New and Ready to Learn

[CuriousGirl008]

Was wondering if anyone would be interested in talking about BDSM or the D/s lifestyle...i'm interested in both and would love to discuss it further in private. Maybe even find a Dom...if possible.

Does anyone have any advice maybe, for a newbie such as myself?

 

[seela]

Was wondering if anyone would be interested in talking about BDSM or the D/s lifestyle...i'm interested in both and would love to discuss it further in private. Maybe even find a Dom...if possible.

Does anyone have any advice maybe, for a newbie such as myself?

I recommend you ask your questions here on this board. That way you'll hear many opinions and points of view, which then again might help you form your own opinions about things. And I'm sure there are people, lurkers, reading this forum who would like to follow your thread, too.

If you're looking for a Dom, try the BDSM Personals.

As to advice for a newbie. Learn about safety and figure out what you like. Don't get too stuck on the label issue. There is no one true way to do BDSM. Form your own opinions and don't be afraid to stand by them, you know best what makes you happy.

Welcome to the forum!

 

[CuriousGirl008]

Thanks Seela!

Okay few questions...what kind of safety are we talking about?

I have read somewhat on the D/s lifestyle and BDSM too, Is there training involved? I know that probably sounds a bit silly but if so what sort of training?

 

[seela]

Thanks Seela!

Okay few questions...what kind of safety are we talking about?

I have read somewhat on the D/s lifestyle and BDSM too, Is there training involved? I know that probably sounds a bit silly but if so what sort of training?

Safety. I meant how to safely do the things that you are into. How to do bondage safely, how to spank safely, how to so electrical play safely, how to have anal sex safely... Everything that you're into, really. But I also meant learning about red flags, signs that tell you that something's not right with the person you're talking with or in the situation that you've ended up in. Learning about your own boundaries and how to keep those boundaries. How to set up safewords and safety calls when you're meeting someone. Generally just how to keep yourself safe, not only physically but also (especially?) mentally.

There are as many variants of D/s relationships as there are people involved in them. Some of them include training, but it's not necessary. The training can be sexual or it can be things like learning to make coffee just the right way. There really is no clear cut answer to pretty much anything, because it all depends on the people involved, their wants, needs and preferences.

There are a lot of books you can read read, I'm sure someone will come along with a list of required reading shortly. We also have our very own library, which you can find sticked on top of this forum. This post by Stella is excellent reading, if you wonder about labels such as submissive, dominant, top, bottom. Or even if you don't.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Thanks Seela!

Okay few questions...what kind of safety are we talking about?

I have read somewhat on the D/s lifestyle and BDSM too, Is there training involved? I know that probably sounds a bit silly but if so what sort of training?

There is no single bdsm lifestyle-- there's a fuckall lot of fantasy and wishful thinking, and every romance novelist wants there to be... some secret cabal of wealthy and powerful men and women who have all agreed on the Right Way to be a slave (be young, pretty and double-jointed) and how to be a Master (have lots of money and deep rich Oriental carpets for your slaves to crawl on).

But in the real world, the only training involved is if you and your partner want training to be involved. If you do, there are lots of really sexy traditions to be trained in-- google "Gorean BDSM" for one, or BDSM Leather protocol for another.

Otherwise, it's up to you and your partner, to figure out what pushes your buttons, what pushes theirs, and how best to get the pushing going.

Your best bet really, besides reading some 101 books, is to join fetlife.com, look for events in your area and bravely venture forth to a munch or two to meet the local folks and find out what they are like. You probably won't like all of them enough to want to get intimate with them-- but someone might introduce you to someone else and you know how that goes...

 

[CuriousGirl008]

Thanks Stella_Omega! I will consider joining fetlife. I think I may read up on some more info before doing that though. That's a big step...I tend to be a bit reserved...but trying to step out of my comfort zone a little.

 

[DarkSteven]

Forget about training. 99% of the time, if a Dom offers you training, it means he will try to get free sex and jollies from you with no commitment.

Fetlife is a good idea. Unlike collarme/collarspace, where your joining is easily noticed, you can lurk quietly on Fetlife unless you friend people or join groups.

PM sent.

 

[Allyourbase]

Let me just drop an online resource that I like here.

Stella's right that Fetlife is your best bet to find some community and possibly a play partner. Also right about the 'true subs don't exist' thing. I am double jointed and I can tell you it makes you stiff.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Let me just drop an online resource that I like here.

Stella's right that Fetlife is your best bet to find some community and possibly a play partner. Also right about the 'true subs don't exist' thing. I am double jointed and I can tell you it makes you stiff.

No twu sub would wear a helmet like that one.

Just saying.

Thanks for the link! I'm adding it to my own list.

 

[Allyourbase]

No twu sub would wear a helmet like that one.

Just saying.

Thanks for the link! I'm adding it to my own list.

Well, I drive a cartoon tank where you don't need a helmet in, so what can I say.

I mean: but twue switches wear them!!! Get yours asap. I happen to sell them. No coincidence.

And about the xeromag resource: I like the sex ideas list a lot. With cute chilipeppers that indicate how kinky something is.

 

[KlaytonFrost]

As others have said, I highly recommend joining Fetlife. It may seem like a fairly big step to begin with, but it's really not. If you don't like it you can leave with no problems - and it's very easy to lurk unnoticed there.