Help Training Online Sub

[eager_master]

I just recently (last night) found an online sub. We talked and got to know each other a little bit before I began to use her. I gave her an assignment (right now it is online, it may be moved to real life soon since we live two hours away). So far she is a quick learner.

I am trying to think of new ways to use her little pussy. So far she has pissed in her pants and after her first experience she has written about it. She has no limits except that we keep it online for now, and no children. Any ideas from doms/subs about how to use and abuse her, painful ideas or anything else? I am new at this but I find it fascinating.

 

[subdued_passion]

Just remember that your sub is a person and their submission is a gift to you so don't misuse it.

I think you're bound to find more helpful/useful suggestions in the BDSM forum.

 

[eager_master]

I know that. She loves a little bit of pain and really has no limits and I will not break the children limit. As for public she will have to learn to like that.

 

[Debbie]

I just recently (last night) found an online sub. We talked and got to know each other a little bit before I began to use her. I gave her an assignment (right now it is online, it may be moved to real life soon since we live two hours away). So far she is a quick learner.

I am trying to think of new ways to use her little pussy. So far she has pissed in her pants and after her first experience she has written about it. She has no limits except that we keep it online for now, and no children. Any ideas from doms/subs about how to use and abuse her, painful ideas or anything else? I am new at this but I find it fascinating.

I know that. She loves a little bit of pain and really has no limits and I will not break the children limit. As for public she will have to learn to like that.

? What do children have to do with it?

 

[GiggLeGasm]

you lost me at "abuse her"

is this a dynamic with which you're familiar?

 

[fire_breeze]

I know that. She loves a little bit of pain and really has no limits and I will not break the children limit. As for public she will have to learn to like that.

Be careful with public play, as it may completely backfire. As the unwanted recipient of several people flashing me at what was obviously their dominants' direction, it was deeply offensive. I did not ask to be a part of their play, I did not agree to their play and I really did not want to see anybody's junk.

In my not so humble opinion? Unless you have the expressed consent of all peoples- or are in a place where such behaviour would be appropriate- leave any potential play for behind the metaphorical dungeon doors. Even those in the lifestyle do not want to be a part of yours.

Just my inflated discontinued pennies.

 

[Eilan]

I just recently (last night) found an online sub.

Just last night? What could possibly go wrong?

As for public she will have to learn to like that.

Like fire_breeze said, it's bad form to subject the unsuspecting public to your kink. Are you gonna pay her legal fees if she gets arrested?

 

[LallyH]

I just recently (last night) found an online sub. We talked and got to know each other a little bit before I began to use her. I gave her an assignment (right now it is online, it may be moved to real life soon since we live two hours away). So far she is a quick learner.

I am trying to think of new ways to use her little pussy. So far she has pissed in her pants and after her first experience she has written about it. She has no limits except that we keep it online for now, and no children. Any ideas from doms/subs about how to use and abuse her, painful ideas or anything else? I am new at this but I find it fascinating.

Yes she does. Everyone does. She just may not have reached her limits in her previous experiences (if any). Please be careful.

 

[Malich]

So, new sub, new dom and you're already saying that you're going to make her break one of her stated limits.

Lets start with the basics shall we?

As already mentioned above, a sub is a human being, a person in their own right and as deserving of your respect and care as you want to be of theirs. It is a poor dom who forgets that. The used and abused talk is all well and good between the two of you as part of your shared fantasies... but don't let it it become they way you think about the relationship. Treat a sub like an object and one of two things will happen

1) you find the sub gets pissed off with being an object and will leave you and possibly start the building of a bad reputation for you,

2) in an effort to be the best sub they can be, they agree to everything you ask in an attempt to please you and they end up feeling so worthless and broken that their mental state suffers.

Neither of these, I hope you agree, is a good thing.

The best doms out there are the ones who care for and nurture their sub's development. If you're serious about developing a long term relationship with this person then you should slow down a bit and take your time to figure out what makes them tick.

The people on here could probably give you a hundred inventive tasks without breaking a sweat... but those will probably ones that we know work for our subs, they may not work for yours. Spend a few weeks figuring out their fantasies and where they want to be as a sub.

Also, spend some time figuring out what you want. Are you looking for some NSA kinky sex with someone you think is easy because they're a sub and sub = slut? Or are you looking to build a deep, potentially long lasting relationship with someone who might become your life partner? Does your new online sub know what you are expecting? Can you tell me right now what they are looking for? Do they see you as just a way of scratching an itch or are you their long hoped for life partner?

Learn their needs, learn your own, take it slow and have a damn good time figuring it all out.

 

[FragileUnbroken]

you lost me at "abuse her"

is this a dynamic with which you're familiar?

This.

 

[FragileUnbroken]

So, new sub, new dom and you're already saying that you're going to make her break one of her stated limits.

Lets start with the basics shall we?

As already mentioned above, a sub is a human being, a person in their own right and as deserving of your respect and care as you want to be of theirs. It is a poor dom who forgets that. The used and abused talk is all well and good between the two of you as part of your shared fantasies... but don't let it it become they way you think about the relationship. Treat a sub like an object and one of two things will happen

1) you find the sub gets pissed off with being an object and will leave you and possibly start the building of a bad reputation for you,

2) in an effort to be the best sub they can be, they agree to everything you ask in an attempt to please you and they end up feeling so worthless and broken that their mental state suffers.

Neither of these, I hope you agree, is a good thing.

The best doms out there are the ones who care for and nurture their sub's development. If you're serious about developing a long term relationship with this person then you should slow down a bit and take your time to figure out what makes them tick.

The people on here could probably give you a hundred inventive tasks without breaking a sweat... but those will probably ones that we know work for our subs, they may not work for yours. Spend a few weeks figuring out their fantasies and where they want to be as a sub.

Also, spend some time figuring out what you want. Are you looking for some NSA kinky sex with someone you think is easy because they're a sub and sub = slut? Or are you looking to build a deep, potentially long lasting relationship with someone who might become your life partner? Does your new online sub know what you are expecting? Can you tell me right now what they are looking for? Do they see you as just a way of scratching an itch or are you their long hoped for life partner?

Learn their needs, learn your own, take it slow and have a damn good time figuring it all out.

I, for one, am grateful to see an answer like this one.

Wanting to break and abuse someone you met just last night, online leaves me with so many troubling questions.

I've heard it said that if you want to jump into the lifestyle fast, jump in as a sub, learn what it's like to be on the other side so you can, (hopefully,) be a better dominant for having had the experience.

Better yet, let someone abuse you a bit.

 

[Malich]

*bows

To be fair, I've never spent time as a sub, Though my natural outlook on life is to put others first, but I know a few old time Doms who started that way who's views I respect because they have turned into guys who are very respectful of their subs.

Mostly its about being an empathic human being and realising that other people have rights and needs too and that you can get more out of a relationship with someone by making them happy than you can by making them feel less than they are.

 

[FragileUnbroken]

*bows

To be fair, I've never spent time as a sub, Though my natural outlook on life is to put others first, but I know a few old time Doms who started that way who's views I respect because they have turned into guys who are very respectful of their subs.

Mostly its about being an empathic human being and realising that other people have rights and needs too and that you can get more out of a relationship with someone by making them happy than you can by making them feel less than they are.

I didn't mean to suggest it's the only way to be a good dominant, but for someone who approaches it like the OP, it seems like a good approach to me.

I found this post disturbing, but I appreciated your response.

I fear for this lifestyle sometimes. It has so much potential for both beauty and disaster.

 

[Malich]

Was just offering an alternate view, making sure the OP had all the options! If you hadn't mentioned the start as a sub I'd have been expecting someone else to do so

I agree about the beauty and the disaster.

Even as a Dom I have suffered both side of that coin. I'm not saying there isn't that potential in a standard relationship too, but in D/s when you're playing with someone's emotions it is so much more common.

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

I find elements of how you are approaching the D/s dynamic extremely disturbing.
Words like "make, abuse, break" raise huge red flags in my mind.

There is no such thing as no limits! That would mean she is ok with the concept of you putting her in a position where she is ok with being hurt, maimed and even killed.

What are your motivations as a dominant?
Is it your intention to use this person up, see her broken, then discard her once she has amused you, but outlived her appeal.

Honestly, even tho this is an online relationship, be prepared for real feelings and emotions to develop, and don't abuse the trust that a new sub places in you.

Please, please be straight with her as to your expectations.
Yes I am probably jumping on you and biting, but I have seen the fallout of such relationships far too many times.

If she is yours, take care of her

 

[may_I_please]

If she is yours, take care of her

^^^this^^^ Please take note of this

Although I'm not sure it is possible to meet someone 'last night' and know them well enough to be playing yet

I also loved reading what Malich wrote

 

[drinkz]

If Query put as much effort into real life as he does trolling, maybe he would still have a marriage.

 

[Malich]

To be fair to the OP, it takes two to tango and I think his new friend should probably have a read of this too and get a better idea of what is, and is not, SSC behaviour on her part.

subs need to protect themselves as much as we need to teach doms to protect their subs.

I see too many young / inexperienced subs jumping right into the thick of things because they have seriously overestimated their awareness of the risks or their ability to handle themselves when it gets difficult.

What we call in my business "Informed risk assessment". There's no sense in trying to assess a situation you do not have detailed information on.