leading aqnd empowering a woman to be more in charge

[hikingman37]

Suggesting to a woman to be more in charge

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[unregistered]

 

[hikingman37]

[ .......

 

[NightL]

I would like to receive any advice or tips on how to lead a woman who is submissive in her sexual desires to become more dominant and controlling in bed...

property of Goddess Audrey

Do you ever ask each other why?

"You are the dom!" "No, you are!"

 

[unregistered]

 

[hikingman37]

I didn't even catch the sig.

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[GrrlFriday]

How do you behave when she asks you to do something?

 

[hikingman37]

How do you behave when she asks you to do something?

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[unregistered]

 

[hikingman37]

I don't think you can turn someone into a Dom. (My iPhone auto-corrected that to capitalized...interesting). People are dominant or they are not.

Now, people can play dominant or submissive (or whatever else floats your boat). I have submissive tendencies in the bedroom (although not at all like this anywhere else), but my husband is not into dominance or control at all. Asking him to do some things I wanted made him feel like he was being abusive. That wouldn't work. Ever. Over the years, talking to each other, we've been able to find some acts we both enjoy. This is what you'll have to do if this is a long-term, committed relationship. Find the middle ground.

Who knows? She may actually get into it.

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[GrrlFriday]

I comply quickly.

Does she see that you are happy for the instruction? Is she comfortable giving you instructions in general? Is it possible that she may not be demanding certain acts in bed because she doesn't wish to stifle your creativity?

 

[hikingman37]

Does she see that you are happy for the instruction? Is she comfortable giving you instructions in general? Is it possible that she may not be demanding certain acts in bed because she doesn't wish to stifle your creativity?

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[GrrlFriday]

See now, I'd find the 'order you to continue' bit just plain annoying, rather than something that would empower me, if I were in your girlfriend's situation. It's something that is done for your sake, rather than for her.

How can you encourage her to leave her inhibitions at the door more often?

 

[hikingman37]

See now, I'd find the 'order you to continue' bit just plain annoying, rather than something that would empower me, if I were in your girlfriend's situation. It's something that is done for your sake, rather than for her.

How can you encourage her to leave her inhibitions at the door more often?

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[GrrlFriday]

Hmmm... I'd also find that annoying... you'd be starting and stopping, you see...

In general, how can you encourage her to be more uninhibited and comfortable with you?

 

[hikingman37]

Hmmm... I'd also find that annoying... you'd be starting and stopping, you see...

In general, how can you encourage her to be more uninhibited and comfortable with you?

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[GiggLeGasm]

Is your situation that she is inhibited or that she is not Dominant? There is a big difference. Instead of thinking that this is something you can lead her to (ironically making you the D) it should be something that the two of you choose through the course of your sexual discovery.

You're on a slippery slope (pun intended)

By nature, submissive women are not often sexually attracted to submissive men. Your actions could create an imbalance in her own head if she doesn't understand where the game is headed.

 

[SweetErika]

How serious is this relationship, Hikingman? Are you dating, in a LTR, living together, engaged, married, kids?

If you have a sense that switching roles is a 'lost cause' then you may very well be correct about that. Have you two had some frank conversations about this issue, or are you dealing with it by hinting at what you want and need?

At some point, after those conversations have taken place (and assuming you haven't found workable solutions), you'll need to decide whether or not your need to submit is a dealbreaker for you. If you can't fulfill your wants and needs in this relationship, are you going to start looking to other people/relationships to get your needs met? If so, and that's not something the woman you're with will fully support, then the loving thing to do is go your separate ways sooner rather than later.

 

[hikingman37]

Is your situation that she is inhibited or that she is not Dominant? There is a big difference. Instead of thinking that this is something you can lead her to (ironically making you the D) it should be something that the two of you choose through the course of your sexual discovery.

You're on a slippery slope (pun intended)

By nature, submissive women are not often sexually attracted to submissive men. Your actions could create an imbalance in her own head if she doesn't understand where the game is headed.

................

 

[hikingman37]

How serious is this relationship, Hikingman? Are you dating, in a LTR, living together, engaged, married, kids?

If you have a sense that switching roles is a 'lost cause' then you may very well be correct about that. Have you two had some frank conversations about this issue, or are you dealing with it by hinting at what you want and need?

At some point, after those conversations have taken place (and assuming you haven't found workable solutions), you'll need to decide whether or not your need to submit is a dealbreaker for you. If you can't fulfill your wants and needs in this relationship, are you going to start looking to other people/relationships to get your needs met? If so, and that's not something the woman you're with will fully support, then the loving thing to do is go your separate ways sooner rather than later.

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[Que]

The way I read this you are trying without success (so far) to "top" from the bottom.

Women sucessfully do this all the time. Getting men to exactly replicate their submissive desires, but they are actually calling the shots. So it can be done.

I'd reccommend Stella's essay as a starting point. <-------click

If this works out, understand that she is then performing the role of a "service top". If she's having you submissive to her it's because in her submissive nature she is doing it because she knows that acting as if she were dominant is pleasing to you.

But understand, you are not changing her nature or yours for that matter. Just because you have submissive fantasies doesn't mean that you don't like to be in charge and control things because it seems to me that you do.

If this was really about submitting to your goddess then what you would be doing is performing a service role yourself where you top her - because that's what her desires are.

Complicated.

The most analogous thing I can think up that does come up often around here is when a submissive woman who has found herself a mate that she wishes would "be more dominant with her. Generally, it seems to me in both instances you are asking fish to be fowl or vice versa. People don't simply defy their basic drives because we wish them to.

 

[hikingman37]

The way I read this you are trying without success (so far) to "top" from the bottom.

Women sucessfully do this all the time. Getting men to exactly replicate their submissive desires, but they are actually calling the shots. So it can be done.

I'd reccommend Stella's essay as a starting point. <-------click

If this works out, understand that she is then performing the role of a "service top". If she's having you submissive to her it's because in her submissive nature she is doing it because she knows that acting as if she were dominant is pleasing to you.

But understand, you are not changing her nature or yours for that matter. Just because you have submissive fantasies doesn't mean that you don't like to be in charge and control things because it seems to me that you do.

If this was really about submitting to your goddess then what you would be doing is performing a service role yourself where you top her - because that's what her desires are.

Complicated.

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[hikingman37]

How serious is this relationship, Hikingman? Are you dating, in a LTR, living together, engaged, married, kids?

If you have a sense that switching roles is a 'lost cause' then you may very well be correct about that. Have you two had some frank conversations about this issue, or are you dealing with it by hinting at what you want and need?

At some point, after those conversations have taken place (and assuming you haven't found workable solutions), you'll need to decide whether or not your need to submit is a dealbreaker for you. If you can't fulfill your wants and needs in this relationship, are you going to start looking to other people/relationships to get your needs met? If so, and that's not something the woman you're with will fully support, then the loving thing to do is go your separate ways sooner rather than later.

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[CutieMouse]

I would like to receive any advice or tips on how to lead a woman who is submissive in her sexual desires to become more dominant and controlling in bed (and outside of bed). She enjoys receiving oral. I would love to find a way for her to enjoy ordering me to perform it. And enjoying just being in charge more. If its not her nature, it may be a lost cause. Thoughts and advice are appreciated.

its more that she is just not dominant.

So instead of accepting who she is, sexually, you've decided to try and change her so you can get what you want? How would you feel if you were in her shoes? What if she decided she wanted the opposite of who/ what you are, sexually, and tried to figure out how to make you become something you aren't?

 

[hikingman37]

So instead of accepting who she is, sexually, you've decided to try and change her so you can get what you want? How would you feel if you were in her shoes? What if she decided she wanted the opposite of who/ what you are, sexually, and tried to figure out how to make you become something you aren't?

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