for it either.

4. Confidence doesn't invent itself. The human mind is trained to eventually believe whatever you tell it repeatedly. A lot of guys talk themselves out of hitting on girls because they use the excuse "she won't like me" or "I'm not good enough". It starts as an excuse, and after the 100th time it's no longer an excuse, it because something your brain believes and affects your mood. Good news is the opposite is true too. Just because you don't sleep with tons of girls doesn't mean you can't tell yourself that. You're a rock star and women love you....tell yourself that 1000 times over and eventually you'll start showing the confidence you lack, because your brain will just normally believe it.

5. I've said this in another thread so I'm not going to repeat it. If you can carry an interesting conversation with a guy, you can then equally carry an interesting conversation with a girl. You just need to understand your audience. Men like to focus on the object of a conversation, while would love to focus on the relationship in the conversation.

6. This thread is nothing to be ashamed of, you just need a better delivery. Trying to listen and make yourself a better lover is something women appreciate, but the defeatist attitude isn't going to help you.

Ditto what he said. Great advice Mike_confident.

 

[igotthis]

Thanks i am mainly hoping as i said to have one or two that i can chat to on here, flirt, gain a bit of online confidence and try to transfer that to the real world, as I am 31 almost 32 in a bit, never really had a relationship, never had sex, so it kinda wears on me for some reason

2nd to last statement may have something to do with yoir nervousness and inablity to talk to women as well....just a thot

 

[mike_confident]

Thanks i am mainly hoping as i said to have one or two that i can chat to on here, flirt, gain a bit of online confidence and try to transfer that to the real world, as I am 31 almost 32 in a bit, never really had a relationship, never had sex, so it kinda wears on me for some reason

online is not the venue to practice your game. I admit I love roleplaying and chatting online, but it's a different world here. It won't translate into the real world.

What you need is something small to start you off.
For the next week you have to talk to 3 new girls a day. Not a full out conversation, no compliments, just a small opener, one or two sentences, then walk away.

It'll get you used to talking to women, and make you feel in control because you're not trying to impress her.

 

[gubernacht]

thanks, Just kinda wanted to start in here some what and see where things go but i will do your irl tactics too

 

[mike_confident]

thanks, Just kinda wanted to start in here some what and see where things go but i will do your irl tactics too

I still advise you against it. It'll become an escape you retreat too instead of tackling the real world challenge.

But that's just me

 

[gubernacht]

i can see your point, but still going to try it...i will let you hunt me down and kick my butt if it because too much mike

 

[gubernacht]

bump!

 

[ShavedHed]

Props to you man...it took more guts to ask that then you would need with most women...GL

+1 You already have some confidence, just use it IRL.

Don't look to girls for advice on girls.

+1 Unless they are lesbians, they might know how to seduce a woman.

For the next week you have to talk to 3 new girls a day. Not a full out conversation, no compliments, just a small opener, one or two sentences, then walk away.
It'll get you used to talking to women, and make you feel in control because you're not trying to impress her.

THIS!!! Seriously! This is how every guy gets started.
Do NOT waste time on small talk. IE: "Hows the weather?"

My turning point was at a bar. Me and my best friend out playing pool and looking at girls. I went to the bar to order another round. The hottest girl in the place came and skooched in front of me.
"Excuse me, I am next girlie!" I said, with a semi-serious face.
"Well, I'm hot and we both know the bartender is going to talk to me first!" She replied.
"You are VERY hot! You should let me buy you a drink." I smiled at her.
"OK! *smile* I'll have a (I didn't listen)!"
The bartender came over and I order two crown and 7s, paid and as I skootched past her with both drinks said, "Guess he liked me better!"
I didn't look back, just walked back to the pool table and continued my game. (I was laughing in my mind, I can NOT BELIEVE I JUST DID THAT!)
A few minutes later, I scanned the bar again. She was sitting at a table with two other girls, all of them staring my way. She was pissed, her friends were smiling.
Girls are better at reading eachother than you will be at reading them. The other girls in the bar noticed the table of hot girls staring at me. Suddenly, I was "interesting" and it seemed like every girl there was checking me out.

(I did meet a girl that night but it was due to the insecurities of her guy so I'll stop here.)

I felt awesome. I ALWAYS get my mind back to that awesome feeling before I approach any female now.

 

[vidiman]

Good thread - wish I could offer some advice.

It is confidence, you do have it - you need to practice using it and being comfortable with it.

I think the strongest advice on here is if you can hold an interesting conversation with a man (or family / friends) then you CAN do the same 1:1 with a woman

If you start by making these short talks (no intentions -no expectation) - then move on - it will prove to you that you can do it and that women wont just pass on by. What will possibly happen it that out of the blue something will turn up of mutual interest and you'll be in full flow before you know....

When you get there make sure you post the pics on here for everyone to ogle
*that is a joke by the way, no it is honestly a joke)

 

[SunDevilGirl]

I'm curious how this is working for you?

How about if you treat this lit world like the real world and step out of your comfort zone and approach females?

good luck!

 

[adventurelover]

Awesome thread.

As mentioned before: the most important skill is to WALK AWAY. Women love nothing more than a challenge.

Strike up a conversation, leave half way through.

 

[SunDevilGirl]

Awesome thread.

As mentioned before: the most important skill is to WALK AWAY. Women love nothing more than a challenge.

Strike up a conversation, leave half way through.

I think this is terrible advice! That would be rude.

 

[mike_confident]

I think this is terrible advice! That would be rude.

The reason this advice bothers you is the same reason why it works.

No one said be rude to the girl. Walking away simply means he's not dependent on her. Like putting her in the friend zone.

 

[mike_confident]

+1 Unless they are lesbians, they might know how to seduce a woman

In my experience they don't. Unless the girls are lesbians too

 

[mike_confident]

I'm curious how this is working for you?

How about if you treat this lit world like the real world and step out of your comfort zone and approach females?

good luck!

Online is a bad forum to practice real life skills.
Half of the skills can't be used...

It's not what you say but how you say it. You can't work on that online.

 

[SunDevilGirl]

The reason this advice bothers you is the same reason why it works.

No one said be rude to the girl. Walking away simply means he's not dependent on her. Like putting her in the friend zone.

You are advising this guy to play games. I think he should be genuine. Start a conversation and leave when it feels right. Walking away mid-conversation could result in a missed opportunity.

Once he takes off "half way through the conversation" she MIGHT want more...or she might just look to her left and start talking to the next guy.

 

[adventurelover]

I think this is terrible advice! That would be rude.

Working as intended.
That's why the rude guys/bad boys always get the girls.

The nice guys end up in the friend zone.

 

[mike_confident]

You are advising this guy to play games. I think he should be genuine. Start a conversation and leave when it feels right. Walking away mid-conversation could result in a missed opportunity.

Once he takes off "half way through the conversation" she MIGHT want more...or she might just look to her left and start talking to the next guy.

Nope no games.

I'm advising him not to be clingy.

You still have to respect the other person.