urban irritation vs the black arts

[evesdream]

If you were a wizard living in a metropolis like New York City with just enough power for ONE of these three secret magical spells, which one would you quietly cast?

A spell that makes litter and dog scat left on the street magically disappear from public view - and instead manifest in a random location in the miscreant's home.

A spell that makes all self-indulgent, clearly pointless, superfluous, or asshole tantrum car horn honking and car horn leaning sound out at full blast inside the car instead of outside of it.

A spell that makes 3 AM loiterers listening to their car radios at full blast under your bedroom window wake up every night for a full week after their anti-social conduct each time they are beginning to drift off to slumber, with the same songs that they were blasting mysteriously ringing in their ears.

poll to follow

 

[bill-pix-trade]

Dolf in NYC scares me.

 

[IrezumiKiss]

The litter option.

I fundamentally loathe people who selfishly discard their refuse wherever without regard for everyone else living in the same space around them.

My only tweak to this spell is to be able to see through third eye or crystal ball or mystic one-way window the asshole's frustration when all the crap is magically collected and deposited into their space. If I can't enjoy the fruits of the spell, it's sorta flat.

 

[patient1]

The litter option.

I fundamentally loathe people who selfishly discard their refuse wherever without regard for everyone else living in the same space around them.

My only tweak to this spell is to be able to see through third eye or crystal ball or mystic one-way window the asshole's frustration when all the crap is magically collected and deposited into their space. If I can't enjoy the fruits of the spell, it's sorta flat.

Of course these people would inconsiderately toss it all out the window again or something..

But imagine seeing the trash magically take flight, circle once around the building and swoop right back in their window like a nimbus2000. Every time! Or imagine walking in the park, somebody is letting their dog run, but not picking up after it. The crap levitates and soars away. You'd chuckle every time you saw flying dog crap.

This is an awesome spell, although I kind of like the interior car horn one, too.

 

[evesdream]

The litter option.

I fundamentally loathe people who selfishly discard their refuse wherever without regard for everyone else living in the same space around them.

My only tweak to this spell is to be able to see through third eye or crystal ball or mystic one-way window the asshole's frustration when all the crap is magically collected and deposited into their space. If I can't enjoy the fruits of the spell, it's sorta flat.

You totally get, the filthy feckless fuckery of it all. The teeth grinding frustration of it!

On a sombre note I'm in a neighbourhood with lots of little kids - walking and playing with the litter blowing up all around them on the street, garbage in the _trees_ - I hate to think they'll grow up thinking it's normal.

Of course these people would inconsiderately toss it all out the window again or something..

But imagine seeing the trash magically take flight, circle once around the building and swoop right back in their window like a nimbus2000. Every time! Or imagine walking in the park, somebody is letting their dog run, but not picking up after it. The crap levitates and soars away. You'd chuckle every time you saw flying dog crap.

This is an awesome spell, although I kind of like the interior car horn one, too.

I clapped my hands - clapped my hands with FUCKING JOY when I read this.

 

[IrezumiKiss]

Of course these people would inconsiderately toss it all out the window again or something..

But imagine seeing the trash magically take flight, circle once around the building and swoop right back in their window like a nimbus2000. Every time! Or imagine walking in the park, somebody is letting their dog run, but not picking up after it. The crap levitates and soars away. You'd chuckle every time you saw flying dog crap.

This is an awesome spell, although I kind of like the interior car horn one, too.

This is a good addendum. I might even add that a loud, booming, disembodied voice repeatedly speaking the person's name should accompany the dust devil of trash whirling around/behind them. Not to go away until the person remits and repents. Total shame blasting.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Always get rid of the niggaz.

 

[evesdream]

This is a good addendum. I might even add that a loud, booming, disembodied voice repeatedly speaking the person's name should accompany the dust devil of trash whirling around/behind them. Not to go away until the person remits and repents. Total shame blasting.

Almost fell off the chair laughing here...

Still haven't voted because I'm hovering between the litter one and the car horn spell.

Always get rid of the niggaz.

Why don't you show us where the bad man touched you on this doll?

 

[IrezumiKiss]

Why don't you show us where the bad man touched you on this doll?

From what I understand, it was an in-family thing. With uncles and aunts joining in.

Thanksgiving must've been hell on the poor bastard's buttocks.

 

[about_average]

Litter because the visual is a lot more annoying for me and I can always buy ear plugs.
Also, maybe having their litter appear in their house/apt and fly back in when they trow it out the window may wake them up to being considerate in other ways, like laying off the horns and turning down their radios, even during the day.

 

[bronzeage]

I voted for all four choices, because I think any one of these spells would impress dolf, neci, and/or phelia, provided I only use my powers for good. Except maybe Phelia. She would probably want me to fuck somebody over.

I would consider it.

 

[evesdream]

I was going to add this one, but was afraid it might probably be too extremist:

*shazaam* a huge flock of gulls well fed on fiber rich foods and/or metamucil hovers over the dealership lot every time a car alarm is sold.

 

[patient1]

The more I think of this, I believe that must apply to chewing gum as well as trash and dog crap. All of that chewing gum rising from the sidewalk and flying home like a flock of locusts...

 

[Joeybagadonuts]

Dolf in NYC scares me.

I don't know Phelia except from reading her posts but anything involving neci and dolf, I'm in.


The only exception being when dolf is behind the wheel.

 

[evesdream]

I don't know Phelia except from reading her posts but anything involving neci and dolf, I'm in.


The only exception being when dolf is behind the wheel.

You know neci and dolf from something other than their posts?

 

[Mr Noone]

Honking.

You can learn to step over trash and dog crap so it becomes second nature. But gratuitous horn blowing is beyond obnoxious. I want to jam the thing down the offenders' throats, so every time the open their mouths they hear that horn. Especially the black cars in the outer boroughs, honking for fares; it's illegal, but who's going to stop them?

 

[JohnnySavage]

I have a big honker and I'm not afraid to toot it.

 

[Mr Noone]

I have a big honker and I'm not afraid to toot it.

Up your nose with a rubber hose!

 

[Joeybagadonuts]

You know neci and dolf from something other than their posts?

I have exchanged a few private messages with neci and dolf. Nothing of interest to anyone else. However, I would enjoy meeting both of those ladies as well as butters. I'm not expecting to ever meet anyone from the lit.

 

[JohnnySavage]

I wish Welcome Back Kotter was on every night at 7:30 instead of Two and a Half Men.

 

[Mr Noone]

I wish Welcome Back Kotter was on every night at 7:30 instead of Two and a Half Men.

Think of it as "Two and a Half Sweathogs".

 

[evesdream]

I wish Welcome Back Kotter was on every night at 7:30 instead of Two and a Half Men.

It's available on Netflix, you hold out.

 

[Skiddles2014]

So does this mean I can make dolf, neci and phelia disappear with magic and then they reappear nude in my basement chained to an old wooden chest, if I choose the last option?

I'm kind of leaning that way...

 

[evesdream]

Litter because the visual is a lot more annoying for me and I can always buy ear plugs.
Also, maybe having their litter appear in their house/apt and fly back in when they trow it out the window may wake them up to being considerate in other ways, like laying off the horns and turning down their radios, even during the day.

The poetic justice inherent to all of these spells is part of what makes the fantasies so very satisfying, and the potential for an awakening of basic civic responsibility is savoury gravy.

Honking.

You can learn to step over trash and dog crap so it becomes second nature. But gratuitous horn blowing is beyond obnoxious. I want to jam the thing down the offenders' throats, so every time the open their mouths they hear that horn. Especially the black cars in the outer boroughs, honking for fares; it's illegal, but who's going to stop them?

I have to say I didn't expect anyone else's rage over this stuff to be as visceral as mine and it's a wonderful surprise.

So does this mean I can make dolf, neci and phelia disappear with magic and then they reappear nude in my basement chained to an old wooden chest, if I choose the last option?

I'm kind of leaning that way...

Absolutely not, but way to get my hopes up. P.S. just joking, I'd rather have dolf, neci and phelia over for a nice quiet evening of poetry reading, except substitute "poetry" for "pillow fight" and "reading" for "while naked".

 

[neci]

So does this mean I can make dolf, neci and phelia disappear with magic and then they reappear nude in my basement chained to an old wooden chest, if I choose the last option?

I'm kind of leaning that way...

i need someone to tie me up in a basement, starving me, minus the cock and a fruit/veggie smoothie juice, plus 8 glasses of water daily. paint my face. tell me i'm a pretty girl.