Am I a psycho preying on mentally ill victims?

[Jasonthed002]

PDF on paraphilia

Hi All, For as long as I can remember, I have been aroused by dominating my consenting female partner during sex. I fantasize about it when masturbating, I focus on it during love making and I figured it is just part of my personality. Recently, I read about DSM 5 and the classification of sexual sadism as a mental disorder. Am I clinically mentally ill? And, if I have amazing sex with a consenting sexual masochist, am I preying on someone with a mental disorder that inhibits her ability to consent to my actions?

I am very analytical and imperical evidence has always been my guide for most things. Behavioral science is a very mushy area. I don't like being classified as mentally disabled by mainstream science, but if the diagnosis fits, then maybe I need to adjust my behavior somehow. How does the literotica community feel about this topic?

To be clear, the thought of non-consent is a total turn off and a serious violation of human rights. I am turned on by a willing partner interested in experiencing mild, symbolic acts domination and sharing herself with me on every level.

The reason I became interested is because of my polar opposite behavior outside of the bedroom. Outside the bedroom, I live to serve my partner. I encourage her to be a strong and independent, I provide any help I can and I think of her as *the boss*! What the hell?

 

[Que]

Keep in mind until politics changed it from about DSM-III, homosexuality was viewed as a disorder as well.

Everyone has "disorders." The question is to the extent it interferes with your life and the lives of those important to you.

Much is made of the old Dx of gay as a disorder, but bear in mind it has no relevance in a shrinks office unless you come into the office with that being a problem (for you.)

 

[fire_breeze]

PDF on paraphilia

Hi All, For as long as I can remember, I have been aroused by dominating my consenting female partner during sex. I fantasize about it when masturbating, I focus on it during love making and I figured it is just part of my personality. Recently, I read about DSM 5 and the classification of sexual sadism as a mental disorder. Am I clinically mentally ill? And, if I have amazing sex with a consenting sexual masochist, am I preying on someone with a mental disorder that inhibits her ability to consent to my actions?

I am very analytical and imperical evidence has always been my guide for most things. Behavioral science is a very mushy area. I don't like being classified as mentally disabled by mainstream science, but if the diagnosis fits, then maybe I need to adjust my behavior somehow. How does the literotica community feel about this topic?

To be clear, the thought of non-consent is a total turn off and a serious violation of human rights. I am turned on by a willing partner interested in experiencing mild, symbolic acts domination and sharing herself with me on every level.

The reason I became interested is because of my polar opposite behavior outside of the bedroom. Outside the bedroom, I live to serve my partner. I encourage her to be a strong and independent, I provide any help I can and I think of her as *the boss*! What the hell?

Sigh. I've worked with DSM, about three of them, and they are all confusing and have so much terminology that needs to be unpacked. Also, the article is written for a limited audience. I love open source, but honestly...

According the the article, paraphilia is described as "recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors generally involving i) non-human objects, ii) the suffering or humiliation of oneself or one’s partner, or iii) children or other non-consenting persons that occur over a period of at least 6 months”.

In my experience, when two consenting adults enter a relationship where there is kink involved, including humiliating or pain, then it's not humiliation or harm, because the bottom agreed to that aspect within the confines of however you define your relationship. In other words, yes, I may be hurt by my all - and believe you me, he can physically hurt me - but he takes great pains - no pun intended - not to harm me, and that makes a world of difference. He will never endanger my health, my physical AND mental being, but he will inflict pain or have his way with me because - and this is important - I have agreed to this. It's the consent rather than the taking away of my agency that is key. And let me assure you, my all and I are responsible adults that contribute meaningfully to society. We're normal, and so are you.

The main word that you forget is agency: you are given permission to commit said acts upon your willing and consenting partner. If you were, for example, take pleasure raping a woman or chopping a man without any of their consent, then you're a sick fuck (clinical term). BUT! As you enjoying your kink with a partner who still has agency, you are just 'kinky'.

Generally speaking, if you cannot perform sexually without any paraphilia (that is you MUST have have inflict pain in order to even become sexually aroused or else you are as cold as a fish) then you may have a fetish. If it enhances your sex life, you enjoy it, but can perform without it - and in fact at times, may prefer not to have it -then you're no less normal than a man who gets turned on by tiny breasts or a big ass.

Read this very closely:

Although paraphilias have not disappeared from the DSM with their inclusion in the latest addition, DSM-5, there is an attempt to clearly distinguish between the behaviour itself (i.e. sexual masochism) and a disorder stemming from that behaviour (i.e. sexual masochism disorder). To differentiate between atypical sexual interest and a mental disorder, DSM-5 requires that, for diagnosis, people with such interests exhibit the following:
(i) “feel personal distress about their interest, not merely distress resulting from society’s disapproval”; or

(ii) “have a sexual desire or behavior that involves another person‘s psychological distress, injury, or death, or a desire for sexual behaviors involving unwilling persons or persons unable to give legal consent” . [...]
A diagnosis of all non-criminal paraphilias requires that they are present for at least six months and cause clinically important distress, or impair work, or cause problems with social or personal functioning
​

You, according to your post, do NOT exhibit any of the above. Atypical just simply means that it is enjoyed more than occasionally by a small minority. That's all. You may have what some may call atypical sexual tastes, but as they involved with consenting adults who are able to make informed decisions, and do not involved non-consenting peoples, you are, my dear, in clinical terms 'normal'.

You're right: behavioural science, anthropology, sociology, history, is EXTREMELY abstract. There is very little right or wrong: you take a fact and then you have to contextualise it into a given parameters, apply a particular theoretical and methodological model, and figure out what the hell the whole thing means (by the way, these discipline rely heavily on empirical evidence. It just means that the evidence without any of the above is absolutely uninterpretable).

Defining 'normal' is tricky. It also invites a lot of criticism, which this article is: it's a look and criticism of the term paraphilia.

Finally. Never ever diagnose yourself. You cannot. Period. Sorry, but it's extremely difficult, even if you have had the proper training. There is so many nuances, ESPECIALLY when it comes to behaviour, that unless you spent years and years researching and studying, you cannot do justice.

And, just one last thing, historically BDSM has always been a part of the human fabric. I don't know if this helped. It probably did not. But I tried.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Echoing the responses above. The DSM is a document put together by fallible human beings (many with their own agenda) and it has a history of pathologising some things that don't need to be pathologised. But the latest edition is more enlightened about BDSM:

http://www.dsm5.org/Documents/Paraphilic Disorders Fact Sheet.pdf

In the upcoming fifth edition of the book, DSM-5, the Sexual and Gender Identity Disorders Work Group sought to draw a line between atypical human behavior and behavior that causes mental distress to a person or makes the person a serious threat to the psychological and physical well-being of other individuals...

Most people with atypical sexual interests do not have a mental disorder. To be diagnosed with a paraphilic disorder, DSM-5 requires that people with these interests:
• feel personal distress about their interest, not merely distress resulting from society’s disapproval;
or
• have a sexual desire or behavior that involves another person’s psychological distress, injury, or
death, or a desire for sexual behaviors involving unwilling persons or persons unable to give legal
consent.

If your partner is consenting, then you're fine. The fact that you might fantasise about nonconsensual play doesn't make you a predator any more than a game of cops and robbers makes somebody a criminal.

No harm, no foul.

 

[Jasonthed002]

Thank you for the thoughtful and informative responses. I find it interesting in the context of human behavior in general.

I agree wholeheartedly that one should not self diagnose mental illness. However, one should always take time and energy for inntrospection. It's the first step in self awareness and it is often the only opportunity to establish and apply moral judgement. Especially when dealing with personal, private thoughts and feelings. I have discussed this with my partner in the past and she isn't troubled by it. I am content with my morality, but I am occasionally fascinated by the nature of it and I have been reading to learn more.

Also, I have had this kink since I learned what my dick is for. I've had a long time to craft my judgment on what is acceptable and what is not. My kink is about willing domination. Be mine. Pour your soul into my hands and I will give you the time of your life. Ropes bore me. If you need ropes to be restrained, you are projecting an unwillingness to give yourself to me. A simple collar, a locking bracelet or a similar symbol of submission is more than enough. Enduring pain and punishment is erotic when you are free to move or resist but you choose to remain still. The mental kink is about trust and your willingness to expose you soul entirely to me.

 

[Cumference]

Recently a study was published, that concluded, that

A new study finds that practitioners of bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism, or BDSM, score better on a variety of personality and psychological measures than "vanilla" people who don't engage in unusual sex acts

http://www.livescience.com/34832-bdsm-healthy-psychology.html

(I have not read the original paper, and from the text in the link, it seems that there could be some self-selection bias. JoSH is a peer reviewed jounal)

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Diagnoses are pretty simple to make. Like, WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH THE TOUGH GET (fill in the blank). This is the basic form for adjustment disorders, so if the tough usually get depressed or violent or wasted or whatever you can make the right call.

If I wanna stab you thru your heart with my pen 15 minutes after you show up for an appointment youre certain to be a Borderline Personality Disorder. Contrary to conventional wisdom borderline doesn't refer to a fondness for Taco Bell, it means youre always psychotic and neurotic and some blend of both. Wanting to stab you is the key to the diagnosis. If I get an erection its a good bet youre a Histrionic Personality Disorder, they quite often remove their clothing or expose themselves to you then scream STOP LOOKING AT ME!