In love with my dom

[Dontsetmefree]

This is my first time posting here. I just need someone to talk to and maybe get some advice regarding my current situation.

I'm submissive. Recently, I met my dom from a social chatting app. We started out as friends and we get along really well. One day I confided in him that I enjoy being dominated. And from there onwards, we begin a dom/sub relationship. I feel that we connect really well, and he certainly knows how to make me submit to him. I really really enjoy this relationship with him.

The other day, he commanded me, to have sex with another man and send him a video. I was reluctant but I did it anyway just to make him happy. After that I just felt really disgusted at myself and realised that I didn't want anyone else to touch me except my dom. I'm becoming really attached to my dom and I think I might be in love with him.

However, all he wants is just a dom/sub relationship and nothing more. He does not want to commit nor have any strings attached to me. He sees me as his personal pleasure and nothing more. And he did tell me to not fall in love with him but it's a little too late now. He's gotten me wrapped around his finger. I yearn for his love and approval so much that I'm willing to do anything for him.

It hurts badly when I know he doesn't love me back.
It scares me even more when I know that one day, he will just set me free.
I really don't want to lose him.
So I pretend that I'm okay with him seeing other women while I wait for him to call.

Is it wrong to fall in love with my master?

 

[AKS]

This is my first time posting here. I just need someone to talk to and maybe get some advice regarding my current situation.

I'm submissive. Recently, I met my dom from a social chatting app. We started out as friends and we get along really well. One day I confided in him that I enjoy being dominated. And from there onwards, we begin a dom/sub relationship. I feel that we connect really well, and he certainly knows how to make me submit to him. I really really enjoy this relationship with him.

The other day, he commanded me, to have sex with another man and send him a video. I was reluctant but I did it anyway just to make him happy. After that I just felt really disgusted at myself and realised that I didn't want anyone else to touch me except my dom. I'm becoming really attached to my dom and I think I might be in love with him.

However, all he wants is just a dom/sub relationship and nothing more. He does not want to commit nor have any strings attached to me. He sees me as his personal pleasure and nothing more. And he did tell me to not fall in love with him but it's a little too late now. He's gotten me wrapped around his finger. I yearn for his love and approval so much that I'm willing to do anything for him.

It hurts badly when I know he doesn't love me back.
It scares me even more when I know that one day, he will just set me free.
I really don't want to lose him.
So I pretend that I'm okay with him seeing other women while I wait for him to call.

Is it wrong to fall in love with my master?

it is wrong for ANY ONE to demand you have sex with anyone you don't want... as for falling in love with Don? He is sounding like an ass and I am unsure why you would want to.

 

[Primalex]

Is it wrong to fall in love with my master?

It's a bad idea.


But you've figured this one out already.


You can choose between a long, miserable life or a short, but very painful, immediate end. Due to his upfront information how he sees the relationship, you should bury any hope that his mind will change. Sorry.

 

[Dontsetmefree]

It is just really confusing for me. I've never met someone as compelling as him or as sexually compatible. He clearly stated before we started the relationship that there will be no strings attached and it will be just for the fun.

And yes he did demand me to have sex with someone else. He did not force me. I willingly did it because I wanted to see him happy. I could have said no and refused but I didn't so it was technically my own fault.

I don't know. It's just really confusing. Sigh.

 

[MeekMe]

It isn't wrong for you to fall in love with this person. However, you're hurting yourself by continuing in this way. You should have a talk with him and find out how he feels about it. Unfortunately, if he wants you to sleep with other men and you don't want to do that, there's a problem of compatibility. This person may not be able to give you what you need. If he's not a monogamous kind of person, trying to fit him into that role will just hurt both of you. The same way he likes to be with multiple people, trying to fit you into that role has only hurt you.

Think about it in the long run. Where do you see this going?

 

[unregistered]

 

[midwestyankee]

So, you found a couch that you thought was the bestest, most beautiful couch in the world. But when you got it home, you realized that it didn't fit with your other furniture, was too big for the available space, and felt lumpy when you tried to settle in for a night of watching Big Bang Theory reruns.

Time to return it and go to another furniture store. Stuff happens, no matter how much you think you like something in the store.

 

[Riles]

This is my first time posting here. I just need someone to talk to and maybe get some advice regarding my current situation.

I'm submissive. Recently, I met my dom from a social chatting app. We started out as friends and we get along really well. One day I confided in him that I enjoy being dominated. And from there onwards, we begin a dom/sub relationship. I feel that we connect really well, and he certainly knows how to make me submit to him. I really really enjoy this relationship with him.

The other day, he commanded me, to have sex with another man and send him a video. I was reluctant but I did it anyway just to make him happy. After that I just felt really disgusted at myself and realised that I didn't want anyone else to touch me except my dom. I'm becoming really attached to my dom and I think I might be in love with him.

However, all he wants is just a dom/sub relationship and nothing more. He does not want to commit nor have any strings attached to me. He sees me as his personal pleasure and nothing more. And he did tell me to not fall in love with him but it's a little too late now. He's gotten me wrapped around his finger. I yearn for his love and approval so much that I'm willing to do anything for him.

It hurts badly when I know he doesn't love me back.
It scares me even more when I know that one day, he will just set me free.
I really don't want to lose him.
So I pretend that I'm okay with him seeing other women while I wait for him to call.

Is it wrong to fall in love with my master?

What about him do you love?

The "connection" shared during playtime together can (sometimes) be easily replaced I have discovered. If your emotions are based off of those euphoric high and not time that has zero to do with sex, I would think reevaluation of your feelings, reality of situation and sustainability of relationship is in order.

 

[IrisAlthea]

It is just really confusing for me. I've never met someone as compelling as him or as sexually compatible. He clearly stated before we started the relationship that there will be no strings attached and it will be just for the fun.

And yes he did demand me to have sex with someone else. He did not force me. I willingly did it because I wanted to see him happy. I could have said no and refused but I didn't so it was technically my own fault.

I don't know. It's just really confusing. Sigh.

It's probably not going to be that fun for you.
I'm of the "rip the band aid off" school of thought myself, but not everyone is.

You might want to think about what makes him so attractive to you. Sometimes the fact that someone isn't avaliable is a big factor.

 

[Dontsetmefree]

Thank you all for the opinions, suggestions and advice. Seems like I've been highlighting his bad side more than his good. So let me explain why I'm having strong feelings for him to the point that I might see him as the one.

I enjoy being with him even when we are not having sex. He is a good companion, a great listener and is honest with me. When I was down, he was the one who came over and tried to cheer me up. At first, I pushed him away, because we agreed on the 'do not fall in love' part so I never really wanted to involve him with the stuff in my life. I didn't want to get in too deep with the relationship.

But the more time we spent together, the more I open up to him. We share the same interests and we both have similar dreams. I have never felt so connected to a person in my life. And before I knew it, I started developing these feelings. Whenever I try to bring this up, he sorts of sense it and tone it down by reminding me that I shouldn't get too involved with him.

Sometimes I feel that he really cares for me. But not to the point that he loves me. I really want to know if he will be sad if I take the step and walk away. But again, I'm afraid to make that move, because right now, I still don't want to lose him. Although, eventually... I would probably have to 'rip the band aid off'.

But I'm still hoping.

Silly isn't it? XD

 

[MeekMe]

Thank you all for the opinions, suggestions and advice. Seems like I've been highlighting his bad side more than his good. So let me explain why I'm having strong feelings for him to the point that I might see him as the one.

I enjoy being with him even when we are not having sex. He is a good companion, a great listener and is honest with me. When I was down, he was the one who came over and tried to cheer me up. At first, I pushed him away, because we agreed on the 'do not fall in love' part so I never really wanted to involve him with the stuff in my life. I didn't want to get in too deep with the relationship.

But the more time we spent together, the more I open up to him. We share the same interests and we both have similar dreams. I have never felt so connected to a person in my life. And before I knew it, I started developing these feelings. Whenever I try to bring this up, he sorts of sense it and tone it down by reminding me that I shouldn't get too involved with him.

Sometimes I feel that he really cares for me. But not to the point that he loves me. I really want to know if he will be sad if I take the step and walk away. But again, I'm afraid to make that move, because right now, I still don't want to lose him. Although, eventually... I would probably have to 'rip the band aid off'.

But I'm still hoping.

Silly isn't it? XD

It isn't silly. Is this your first D/s type relationship? If so, maybe this also has a bit to do with 'sub frenzy.' It's new and exciting and something you've never felt before. He does something that you haven't experienced elsewhere and it feels like the best thing in the world and you'll never get it again if you leave. Could it be that?

I'm sure he's a good guy on some level, but again, isn't there a lack of compatibility? Could you be happy in the long run? Would you just grow to resent him for not being on the same page as you? It seems that talking about it with him is something you won't have a chance at.

He could turn out to be a better friend than lover. Perhaps there's room for that, while you pursue a loving relationship elsewhere. Food for thought. I hope you can sort things out as pleasantly as possible.

 

[wicked woman]

I give the guy credit for being honest up front about what he was offering and what he wasn't.

I don't see this so much as him being a bad guy as I do incompatibility with your letting your emotions get out of whack with the agreed upon terms of the relationship and a lot of wishful thinking.

Sure you can talk to him and see if his thoughts and feelings about your relationship have changed, but be prepared to hear 'no'. Then you get to decide if you're prepared to stay in a relationship that doesn't meet your needs or leave and try to find one that does. Simple really. Maybe not easy but it is that simple.

 

[Primalex]

The other day, he commanded me, to have sex with another man and send him a video. I was reluctant but I did it anyway just to make him happy.

Of course, from a certain point of view, that is rather adorable.

 

[unregistered]

 

[sa_van_ah]

Hi
Such great advice here and said with so much care. From what you say I think that maybe you were really looking for a forever relationship rather than a Dom/sub one, although that has been part of it. As painful as it is, you can't make someone love/want you and that hurts so much. A Dom/sub relationship can be like a dance partnership, you come together, you have a common interest, you work to achieve growth in both your lives, you get on, good friends but it's not necessarily permanent as both grow and change and one person falling in love may ruin it as it takes it into a totally different realm. You are hurt now but the longer you stay the worse that will become. Only you can make the decision when you have had enough. We all understand heat break and will be thinking of you as you work this through.

 

[Dontsetmefree]

It isn't silly. Is this your first D/s type relationship? If so, maybe this also has a bit to do with 'sub frenzy.' It's new and exciting and something you've never felt before. He does something that you haven't experienced elsewhere and it feels like the best thing in the world and you'll never get it again if you leave. Could it be that?

I'm sure he's a good guy on some level, but again, isn't there a lack of compatibility? Could you be happy in the long run? Would you just grow to resent him for not being on the same page as you? It seems that talking about it with him is something you won't have a chance at.

He could turn out to be a better friend than lover. Perhaps there's room for that, while you pursue a loving relationship elsewhere. Food for thought. I hope you can sort things out as pleasantly as possible.

This isn't my first D/s relationship but it is definitely the first one that I felt a serious connection. Yes, he makes things exciting and it really does feel amazing when I'm with him. Maybe I'm in that 'sub frenzy' mode. Idk.

Thinking rationally, I know it myself that this relationship probably wouldn't last since whatever he is seeking isn't me. (Unless i somehow managed to seduce him and make him fall in love with me hahaha - wishful thinking). He did mention that if we ever stopped this d/s relationship, we could always be friends. But honestly I think if we stopped, things will probably get weird and instead of being friends, I might lose a friend.

 

[Dontsetmefree]

Maybe I was to harsh, maybe I spoke to soon; again, wouldn't be the first time.
By your own account, he did make it clear that there was no long term interest on his part.
What do you know about him beyond the persona he displays on line?
Did you ever suggest and interest in the sex with others game he had you play?
Did you ever consider the use of your safe word?
Have the two of you established a safe word?
Has he talked to you about your hard limits? Does he think you're entitled to them?

Ah, we have already taken our relationship offline. I've met him and knows quite a bit about him but again, you can never truly know a person. When we are not having sex, we actually do those 'couple stuff' like go on dinner dates/movie dates/cuddle/online gaming etc which probably confused my feelings. He does not treat me as a slave, every session with him, I do have a say in the plans. He does not force me to anything I don't wanna do although he will coax me and try to persuade me to do it. But in the end, I get to make the decision myself. And even if I say no, he won't get mad at me and we'll just move on to something else. We don't have a safe word.... yet... since we haven't done anything too extreme but I should probably discuss this with him. Hehe

 

[Dontsetmefree]

Once again, thank you all. The community here is really nice and helpful. I will probably stick around this forum for awhile. For now, I think I'll just remain being his sub and see what happens. But I will try not to delude myself into thinking that he might love me back.

 

[MeekMe]

I've been in a situation where I realized the relationship wasn't going anywhere. He had been my best friend, and originally I didn't date him because I didn't want to lose a friend. Well, we dated eventually and just as I feared things went south. I knew he wouldn't end it, and I could see it just wasn't working. I worried, I didn't have many friends and I knew he and I would be weird. I made up my mind and did it.

He told me to go choke on a razor blade. He was upset, and I was down on the number of friends I had. Despite the crappy ending and the razor blade comment, we did eventually talk again. It's not too weird, but we won't be the same kind of friends ever.

I'm married now and in a great relationship. I have more friends than ever and things are pretty awesome.

It's a shitty situation to be in. Sometimes we have to make a decision and hope for the best. In my case, it worked out very well for me despite the period of sadness that followed. You are responsible for your own happiness. Do what is going to be best for you.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Once again, thank you all. The community here is really nice and helpful. I will probably stick around this forum for awhile. For now, I think I'll just remain being his sub and see what happens. But I will try not to delude myself into thinking that he might love me back.

Yes, do stick around here.

I don't think every relationship has to be forever to be worth it and we don't always have to love each other just as much or the same way (do we ever?).
The key is in your last sentence I think, both to stay friends instead and to stay in the relationship without the pain and sorrow in your first post.
It's not an easy thing to do though.

This isn't my first D/s relationship but it is definitely the first one that I felt a serious connection. Yes, he makes things exciting and it really does feel amazing when I'm with him. Maybe I'm in that 'sub frenzy' mode. Idk.

Thinking rationally, I know it myself that this relationship probably wouldn't last since whatever he is seeking isn't me. (Unless i somehow managed to seduce him and make him fall in love with me hahaha - wishful thinking). He did mention that if we ever stopped this d/s relationship, we could always be friends. But honestly I think if we stopped, things will probably get weird and instead of being friends, I might lose a friend.

The bolded sentence is what makes it so hard and so painful, because that is the antithesis of "look at what a great thing we have right here and right now, let's enjoy while it lasts".

The "if only I was x enough, he'd love me madly forever" is what can make it so painful and horrible on the self esteem.

 

[skindiver84]

I had a kind of situation like this before but from the outher side.

I had a sub before who fell in love with me. She was a lovely girl and when we got together we agreed it was well just business. But yiu cant help your feelings can you I liked her and she was special to me but I did not love her. I kept telling her this and she said she could live with it.

As time went on she started going out with someone and they where engaged to get married, I should say hear during our time together we did lots but never had sex, but on the night wedding before the wedding she was ringing me telling me it was ment to be me. I explained to her that if ahe wanted to make me happy then get married and be happy. After she was married I broke it off and cold turkey her. It may sound harsh but I knew it was in her best intrest and I was right last time I so her she had a beautiful daughter and was happy. We had coffee and chatted and she thanked me for doing what I did, what she could not, the funny tbing is I think I did kind of love her. But I was not the right guy for hear and in the end if you love someone you think unselfishly so thats why I had to let her go.

Dont know if this helps.

 

[Netzach]

In an A or B world there's always a C.

He's not going to nurture your romantic life. It's hard to accept that, but it's easier to accept if you are taking steps to nurture your romantic life with someone else - if you can truly accept him as he is today and not as you wish he was, you can move on and start your own searching.

You could C. find someone who is OK with open relationships and isn't so into kink, and honestly doesn't care if you get those needs met elsewhere. Then your Dom is to you what you are to him. Your current Dom should be relieved that you are taking care of yourself in this way, if he's not, something's not passing the smell test of "it's purely about the D/s and I'm just not into you in that way..."

Don't assume you're that replaceable as a good submissive in your Dom's life either - he may find someone who's great in all kinds of ways...but nowhere near as good as you are at filling that role.

It's a lot to live with, and you may not have this kind of thing in you, but there are paths other than the obvious. This one is pretty rigorous, but it could be right.

 

[subwannabe]

Wow. It's hard to top all of the great advice already given here. I do want to point out though that in a way, you were forced to do things you really didn't want to do, even if you feel like the final decision was yours. Kind of reminds me of a girl I knew once who was abused by her boyfriend. He would beat the crap out of her for simple things like breaking a dish while doing the dishes and her thoughts on the subject were, "If I hadn't broken that dish then he wouldn't have beat me up" - kind of like she deserved it. Of course that is a major overcomparison to your case but that brings me back to my original thought - in a way you were forced to do something you really didn't want to do. It also kind of reminds me of when a man kidnaps a woman and after a while she learns to accept that this is her new life and adjusts to it. O.K. another overcomparison. For your own piece of mind you will eventually have to woman up and tell him that it is either all or nothing and stick to your decision.

 

[Primalex]

in a way you were forced to do something you really didn't want to do

In a way that is the most stupid thing I've read here in awhile, not just from the content, but already from the raping of language to get a wrong point across.

If you choose to go to work to earn money, then you are not "in a way forced" to go to work, not even when you need the money. You make the deliberate choice to go to work, as you've weighted the advantages and disadvantages and came to the conclusion that the advantages are more important. That's how adults make decisions if they don't want to flip a coin.

You can't take an action that actually excludes "being forced" and then try to apply the term "being forced" nevertheless by adding the vacuous constraint "in a way".

In a way you forced me to write this reply. So I'm totally not guilty of my actions or words, you are!

 

[IrisAlthea]

In a way that is the most stupid thing I've read here in awhile, not just from the content, but already from the raping of language to get a wrong point across.

If you choose to go to work to earn money, then you are not "in a way forced" to go to work, not even when you need the money. You make the deliberate choice to go to work, as you've weighted the advantages and disadvantages and came to the conclusion that the advantages are more important. That's how adults make decisions if they don't want to flip a coin.

You can't take an action that actually excludes "being forced" and then try to apply the term "being forced" nevertheless by applying the vacuous constraint "in a way".

In a way you forced me to write this reply. So I'm totally not guilty of my actions or words, you are!

This.