difference in sex drive

[CamMan22M]

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[Que]

Look up Athol Kaye. Read his blog, order his book. Get to work on you. I would give you the long version but so far everyone I have tried to help either simply continues doing what they are doing to no effect, or worse still become even more supplicant and even less attractive to their partner.

You have a lot to learn about what makes a man attractive to women. A lot of the traditional advice you might run into will make things worse.

Be nice if you were the exception that proved the rule and you actually heeded the advice and saved your marriage.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I'm 65. Wishin and hopin and plannin and schemin wont get you any pussy. Buying some will. Fuck the drugs and excuses and cold shoulder and guessin. She sits on her ass not some throne.

 

[SunDevilGirl]

I’d focus on making her feel better. Do you listen to her? Ask her what she needs from you. Tell her to think about it and write it down for you. Ask her if she’s happy. If she’s not, ask her what you can do to help. Maybe if she feels you are making an effort she will do the same.

 

[gr8one23]

I'm 65. Wishin and hopin and plannin and schemin wont get you any pussy. Buying some will. Fuck the drugs and excuses and cold shoulder and guessin. She sits on her ass not some throne.

Oh damn....just what the coroner ordered....a little bit of anger, with neglect & sarcasm.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I’d focus on making her feel better. Do you listen to her? Ask her what she needs from you. Tell her to think about it and write it down for you. Ask her if she’s happy. If she’s not, ask her what you can do to help. Maybe if she feels you are making an effort she will do the same.

Official Translation: Are you sure you kissed her ass enough?

 

[intriguess]

Help her feel worthwhile, attractive, suggest a shower together, pay attention to her. Depression is a real bitch, just hold her and touch her and be intimate without having sex as a goal. Which I know is going to be tough, read up on depression. Take a bigger interest in helping out with the kids, if all her energy is going into getting out of bed, looking normal, and faking it for the kids there might not be any left for her to think/feel/be sexy.

Talk to her

 

[gr8one23]

Official Translation: Are you sure you kissed her ass enough?

Or bought enough crap for her to shut up, and give it up?

 

[SunDevilGirl]

Official Translation: Are you sure you kissed her ass enough?

Does he want pussy or not?!

 

[Que]

I’d focus on making her feel better. Do you listen to her? Ask her what she needs from you. Tell her to think about it and write it down for you. Ask her if she’s happy. If she’s not, ask her what you can do to help. Maybe if she feels you are making an effort she will do the same.

Sorry, no.

Do none of that.

Bed Death is symptomatic of an obsequious man. He needs to do LESS of it not more.

She HAD a libido; she hasn't one now. His entire tone and the things he has tried are supplicant. Supplicant men are not sexy, period.

Well unless you are a Domme and I don't sense that is the case here.

What she needs from him I guarantee you she will not write down. What she needs from him is to be attractive. That only happens when he does things that are attractive.

Go mow the yard, change the oil...get a better haircut, reconsider your wardrobe, drop some weight, or gain some weight, Get rid of the facial hair, add some. Have a life that doesn't involve her.

There was a thread somewhere yesterday 7 sexy things men do that they don't know they are doing.

None of them were "be a doormat" or "beg for sex."

Also, quit sneaking around chatting up women. It lowers your self worth. Either man up and have an affair, or man up and try monk-like celibacy. In between is weak-sauce, and she no doubt senses it.

 

[Que]

Official Translation: Are you sure you kissed her ass enough?

Or bought enough crap for her to shut up, and give it up?

Though crassly put, this is truth. You are in a marriage. Sex is part of the bargain. It doesn't have to be repeatedly "earned" and doled out as a treat for good behavior. If it does, then there is no point to being in a monogamous relationship.

If she isn't interested in sex, for whatever reason, the LAST thing you should do is hand her your balls. Get out there get some manly hobbies. Do something to regain your own self-respect. If you do not respect yourself she will not either.

...and let me guess, she is addicted to romance novels and soap operas. She is depressed, but in addition she is disappointed because she hoped you would be the type of guy that would ravish her like Fabio and instead you beg. Which turns her off, which she knows is not part of the bargain she signed up for so she becomes resentful of you.

You want sex so you back off, do more chores, try to find the right time, walk on eggshells.

She wants a husband, not a eunuch. She just doesn't know that that is what the problem is. She just knows the cycle you guys are in is not sexy.

 

[SunDevilGirl]

Sorry, no.

Do none of that.

Bed Death is symptomatic of an obsequious man. He needs to do LESS of it not more.

She HAD a libido; she hasn't one now. His entire tone and the things he has tried are supplicant. Supplicant men are not sexy, period.

Well unless you are a Domme and I don't sense that is the case here.

What she needs from him I guarantee you she will not write down. What she needs from him is to be attractive. That only happens when he does things that are attractive.

Go mow the yard, change the oil...get a better haircut, reconsider your wardrobe, drop some weight, or gain some weight, Get rid of the facial hair, add some. Have a life that doesn't involve her.

There was a thread somewhere yesterday 7 sexy things men do that they don't know they are doing.

None of them were "be a doormat" or "beg for sex."

Also, quit sneaking around chatting up women. It lowers your self worth. Either man up and have an affair, or man up and try monk-like celibacy. In between is weak-sauce, and she no doubt senses it.

I don't care how attractive a man is. If he makes her feel lonely and he doesn't care about her happiness she'll never find him sexy.

So your advice is to have an affair? Awesome.

 

[Que]

I don't care how attractive a man is. If he makes her feel lonely and he doesn't care about her happiness she'll never find him sexy.

So your advice is to have an affair? Awesome.

No my advice is not to sneak around chatting to other women to fill the void.

His constant begging for sex and wanting to just be in her regal presence is HIM making HER lonely?

Really?

Him validating her, while his self esteem takes a hit is cruel? He should do MORE of that, and get different results?

At the moment he isn't a man capable of attracting the mother of his children, he couldn't possibly HAVE an affair. He needs to become a man that IS capable of attracting women, and hopefully the mother of his children before yet another marriage hits the skids.

It wont end well.

Her depression will lift when SHE has the affair.

Sex binds couples, bed death is the death knell of marriages.

 

[fire_breeze]

So, over the past two months my wife and I have had sex a total of once. We're both in our mid 30s, fit, attractive. Sex used to be good. But now it's existent. Whenever I try to get frisky she gets mad and brushes me off cold. It's embarrassing now to even try because I get shot down so often. She is on all sorts of meds for depression and says that is messing with her sex drive, but it was always like pulling teeth before she changed it. Yes we have kids off course and that doesn't help either.

I love my wife. And like I said she is sexy as hell. When we had dry spells before I would often end up just jacking off to her. But I'm starting to come to the realization our sex drives are polar opposites. She is a 1, I feel like I'm stuck at 11.

What do you do? I haven't cum in 3 or 4 weeks, a record, because all I want is sex. I'm sick of stroking off in the shower. I'm not going to go cheat either. Now, I'm on lit, so I've done my share of chatting but it's not the same. Is this normal? What should I do? She is not meeting my needs and I am dying to have them met. Even asking her to just watch me ends up with me being called a perv. We used to fantasize about sharing another girl together. Now I can't even get off in her presence. Suck.

There are a lot of inconsistencies in your posting history. For example, you state (in the bolded bit above) that you have kids, and yet you started two threads that your wife is incapable of conceiving; one was posted in 2013, the latest one in March of 2014:

I've had this idea in my after reading about a story in the news today and was wondering if there was a woman out there who might be interested in exploring it with me. Me and my wife are in our 30s and were recent told by our doctor she can't have children. She is crushed as she really wants a baby and now that is looking remote. We discussed it and paying for a surogate mother is more than we can afford but it seems it might be the only way. And she is desperate but doesnt trust somebody taking our baby. Thats where you come in mom. Its not a normal request but we'd like you to carry my baby for us. What we are asking is if you would let me try to impregnate you. We know you've always wanted grandchildren and we know we can trust you to be good to the baby. My wife is excitied because she will keep her body while your tummy and breasts grow and swell. She would like to be involved in the conception somehow but understands if you'd rather keep it between us, for as long as it takes for my seed to take. So what do you say mom? Will you let me breed with you? PM if interested, love to great what you have to say mom.

and from the same thread:

I just wanted to add the story I saw was about a grandmother who delivered her grandchildren for the third time. If you willing participated in our conception we would work around your ovulation schedule of course, but that means it could require multiple sessions until we get back a positive test. It will require a full commitment from a mom who understanding and ready to help.

But you have then again posted this:

My wife and I are desperate to have a baby but my wife can't conceive. We've talked it over and we agree there aren't many good options for us except a surrogate mother. But we can't afford to pay and don't trust a complete stranger to carry our child for us. But we trust our loving family so it's come to this. We are asking if either of our mothers or sisters would be willing to be breed by me and carry our baby for us? We would keep it respectful and help you out with all your needs through the pregnancy. My wife would like to be involved with the conception so she will have had a hand in making the baby. We know we are asking a lot and this is no normal request, but we think somebody in the family would be willing to step up to help us, we want a baby so bad. If any moms or sisters are interested please let us know.

Then you say that you are in your thirties

We're both in our mid 30s, fit, attractive. Sex used to be good

and yet you posted a number of times in the past year, and the example is pulled from posts made in May 2014, that you are in your twenties (both separate threads, but identical posts):

A young stud here in his late 20s with a deep love for mature women. Had a brief relationship with an older woman I met online while in college and find myself hungry for more contact with sexy confident women. 6'2, 190 lbs, short brown hair, green eyes, slightly athletic, no ink or piercings, light brown skin from being outside, white ass lol, well trimmed average sized cock with crazy stanima to go for hours and deliver multiple orgasms. Looking for a mature woman to chat to and see where things go. Horny all the time. Would love to be a lucky lady's boy toy and share mutual satisfaction. Eager learner as well and a quick study. Any women out there long for young cock? Don't be afraid to say hello.

Fine. That one was from the SRP but the one below is from the BDSM Personals:

A young stud here in his late 20s with a deep love for mature women. Had a brief relationship with an older woman I met online while in college and find myself hungry for more contact with sexy confident women. 6'2, 190 lbs, short brown hair, green eyes, slightly athletic, no ink or piercings, light brown skin from being outside, white ass lol, well trimmed average sized cock with crazy stanima to go for hours and deliver multiple orgasms. Looking for a mature woman to chat to and see where things go. Horny all the time. Would love to be a lucky lady's boy toy and share mutual satisfaction. Eager learner as well and a quick study. Any women out there long for young cock? Don't be afraid to say hello.

Now, putting all these inconsistencies aside - do you or do you not have children, and are you in your twenties or in your thirties - I would also like to point out one other salient fact:

She is on all sorts of meds for depression and says that is messing with her sex drive, but it was always like pulling teeth before she changed it.

Your wife has depression. She is on medication. Most anti-depressants kill your libido. Period.

Carry on. Just decided to indulge in my nerdy side.

 

[unregistered]

 

[Cathleen]

The jerk doesn't know seem to know his name, age or marital status.

 

[Cathleen]

Fire breeze, I heart your nerdy side.

I should have looked. Thanks FB.

 

[Que]

I generally take the position that even the question of a troll might have an answer that helps someone else.

For some reason though, this one bugs me.

 

[Cathleen]

I generally take the position that even the question of a troll might have an answer that helps someone else.

For some reason though, this one bugs me.

I feel the same but this time I decided to delete my post info.

 

[Que]

I feel the same but this time I decided to delete my post info.

I decided to leave mine. Wouldn't want the ever-lovely SunDevilGirl to think I was being quarrelsome with her.

I suspect that this post, ironically, is closest to the truth he might have told.

 

[Joshua65]

Assuming that his story is legit, I'll say this; I know from first hand experience that depression and the meds used to treat it will absolutely NUKE a libido. Before I got my meds figured out my wife and I were having sex only a few times a year. It almost cost me a marriage.

There are anti-depression drugs that don't affect the libido. She should talk to her doctor about the issue, and you should do everything you can to take as much of the domestic pressure off of her as you can. That will go a long way.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Though crassly put, this is truth. You are in a marriage. Sex is part of the bargain. It doesn't have to be repeatedly "earned" and doled out as a treat for good behavior. If it does, then there is no point to being in a monogamous relationship.

If she isn't interested in sex, for whatever reason, the LAST thing you should do is hand her your balls. Get out there get some manly hobbies. Do something to regain your own self-respect. If you do not respect yourself she will not either.

...and let me guess, she is addicted to romance novels and soap operas. She is depressed, but in addition she is disappointed because she hoped you would be the type of guy that would ravish her like Fabio and instead you beg. Which turns her off, which she knows is not part of the bargain she signed up for so she becomes resentful of you.

You want sex so you back off, do more chores, try to find the right time, walk on eggshells.

She wants a husband, not a eunuch. She just doesn't know that that is what the problem is. She just knows the cycle you guys are in is not sexy.

I spent 8 years learning to do psychotherapy but decades of work convinced me raising kids, dogs, and veggies teach you all you need to know to heal hearts and minds. There's nuthin mystical about it. Simply create an optimal environment with optimal resources and some right-thinking about what purpose life serves.

People are infallible, of course, and shit happens. And when shit happens you study it, learn from it, and progress. Animals, including humans, are creatures of habit and constant natural processes. Wanna be thin and fit? Hunt rabbits and squirrels before every meal.

 

[CamMan22M]

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[unregistered]

 

[CamMan22M]

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