Feedback wanted: Edge of Reason

[LaRascasse]

Hi,

I'd appreciate some feedback on a two part story I've written. The theme is lesbian. I've tried to work more on the plot and character development than the sex itself. Any criticism, comment, general suggestion would be taken into consideration.

Another thing I want to know is if the story works on it's own. One of the fears of reusing a character is you assume the reader knows things from the previous stories. I'm trying to avoid that pitfall.

Here are the links.

Part 1
Part 2

 

[Bert_Fegg]

I loved it - used the feedback form on part one - currently reading part two - I think hushes is a typo though - the one at the start.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I loved it - used the feedback form on part one - currently reading part two - I think hushes is a typo though - the one at the start.

Well, that's a great advertisement for my editorial skills :-/

 

[Bert_Fegg]

Well, that's a great advertisement for my editorial skills :-/

Can't win them all. Was rather tactless to mention it though. Apologies.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Can't win them all. Was rather tactless to mention it though. Apologies.

No, it's fine I was being melodramatic.

 

[LaRascasse]

I loved it - used the feedback form on part one - currently reading part two - I think hushes is a typo though - the one at the start.

Thanks. What was your opinion of part 2 and the story as a whole?

 

[Bert_Fegg]

Thanks. What was your opinion of part 2 and the story as a whole?

I remember thinking the prosecutions opening remarks were a little awkwardly phrased and kind of weak, insofar as they only admonished the jury not to accept the premise of temporary insanity - There were no positive claims "The prosecution will establish beyond reasonable doubt x, y, z..." there were other things, but the fact that I can't remember what they were now, shows how big an issue they were. I think that it was a bit far-fetched to bill the case as having such a slim chance of acquittal, given the circumstances. I admit this could be because in England at least there's the impression that killing someone with a firearm isn't technically a crime in your country any more. But even in the UK the defendant would have had a reasonable chance of acquittal, provided the weapon was legal, so I think the hopelessness of the case was overstated a bit.

I liked the idea of not giving the verdict, but I couldn't see any way she wasn't getting acquitted - The prosecution never really scored big. However none of these points was enough to spoil my enjoyment, and I thought it was very well written indeed.