Swinging

[ekimv]

Hi All,

I am dating an incredible women, she loves all the things that have to do with sex and love making. She loves to role play, dirty talk, you name it she wants to try it.

She is an exhibitionist, closet at this point, but she loves it when I touch her inappropriately in pubic, went to a great little club in Key West and all bets were off.

Anyway, shes been hinting that it would be fun to be more aggressive in public and even sharing "a little", when asked how that would work, she told me about her past marriage in that they did some swinging (I enjoyed the discussion and her excited-ness was awesome) and this happened in public bars that were rented for these "private parties" which I found that very arousing. Ive never been open to anything like this, but I am with her, she has brought out a side of me I never knew I had.

How do I really know if I am ready for this??? Then if it doesn't happen so well???

Thanks for any thoughts.

 

[NCincestlover]

My ex and I were swingers for over a year and we even played alone. It was lots of fun but then she meet this one guy and everything changed. She broke up with me a month after they first got together. The fucking kicker is we had two threeways with him and she's still living with me. My ex sounds just like your girlfriend in her sexuality. Just be careful because it can be like opening pandoras box. If I could go back I would change it but there are couples who do this and make it work

 

[NippleMuncher]

Swinging, as evidenced by the previous post, takes an incredibly strong relationship between two committed partners. If you don't have this, then the likelihood of jealousy or losing your partner is a very real risk. Proceed with caution.

 

[tonguedancer]

It sounds to me like your girlfriend is the one who strongly wants to swing. You could be in a bit of a rock and hard place situation. On the one hand, you seem to want to try it but you're apprehensive about whether or not you will like it or even be able to perform in front of others. Not everyone can. It's not necessarily a reflection on your "manhood" if you can't.

Then on the other side, if you don't want to do it, she may decide to just see other men anyway with or without your "permission" and participation. You say that she has already had some experience with it and obviously wants to do it again. For some people, the desire to be sexually open and have experiences with others is simply part of who they are. It's in their DNA and they are going to want to do it and go out and do it regardless of that their partner wishes. For others, it's frightening or even abhorrent.

You have some serious soul searching to do relative to this woman. If you want to swing and you are able to swing and you have a good relationship with her, it could be the best experience of your life. If none of the above exists, you could be in for hurt and depression. If you say "no" and it's important to her, somewhere down the road she will be resentful. She may just decide to have affairs anyway. If you say "yes" and you fall on your face with it, she MAY decide to be understanding, give you credit for trying, and still want to be with you. Or she may feel like you can't give her what she craves and walk away.

No matter what you do, you could win, or you could lose. Many would say, nothing ventured, nothing gained. You need to know how serious she really is and if it's "part of her DNA" then you have to decide if she is really the right woman for you. "This above all else, to thine ownself be true." However, it sounds like at some point in your relationship, you're going to have to make a decision that will affect your life. Good luck.

 

[SweetErika]

Definitely proceed with caution, but also definitely figure out how your relationship will work before you make more of a commitment so you don't have so much to lose if you find it's not for you, and perhaps a dealbreaker for your gf.

There are tons of great resources on swinging and other types of open relationships. The Ethical Slut is probably the most recommended book on open relationships because it gives a lot of common sense advice and ideas on people should consider and discuss. SwingersBoard is a great discussion board, much like this one, that has lots of excellent topics for newbies to peruse and very helpful people (at least it did the last time I checked it out). Searching terms like "swinging tips advice faq beginners" should yield plenty of info as well, although I'd caution you to look for sites that present a balanced viewpoint vs. ones that are all gung-ho about swinging.

 

[DeceptiveSpeed]

There are tons of great resources on swinging and other types of open relationships. The Ethical Slut is probably the most recommended book on open relationships because it gives a lot of common sense advice and ideas on people should consider and discuss.

My wife and I read 'TES' shortly after jumping into the lifestyle. Helped eliminate some of the guilt we were both feeling and it promoted conversations we didn't know to have. Highly recommended.

Also, LifeontheSwingset.com has excellent advice and entertaining podcasts. Check it out.

Communication is key - and no matter how many times you work it out in your head or fantasize about it, you truly don't know how you'll react the first time you see her suck/ride another cock. So start slow.

Good luck.

 

[bobbyinhouston]

My ex and I were swingers for over a year and we even played alone. It was lots of fun but then she meet this one guy and everything changed. She broke up with me a month after they first got together. The fucking kicker is we had two threeways with him and she's still living with me. My ex sounds just like your girlfriend in her sexuality. Just be careful because it can be like opening pandoras box. If I could go back I would change it but there are couples who do this and make it work

I love my wife and would go thru hell for her but once she decided to leave everything would end at that point.

 

[NCincestlover]

I love my wife and would go thru hell for her but once she decided to leave everything would end at that point.

I wish it was that easy. I don't want to break our lease and she's on it too. Legally I can't kick her out. We're stuck until November.

 

[Mick2150]

As I have come to expect, SweetErica offers very sound advice. I would add a couple of additional thoughts ....

As you BOTH do some homework & research, I suggest you check out what Polyamory means & specifically how it differs to the swing lifestyle & how in some ways it overlaps. Secondly, there is so much to be gained from learning how to communicate with each other - openly, honestly, with transparency and respect. If either of you cannot 'speak your truth' to each other and be utterly authentic, then I would forecast some rough sailing ahead.

 

[ekimv]

Thanks all

I had a great discussion with the love of my life, she stated everything you all did before I had a chance to read your responses. She said verbatem what was stated by deceptive speed, with anything in relationships, communication is everything.

I have finally met the woman of my dreams, she lets me be who I have always been meant to be and enjoy without guilt and judgement. Like no one I have ever met!

Ill go back in to the shadows, but thanks for everyone time and advice.

 

[DeceptiveSpeed]

That's great dude! Congrats!

 

[Cathleen]

A few things popped into my mind, was swinging a part of the issue to end her marriage? In your second post you described her as being the love of your life and the woman of your dreams...are you those things to her? If not, I'd proceed with caution. You obviously have a lot to lose.

I truly hope things go well for you both. And don't go back into the shadows, continue to join in.