A new dom looking for advice

[helloworld09]

I recently got to know this lady, a lovely young lady who I found out that is also very into D/S relationship. I have always been interested in this kind of relationship and been doing some readings online too. So as a beginner, any advice how I should get this going? Task, rules, games etc?

P.S. She loves getting spanked, a lot.

 

[CutieMouse]

Umm... talk to her? Ask her what she is interested in and what "this kind of relationship" looks like, to her?

Then you know, explore stuff? Kinda like any other relationship?

 

[helloworld09]

Umm... talk to her? Ask her what she is interested in and what "this kind of relationship" looks like, to her?

Then you know, explore stuff? Kinda like any other relationship?

Alright, I think gonna start with some simple task like take off bra while in a restaurant, and then slowly try with more things. And do we set up our boundary at the start or along the way?

 

[Loverskitten]

Alright, I think gonna start with some simple task like take off bra while in a restaurant, and then slowly try with more things. And do we set up our boundary at the start or along the way?

Classy.
I'm pretty sure that's not the kind of talking CM suggested.

 

[BuzzCzar]

I guess the most important question is do you want an actual relationship with this woman or are you simply looking for a play partner? In either case you need her input about her wants, desires, fears, etc. Listen....I'll say it again, LISTEN to her.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Google "BDSM checklist." Review a few of the top results. Pick one (or two) for you both to complete. Compare responses.

Then have an actual conversation about the "Ohhhh, yeah!" responses and the "Not in this lifetime!" responses and some of the less enthusiastic but still positive responses, to see whether your interests coincide enough to give a relationship any chance of success.

BTW, you don't mention if you "got to know" her online or in the flesh. It makes a difference.

 

[Endless_Night]

Alright, I think gonna start with some simple task like take off bra while in a restaurant, and then slowly try with more things. And do we set up our boundary at the start or along the way?

Definitely talk about boundaries at the beginning, particularly since your considering public tasks.

Pull up those BDSM checklists, as SW suggests. And you might consider checking out the How To section on the board. There are some helpful articles dealing with D/s.

 

[CutieMouse]

Alright, I think gonna start with some simple task like take off bra while in a restaurant, and then slowly try with more things. And do we set up our boundary at the start or along the way?

:headdesk:

Ya know, if what you got out of "sit down and talk about it" was to recreate cliche porn in public, and THEN worry about boundaries....

sigh.

Boundaries first; lame reality porn second.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

:headdesk:

Ya know, if what you got out of "sit down and talk about it" was to recreate cliche porn in public, and THEN worry about boundaries....

sigh.

Boundaries first; lame reality porn second.

:: Considers reporting CM for desk abuse ::

 

[IrisAlthea]

:: Considers reporting CM for desk abuse ::

Hey, it could be consensual.

 

[helloworld09]

I guess the most important question is do you want an actual relationship with this woman or are you simply looking for a play partner? In either case you need her input about her wants, desires, fears, etc. Listen....I'll say it again, LISTEN to her.

Going into sort of a middle ground between just pure play partner and actual relationship with her, like would like to care for her body as well as soul. Yeah, trying to understand her desire, fear

 

[helloworld09]

Definitely talk about boundaries at the beginning, particularly since your considering public tasks.

Pull up those BDSM checklists, as SW suggests. And you might consider checking out the How To section on the board. There are some helpful articles dealing with D/s.

Yeah, would like to have some checklists. I'm sorry but may I know which 'how to' section you refer to?

 

[LWulf]

"How to"

 

[Endless_Night]

You might also want to check out the Library Sticky link at the top of the BDSM Talk Page. There are archived discussions and suggested books.

A couple of books, off the top of my head:

SM 101 by Jay Wiseman
The Topping Book & The Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy

You might want to look for a Stella_Omega post. She has a great link in her sig discussing topping/bottoming/domming and submitting.

 

[Endless_Night]

Actually, Here, for Stella_Omega.

 

[satindesire]

The New Topping Book: "Tens of thousands learned the emotional and ethical skills of BDSM topping from the first `Topping Book.` Now, in addition to the sage advice and good humor that made the first edition a classic, the authors tackle some of the issues that have come up for tops in the last six years: on-line domination, the challenges and rewards of `lifestyle` relationships, ensuring our own and our partners` safety, and more."

http://www.amazon.com/The-Topping-Book-Dossie-Easton/dp/1890159360

The New Bottoming Book: "Almost a decade ago, the first `Bottoming Book` taught tens of thousands of people that bottoming - being a submissive, masochist, slave, `boy` or `girl,` or other BDSM recipient - is as much an art as topping. Since then, the growing popularity of BDSM, and the blossoming of the Internet as a source of information and connection, have created a whole new universe of possibilities for players. Now, the completely updated revised `New Bottoming Book` gives even more insights and ideas, updated for a new millennium, about how to be a successful, popular bottom! New sections on dominance/submission play, bridging the gap from on-line to real-time relationships, the four stages of a scene, and more. Plus, Fish`s hot illustrations of bottoms in action, many moving and funny anecdotes, and an extra-large helping of the realistic wisdom for which these authors are known."

http://www.amazon.com/The-Bottoming-Book-Janet-Hardy/dp/1890159352/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_y

When Someone You Love is Kinky: "When Someone You Love Is Kinky to help "non-kinky" folks understand and communicate with their kinky friends, partners, and relatives. Included are guidelines for dealing with the emotional turmoil of the coming-out process; brief and non-threatening descriptions of the commonest kinks (and ideas about why people enjoy them); suggestions for how to talk to your kinky friend or relative in ways that promote good communication; explanation of how kinky people keep themselves safe while exploring diverse sexualities; a glossary of commonly used terminology from the kink communities; a resource guide to help the reader find further information and support."

http://www.amazon.com/When-Someone-...r=1-1&keywords=when+someone+you+love+is+kinky

Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns: "The classic guide to sadomasochism by two experienced players. This unabashed, entertaining book strips away myth, shame and fear, revealing the truth about an intense form of eroticism too long misunderstood and condemned. It is fully indexed and includes over 225 photos and illustrations, a 250-plus word glossary, appendices with over 650 contacts for SM related clubs, stores, craftspeople and literature."

http://www.amazon.com/Screw-Roses-S...1&keywords=screw+the+roses+send+me+the+thorns

Read ALL these books. Together. Then talk with her. Then talk some more. Talk again. Keep talking until you two have figured each other's boundaries, wants, needs, and fantasies out.

Cliche porn moves that non-consensually involve other people in your kink are not cool. Your fetishes and sex lives need to be private or with CONSENTING people in public. Don't involve other people unwillingly in your sex life.

 

[isabellepain]

I would say boundries and rules are critical. Always be honest..dont hide anything from her

 

[Primalex]

Always be honest..dont hide anything from her

Bleh...then she asks how he likes her new haircut. BOOM. Relationship over.

A successful relationship is one where both parties know when to lie.

 

[isabellepain]

Bleh...then she asks how he likes her new hair cut. BOOM. Relationship over.

A successful relationship is one where both parties know when to lie.

About a haircut maybe!

 

[isabellepain]

Bleh...then she asks how he likes her new hair cut. BOOM. Relationship over.

A successful relationship is one where both parties know when to lie.

Loved your biography!

 

[Stella_Omega]

Loved your biography!

Bill Murray's alter ego.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Bleh...then she asks how he likes her new hair cut. BOOM. Relationship over.

A successful relationship is one where both parties know when to lie.

Haha, nothing like being together in a long relationship to teach you diplomacy.

-Do these jeans make my ass look fat?
-No honey, the jeans are just fine.

 

[satindesire]

Haha, nothing like being together in a long relationship to teach you diplomacy.

-Do these jeans make my ass look fat?
-No honey, the jeans are just fine.

Or you could be in MY marriage.

"Honey, do these pants make my ass look big?"
"Hell Yes!"
"...AWESOME!" *highfive!*

 

[unregistered]

 

[satindesire]

Oh, Satindesire. I love reading your posts!

Miss you, dear.

Girl I'm on Facebook every day, I can't believe you have time to miss me!