Need help. Dating a man who wants to be my sexual slave.

[lalalayla]

I have always considered myself a submissive in bed. But now, I am dating a man who likes to be the submissive, like for real. He can't get hard unless he has these certain scenarios (or looks at me naked). It was shocking because he is a wealthy man with a very high position in a billion dollar company. I thought he would like the power. But anyway!

We began exploring sexually lately, and unfortunately, while it was fun, I think he wanted something different. I would like to make him happy, and was wondering if anyone can help me with some tips in bed and what to say.

Here are some things he said he likes:

• Bark on my command
• wear a chastity device when pleasing me
• helping me out, taking me shopping and him being faithful while I'm not (I kinda like monogamy, but ok!)
• just me being the boss or in charge

We agreed it wouldn't be a lifestyle thing, and even though I consider myself an submissive in bed, I am a dominant in day to day life (So I guess it makes sense to like roles switching for some). Anyway, I felt really embarrassed not being able to dominate him/not knowing ....but he is significantly older and I honestly don't have too much experience. So, can anyone help me here?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Shame on him for expecting anything from such a lovely, young woman such as yourself. How dare he express dissatisfaction? He should be concentrating on you, not his own needs-- the worm.



I mean really, if he wants to be in chastity while he massages your feet, works the kinks out of your back and neck and then eats your pussy for an hour, he's not supposed to be satisfied.

I was recently reminded of this website; http://akashaweb.com/women/index.html which might be useful for you and other ladies in your position. Which is on top.

Also, read the essay in my signature, see if it sparks any thoughts for you.

 

[Netzach]

Take stock of yourself.

Does any of this do anything for you? Honestly? Does the thought of a guy in a frothing state of sexual tension licking you while you remind him he's not getting his mitts on his own cock till 12 midnight do ANYthing for you? If it doesn't in the abstract, then you are doing him a favor. Nothing wrong with that, but it doesn't work in a one-sided way indefinitely.

If it does not warm your panties, how much time is he going to spend on what DOES work for you, so you can meet in the middle?

If this works for you, you'll find yourself hot over it. I do think the akasha thing is a great resource, but make sure you're not hammering yourself into a mold that does not fit at all. It's going to get very old very soon.

 

[LWulf]

Temet Nosce

(Gonna quote a movie because I feel it says what I am trying to say better than I could sum it up)

So, what do you think? Do you think you're (dominant)?

You know what that means? It's Latin. Means `Know thyself'. I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Being (dominant) is just like being in love. No one can tell you you're in love, you just know it. Through and through. Balls to bones.

****​

Much as I tell someone you can't generally make a dominant/submissive out of a vanilla. I feel the same is true in reverse, and regarding dominants and submissives switching back and forth.

Now, can a person WANT to change? Different question there. If THEY want to change, then yes, people change and develop over time in various ways. Straight becomes bi, straight becomes homosexual, homosexual becomes straight. I've seen all those changes and if that's what the person WANTS to do or be, then you either accept them for what they are, or you go your separate ways.

However, I am also a romantic at heart that believes if two people are in love, then they try to fulfill the other person's needs to make the relationship work. People rarely fit together like two perfectly fit jigsaw pieces.
It comes down to how much each of you go outside your comfort zone to make things work.

It's like a pendulum; In a perfect relationship, the pendulum isn't too far swung towards you, or the other person, but is at rest between each other. That's the 50/50 relationship each giving and taking their fair share. However, relationships are rarely perfect. Sometimes there are instances where there is more give than take and this goes either way, hopefully. When there is more give than take, then you are in a sinking rowboat and trying desperately to bail out more water than is coming in.

It all comes down to 'what do you think' which brings me back to the beginning of my comment.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Do I scent troll?

 

[LWulf]

No, it's just the Midnight Pasture cologne I got from the speedy mart drive thru...

Oh, you mean the OP? Naw, I think they were genuine but I think we will not see their likeness again.

 

[lalalayla]

Shame on him for expecting anything from such a lovely, young woman such as yourself. How dare he express dissatisfaction? He should be concentrating on you, not his own needs-- the worm.



I mean really, if he wants to be in chastity while he massages your feet, works the kinks out of your back and neck and then eats your pussy for an hour, he's not supposed to be satisfied.

I was recently reminded of this website; http://akashaweb.com/women/index.html which might be useful for you and other ladies in your position. Which is on top.

Also, read the essay in my signature, see if it sparks any thoughts for you.

Thank you for the response and for the resources. Will definitely thoroughly check them out, it looks good (good girls guide to domination - so me). As for the other responses, also helpful. I know you can't just switch to being a dominant - but in all honestly I'm inexperienced in all fields. Not completely, but for the most part (I'm 22). I have read many literotica bdsm stories in the past few years (never knew of the forum) and have watched videos that portrayed submissive women, which turned me on a lot. But I have had a number of exbfs actually call me dominant. So I think I'm just in that exploring phase.

To me, this is intriguing and seems like fun. I also genuinely like the guy and would like to make the relationship satisfying sexually as well - even if it means me changing around a bit in bed. And again, it's not a lifestyle thing. It's only in bed for the most part except for a few things (Like him getting turned on by his monogamy and my freewill).


Also he doesn't like pain, is that weird? I'm trying to figure out what else he would like without asking too much, because then obviously it will show I'm trying so hard to please him when he should be pleasing me (again, I don't mind the act and I don't think he minds it either - as I told him I have always considered myself a submissive. He actually said we could switch roles sometimes).

 

[Stella_Omega]

1) It's okay if he doesn't like pain, that just means he's not a physical masochist. You can get a lot of mileage out of a riding crop used as a prop, for light tapping and stroking-- if it helps you out. Sometimes we need something to feel that little bit more complete.

2) Why waste your time trying to read his mind? Just direct him to tell you what turns him on. You're the boss, after all, and you require honesty... You have the right of veto, don't forget.

 

[MichaelinChina]

Extend the idea of him being your sexual slave to having him do all the household chores. You'd have it made!!

 

[lalalayla]

Extend the idea of him being your sexual slave to having him do all the household chores. You'd have it made!!

I think he would like that. He told me he would enjoy helping me get ready (bathing me, doing my nails, my hair...) and doing whatever I want basically. It's pretty awesome actually. I have to teach him how to use my curling iron and hair straightener.

 

[lalalayla]

Update

A little update on my situation:

I have been really enjoying my time with this man in bed. I really love being his dom. It's not extreme, however it is well known in the bedroom its all about me & I am in charge.

However, he is so crazy about me that I am still weirded out about him being turned on about me dating other guys while he is faithful (I have never dated a man that would not get jealous over this) - i wouldn't want to ruin the relationship. Regarding sex with other men, he said he doesn't want me to but the threat of it would turn him on. What do you think about this desire? Is it common? how do I approach this? Do I talk about the guy Im going on a date with?

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

A little update on my situation:

I have been really enjoying my time with this man in bed. I really love being his dom. It's not extreme, however it is well known in the bedroom its all about me & I am in charge.

However, he is so crazy about me that I am still weirded out about him being turned on about me dating other guys while he is faithful (I have never dated a man that would not get jealous over this) - i wouldn't want to ruin the relationship. Regarding sex with other men, he said he doesn't want me to but the threat of it would turn him on. What do you think about this desire? Is it common? how do I approach this? Do I talk about the guy Im going on a date with?

On this front, I would say just go out with the guy in public and flirt with other men right in front of him. That should be a good start. Then you can see how he takes it, if he seems to truly enjoy it or not, and go with the flow from there.

 

[fit2betied]

Switching it up

"We agreed it wouldn't be a lifestyle thing, and even though I consider myself an submissive in bed, I am a dominant in day to day life (So I guess it makes sense to like roles switching for some). Anyway, I felt really embarrassed not being able to dominate him/not knowing ....but he is significantly older and I honestly don't have too much experience. So, can anyone help me here? "


If you're man is in such a high pressure position I can totally understand his need to hand over the dominate position while engaging in sexual activitys. Just tell him you also enjoy giving yourself to him and need him to understand the roles need to be flipped sometimes.

 

[Netzach]

There are a lot of ways to work this fetish without sleeping with someone else, and getting to the point where he'll be begging you to do it and you'll want to well in advance of doing it. My advice is don't actually do it until he's begging you to do it. If you want to get to that point - you will.

Favorites of mine -

Flirt with others - best possible idea. Collect phone numbers, overtly engage other men right in front of him.

Get a dildo bigger than he is and use it often. Compare it favorably to an ex of yours. Call out his name while using it, make new guy suck on your boobs while you do.

Go through your "little black book" while he's going down on you. Ask him which of the guys whose numbers you've been collecting you ought to call.

Make him pick out men "for you" while you're out. In a kind of demented "fantasy football" sense. Who's hot?

 

[BlondieSinner29]

I love the top role. I can't get enough of it. Both roles turn me on, but the top one has always been the most intriguing to me, because I've watched videos, and the sexiest women in these videos were the Dom's. They were creative with their language, very in tune with their partners needs, and some of them leave good advice. This one lady said if you step on a guys balls, he will eat your pussy better. The two ladies tried it, and it worked. Interesting huh?

But what these ladies do, is they go by what the guy requests. So it's not like they force it on him or anything, you just pay attention to your partners needs. What he likes and dislikes. Is he into spanking? light pain, rough pain? etc.. The key is communication. Does he like the idea of watching you have sex with another man? Use these things to your advantage if he does, because guys that like the bottom role are the most interesting, ones, to find. Ecpecially if it's an older man.

You should see my husband. His punishment for not staying with me, and listening, actually put him in jail, in real life. Now i talk to him on the phone every day, with that, "I told you so!" voice.

I ask him things like, "Are you being a good boy in there? Behaving yourself? Taking your meds?" If you do i'll unlock you with my mind. Just for giggles. But for the most part he knows I get the upper-hand in the end because my intuition about the future is very strong. And when your a female and you have powerful intuition, you make a good dom as well, because you will always know what's in front of you. How to make plans, and what to expect. The key is knowing yourself and what you like.

This isn't about his pleasure, it's about, "Your pleasure!" So think about all the things that would get you off, have him take you shopping, and always remeber to communicate with him, and if you sense he's disobeying you, or acting naughty, write out a list of punishments for each consequences, that way you can properly train him as your love-slave. Think about it. I don't know why so many women prefer the bottom. It can be fun, but I would be scared of how selfish my man would become if I gave him the upper-hand. My old b/f before he passed away said, "When you really look at it, it's the woman who controls the bed, top or bottom, it doesn't matter, if she say's no, it means no!"

And what man wouldn't want to be a love-slave to a beautiful woman?