Power of Persuasion

[dreadpiratenobeard]

Hey Gang -

I just got my first two stories published and they are doing fairly well. I just wanted to see if anyone wanted to read them and send the occasional critique my way.

http://www.literotica.com/s/power-of-persuaion-ch-01
http://www.literotica.com/s/power-of-persuasion-ch-02

 

[Bramblethorn]

Hey Gang -

I just got my first two stories published and they are doing fairly well. I just wanted to see if anyone wanted to read them and send the occasional critique my way.

http://www.literotica.com/s/power-of-persuaion-ch-01
http://www.literotica.com/s/power-of-persuasion-ch-02

When asking for feedback it's a good idea to let people know what genre the stories are, especially with non-consensual mind control - it's not everybody's cup of tea.

I'm not particularly into MC so I can't say much about whether it works as a MC story. Looks like the readers enjoyed it, which is the main thing. Just a few comments:

- Might have been nice to have a little bit more on how/why he developed this power, or at least on what it feels like to use it.
- Watch... the... ellipses...
- It gets a bit predictable: guy wants sex and money, guy gets what he wants. I suspect regular MC readers won't mind that as much as I do, but it might still be interesting to add an element of challenge somewhere in there. What if he runs into somebody who's resistant to his powers, or a situation that can't easily be solved by mind-control?

 

[robertreams]

Sorry, didn't do it for me. Persuation, artful seduction is more my cup of tea. Different strokes, but. . .It is also a bit trite.

 

[sweet_lusciousdesire]

Very enjoyable! Well Done!