Disappointed.

[Damned_1]

A week or two ago I posted that I was new to Lit. A friend had recommended this site, and this forum specifically, as a place to find other people like myself. Well, she was right in that respect, though she failed to mention that most of the people on here are, well, to put it nicely, fantasizers. I was hoping to have conversations, maybe meet a sub I was interested in, just generally find a place to be able to be myself.

I got responses, though mostly from men. And when they found out I was a male Dom looking for a female sub, the responses stopped. That leads me to believe that it's mostly men on this site, hoping for a hookup, and the few women on here are too busy with them to actually respond to someone who's not.

I'm disappointed. Is there no one here willing to just talk and maybe find a connection, even if its a new friend?

 

[StrayKat]

Well, this is internet forum after all, and what do you expect after a week or two and 6 posts on a board that on average have 500+ users at any given time?
Your best bet to find other people like yourself is to post and discuss about topics that interest you. How will people know you are here and what you are looking for and most of all, that you are worth bothering with, if all you do is sit and wait for PMs to fill your inbox?

When you first come to Lit, you are nobody, until you make yourself known to the public. Just like if you joined a party where you dont know anyone and stand in the shadowy corner. None will know you are there and none will care.

There are plenty of women on Lit and most of us are only busy with people we find interesting for some reason. So tell me, what makes you one of them?

 

[Damned_1]

You have a point, though I disagree with some of it. While I haven't exactly put myself out there, I haven't been sitting around waiting for my inbox to fill. Rather, I was hoping that my post would garner more replies that I might start some conversation.

As for finding me interesting, well that's something people will have to decide for themselves. Skeptics abound, and where some would try to convince others of their worthiness, I let my actions speak.

Topics that interest me? Well now. Shall I search my brain for the esoteric and strange, or go for banal and easy to understand?

Its raining where I am. I love the rain. It renews the earth, yet is also a little sad. What's the most pleasurable thing anyone's ever done in the rain? (Sexual or otherwise)

 

[All_4_Love]

As for finding me interesting, well that's something people will have to decide for themselves. Skeptics abound, and where some would try to convince others of their worthiness, I let my actions speak.

Topics that interest me? Well now. Shall I search my brain for the esoteric and strange, or go for banal and easy to understand?

Its raining where I am. I love the rain. It renews the earth, yet is also a little sad. What's the most pleasurable thing anyone's ever done in the rain? (Sexual or otherwise)

*chuckles*

For the record, I saw your ad, and I'm a female here looking to meet someone at some point and hopefully explore a D/s relationship, as well as new friendships. We are here. I just don't know by how many.

I'm a rain lover. The most amazing thing I've ever done in the rain was have sex while watching a hurricane blow in from the coast.

Good luck in your search. I will try to remember to give you a friendly bump every now and again

 

[DiablosWhore]

...where some would try to convince others of their worthiness, I let my actions speak. ...

Okay, that's fair enough. So, ...let's see some of those actions so we can be convinced of your worthiness. Fair enough?

 

[NiceNastyMann]

You have a point, though I disagree with some of it. While I haven't exactly put myself out there, I haven't been sitting around waiting for my inbox to fill. Rather, I was hoping that my post would garner more replies that I might start some conversation.

As for finding me interesting, well that's something people will have to decide for themselves. Skeptics abound, and where some would try to convince others of their worthiness, I let my actions speak.

Topics that interest me? Well now. Shall I search my brain for the esoteric and strange, or go for banal and easy to understand?

Its raining where I am. I love the rain. It renews the earth, yet is also a little sad. What's the most pleasurable thing anyone's ever done in the rain? (Sexual or otherwise)

Some hints.

Post to threads.

Create a profile that's interesting.

Post to threads...

PM other people.

Seriously - post to threads. After what, about 50 your status changes. Then two hundred, then I think around 500...

Each status change allows you to do more to your profile.

 

[LadyVer]

It takes a while to build trust. And it's difficult at best to find the ideal chat partner. People come and go. Just give it time and post on threads you have an interest in, but don't stick to one or two forums. Branch out. It's also helpful to look for people in your own time zone, or close to it.

Good luck!

 

[StripperSlutWife]

You have a point, though I disagree with some of it. While I haven't exactly put myself out there, I haven't been sitting around waiting for my inbox to fill. Rather, I was hoping that my post would garner more replies that I might start some conversation.

Your initial post said very little, and your profile tells even less. As another has mentioned, posting about your interests will help, but also filling in your bio will encourage folks who check it out to respond to you. Especially if you have a bit of fun with it!

As for finding me interesting, well that's something people will have to decide for themselves. Skeptics abound, and where some would try to convince others of their worthiness, I let my actions speak.

What actions? Other than a couple brief posts you haven't "done" anything here on the lit boards, yet.

Topics that interest me? Well now. Shall I search my brain for the esoteric and strange, or go for banal and easy to understand?

I'd vote for the strange ... but that's just me.

Its raining where I am. I love the rain. It renews the earth, yet is also a little sad. What's the most pleasurable thing anyone's ever done in the rain? (Sexual or otherwise)

Now we're getting somewhere! Share a bit of yourself, and others will share with you. I feel rather the same about rain. It also takes me into some very fond memories. I love to dance in a warm summer rain ... the kind with the big fat drops that soak right through clothing and hair to caress your skin when they start to fall.

I think it's a bit too early for you to be disappointed. The lit boards have many small communities of regular posters and many hundreds of silent lurkers. Give a bit of yourself in a personals ad and you will draw like minded persons to respond. Lurk some of the other boards too, and join in on any discussion that interests you. I know I'm not the only one who checks a person's profile and recent posts when they try to initiate a conversation -- either by posting an ad here or by sending me a PM.

 

[Primalex]

A friend had recommended this site, and this forum specifically, as a place to find other people like myself.
...
I got responses, though mostly from men. And when they found out I was a male Dom looking for a female sub, the responses stopped.

Why are you disappointed? You found people like you, like your friend said - male Doms looking for female subs.

 

[coacheric]

And really, about the only way you are going to get more women here to PM with you is to post around the board and let them get to know you. Just like real life, a fast hello and then stand there waiting for your words to have magic effects on women really just don't work. It took me all of at least 200 posts before I even started feeling comfortable on a few threads.

As for PM from men, I get them all the time. At least you get PM from members

 

[may_I_please]

Hi Eric *waves*

 

[coacheric]

Hi Eric *waves*

Hi *waves back*

OOOHHH, it was my magic words, right?

 

[Damned_1]

Well, this was a surprise to log on to. I see quite a few of you are of the opinion that I need to let people get to know me before they'll talk to me. My opinion differs slightly, in that I believe that you only get to know someone by talking to them. I guess I'm old-fashioned that way.

And Eric, sarcasm has it's place and can be quite funny. However, I would appreciate not having my post used as a stage for your comedy. I don't believe my words will have a magic effect on anyone, beyond the magic of politeness to reply when someone introduces themselves.

I feel I should make myself clear on a point, that I think you all may have missed, or I may not have made clear before now. I'm not bi, nor gay, but would still welcome conversations with other men. Just because we have the same parts doesn't mean we can't talk to each other. I may be (somewhat) looking for another female sub, but I'd much rather have good conversation with new friends.

Thank you all for your comments. I will do my best to remember to post to other's threads in the future. Have a good day, everyone!

 

[StrayKat]

Well, this was a surprise to log on to. I see quite a few of you are of the opinion that I need to let people get to know me before they'll talk to me. My opinion differs slightly, in that I believe that you only get to know someone by talking to them. I guess I'm old-fashioned that way.

And Eric, sarcasm has it's place and can be quite funny. However, I would appreciate not having my post used as a stage for your comedy. I don't believe my words will have a magic effect on anyone, beyond the magic of politeness to reply when someone introduces themselves.

I feel I should make myself clear on a point, that I think you all may have missed, or I may not have made clear before now. I'm not bi, nor gay, but would still welcome conversations with other men. Just because we have the same parts doesn't mean we can't talk to each other. I may be (somewhat) looking for another female sub, but I'd much rather have good conversation with new friends.

Thank you all for your comments. I will do my best to remember to post to other's threads in the future. Have a good day, everyone!

You dont seem to understand the principle of "bumping".
There are a lot of personals here and new come every day. Unless yours is not among several top ones hardly anyone will notice or read it. If you keep it on top on your own it looks like you are talking to yourself. If others post in your thread, not only they keep it on top for you but give those less inclined to post around a sort of invitation to join in and actually read it. More so if posters are relatively known on the board.

Now the way you are answering to "intruders" can tell somebody quite a bit about you without having to get out in the open with hit and miss PMs. People sometimes even poke to provoke and see how you will react. If you go into temper tantrums, start shooing them or try passive aggressive insults, especially if you are self proclaimed dominant; your best next step is to wipe that profile and start anew because almost none will want to talk to you.

It is not a rocket science to understand that not everyone will bother starting to talk to you to get to know you if they have other ways of judging you without exposing. PMs are next stage. You do not grab the first person you see on some party and head for the bedroom. You stand in the crowd, mingle, laugh. Then you might notice some cute shy girl peeking at you from the shadowy corner and ask someone to introduce you.
If you want a conversation you have to make the first step, period.

This lengthy post is not for your sake only btw, it is an advice and warning for all newcomers who might read it. I could add or explain a lot more but it should be enough for intelligent person to grasp the basics.

Now let me tell you what my conclusion about you is based on just a few posts here - I see you as stubborn, arrogant and easy to provoke, too literal. A trace of what I see as passive aggressive and lack of control, even bratty.
You can now start kicking and screaming how I know nothing about you and how all that is far away from who you are, but that is my first impression and I only have the first impression when I am deciding if I will start to talk to someone or not. For me, you are not the kind of person I would send PM to.

 

[Damned_1]

There are a lot of things I could say in response to your reply, though I'll limit myself to only this: Your loss. Have a good day, and take care.

 

[Prince Albert]

Well, this was a surprise to log on to. I see quite a few of you are of the opinion that I need to let people get to know me before they'll talk to me. My opinion differs slightly, in that I believe that you only get to know someone by talking to them. I guess I'm old-fashioned that way.

And Eric, sarcasm has it's place and can be quite funny. However, I would appreciate not having my post used as a stage for your comedy. I don't believe my words will have a magic effect on anyone, beyond the magic of politeness to reply when someone introduces themselves.

I feel I should make myself clear on a point, that I think you all may have missed, or I may not have made clear before now. I'm not bi, nor gay, but would still welcome conversations with other men. Just because we have the same parts doesn't mean we can't talk to each other. I may be (somewhat) looking for another female sub, but I'd much rather have good conversation with new friends.

Thank you all for your comments. I will do my best to remember to post to other's threads in the future. Have a good day, everyone!

Damned 1, feel the same way, just lost a "playmate" I had, not happy.

 

[Damned_1]

I'm sorry to hear that. Its always hard when things don't work out. We tend to invest a lot of ourselves into being either Dom or sub, and trust doesn't come easily. You have to earn it, and that makes things harder for our kind, I think. We can talk about it if you like.

 

[DiablosWhore]

There are a lot of things I could say in response to your reply, though I'll limit myself to only this: Your loss. .....

How would or could anyone know that it's their loss? You haven't said much of anything about yourself for anyone to know what they're "losing" or not.

"Hi, I'm a Dom and I want women to bow down to me and worship the ground I walk on." ;=)

 

[LadyVer]

How would or could anyone know that it's their loss? You haven't said much of anything about yourself for anyone to know what they're "losing" or not.

"Hi, I'm a Dom and I want women to bow down to me and worship the ground I walk on." ;=)

I don't see where the op said or indicated in any way that he wants or expects women to bow down and worship him. What I have seen a lot of though on bdsm threads are op's who post reasonable threads asking questions about the lifestyle or looking for a d or s, and then being attacked unreasonably.

 

[DiablosWhore]

.....reasonable threads asking questions about the lifestyle or looking for a d or s, and then being attacked unreasonably.

I agree! So why did you "attack" me?

I was trying to help both the poster as well as any submissive who might have been seeking, but were afraid to check this guy out due to lack of info or too much demands.

So, ....why did you attack me for trying to help both of them? Seems odd, don't you think?

 

[LadyVer]

I agree! So why did you "attack" me?

I was trying to help both the poster as well as any submissive who might have been seeking, but were afraid to check this guy out due to lack of info or too much demands.

So, ....why did you attack me for trying to help both of them? Seems odd, don't you think?

It might have been helpful if you had clarified that in your other comment to the op. I see nothing odd about what I said to you, and it wasn't a personal attack.

 

[DiablosWhore]

...... I see nothing odd about what I said to you, and it wasn't a personal attack.

Yep, that's exactly what I thought when you posted what you did about what I'd posted ....I saw nothing wrong with what I posted, and it wasn't a personal attack. Yet you......???

And this is another helpful little bump for the OP.

 

[Damned_1]

Not that I'm taking sides (you both have valid arguments, and this is quite entertaining), but I just wanted to say, thanks for the bumps, guys!

 

[LadyVer]

Yep, that's exactly what I thought when you posted what you did about what I'd posted ....I saw nothing wrong with what I posted, and it wasn't a personal attack. Yet you......???

And this is another helpful little bump for the OP.

As I said, if you had clarified what you were saying it would have been helpful. Your comment about the op expecting women to bow down to him appears sarcastic, and it wouldn't have been the first sarcastic comment on the thread.

You're welcome, op. (Saw your comment).

 

[StrayKat]

What I have seen a lot of though on bdsm threads are op's who post reasonable threads asking questions about the lifestyle or looking for a d or s, and then being attacked unreasonably.

And I see regulars on BDSM board as saints who put up with so many provocative, wrong placed or just plain old stupid threads and questions in good will and genuinely helpful way.

I dont see anyone being unreasonably attacked anywhere baring maybe GB, just as I dont see why you picked on DW. She may have exaggerated a bit but her point is valid.