World apart but together for once

[YellowBarroned]

So this is the story idea and the outline. There are 2 characters that are worlds apart.

One character is a slutty college girl that happens to be White and good looking, we are going to call her Nicole. She has rich parents, is majoring in communcations, hardly studies, and spends most of her time in college partying and sleeping around. She is a mean person and loves to put down everyone to make herself feel better.

http://37.media.tumblr.com/31cb9f96a6a32820b8f5fb311243d856/tumblr_n46z39DOcL1rd219so2_1280.jpg

The other character is Avan. Avan is a studious kid, we can make him either korean or indian but the latter seems to fit the description more, who is somewhat good looking in a nerdy way, and he cares about his grades. He spends most of his time getting work done and building a resume for life after college so he can get into a good grad school. Hardly parties and spends most of his weekends working out and catching up with work.

http://www2.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Manish+Dayal+Puma+Presents+Riddim+Run+Benefiting+Gj85HqKuoQkl.jpg

The interaction:

Avan keeps seeing Nicole at the gym and can't help but be attracted to her. Nicole is used to having guys stare at her as she is a good looking girl and doesn't even notice. Over time both Nicole and Avan realize they have the same gym schedules.

One day Nicole catches Avan looking at her as she is on the treadmill and she calls him out on it saying "they blocked porn on your computer?" out loud as the few guys in the gym laugh at what has happened. Nicole smiles knowing she has embarrassed Avan.

Later on:

The following semester Nicole and Avan move into the same apartment building. Both of them run into each other a lot, Nicole laughs at Avan as Avan tries not to look at her.

One Saturday morning Nicole realizes while jogging how behind she is in her laundry and decides to do it that morning. With no one around she goes to the laundry room with her laundry and finds Avan there. Nicole is covered in sweat and has her laundry in the basket but then she realizes that her yoga pants she has on might need to be washed. Nicole decides to take them off with Avan looking, she looks back at him and smiles.

Being busy with work Nicole has not had sex in 3 weeks so she decides to seduce Avan. The two make out and Nicole putting her yoga pants back on decides to take Avan to her apartment where the two end up having sex.

At first Nicole thinks she is going to dominate him. She makes out with him and then finds out as the two are naked that he is actually hung and hasn't had sex in a while himself. Now she realizes she might be in for one wild ride.

 

[Privates1stClass]

At first Nicole thinks she is going to dominate him. She makes out with him and then finds out as the two are naked that he is actually hung and hasn't had sex in a while himself. Now she realizes she might be in for one wild ride.

Add some tension and good old-fashioned conflict to the mix, and I think the idea could be turned into quite a good story. Instead of dominating him, he turns the tables and gives her a fucking like she's never had before.

 

[YellowBarroned]

Add some tension and good old-fashioned conflict to the mix, and I think the idea could be turned into quite a good story. Instead of dominating him, he turns the tables and gives her a fucking like she's never had before.

that was the plan, anyone else want to add more criticism?

 

[DarkPleasures]

Criticism?

 

[YellowBarroned]

I didn't pick my words correctly it seems

criticism
ideas
or anything of the sort

all will be appreciated

 

[DarkPleasures]

Ah! Okay.

 

[Iceprincess12]

I didn't pick my words correctly it seems

criticism
ideas
or anything of the sort

all will be appreciated

Are you trying to make this into a typical boy wants out of his league girl, she falls for him and they live hapily ever after? I think it would be more interesting if she eventually falls for him, only to find out that he is in an arranged marriage and he wanted to get more practice with sex before the big night. He chose her because she has experience and he knows she wouls never fall for him. In the end he marries his arranged bride-he does love her-and she now knows what she has put others through. This might be longer than you want, but there could be a big contrast between the sex with her and his bride.

Btw, he is very cute!

 

[LWulf]

My understanding of law tells me that helping anybody create a story, who does this is breaking the law by either slander or libel (some contend that the internet is 'conversations' and not actually 'printed' words. In that regard, "slander" is part of the law that covers conversations) would mean I am complicit in the act that I see as being illegal.

This is just me explaining why I'm not being my normal snarky self in a thread I would normally be commenting on.

 

[YellowBarroned]

how is this libel or slander?

and not this won't go far into marriage or anything

 

[YellowBarroned]

well story is currently underway

 

[loquere]

I imagined this happening at the University of London, UCL specifically.

 

[loquere]

well story is currently underway

Is this true, are you writing it yourself? I was willing to write this, consolidating the “steering idea” with a story idea in my queue, PM me.

 

[YellowBarroned]

Is this true, are you writing it yourself? I was willing to write this, consolidating the “steering idea” with a story idea in my queue, PM me.

Yes I am writing it myself, will be up for review soon.

 

[StrayKat]

What I would make out of it would be something along the line..... she used to bully him for being a good student and nerd in school, then a few years later when she is in a need of a job founds him as her boss.
Moral of the story, mind your grades more than your looks

 

[loquere]

Yes I am writing it myself, will be up for review soon.

I thought about your idea all day at work yesterday, my mind creating a plan. Then I get home to use Litt and see you’ve gone all lone ranger, which is good, writing it yourself is great. My idea would not have turned out exactly as you wanted.
I have two ideas in my queue that I’ve planned to work on after my current project. These two stories fit like a glove into your concept, one story continue stemming out of the first.
I would keep the Indian-American guy; he’s cute very smart & skipped two years of school. He’s 20 but a junior at University.
I would keep the strikingly hot blonde girl
I would keep the gym, I’d have her doing standing split yoga


Lets PM in an hour

 

[loquere]

To be honest i'll write my version. It wont be the same thing.

 

[YellowBarroned]

wow, I would have never known a desi gentleman with a white woman would have turned so much interests, this idea is rarely done as much so I thought of it. I intend to do much more work involving east asian men with white women in the future but this one is just something I came up with out of the blue.

 

[loquere]

wow, I would have never known a desi gentleman with a white woman would have turned so much interests, this idea is rarely done as much so I thought of it. I intend to do much more work involving east asian men with white women in the future but this one is just something I came up with out of the blue.

I had two ideas that just weren't working because I was being stubborn about what I wanted. Your idea was simple and relatable enough to open my mind a bit. I have written stories using Chinese, white, black, Latino characters but an Indian-American(desi) character is new, but is being used because it fits. In all other cases I would not be inclined to write ethnic non-western stories.

 

[YellowBarroned]

I had two ideas that just weren't working because I was being stubborn about what I wanted. Your idea was simple and relatable enough to open my mind a bit. I'd written using a Chinese, white, black, Latino persons but an Indian-American no however one fit here. In all other cases I would not be inclined to ethnic non western stories.

can you rephrase that to make it more clear to me

 

[loquere]

I had two story ideas that just weren't working, because I was being stubborn about the plot I wanted. Your idea was simple and relatable enough to open my mind a bit. I have written stories using Chinese, white, black, & Latino characters but an Indian-American(desi) character is new. An Indian character is being used because it fits. In all other cases I would not be inclined to write ethnic non-western stories.

 

[Hypoxia]

I had two story ideas that just weren't working, because I was being stubborn about the plot I wanted. Your idea was simple and relatable enough to open my mind a bit. I have written stories using Chinese, white, black, & Latino characters but an Indian-American(desi) character is new. An Indian character is being used because it fits. In all other cases I would not be inclined to write ethnic non-western stories.

Ah, it's good that you straightened-out your words.

Meanwhile, I'll comment on ethnic realms and stereotypes. Much more diversity exists than can be shoehorned into "Chinese, white, black, & Latino characters" (and desi). In my stories I feature members of various North and Central American aboriginal groups, which I name. Also various of the nationalities that get lumped together as 'white'. And as 'Asian', and 'black'. India's ethnic diversity is greater than Europe's; are many ethnicities to choose from.

Each ethnic group possesses stereotypes, both as others see them, and as they see others. I like to exploit those stereotypes, but also flip them. No matter the ethnicity, they're PEOPLE, and can be written-in to stories without too much trouble. I edited a story with generic shipboard characters for whom I penciled-in nationalities: the Filipina nurse, Sri Lankan doctor, Bengali something-or-other (I forget now). Now we can see each character -- they have faces.

Once a label is assigned, we can build the character to match (and confound) the stereotypes. I set one DEXTER episode in Tehuantepec (Mexico's wasp-waist, Pacific side) because I knew the local indigenous culture is matriarchal and I wanted strong women in the story. (BTW, Frida Kahlo wore Tehuana-style clothes to show that SHE was a powerful woman and not just Diego Rivera's plaything.) But I'm also writing a story with a Mohawk who is NOT a high-steel worker. Hmm, I should make him afraid of heights -- THAT will flip the stereotype!

My point is, it's pretty lazy to confine ourselves to a limited stock of ethnicities. It's not just AS SIMPLE AS BLACK AND WHITE (my latest posted story, about 3-way interracial incest, yes, you heard that right). The more peoples we write about, the richer our stories become.

 

[loquere]

Ah, it's good that you straightened-out your words.

Meanwhile, I'll comment on ethnic realms and stereotypes. Much more diversity exists than can be shoehorned into "Chinese, white, black, & Latino characters" (and desi). In my stories I feature members of various North and Central American aboriginal groups, which I name. Also various of the nationalities that get lumped together as 'white'. And as 'Asian', and 'black'. India's ethnic diversity is greater than Europe's; are many ethnicities to choose from.

Each ethnic group possesses stereotypes, both as others see them, and as they see others. I like to exploit those stereotypes, but also flip them. No matter the ethnicity, they're PEOPLE, and can be written-in to stories without too much trouble. I edited a story with generic shipboard characters for whom I penciled-in nationalities: the Filipina nurse, Sri Lankan doctor, Bengali something-or-other (I forget now). Now we can see each character -- they have faces.

Once a label is assigned, we can build the character to match (and confound) the stereotypes. I set one DEXTER episode in Tehuantepec (Mexico's wasp-waist, Pacific side) because I knew the local indigenous culture is matriarchal and I wanted strong women in the story. (BTW, Frida Kahlo wore Tehuana-style clothes to show that SHE was a powerful woman and not just Diego Rivera's plaything.) But I'm also writing a story with a Mohawk who is NOT a high-steel worker. Hmm, I should make him afraid of heights -- THAT will flip the stereotype!

My point is, it's pretty lazy to confine ourselves to a limited stock of ethnicities. It's not just AS SIMPLE AS BLACK AND WHITE (my latest posted story, about 3-way interracial incest, yes, you heard that right). The more peoples we write about, the richer our stories become.

This was too many far too many words. Please condense.

 

[Hypoxia]

This was too many far too many words. Please condense.

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

 

[loquere]

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Writers at the begging should write what they know, develop there foundation, so I'm doing that. Beyond this comfort zone, a writer can only write what makes them blissful. Writing about aboriginals engaging in incest would do nothing for me: creatively, intellectually or sexually. Different writers have different passions.

I appreciate your above long ass advice Hypoxia. Sorry that it wasn't read earlier.

 

[HeyAll]

I think it works better as a lesbian story.