FAWC 5: Line, Please!

[FAWCker]

Might as well own up to having written “Knife, Book, and Hankie,”

I always like hearing how and why an author wrote a story. Having already known you wrote it, of course, I wasn't surprised by the callousness of your main character. That it was inspired by the Ted Kennedy scandal is interesting; I've had issues and stories in the news inspire me before as well.

Don't feel bad about TTT's critique on your misspellings. I got it, too (and deservedly so).

I did like Knife, Book, and Hanky. The title alone told me it was a detective story, and the rest of it didn't disappoint.

(And yes, that's not a critique, but I haven't the time to really flesh one out right now. But I did give an in-depth look at your Lorelei's Call several pages back)

 

[AMoveableBeast]

I'm really surprised by you writing "The True Oracle", slyc. I'd like to think I know your style, and I didn't see that one. I think I got six right. Not great. Looking back I can definitely see pilot in "LC" (Sorry, I had to make that joke). MST is another one of my favorites and I missed "Inspiration and Desperation" though, I can see it know. I would have bet a finger on Heirlooms, however. Very interesting.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

No it isn't. JBJ can be considered a critic. But he has never ever provided a critique that I've seen. You can do a one-liner and be a critic. You can't have provided a critique with one line. That's all JBJ does. And he doesn't need even to read the story to do so.

Who you trying to fool with the French equivalent of critic. That's like submitting McDonalds and MickeyD are different. You old fraud.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Good God! Lynn has a dangling participle in the first paragraph. If I see it why didn't she?

TTT musta been too busy to edit Lynn and PL.

 

[drteetho]

And there's a good reason for that, I think (neither did most everyone else). Literotica blatantly doesn't serve the bisexual preference.

In that vein, I forgot to ask a question on mine.

Where do those who read it think it should be categorized to Literotica? Left just where it is? (Don't say GM, please, or I'll just scream in frustration at Literotica's categorizations).

You could make an argument for Group, based on the last scene. Can't remember off the top if there were any other three-or-more-somes besides that one.

Otherwise, if you don't want it in GM then I guess leaving it in Chain Stories is probably your best bet.

 

[patientlee]

I tanked on this one. Writing and guessing.

I will confess. Sci fi and fantasy got skimmed. Not a lover of either of those.

There were a lot of stories I liked, but the ones that I loved were A Mile, Bluetooth, roses and Thorns, Midnight Ball, and Inspiration and Desperation.

Fun one, Slyc.

While we're waiting on the trophy, I figure I'll go ahead and reveal the authors and their stories. Much gasping and hilarity will ensue.

A Craving for Brandy: _Lynn_
Account for a Bullet: stlgoddessfreya
A Mile: AMoveableBeast
Arranged Marriages: patientlee
Bluetooth: stlgoddessfreya
Cooking It Up: Sabb
Desperate Times, Desperate Measures: Tx Tall Tales
Empires of the Stars: PennLady
Escape: Seanathon
Heirlooms of a Wicked Time: MSTarot
Inspiration and Desperation: MSTarot
Invasion of the Orcs: Jagfarlane
It's Danielle's Birthday!: drteetho
Kay Submits to Bob: Swilly
Knife, Book, and Hanky: sr71plt
Lorelei's Call: sr71plt
Mesmerized: Sheablue
Mystery Night: Saxon_Hart
Of Roses and Thorns: SecondCircle
Reunion: Blind_Justice
The Games She Plays: xelliebabex
The Midnight Ball: TamLin
The Sex Manual: Aynmair
The True Oracle: slyc_willie
Transitions: Jomar

I also want to issue a public apology to Aynmair. I had submitted an edit for her story with the HTML corrections, but it did not seem to go through. I don't know what happened. But as the organizer for FAWC, I want to apologize for her story remaining the way it was when it should have been fixed.

So, now that everyone is outed . . . .

 

[FAWCker]

I'm really surprised by you writing "The True Oracle", slyc. I'd like to think I know your style, and I didn't see that one. I think I got six right. Not great. Looking back I can definitely see pilot in "LC" (Sorry, I had to make that joke). MST is another one of my favorites and I missed "Inspiration and Desperation" though, I can see it know. I would have bet a finger on Heirlooms, however. Very interesting.

When I originally wrote the story, it was called End of the Journey and was pretty much Gavin meeting Adastriana as he neared the end of his quest, bartering for sex as her payment to travel with him to "the city of the Oracle." They then arrived to see the Oracle, and it was revealed that the handkerchief was actually a silk wedding tie, the book was a mystical tome listing the future date of their marriage, and the knife was used to prick their fingers and seal their marriage in blood. All in all, the original story was about 2 Lit pages long.

But then I started dwelling on it and more and more ideas kept coming to me. So I went back and added more to it, keeping the original just in case I didn't finish the new version in time. But I did, pretty much at the last minute, and the result was The True Oracle.

 

[FAWCker]

And the winner is . . . .

Congratulations, Tx Tall Tales! Excellent story.

 

[PennLady]

And there's a good reason for that, I think (neither did most everyone else). Literotica blatantly doesn't serve the bisexual preference.

In that vein, I forgot to ask a question on mine.

Where do those who read it think it should be categorized to Literotica? Left just where it is? (Don't say GM, please, or I'll just scream in frustration at Literotica's categorizations).

I actually left the anon comment that mentioned Carl Hiaasen (sorry, misspelled it in the comment). Next time I'll use my user name, but I don't know why, I had it in my head it might have been fairer not to put my name out there.

Hiaasen is a writer based in the Miami area, and he's written a lot of stuff that is humorous but not straight up funny, and like I said, I got a similar vibe from "Knife, Book, Hankie," but not quite the same. And I didn't mean it should have been like Hiaasen's stuff. It was just I felt it got close to a point and didn't get there, and might have been better if it had.

As for categories, I'm not sure. Maybe Novels and Novellas? or Anal, there was certainly plenty of that to go around. Or, it's probably not typical of EC, but I don't see why it couldn't go there as well.

 

[patientlee]

And the winner is . . . .

Congratulations, Tx Tall Tales! Excellent story.

Woo hoo! Two time FAWC Winner! Congrats!

 

[Swilly]

And the winner is . . . .

Congratulations, Tx Tall Tales! Excellent story.

Congrats on the W!

 

[slyc_willie]

Just want to repost my critiques in case anyone missed them. I didn't get to critique all of the stories, but I did pretty much read every one.

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=57858951&postcount=773

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=57859923&postcount=775

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=57869431&postcount=781

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=57870235&postcount=782

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=57873039&postcount=785

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=57884223&postcount=800

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=57895523&postcount=821

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=57897111&postcount=822

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=57904831&postcount=826

 

[stlgoddessfreya]

And the winner is . . . .

Congratulations, Tx Tall Tales! Excellent story.

Good show! Congratulations!

 

[Swilly]

And there's a good reason for that, I think (neither did most everyone else). Literotica blatantly doesn't serve the bisexual preference.

In that vein, I forgot to ask a question on mine.

Where do those who read it think it should be categorized to Literotica? Left just where it is? (Don't say GM, please, or I'll just scream in frustration at Literotica's categorizations).

Maybe it didn't get read by everyone because it was longer than two pages. Many people make a point of not reading those and let everyone know it.

Just a possibility.

 

[AMoveableBeast]

I actually wrote two stories for this prompt, but the other one, the better on in my mind, just kept getting longer and I couldn't get the sonsofbitches to stop talking. It's lighter (at least for me) and has a heavy dose of exhibition in it. I'm hoping to get it in for the Nude Day competition. So if you haven't gotten your fill of knives, and hankies, and books, look for it...hopefully.

As far as "A Mile" is concerned, it was a very experimental story, an exercise in creeping into the mind of someone who was very different than I--one of my favorite things in writing. I actually started working on it before I knew which of the three prompts slyc was going to select, and it, with just the slightest bit of tempering, would have worked for the "unnamed protagonist" challenge as well.

I'm surprised by how well it did in the ratings. It kept the red H almost the whole time, and fared well against a number of really great stories. Better than I expected. Far better. It's not an easy story to like. I'm still not sure what category it is. I'd love some help on that.

I wanted something ambitious and dichotomous that kind of slung the reader around a little bit, made you feel things you didn't like. I probably should have squeezed my words a little bit, some paragraphs are a little long and wordy, and as PL noticed, I had a little bit of a boo-boo in there where I changed something at the last minute and forgot to adjust the story accordingly. Bad ju-ju, right there. I mildly wanted to punch myself in the face when I noticed it.

I almost didn't submit at all because, as I stated in my own (very truthful) comment on it, I'm not sure it works on an erotic site. It's not erotic really, though there is some romance, I hope. And the ending gave me fits. I had two others written out, and, in the end, went with a third. It was either really good, or garbage, and I couldn't tell which. Still can't, though some seemed to like it.

I find it very interesting that people thought slyc wrote it, as I have an affinity for his writing, particularly his dark stuff. I took it as a compliment.

As a show of appreciation, I have to say that the comment SecondCircle left me is probably my favorite comment I have ever received, as he(she? you write like a man) understood it--whether by my accomplishment or his generous imagination, I can't be sure--completely in the way I intended. I was trying to put the reader in so many places, and he arrived in all of the spots I intended. That comment alone made the story worth writing. It was a gift to me, truly. Thanks to everybody else for their kind words, and the not so kind ones, as well. To anyone that didn't like it, I'd love to hear why. I think there are quite a few reasons to not love it, but I didn't get much in the way of negative comments.

Edit: Congrats to TxTallTales for the steamrolling. Victory is yours, my friend.

 

[sr71plt]

You could make an argument for Group, based on the last scene. Can't remember off the top if there were any other three-or-more-somes besides that one.

Otherwise, if you don't want it in GM then I guess leaving it in Chain Stories is probably your best bet.

Thanks for the advice help.

 

[sr71plt]

I actually left the anon comment that mentioned Carl Hiaasen (sorry, misspelled it in the comment). Next time I'll use my user name, but I don't know why, I had it in my head it might have been fairer not to put my name out there.

Hiaasen is a writer based in the Miami area, and he's written a lot of stuff that is humorous but not straight up funny, and like I said, I got a similar vibe from "Knife, Book, Hankie," but not quite the same. And I didn't mean it should have been like Hiaasen's stuff. It was just I felt it got close to a point and didn't get there, and might have been better if it had.

As for categories, I'm not sure. Maybe Novels and Novellas? or Anal, there was certainly plenty of that to go around. Or, it's probably not typical of EC, but I don't see why it couldn't go there as well.

Funny that he's from the Miami area and the locale was moved from Palm Beach.

Thanks for the advice. I have consider Novels/Novellas. It's pretty short for that, but would be entered as one take.

 

[sr71plt]

I'd probably put it in EC myself.

Thanks. That's probably the least bad choice.

 

[sheablue]

Aw, man! I didn't get to finish reading or commenting or making my guesses. I thought we had a few more days.

Ah well. I'll come back with some thoughts a little bit later.

Congrats, Tx Tall Tales!

 

[SecondCircle]

Congrats to our winner, Triple T!

 

[Aynmair]

Congratulations, Tx

Congratulations, Tx - it is just a terrific story. AMB mentioned that you were the or among the first writers that pulled him into Lit. Same for me (under a different name than I use now).


A number of others were very close in my mind and I had a hard time picking among them. A Mile, for example, I thought is excellent, as is Account for a Bullet and several others that were way up there.

 

[SecondCircle]

As a show of appreciation, I have to say that the comment SecondCircle left me is probably my favorite comment I have ever received, as he(she? you write like a man) understood it--whether by my accomplishment or his generous imagination, I can't be sure--completely in the way I intended. I was trying to put the reader in so many places, and he arrived in all of the spots I intended. That comment alone made the story worth writing. It was a gift to me, truly. Thanks to everybody else for their kind words, and the not so kind ones, as well. To anyone that didn't like it, I'd love to hear why. I think there are quite a few reasons to not love it, but I didn't get much in the way of negative comments.

Edit: Congrats to TxTallTales for the steamrolling. Victory is yours, my friend.

Well, since you're here and mentioned your story, I (he) can say this much.

I didn't know who wrote this. Didn't care. It was one of my favorites (that I've read) in the contest. I left it all in your comment. I knew it wasn't a story that everyone would like. For me it was powerful. For a good while, it was like I ran into a wall of words, and that little part of me that feels like I'm hot shit gets knocked back and that's humbling.

As far as ending up where you intended me to be in the story, I dunno, you just succeeded. I can see those deeper microscopic pieces of the fabric in stories, that deep shit that leaves you feeling something long after you leave. I'm not a very literal person, I like figurative and symbolic stuff, so the part that I liked best was the part people hated most I think. The ending.

I commented that the ending was more like a symbolic memory than a literal one, and just like all that thunder was really those horrible blows to her head, I just imagined that she was really on the floor beside her own vomit talking to herself. Like she was really retracing her bad decisions in life and sadly contemplating what could have been. And rather than leave us in the terrible reality she lives in, you left us the way she preferred. In her happy place.

You may have just reached the right person in me. But honestly to reach that depth in a story impresses me. It stops being "just dirty stories on some porn site" for me (a sentiment that I hate) and becomes more.

Well done sir. Or uh, ma'am....

 

[AMoveableBeast]

Well done sir. Or uh, ma'am....

Oh, I like you...

 

[SecondCircle]

Anyone discussing the champ's story? Or do we let him open with that?

(He's probably cleaning the stuff off of the trophy....)

 

[sr71plt]

Just want to repost my critiques in case anyone missed them. I didn't get to critique all of the stories, but I did pretty much read every one.

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=57858951&postcount=773

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=57859923&postcount=775

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=57869431&postcount=781

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=57870235&postcount=782

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=57873039&postcount=785

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=57884223&postcount=800

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=57895523&postcount=821

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=57897111&postcount=822

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=57904831&postcount=826

Yes, thanks for writing those.