Curious one.

[dee_f]

I've been recently have interest in bondage and submission. I've known it for quite a while, and honestly its from a fanfiction called Master Of The Universe aka Fifty Shades of Grey. Since then i've read loads of bdsm theme novels. Almost all of them requires sexual intercourse. My question, is it possible to have a this relationship without sexual intercourse?

 

[Primalex]

I've been recently have interest in bondage and submission. I've known it for quite a while, and honestly its from a fanfiction called Master Of The Universe aka Fifty Shades of Grey. Since then i've read loads of bdsm theme novels. Almost all of them requires sexual intercourse. My question, is it possible to have a this relationship without sexual intercourse?

Sure.

For example, I never had sex with guys I topped - I'm hetero.

 

[dee_f]

Ah. Okay. Thanks.

 

[Scrivener_]

It's absolutely possible - it's certainly possible to have a vanilla relationship with someone without sexual intercourse. Sexual fulfillment might be involved in some way, unless the person/people involved in the relationship is asexual, but that's another matter entirely. But as far as penis-in-vagina sex, or vulva-to-vulva sex, or whatever kind of genitalia floats your particular boat? There are no rules.

 

[KoPilot]

honestly its from a fanfiction called Master Of The Universe aka Fifty Shades of Grey

Everything you learned from that thing? Yeah, unlearn it.

Read stories written by people who actually do kink, read some non-fiction books about kink (I haven't read any but the ones I see get recommended a lot are 'Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns', 'The Topping Book', 'The Bottoming Book', and some others), read some stuff from the Library here and maybe join Fetlife if you want too.

I personally don't care for penetrative sex, or really stimulation much at all. I love giving oral, but that's about it as far as my participation in erotic stuff goes that I actively enjoy. The rest for me is psychodramatics and masochism.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I've been recently have interest in bondage and submission. I've known it for quite a while, and honestly its from a fanfiction called Master Of The Universe aka Fifty Shades of Grey. Since then i've read loads of bdsm theme novels. Almost all of them requires sexual intercourse. My question, is it possible to have a this relationship without sexual intercourse?

Sure. If you want to be spanked/whatever without sex, you are not going to get the BDSM Police showing up at your place to tell you Ur Doin It Wrong. I get the impression no-intercourse BDSM is reasonably common, although I doubt anybody's ever collected reliable stats on that. In many places professional dommes advertise BDSM as a non-sexual service to avoid running into trouble with laws on sex work.

Seconding KoPilot: 50SoG is not well regarded among those who do RL BDSM. There are several reasons for that but one of the main ones is that it's really messed up about how it handles consent; Christian is basically an abusive stalker who doesn't respect Ana's boundaries. See e.g. Chapter 10 of Pervocracy's critique, which talks about why his behaviour is so problematic.

 

[Stella_Omega]

For most of us, "Submission" means "having a mindreading partner who does to me exactly what I want, at the exact moment I want it, without me ever having to ask, and even sometimes I can beg NOT to but he will do it anyway just like I really wanted..." Like in all of those novels.

And you know-- that's fine thing to want. But you won't get it via submission, because a dominant person does exactly what they want-- might not be what you want.

There's an essay linked in my signature, which expands on this notion

 

[dee_f]

Everything you learned from that thing? Yeah, unlearn it.

Read stories written by people who actually do kink, read some non-fiction books about kink (I haven't read any but the ones I see get recommended a lot are 'Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns', 'The Topping Book', 'The Bottoming Book', and some others), read some stuff from the Library here and maybe join Fetlife if you want too.

I personally don't care for penetrative sex, or really stimulation much at all. I love giving oral, but that's about it as far as my participation in erotic stuff goes that I actively enjoy. The rest for me is psychodramatics and masochism.

I will search for the books. Thanks.

In my parts, i do care about penetrative sex, and oral but not just yet. and in my case i really, really need to learn more about D/s terminology.

 

[StrayKat]

For most of us, "Submission" means "having a mindreading partner who does to me exactly what I want, at the exact moment I want it, without me ever having to ask, and even sometimes I can beg NOT to but he will do it anyway just like I really wanted..." Like in all of those novels.

I used to laugh at such notions all my adult life.
Only just recently I found out it may be a rare unicorn but it actually can happen...

 

[dee_f]

Sure. If you want to be spanked/whatever without sex, you are not going to get the BDSM Police showing up at your place to tell you Ur Doin It Wrong. I get the impression no-intercourse BDSM is reasonably common, although I doubt anybody's ever collected reliable stats on that. In many places professional dommes advertise BDSM as a non-sexual service to avoid running into trouble with laws on sex work.

Seconding KoPilot: 50SoG is not well regarded among those who do RL BDSM. There are several reasons for that but one of the main ones is that it's really messed up about how it handles consent; Christian is basically an abusive stalker who doesn't respect Ana's boundaries. See e.g. Chapter 10 of Pervocracy's critique, which talks about why his behaviour is so problematic.

BDSM police. Haha.. my resources (novels mostly) about BDSM are very limited since i am new. What peek my interest in BDSM in the first place is 50shades of grey. From what i've read here, i can conclude that most of lit users think Christian Grey did it all wrong.
Honestly, with the current place im living, BDSM is new, and i must say its taboo to most people. So its not easy to find someone who are reliable and i can trust.

 

[dee_f]

For most of us, "Submission" means "having a mindreading partner who does to me exactly what I want, at the exact moment I want it, without me ever having to ask, and even sometimes I can beg NOT to but he will do it anyway just like I really wanted..." Like in all of those novels.

And you know-- that's fine thing to want. But you won't get it via submission, because a dominant person does exactly what they want-- might not be what you want.

There's an essay linked in my signature, which expands on this notion

Hey, thanls for the Essay. Really helps.

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

I will search for the books. Thanks.

In my parts, i do care about penetrative sex, and oral but not just yet. and in my case i really, really need to learn more about D/s terminology.

I am a big fan of curiosity and using it to learn all sorts of life stuff. My warmest wishes and best of luck to you on your journey. I remember the intoxication of finally finding words that framed things in my life I had no language for.... Then I mostly collapsed under the weight of disappointment of trying to use these words in conversations with folks and slamming into such a wide range of interpretations of these labels that I felt more lost and frustrated than when I started.

For me the terminology helps in the way that it allows community in thoughts like "yeah, the grass is green", but keep in mind that debate tends to divide people when the same community reaches for the crayon boxes and paper to draw the grass.

My only advice is to let your grass be as green as you want it to be and eventually you will find the connections that smile and nod at your drawing and say, "what pretty green grass that is."