Need help flirting with strangers

[Kerali]

I need some help with what may seem like a silly question.

I am a very flirtatious person, but I am unable to flirt with someone unless they indicate interest first. I'm trying to retrain myself about flirting with men on the street. I'm not normally a shy person - I talk, flirt, joke - very comfortable with lots of attention. But for some reason on the street, I drop my eyes rather than make eye contact. I can't even flirt w guys in the next car over - it's like intense stranger shyness, but the moment they express interest, the wall immediately drops away and I'm perfectly comfortable flirting outrageously. So why is that???

I am trying to force myself to make eye contact and smile, flirtatiously if I like what I see. But yes, I love to walk by a guy and see them watch me, or show (subtly and not crassly) that they think I'm hot. If they do. I love the idea that after I walk by, they turn to watch my ass.

So, ladies, how do you flirt with a man on the street?

Men, how do you like for a woman to catch your eye on the street? And if she's hot, how do you let her know you think so?

And all, does anyone else have this situation of extreme shyness in one area that doesn't seem to fit your overall personality and sexuality at all??

 

[TalkToMeInSB]

The most obvious way to express your intention is with eye contact. Once you catch someone's eyes, hold it... See if they'll play with you. Then smile, perhaps a quick raise of the eyebrows, even a wink. If they'll play you're sure to get a big, wonderful smile... The rest is up to you!

 

[basic_desires]

I need some help with what may seem like a silly question.

I am a very flirtatious person, but I am unable to flirt with someone unless they indicate interest first. I'm trying to retrain myself about flirting with men on the street. I'm not normally a shy person - I talk, flirt, joke - very comfortable with lots of attention. But for some reason on the street, I drop my eyes rather than make eye contact. I can't even flirt w guys in the next car over - it's like intense stranger shyness, but the moment they express interest, the wall immediately drops away and I'm perfectly comfortable flirting outrageously. So why is that???

I am trying to force myself to make eye contact and smile, flirtatiously if I like what I see. But yes, I love to walk by a guy and see them watch me, or show (subtly and not crassly) that they think I'm hot. If they do. I love the idea that after I walk by, they turn to watch my ass.

So, ladies, how do you flirt with a man on the street?

Men, how do you like for a woman to catch your eye on the street? And if she's hot, how do you let her know you think so?

And all, does anyone else have this situation of extreme shyness in one area that doesn't seem to fit your overall personality and sexuality at all??

...you've made a good start by posing the question in this forum. It will give you ample opportunity to practice the anonymous flirt, because it's really no different from the everyday life in the street situation. Just pick an avatar/personal description you like and have a go at making the first move.

 

[GrrlFriday]

Eye contact is a great place to start.

 

[Kerali]

Your story

Eye contact is a great place to start.

Thanks for the comments - I know eye contact is the key and am working on that. I just don't know why it's so hard for me to overcome my habit of looking down as I pass a man on the street. Maybe I can picture something I'm mentally asking each person, or something I'm curious about (eye color, etc) that would allow me to break that conditioning of looking away or down.

Grrl, just went and read your stories and left a comment. Hope you'll write some more, they're good!

 

[Kerali]

The most obvious way to express your intention is with eye contact. Once you catch someone's eyes, hold it... See if they'll play with you. Then smile, perhaps a quick raise of the eyebrows, even a wink. If they'll play you're sure to get a big, wonderful smile... The rest is up to you!

I like this. Thanks.

 

[Loaded987]

Many of stated initial eye contact and I agree. Holding that even for a second or two followed by a subtle smile is a good indication. I think they eye contact is hard for many. Something else I notice is when a women glances towards me a few times. A few looks can also express a level of interest too.

 

[silverwhisper]

kerali, you've gotten some very good advice already but i'm kinda curious why your impulse appears to be aversion. it seems kinda inconsistent with what you say about yourself otherwise. not that you were asking about this but i'm kinda curious if you have any theories why that is.

ed

 

[BurningMonkey]

As the others have said, held eye contact and a smile are the universal opening, universally understood.

Our eyes wander all the time as we walk, and people's faces are one of the things that they light on and move on; if you hold it just a moment longer than that, then he knows you're looking at him specifically and deliberately and it's not just a random glance. A smile then indicates interest, and if he smiles back, you're in.

Something that might help you overcome your stranger shyness is to role-play; pretend that he's someone you already know and like and that you're just acknowledging his presence like you would any other acquaintance. Embrace the saying that strangers (men) are just friends you haven't met yet.

Role-playing a part is a tried and true method to help overcome shyness of every kind. In other words, "fake it until you make it".

Hope that helps, and good luck!

 

[Kerali]

kerali, you've gotten some very good advice already but i'm kinda curious why your impulse appears to be aversion. it seems kinda inconsistent with what you say about yourself otherwise. not that you were asking about this but i'm kinda curious if you have any theories why that is.

ed

I've actually thought about it a lot - and you're right it is totally inconsistent. I can walk up to strangers at a party and start a conversation, no fear. I am very comfortable with myself, LOVE flirting and banter especially with sexual connotations, and really have no fear about talking to people. I can make eye contact with people in line with me (amusement park, bank, etc) and in fact just remembered that I used to love to flirt with boys in the amusement park lines because you would see them again and again as you went through those interminable mazes!! I can flirt with a man (or multiple men even better) sitting next to me at a bar, no problem. I used to have a CB radio and often flirted with truck drivers (I was on the road a lot) - it was a great way to fill up my admiration meter in the days before I discovered Lit.

But when it comes to passing men on the street or making eye contact with a stranger in the car next to me, I cannot force myself to catch their eye. Maybe it's because I was taught that it was rude to stare so if they're not looking at me that moment, I immediately look away. Maybe it's fear of rejection - what if I smile and they don't respond - so what??! Or maybe I have demure Japanese women in my ancestry - kidding, just a cultural stereotype. But it's irritating as hell to not be able to simply do it.

 

[silverwhisper]

well, the demureness thing really doesn't sound like it fits--but if you find there are echoes of it in your behavior in other situations, that might make some sense.

hm. are you worried about possible rejection from complete strangers on the sidewalk or wherever? i find it odd that it should manifest with this situation only when in plenty of other situations (e.g., amusement park lines specifically) you're just fine with it.

ah! maybe it's a fear of the impression you are making on someone you know you'll never get a chance to improve?

ed

 

[Jake19]

Thanks for the comments - I know eye contact is the key and am working on that. I just don't know why it's so hard for me to overcome my habit of looking down as I pass a man on the street. Maybe I can picture something I'm mentally asking each person, or something I'm curious about (eye color, etc) that would allow me to break that conditioning of looking away or down.

Grrl, just went and read your stories and left a comment. Hope you'll write some more, they're good!

The first step is pretty much eye contact. Even when I wasn't attracted to girl before if she makes good eye contact and smiles, it changes all possibilities.

If you can't help bug look down, use that. Make sure you've made eye contract even if short. When your start to look down smile and if your feeling fun maybe bit your bottom lip. You will look flirty and shy. Your habit us to look down, why do you so it? When you understand and overcome that you can change your habit and even creat new ones.

 

[Kerali]

Interesting insights. Will have to think about those thoughts some more.

Maybe it's because in every other situation I can rely on my brain and talking. I'm attractive enough but I don't think of my looks as the reason someone would be attracted to me. So maybe it's that I'm reluctant in situations where I can't talk to break the ice. Even with the truck drivers I could talk. Although I CAN flirt with them - I can catch their eye in the mirror and then if they respond I'm happy to flip them a smile or a view as I drive by. But there I can watch them unnoticed until they respond.

Other thought is shared humor - I often connect with people when we find the same things funny. So something quirky happens, I share a glance with others that find it amusing, and we have a connection. Men on the street and in car next to me don't have a connection - they haven't invited me in. Maybe I'm just afraid to intrude uninvited. So sounds like I need to make the connection via eye contact and then go from there. I'll go do my homework today and report back.

I appreciate the indulgence to explore this - it's a little too me me me to discuss in regular life. But I guess you guys could walk away from this conv if you want to . The insights are helpful - keep sharing .

 

[Pervertedhub]

Definitely eye contact. Once he sees you looking at him, flash him a little smile, then he may start a conversation with you.

 

[adamzapple]

Looking down, lowering your eyes is a natural reaction, body language, it's probably built in; looking down means you're interested, maybe it's a way to give him a better look at you while your eyes are thoughtfully averted??

If you lower your eyes or look to either side, it's the same thing. If you raise your eyes and look up it's bad news, means you're not interested and are definitely looking away.

Down is good, even involuntarily, then back up, quick, smiling, holding his gaze, and so on to the bedroom.

 

[big9000]

ill add to it that i do agree with several others here who suggests eye contact and a smile as a start.

 

[xjasminex]

A thought

Perhaps it might also be that some of you wants to be chased and seduced first, before flirting back and doing the seducing yourself. I know I play indifferent to guys often while playing up my sexuality to see whether they've got the initiative or interest to take up the bait and make the first play. It's a test.

 

[eric60red]

Come, relax, look into my eyes, relax see the relection of your eyes in mine, do you feel that I am intertested in you. Did I see you smile? Im smiling at you, come and find me you know you want to

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

As old and ugly as I am women flirt with me all the time, it happened again a few minutes ago outside. Women, total strangers, approach me at the library and other places. They do it in front of my wife. My wife did the same when we met 40 years ago. I was at the laundromat, she came in, and sat on the washer in front of me, and the rest is history. I've learned to wait for women to express an interest in me, I don't chase them or pester them with PMs.

 

[Kerali]

Something that might help you overcome your stranger shyness is to role-play; pretend that he's someone you already know and like and that you're just acknowledging his presence like you would any other acquaintance. Embrace the saying that strangers (men) are just friends you haven't met yet.

Thanks - I like this idea .

 

[Kerali]

Perhaps it might also be that some of you wants to be chased and seduced first, before flirting back and doing the seducing yourself. I know I play indifferent to guys often while playing up my sexuality to see whether they've got the initiative or interest to take up the bait and make the first play. It's a test.

Jasmine - this makes a lot of sense. Maybe at some level I just don't want to seem too eager.

 

[boutrosboutros]

It can just be a glance. You don't have to stare. Glance once at his face. If you happen to glance at the same time as him, glance away, then glance back. He's a man so he'll be looking at you, and when he sees you glance back at him he'll know you're flirting. (If he has a brain.)

 

[The_Volunteer]

Your upbringing does have a lot to do with it. Another observation is that most of the other situations insulate you in some way and your subconscious thought about this is "I'm obviously putting it out there, one to one." Well, that smile and eye contact are "putting it out there, but think of it like a ten year old boy, not a hunk you want to fuck. You'll get a lot of smiles back, maybe some greetings and who knows. But all they know is a friendly face is acknowledging me and smiling.

 

[shiny5437]

How about just practicing smiling and making eye contact with everyone? Young, old, male, or female; think of it as a public service spreading small moments of cheer.

I think I remember reading once that the optimum duration for flirty eye contact is the time it takes to say in your mind, "I think you're fit!"

 

[amofiga]

I need some help with what may seem like a silly question.

I am a very flirtatious person, but I am unable to flirt with someone unless they indicate interest first. I'm trying to retrain myself about flirting with men on the street. I'm not normally a shy person - I talk, flirt, joke - very comfortable with lots of attention. But for some reason on the street, I drop my eyes rather than make eye contact. I can't even flirt w guys in the next car over - it's like intense stranger shyness, but the moment they express interest, the wall immediately drops away and I'm perfectly comfortable flirting outrageously. So why is that???

I am trying to force myself to make eye contact and smile, flirtatiously if I like what I see. But yes, I love to walk by a guy and see them watch me, or show (subtly and not crassly) that they think I'm hot. If they do. I love the idea that after I walk by, they turn to watch my ass.

So, ladies, how do you flirt with a man on the street?

Men, how do you like for a woman to catch your eye on the street? And if she's hot, how do you let her know you think so?

And all, does anyone else have this situation of extreme shyness in one area that doesn't seem to fit your overall personality and sexuality at all??

I would say that wearing the outfit you have on in your avitar picture is a very good start. Sweetie, wear that on the street and you don't have to say a word. Just turn around and watch the guys following.