epistolary love (new to this thread :))

[bighipnicetits]

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[twelveoone]

Not to make light of this, but how did you manage to read the letters if your hands where tangled in sheets? Unless they were arranged before hand. And were all one sided.

Now if I saw the fall of infinity, my brow would be sweaty.
Do you mean?
I saw it all
the rise of breath and the fall of infinity
when my hands were tangled in your sheets (some time ago?)

I read your letters today
and now my palms are sweaty.<period (as in like now?)

 

[Tsotha]

Not to make light of this, but how did you manage to read the letters if your hands where tangled in sheets? Unless they were arranged before hand. And were all one sided.

Now if I saw the fall of infinity, my brow would be sweaty.
Do you mean?
I saw it all
the rise of breath and the fall of infinity
when my hands were tangled in your sheets (some time ago?)

I read your letters today
and now my palms are sweaty.<period (as in like now?)

Maybe he saw it all (the rise of breath and the fall of infinity when his hands were tangled in <someone's sheets>) in a letter, today, and his palms are sweaty. At least, this is how I read it.

 

[greenmountaineer]

I saw two different points in time in each stanza.

I liked it. L2's great; not sure about L3 but could be convinced otherwise; first impresssion was "tangled" somehow took something away from the feeling of "infinity" in presumably (her?) love that L3 was intended to re-enforce.

 

[todski28]

I saw a past experience

Tinged with a present memory

for me it lead toward a partner that has left but there is still that longing for the sexual excitement envisioned.

 

[greenmountaineer]

I saw a past experience

Tinged with a present memory

for me it lead toward a partner that has left but there is still that longing for the sexual excitement envisioned.

Letters do suggest that. Good point. It gives a new twist, compared to my first reading, and takes the poem and reader one step further.

Furthermore, "tangled" in that context could connote something different.

 

[todski28]

Letters do suggest that. Good point. It gives a new twist, compared to my first reading, and takes the poem and reader one step further.

Furthermore, "tangled" in that context could connote something different.

The mind does strange things when there is a lot of white space and you connect the dots, we all got different dots

 

[Epmd607]

Epistolary Love, Ovid

...O I wish, at that time when he sought Sparta with his fleet,
Paris, the adulterer, had been whelmed beneath angry seas!
I would not have lain here, cold in an empty bed,
nor be left behind, to complain, at suffering long days,
nor my hand, bereft, exhaust me, working all night long
to cause deception, with my doubtful web...

...Now corn grows where once Troy stood;
and the ground, fattened by Phrygian blood,
produces a rich crop that tempts the hand of the reaper.
The half-buried bones of heroes are ploughed up by the crooked share;
and rising grass covers the ruins of the houses.
Though victorious, you are still absent;
nor can I possibly know the cause of your long stay,
or in what corner of the world my cruel Ulysses lurks.
Whatever stranger touches upon these coasts,
is sure to be teased with a thousand questions about you;
and, when he departs, is charged with a letter to deliver to you,
in whatever region of the world he may chance to see you...

 

[bogusagain]

Is the thread titled epistolary of love because it sounds more poetic than love letters?

I assume it was a past experience because nowadays it would be emails of love or more probably, cyber-sex emails.

 

[bogusagain]

and they call it love

you sent me a shopping list of complaints
as though customer service could make a deal
replace, refund, add a gift, give something for free
as though your loyalty stretched to breaking point
before you left my store with your credit card intact

you collect slights, as others collect stamps
graze over them and magnify their significance
listing grievances and invented motives, happy
to condemn those who pass through your barren life
as you construct your case for the prosecution

why blame yourself when you can blame me
if it’s not me, it will be someone else, something else
you have a knack of disturbing sleeping dogs
rooting out old underwear, digging up old bones
time cannot defeat your forensic eye

you hang onto your resentment like a crucifix
you never hung onto me like that, you simply scratched
the world was not ready nor I worthy, of your sacrifice
I dared to live and love, unaware of your distress
unaware you suffered on my behalf!

now I have this paper with it all mapped out
my common o’ garden habits tarnished your class
my boorishness when drunk in polite company
my sexual deviancy shamed your orgasms
woman! that was love, my bloody sacrifice!

 

[twelveoone]

I saw it all
the rise of breath and the fall of infinity
when my hands were tangled in your sheets

I read your letters today
and now my palms are sweaty

Oh, I get it...
sheets of paper
somehow this is beyond me, but then infinity usually is

I saw it all
the rise of breath and the fall of infinity
and my hand was overplayed
so carry me back to old virginity
which is where I should have stayed


I saw it all
the rise of breath and the fall of sheets
and my head got tangled in infinity

so what say bighipnicetits? I know you are watching, you made the edit, care to dress me down? explain?

Seriously GM, if this had my number, you would have walked. I wonder what would Senna make of it, our resident expert on shortness.

I saw it all
the shortness of breath and the fall
infinity

 

[twelveoone]

I saw it all
the rise of breath and the fall of infinity
when my hands were tangled in your sheets

I read your letters today
and now my palms are sweaty

if you break this down completely into sets of two
I-I
all-infinity
hands-palms
your-your
so far the center of the poem is I

sheets - letters (possible)
your sheets - your letters (strong presence of an other-duh)
rise of breath - fall of infinity (what does infinity mean here?, looks like a profundity trick, infinity is not a concrete or easy concept) (and this is a trick set of two, they don't fit together, somebody else should have nailed you for that)

"I saw it all" - "I read your letters" now this is curious, you broke it into two stanzas but did not add punctuation, was this one sentence? The tense does not align in one sentence structure. It does in two, a past and a now, too much mystery.

hands were tangled - palms are sweaty (physical effect)
everything is there except

there is no real indication of what this is all about, no real pointer, in short it reminds me of the stanley fish experiment and over reliance on the fact people can and will assign meaning. It looks like a spoof.


welcome to pf&d

 

[HarryHill]

I saw it all
the rise of breath and the fall of infinity
when my hands were tangled in your sheets

I read your letters today
and now my palms are sweaty

if you break this down completely into sets of two
I-I
all-infinity
hands-palms
your-your
so far the center of the poem is I

sheets - letters (possible)
your sheets - your letters (strong presence of an other-duh)
rise of breath - fall of infinity (what does infinity mean here?, looks like a profundity trick, infinity is not a concrete or easy concept) (and this is a trick set of two, they don't fit together, somebody else should have nailed you for that)

"I saw it all" - "I read your letters" now this is curious, you broke it into two stanzas but did not add punctuation, was this one sentence? The tense does not align in one sentence structure. It does in two, a past and a now, too much mystery.

hands were tangled - palms are sweaty (physical effect)
everything is there except

there is no real indication of what this is all about, no real pointer, in short it reminds me of the stanley fish experiment and over reliance on the fact people can and will assign meaning. It looks like a spoof.


welcome to pf&d

Ha! we lose more poets this way

 

[twelveoone]

Ha! we lose more poets this way

This is not a new writer, the poem is extremely balanced. Whereas a new writer would use the anomalous term "infinity" and rightly get slapped down for it, a new writer probably would not use "epistolary". With the discussion of the sacred and profane in the other thread, would lead one to believe...
What this is, is a beginning of something that is trying to cover both bases, i.e. saying two things at once, to do so requires work, it also requires giving something that the reader can at least try to grasp.
If it is a new writer, you did well as a start.
If it is an alt. as a spoof, remember what happened last time.
I remember a comment, referring to what I do as "smoke and mirrors", what part of the word "work" don't you understand? The amount of thought and time but in "exceeds" your drop in the slot routines.

And now time for a cheap plug
ignore the shit on the bottom, that was for the anon.
Ps. took a month fine tuning
What part of the word "work" don't you understand?

 

[bighipnicetits]

I saw it all
the rise of breath and the fall of infinity
when my hands were tangled in your sheets

I read your letters today
and now my palms are sweaty

I suppose it is missing the proper punctuation. I miss the rules sometimes, forgive me, I am here to learn those things.

The second part alludes to the first part after reading old love letters. Two time frames. Cleaning out the old boxes and getting a nice tight feeling in your chest and your crotch while you're taken back to those long, lovely nights with him...or her.

The rise of breath and the fall of infinity. Infinity being the climax - the orgasm and then the exhale. The fall down the path of pleasure and the torture of it wanting to last forever yet knowing it will end eventually.

While my hands were tangled in your sheets - I thought self-explanatory - what else do hands do? (many things I'm sure but in this case..)

....I read your letters today. They made me remember fucking you, loving you
and now my palms are sweaty because
I remembered it all, in that moment, in the moments in-between
when my hands were tangled in your sheets
and I saw it all, our bodies entwined, high on the moon shine )), a glimpse of what we could have possible had had we allowed ourselves to fall for eachother...one and other

and as my breath rose, and my chest rose, and my body rose
I fell
I shuttered
I gasped
I moaned

and then it was over.

 

[twelveoone]

I suppose it is missing the proper punctuation. I miss the rules sometimes, forgive me, I am here to learn those things.

The second part alludes to the first part after reading old love letters. Two time frames. Cleaning out the old boxes and getting a nice tight feeling in your chest and your crotch while you're taken back to those long, lovely nights with him...or her.

The rise of breath and the fall of infinity. Infinity being the climax - the orgasm and then the exhale. The fall down the path of pleasure and the torture of it wanting to last forever yet knowing it will end eventually.

While my hands were tangled in your sheets - I thought self-explanatory - what else do hands do? (many things I'm sure but in this case..)

....I read your letters today. They made me remember fucking you, loving you
and now my palms are sweaty because
I remembered it all, in that moment, in the moments in-between
when my hands were tangled in your sheets
and I saw it all, our bodies entwined, high on the moon shine )), a gimps of what we could have possible had had we allowed ourselves to fall for one another...one and other

and as my breath rose, and my chest rose, and my body rose
I fell
I shuttered
I gasped
I moaned

and then it was over.

glimpse?
...although that happens too

 

[bighipnicetits]

Glimpse. Yes.

 

[twelveoone]

Glimpse. Yes.

"If it is a new writer, you did well as a start."
I quote myself, and where are you going with this?

 

[bighipnicetits]

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