i dunno anymore

[geronimo_appleby]

I see. I do think you're right about the stigma about non-married couples living together being a big reason for people marrying later in life. That's how I see it going for me anyway; I'm not marrying someone unless I've lived with them for a while to know I'd enjoy it.

Anyway, I have no proof of this, but it is possible that the OP got married at a very young age due to social pressure or something, which is something I'd hate to see. People should get married when they're ready, not when they've been alive for a certain amount of time that dictates they should be getting married around that time. Or they could live a happy life with someone without ever getting married, which is probably where I see my life headed.

horses for courses - as they say. there's no one-size-fits-all.

anyway, it's 3.30 in the p.m. here. time to slide to the beach and have a cold beer.

 

[MidnightDesire]

Married at 23 here, started dating at 16.

I know the pain

 

[ACV]

I know a few people who married really young...90% are divorced! Having said that my grandparents had an arranged marriage at 13 (in India) and are still together nearly 60 years later!

 

[jdc38]

Making a huge commitment at 21 is dumb IMO.

I don't know that you can say its outright dumb. It may be for some that aren't ready. My wife and I married at 23. Been married 31 years. I'm glad I got married and had kids early. I was still young with little kids and now they are grown and out of the house and I'm 53. I see some people marrying and having kids late in life like late 30s or even early 40s. Really, you want to be dealing with kids in your 60s? Right for some but not me.

 

[stickygirl]

I don't know that you can say its outright dumb. It may be for some that aren't ready. My wife and I married at 23. Been married 31 years. I'm glad I got married and had kids early. I was still young with little kids and now they are grown and out of the house and I'm 53. I see some people marrying and having kids late in life like late 30s or even early 40s. Really, you want to be dealing with kids in your 60s? Right for some but not me.

Well done you, both of you. From one of the earlier posts you'd get the impression life stops when you get married: if it does the, yea - shouldn't have done it but I don't think that's the point of it

 

[JudasIscariot]

lol @ getting married that young

This person seems an absolute asshole

But I agree

 

[All_4_Love]

The age in which she got married really has nothing to do with the OP. She feels trapped in a marriage with the only man she’s ever known. I’ve been there and I understand.

Emily, I feel your pain. I’m not much older than you and I have left a pretty similar situation that I felt trapped in for almost every single year that I spent in it.

Sometimes, we don’t need to go to counseling before we can find the courage and strength to follow our hearts and accept that our marriage may be over. I realize that this is not the point of view that the majority takes on these situations.

If, and that’s a big IF, you are a highly aware woman, focused on your authentic self, and you have done the soul searching and feel it’s time to move on, then trust your heart and move on. If you know without a shadow of a doubt that you have done everything to make your marriage better, it’s okay to accept that it may not get better.

It's okay to make room in your life for a healthy, happy love affair. Is it scary? Yes! It is lonely? Very! Is it worth it? Absolutely!

Wishing you better and more peaceful days to come. Feel free to PM me anytime. I’m always happy to form new female friendships. We can never have enough women supporting other women in the world. *big hug*

 

[Asshungry]

Making a huge commitment at 21 is dumb IMO.

Not easy, but I wouldn't go as far as saying its dumb. Many have married that young and had it last a lifetime.

 

[sweetsophie512]

I've been following this thread and reading everyone's replies.

I don't have much to add - everyone has great points. The OP feels trapped and is at a crossroad. I don't know if her age has something to do with the fact that her marriage is being tested. There are so many folks out there who did it *right* (if there is such a thing as the right age to get married) and find themselves in a similar situation years later.

Marriage and relationships are hard work. Period. It takes two and both of you almost need to be in sync with how you're going to go about working on your relationship. That's where the trouble lies. We all grow at our own pace and grow into ourselves which may or may not be conducive to having that relationship that worked for us when we got married 10 years ago.

All I can say is - good luck to you. I hope it works out in the way that makes both of you happy.

 

[Teddybarehead]

i don't know why i'm posting this, but i'm 36, married nearly 15 years and i'm about ready to leave my husband. he was the first guy i'd ever been with and after all these years, i find it hard to separate but have been so down in the dumps....i just dunno and its sad and ARGGGGGGH

Sorry you're feeling so down. And that people chose to hijack you're thread to argue about marriage. If you feel like chatting, i know i'm a lot younger than you but it doesn't bother me. I'd love to help you vent and maybe make you feel better.

 

[Curiouscouple8]

Don't really know much about your situation. Basically it's a question of do you love him? To me that would make it something worth fighting for but that's just me.

 

[emily00040]

thanks for the responses everyone. even the nasty ones. i did enjoy watching a guy with tattoos on his butt arguing with an arguably free-spirit (i wish i had her balls...and job LOL)

 

[geronimo_appleby]

thanks for the responses everyone. even the nasty ones. i did enjoy watching a guy with tattoos on his butt arguing with an arguably free-spirit (i wish i had her balls...and job LOL)

discussion/debate.

whatever happens, i hope your situation improves. i never give advice - except to say, never give advice - hence i won't tell you what to do. good luck, and at least you know there are people, albeit on a porn website (oh yes it is), who actually care.

 

[rainman8282]

Maybe have an open marriage and try both of ur fantasies to spice your marriage up

 

[geronimo_appleby]

Maybe have an open marriage and try both of ur fantasies to spice your marriage up

in my experience, not a plan suited to everyone. a marriage needs to be rock solid before considering that option.

 

[emily00040]

discussion/debate.

whatever happens, i hope your situation improves. i never give advice - except to say, never give advice - hence i won't tell you what to do. good luck, and at least you know there are people, albeit on a porn website (oh yes it is), who actually care.

i enjoy your posts , thank you!

 

[StrayKat]

in my experience, not a plan suited to everyone. a marriage needs to be rock solid before considering that option.

Agreed.

And wanted to ask - does that "grom pizda" in your title have a meaning or you just like the sound of it?

 

[eliteonly]

Marriage is work no matter what age you start. Especially when one or the other starts changing. You've got to find a balance that works for you. For some it's an open, relationship, for some it's a secret, and some is trudging through.
I'm sure you'll find your balance.

 

[geronimo_appleby]

Agreed.

And wanted to ask - does that "grom pizda" in your title have a meaning or you just like the sound of it?

it means thndercunt in russian. although google translate fucks it up.

it was a joke from a few threads ago. i should perhaps change it.

 

[jays78]

i don't know why i'm posting this, but i'm 36, married nearly 15 years and i'm about ready to leave my husband. he was the first guy i'd ever been with and after all these years, i find it hard to separate but have been so down in the dumps....i just dunno and its sad and ARGGGGGGH

I'm sorry you are going through this. I went through this a year and a 1/2 ago. It sucked.

But I'm much happier now, I'm divorced and seeing a wonderful woman.

I too was married really young, 22. We were married for almost 12 years, but it just didn't work. On the bright side we get a long really well now and are still friends.

Good luck to you! Whatever choice you make I'm sure it will be a good one.

Hugs

 

[StrayKat]

it means thndercunt in russian. although google translate fucks it up.

it was a joke from a few threads ago. i should perhaps change it.

It means thunder and cunt in Serbian too, and Croatian (only not written in cyrillic which I can still read fine), my native language. Words are the same only they sound a bit funny when put together like that. Maybe Russians use it as an expression, we dont.
The thing is, in ex-Yu countries, the word "pizda", while the basic meaning is a cunt, is not used to describe vagina but rather a personality, usually a male, which is sly and treacherous. Pizda is a character and a very flawed one.

I hope you understand now why I found it rather funny someone calling himself like that

 

[geronimo_appleby]

It means thunder and cunt in Serbian too, and Croatian (only not written in cyrillic which I can still read fine) which is my native language. Words are the same only they sound a bit funny when put together like that. Maybe Russians use it as an expression, we dont.
The thing is, in ex-Yu countries, the word "pizda", while the basic meaning is a cunt, is not used to describe vagina but rather a personality, usually a male, which is sly and treacherous. Pizda is a character and a very flawed one.

I hope you understand now why I found it rather funny someone calling himself like that

dobra!

i heard pizda quite a lot in certain parts of thailand, more so in nha trang, vietnam (russian invasion there!). i spent some time in split in the winter of 95/96, and up across the border into bosnia - mostly unpleasant times i'm sorry to say. although that was the situation at the time rather than the lands.

 

[StrayKat]

i spent some time in split in the winter of 95/96, and up across the border into bosnia - mostly unpleasant times i'm sorry to say. although that was the situation at the time rather than the lands.

I know. I lived mostly in Split suburbs during the war, and we didnt have it so hard, but my hometown, Zadar, where my parents and my close family were, was hit pretty badly a few times.
You should visit Bosnia again, it is a very beautiful country and the people are some of the nicest I ever met. I am very sorry now I didnt marry a Bosnian guy I used to date, he was totally awesome.

Ok now, hijack enough

 

[geronimo_appleby]

I know. I lived mostly in Split suburbs during the war, and we didnt have it so hard, but my hometown, Zadar, where my parents and my close family were, was hit pretty badly a few times.
You should visit Bosnia again, it is a very beautiful country and the people are some of the nicest I ever met. I am very sorry now I didnt marry a Bosnian guy I used to date, he was totally awesome.

Ok now, hijack enough

oops. hijack was unintentional. i sometimes forget where i am and just rabbit on...

 

[maggiemarie]

Sorry you are having such a rough time, but if you aren't happy then you surely need to change SOMETHING.

Life is too short to go on that way.