First time gay sex (m/m, m/m/f, some bdsm)

[Varian P]

I'm venturing out of my warm, dark cave after a long hiatus from writing my fun filth, and have suddenly spawned a novel about a straight musician in his late twenties who is seduced by a gay acquaintance.

If anyone is willing, I'd love to get some feedback on a few sections of the novel. Feel free to pick a scene that best suits your mood and then I can arrange to get you the appropriate excerpt:

backstory + first encounter (very tame but hopefully sexy)

first time having sex with a man (explicit but rather tender)

bdsm m/m/f threesome (explicit, non-consent roleplay)

bdsm m/m/m threesome (graphically explicit)

Thanks!

 

[sr71plt]

Nice to see you back writing.

 

[Varian P]

Thank you--it's nice to be back writing. I've honestly been a bit worried for the last few years that the well had gone dry.

I'm happy to see you're still here in the old neighborhood.

 

[sr71plt]

I'd be happy to look at the excerpts if I can have a bit of time with them--I have a heavy writing and editing load at the moment. You can PM me for an address to e-mail attach Word versions to.

 

[Varian P]

As I hope you know, I always find your input particularly insightful and helpful, so of course I'd be very grateful to get your suggestions. I'll pm you.

 

[sr71plt]

Comments on chapter 1 sent off via e-mail attachment. Let me know if they don't arrive. (thumbs up mostly. The writing, as always, is the most elegant I've seen from a Lit. author.)

 

[Varian P]

Comments on chapter 1 sent off via e-mail attachment. Let me know if they don't arrive. (thumbs up mostly. The writing, as always, is the most elegant I've seen from a Lit. author.)

Thank you! I'll go have a look right now. I'm relieved and encouraged to hear I haven't completely lost it during my years of hibernation.

 

[AMoveableBeast]

I've read your stuff--what you have available here, at least. It was rather enjoyable. I will offer feedback, if you like. I'm a bit of a non-consent hound. That section would suit my interests well.

 

[Varian P]

Thank you for your kind offer. I'll PM you.

 

[Bettyspages]

I'm new but how do I get to those stories? The only stories I see for you are old.

 

[Varian P]

The first chapter is up if you want to check it out:

https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc3/t1.0-9/p403x403/10258054_1403385709938026_37565940212520559_n.jpg

 

[Bettyspages]

I checked it out, I want more!

 

[Varian P]

I checked it out, I want more!

I've submitted chapter two, so hopefully you'll have more soon...

 

[Bettyspages]

Awesome.

 

[Varian P]

I checked it out, I want more!

Chapter two of Switch is up!

 

[Bettyspages]

Well one thing is I am really bad about where to start and end paragraphs. I think on screen it is really hard on the eyes to read a long paragraph. It's so different on paper so it's very frustrating I think. Some of the paragraphs I thought could be broken up, but again I am no expert in that myself.

Other than that, oh I think I almost passed out halfway through. Very passionate and soulful!

 

[Hypoxia]

Well one thing is I am really bad about where to start and end paragraphs. I think on screen it is really hard on the eyes to read a long paragraph. It's so different on paper so it's very frustrating I think. Some of the paragraphs I thought could be broken up, but again I am no expert in that myself.

Screens and paper pages are entirely different worlds, as you have found. Screens, especially smaller screens, seem to make for shorter attention spans. My editing warez are set for line lengths similar to LIT web or mobile-size pages (I read a lot using the LIT Android app on my tablet). I write most of my paragraphs so they'll be no more than four lines long, and I'll very rarely go as long as seven lines. Other authors have their own standards; this works for me.

How to break a paragraph? Find or make a natural pause, and split it there.

 

[sr71plt]

Might also note the composition for paragraphs for fiction isn't what you learned for themes in school. You don't need to start with a topic sentence and end with a conclusion sentence. You just need some sense of transition.

 

[Varian P]

Well one thing is I am really bad about where to start and end paragraphs. I think on screen it is really hard on the eyes to read a long paragraph. It's so different on paper so it's very frustrating I think. Some of the paragraphs I thought could be broken up, but again I am no expert in that myself.

Other than that, oh I think I almost passed out halfway through. Very passionate and soulful!

Thanks! Yes, it's my chronic ailment, writing long sentences, and lining them up bumper-to-bumper in endless paragraphs. I'll try to be more kind to your eyes and brain going forward.

I'm going to keep trying to make you pass out, though.

 

[Varian P]

Might also note the composition for paragraphs for fiction isn't what you learned for themes in school. You don't need to start with a topic sentence and end with a conclusion sentence. You just need some sense of transition.

He pushed me against the wall and screwed me hard for hours.

The scrambled eggs were delicious.

 

[sr71plt]

He pushed me against the wall and screwed me hard for hours.

The scrambled eggs were delicious.

Oh, I could see that in the same paragraph. If he screwed her really hard, I can imagine her eggs got scrambled.

(Sorry, I had to take time off from Beta reading someone's novel.)

 

[lovecraft68]

Looks like a little m/m porn going on right here.

 

[sr71plt]

Fuck off, stalker. Pretty dumb of you not to know that Varian is a woman.

 

[Varian P]

Oh, I could see that in the same paragraph. If he screwed her really hard, I can imagine her eggs got scrambled.

(Sorry, I had to take time off from Beta reading someone's novel.)

Right before we did it for the first time he asked me, "Do you want your eggs scrambled, or over easy?

 

[Varian P]

Fuck off, stalker. Pretty dumb of you not to know that Varian is a woman.

Stop it before I get jealous.