Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

[sasspotsub]

Deleted.

 

[Michiro]

I should first say, I am not trained in therapy.

I recommend reading about Stoicism. I found practicing its principles has helped more than anything else in recovering from life's ordeals. I'll be happy to talk about it over PM or other means if you want to discuss it further.

 

[Doog_kuron]

It's happened to me though not on this site. I fell for a beautiful, funny lady and I'd have literally walked bare feet on broken glass to be with her. Dedicated years to it but it was in vain, she admitted, finally, that she had zero intention of taking it further and then promptly ignored me. It's a bitter lesson and much like you I find it hard to simply shrug my shoulders and walk away.

If I could erase the memories I'd have been first at the door. Sadly we can't and through time, patience and perhaps a little luck you get over it and move on. It's hard though so you have nothing but my sincere sympathies.

 

[sasspotsub]

Deleted.

 

[Doog_kuron]

Michiro,

Thank you. I'll google it. If I have more questions, I'll be sure to ask you.

Doog,

I'm so sorry that it's happened to you. It's a bit unbelievable, how much it hurts. Even more so knowing that the other person gives, well, zero fucks. I like your Epicurus quote, will keep it in mind. I wanted to add - you dedicated years to it; mine was only a few months. I can only imagine how much it must have hurt for you. *gives you a big hug*

Yeah, it's a bit of a kicker to say the least. She just wanted me for a good time, which is fine but it would have been nice if she had let me in on that revelation instead of encouraging me, and more besides which I won't go into here. That was a couple of years ago now and still hurts. But life is like that, we have the rough and the smooth. Funny thing is that I still hope she's happy. I'm funny like that.

Any how when faced with adversity of any kind I try to over come it, not always easy I take that to my outdoor pursuits too, I love a challenge and it helps. I hope things get better for you

 

[BurningMonkey]

I made some stupid decisions and fell in love with someone I met via Lit. It backfired, big time, and I'm left heartbroken. I have trouble letting go of people, even if I know they're toxic.

Was this an online love thing with someone from Lit, or a love thing that started online and then went IRL?

 

[Ellafun]

(((hugs))) to you, sasspotsub. That kind of pain is, I'm sure, shared by more than a few people here on Lit.

Time does heal.

 

[Jewdles]

Hi Sasspot,

Sadly I think that is an experience that has happened to many of us here, so do know you're not alone. While some come here purely for that sexual release, some of us visit because we have a huge gap in our lives, and sadly that makes us extremely vulnerable. We want to be desired and cared about, loved in return. Then there are the other people - the game players. They get off purely by stringing someone along, it is what gives them that thrill. They forget there is a heart and soul at the end of the keyboard. Or worse they know and don't care.

I'm a great believer that everything in life is for a reason. Right now you can feel as if you're future has been taken away from you, but yes the pain does ease. I read once that when a relationship doesn't work out it's because it's saving you from what you don't need.

Many years ago I fell prey to someone online. I wanted to be loved, and he knew that. When it crashed down around me, his comment was "It was nothing but a game, and you played it well bitch." I was devastated. I went on to meet a lovely man who I shared a 10 year online relationship with until his death a few years ago.

My advice is move on, but steel your heart and don't let too much info out in the beginning. If a man is really interested he will hang around. if there's a red flag then acknowledge it DO NOT ignore it. Take your time to build a friendship first. A broken heart is so very painful, but remember this wasn't about the person you are, but is very much about the person he is. or in fact isn't.

I'm probably pretty cynical in here these days, and have long given up on connecting with someone who fits the bill. My 'must have' list is too long lol or maybe I'm just getting too old.

Give yourself a hug. Take care

Jude

 

[Doog_kuron]

Hi Sasspot,

Sadly I think that is an experience that has happened to many of us here, so do know you're not alone. While some come here purely for that sexual release, some of us visit because we have a huge gap in our lives, and sadly that makes us extremely vulnerable. We want to be desired and cared about, loved in return. Then there are the other people - the game players. They get off purely by stringing someone along, it is what gives them that thrill. They forget there is a heart and soul at the end of the keyboard. Or worse they know and don't care.

I'm a great believer that everything in life is for a reason. Right now you can feel as if you're future has been taken away from you, but yes the pain does ease. I read once that when a relationship doesn't work out it's because it's saving you from what you don't need.

Many years ago I fell prey to someone online. I wanted to be loved, and he knew that. When it crashed down around me, his comment was "It was nothing but a game, and you played it well bitch." I was devastated. I went on to meet a lovely man who I shared a 10 year online relationship with until his death a few years ago.

My advice is move on, but steel your heart and don't let too much info out in the beginning. If a man is really interested he will hang around. if there's a red flag then acknowledge it DO NOT ignore it. Take your time to build a friendship first. A broken heart is so very painful, but remember this wasn't about the person you are, but is very much about the person he is. or in fact isn't.

I'm probably pretty cynical in here these days, and have long given up on connecting with someone who fits the bill. My 'must have' list is too long lol or maybe I'm just getting too old.

Give yourself a hug. Take care

Jude

Good grief, nothing but a game? That guy sounds immeasurably cruel. You're definitely better shot of him. Though I pity his next target. I'd say on balance you had a lucky escape, not that it makes it any easier to reconcile with. Perhaps that's the lesson we can all take to the bank, if they can be that cruel and selfish, count our lucky stars we got the hell out of dodge when we did.

Meh, maybe with age and a few war wounds we all get just a touch more cynical. Perhaps too cynical. Least we're all still here, and not entirely closed to the possibility of a meaningful connection with someone else. Failing that, there's a good bottle of wine in the cupboard and enough chocolate to supply a battleship

 

[sasspotsub]

Deleted.

 

[sasspotsub]

Deleted.

 

[Jewdles]

Damn, I don't drink wine or eat chocolate.

At the time it was devastating, but now I can say it really doesn't matter. He was a plonker, and I am great.

Online/phone can feel as real I agree. He might not be a monster, but he sure is dishonest.

Jude

 

[StacyLeigh]

Your story hits very close to home, Sasspot. I know a lot of people are telling you to move on, and maybe that's best - but I've been in an eerily similar situation and have a bit of a different take.
I loved him with all my heart and even discussed a future together with him. I was new to lit and naive. I wear my heart on my sleeve in real life and didn't bother to change it for lit. He made me happier than I could ever remember being. That was until I realized he was lying to and manipulating me. It was the worst heartbreak I've ever faced because I knew what he was doing was deliberate. I wrote him the most heartfelt and pointed email and thought I was done with it.
I still loved the times he made me happy and I was always grateful for his help in making me a more confident person - so he never really left my mind. Months went by and we never spoke...until one day. I reached out to him with an open heart and forgave him. People make bad decisions, those decisions don't make them bad people. He is one of my dearest friends now. We may not be together, but I find this to be a happy ending of sorts. He's in my life and we both cherish the friendship we have.
So I guess I'm saying don't just move on and forget. Sometimes the unexpected turns out to be quite wonderful.

 

[sasspotsub]

Deleted.