Hey Guyz.....this board needs a flatulence thread!

[SilvaTungDevil]

So I was invited out to a party last night. In preparation I applied febreeze liberally and brushed my remaining teeth. As the time for the party approached, I began to get nervous with anticipation. My stomach rumbled as high strung apprehension is often a precursor to my irritable bowel syndrome.

The party was nice and the guests were all fairly high class. Well, high class might be an exaggeration but compared to most of the parties I go to, at least all of these folks seemed to own a pair of shoes and none of them smelled like vinegar salad.

I was having a grand time when the first fulminations of discontent began in my nethers. This was going to be a problem. I knew that the likelihood of holding in such a grenade of gaseousness would be impossible so I began ticking off my options.

Shuffle farts? While puttering across the room releasing small clouds of joy with each step sounded like a great choice, I wasn't quite confident that my sphincter had the discipline for the controlled bursts required by this maneuver.

A one cheek sneak then? This was probably not an option as I was seated on the couch lodged between two fellow guests. The reverb was sure to give me away.

A cough-fart? Ah the ultimate in stealth flatulence. Yes, here was the ticket to covert camouflaging. My surreptitious plan was apt to work!

 

[cjh]

* lights match

 

[BotanyBoy]

So I was invited out to a party last night.

Lies.../thread.

 

[Stewart_Pidd]

good news, flatulence is being considered for the Olympics bro!

Stew

 

[SilvaTungDevil]

As I flexed my abdomen muscles in preparation of the cough camouflage, the pressure drove the gas out of me. Now, what was surprising is that it came out silently and easy. The gas escaped slowly and I was sure there would be none the wiser.

Adding to the easy halt to my predicament was an unforeseen benefit. The discharging gas escaped forward between my legs lifting my scrotum and giving it a tingling sensation as my old man balls vibrated in their distended sack.

It was quite a feeling!

Unfortunately, my testes, having been neglected for quite some time from touch (other than random scratching and the occasional frisking in search of a dropped peanut or cornchip), became alive at the embrace of my foul winds. The harsh wind's manipulation of my mansail caused my phallus to engorge.

Now here was a predicament for which I was not prepared! I was at my first party in ages. My member had betrayed me and was standing tall. My previously emptied colon seemed to be filling with pressure again. And to make matters worse, the hostess of the party was heading my way.

 

[Stewart_Pidd]

is this another Isolated Shart thread bro?

Stew

 

[duranman]

Being a Brit don't know what you're talking about as we don't...

 

[Libsam]

Shuffle farts? While puttering across the room releasing small clouds of joy with each step sounded like a great choice, I wasn't quite confident that my sphincter had the discipline for the controlled bursts required by this maneuver.

It's called crop dusting!

 

[unregistered]

 

[pink]

Couldn't you have just left the room?