older woman, eh?
very very sweetI was 23 and she was 19 and also a virgin, we'd been in a long-distance relationship for a couple of years. Nine years later and we're now married and have a child. 'Long-distance relationships never work'
I hate this question, because for me it's not a simple number answer. If I give that number it will seem strange. You have to know me to understand why.
So pull up a chair, it's story time.
To begin with I am now and for as far back as my memory goes a person extremely interested in sex. I was playing doctor in my single digits, and read part of an erotic novel at ten. Saw my first porn at 12. That led to even greater interest of course.
Now, I was raised in a household where sex... did not exist. It was never mentioned, talked about, discussed in any way shape or form. I was never given a birds and bees talk of any kind. No.
I was taught that my interest in that "unmentionable stuff" was nasty and wrong. I was also taught to be ashamed of my own body. I was told that there were 'dirty' parts that you should not touch.
Lets see just how badly we can warp a child, right?
Well, the answer to that is pretty badly. By the time I got into my teens I was so shy it's not funny. I loved to talk to older women but not to girls my own age.
You also need to know that between 11 and 21 I lost every member of my immediate family except for my mom and half brother. And my Mom divorced his dad, (who till then I had called father) so I also lost a whole separate family that I was now no longer related too. They made me feel very awkward when ever I saw them. Still do to this day.
Now back to the warping of MSTarot.
I was poor. There is no other word for it. I had no and I mean no money till after I quit school and went to work and even then most of what I made went to help with bills.
I was living with my grandmother. Being, for the most part, ignored by my mom and new step dad. I talked to my brother maybe twice a year.
No money for dates, cars, nice clothes... hell anything nice. I don't look back on it and think I didn't have anything. I had what I needed to live.
So, there I am in high school, dead broke. Lets then make matters worse. The first girl I had a crush on in high school decided to have some fun with my heart. She flirted with me up to the point of our first kiss then I found out it was a joke to her. The whole thing.
So, will it surprise anyone to know, that at that point in my life, I sought escape in books? I became the D&D playing, comic book reading, fantasy novel... devouring person I would be for the next 5 years.
Now women are intelligent. They don't look for people that are only half in this world. So even when I finally had money I wasn't attracting my share of female attention.
There were a few opportunities but remember. Shy to the point it was sickening. And thank you family for making me so mentally twisted about my own body and sex.
Then my grandmother died.
My last real anchor to this world. I was... well I should have been in a padded room. I was dangerous to myself and to others, but I didn't want to be around others so it never showed.
There are two groups of poems in my reading list from that time.
I had friends but not anyone I would let close to me. It hurt too much. I was afraid to be close to anyone else. They always seemed to die.
I was also suicidal. I just didn't care if I lived or died.
Now into this comes a very wonderful woman. She liked the way I looked and decided that she wanted to know more about me. I have to say I loved her from the moment I first saw her.
And I was terrified of her.
I didn't want to be hurt again and I knew she could do it very easily... but I was so alone. She was funny, smart, and the main one that caught my heart... needing someone to love her just as much.
She had just come through a bad marriage. To an abusive husband. The list of what he did to her is far too long.
We were both broken people.
We made love on our first date, hell not even really a date just dinner at a Waffle House ( it was 3:00 in the morning) then making out in the front seat of her car... that lead to my house and my bed.
She didn't know I was a virgin till we were laying there talking, just holding each other, afterwards. She said she wouldn't have know if I hadn't told her (remember not an innocent just a virgin) that I was.
I had just turned 27. She was 25.
She moved in a month latter, we were married almost one month less a year to the day when we first meet.
We've been married for 15 years. We went 8 years with our biggest argument being how you fold towels.
MST
