being in love with someone you shouldn't be

[Beck31]

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[PerplexedLai]

Aren't we all at some point or another? The taboo of it all is what, I think, brings on the attraction and fuels the fire. Why do you say you shouldn't be in love with this someone?

 

[Beck31]

Because she is married.

 

[PerplexedLai]

Ah, yeah...that sucks sometimes. Sometimes it's for the best though. Does she know of your...feelings?

 

[Beck31]

Yes. We started out as just friends. Then flirting a little.

 

[Wide_eyed_Indulgence]

Don't quote me on this -- but taboo love is very hot. Don't ask me how I know either.

 

[PerplexedLai]

Don't quote me on this -- but taboo love is very hot. Don't ask me how I know either.

In essence, the secrecy of it all can be what fuels it, but then what happens when it's no longer "taboo"? Slippery slope my friend, be careful where you land at the bottom

 

[Wide_eyed_Indulgence]

Definitely go in with your eyes open. But to me, even a "bad or sad" outcome can be worth it in the end sometimes.

 

[PerplexedLai]

Definitely go in with your eyes open. But to me, even a "bad or sad" outcome can be worth it in the end sometimes.

Agreed. As long as you view the risk worth the inevitable reward or consequence, for lack of a better word, than that's all that matters. If anything, you'll create memories. You just have to make the memories worth the outcome.

 

[tmmmbrrr]

Definitely go in with your eyes open. But to me, even a "bad or sad" outcome can be worth it in the end sometimes.

What!!

If you're going in, your eyes already AREN'T open - much less wide open.

How much entitlement and excitement for you does it take to outweigh the destruction and misery for her family? Sorry. I know how attractive it seems to be.

And I apologize for the lecture. You're a good guy.

 

[RedheadedHaze]

The heart loves who it loves. Can't always control it.

Put a little armor around that heart on your sleeve.


Good luck, friend.

 

[johneb87]

Been there, and yes it hurts even much after. You get over most of it eventually, but sometimes that ache still comes back. Especially if it's clear she's gotten over you. It happens when you let someone into your heart.

 

[GoodbyeGirl]

I don't know from personal experience, but falling for a married person can be a dangerous path, one that you're much more than likely to be the loser in.

Is your question what to do about it? Or if it's OK? Or just wondering if you're not alone?

You are certainly not alone - hang in there.

 

[Beck31]

Guess I was hoping I was not alone in that. Guess it happens a lot. I whole heartedly do appreciate the comments and responces.

 

[kaitlyn_sun]

The really tricky thing here, I imagine, is defining what it actually means to love someone... or to be in love with them.

because the fact is, it's a construct. it's a thing we manufacture. loving someone is natural, and free, and fufilling. you can love anyone. being IN LOVE... that's incredibly loaded.

for me personally... I thought I was in love over and over and over... and then I met my current boyfriend and there were things in my life that suddenly hurt. secrets I couldn't keep anymore. it suddenly dawned on me that I had no CLUE what it meant to be in love... that this was something completely new.

and the fact is... i'm 22. what the hell do I know even NOW?

so when you're "in love with someone you shouldn't be"... does that mean you want them but can't have them? that there's some sort of completely unprecedented emotional oneness with that person that you've never experienced with anyone before? do you feel safe and uplifted, like every part of you is better because she exists? do you feel like your whole life is suddenly a part of a larger story that has suddenly turned a page, because this person is so clearly the next part of your life, that there is literally nothing in the world of consequence that could possibly keep you apart?

or, you know.... is it something ELSE? because ultimately, being in love is whatever we THINK it should be. Sometimes it helps to remember that there's no force at work here but you.

 

[Mercury_Maniac]

yup, definitely blows.

 

[norfolklad]

Guess I was hoping I was not alone in that. Guess it happens a lot. I whole heartedly do appreciate the comments and responces.

I met a girl at work and there was mutual attraction but she had a boyfriend and they had just made the big commitment of buying a house together. Plus, I knew the boyfriend and he was a great guy. I simply couldn't be a party to cheating on him.

I have always since made a point of never getting to know the boyfriend or husband of someone I fancy. Eases the conscience no end.

 

[Blazexx]

Nope. It happens. Sorry this woman who you pine for doesn't feel the same. Maybe she just isn't a good match.Give her some space and maybe she might just come around. Good luck.

 

[Sensualdreamer]

I'm never afraid to love, or fall in love ...what I fear is when I love more than one person. Yeah I'm greedy like that

 

[QSco]

Definitely been there. Long and rocky road. Found the end of it and still not sure if it was REALLY worth it. Tricky. Love is tricky, even when it's with someone it should be.

 

[pervydiver]

WOW, I'm both happy and sad that there are others who have experienced this. I recently have and its bothered me more than I thought it would.

Since then I've done some heavy analysing of what happened.. I think it was a combination of the taboo of the relationship and the fact both of us were extremely honest with each other. So much so that we Got to know one another real well and we both liked what we saw. I agree it is a slippery slope and even with the best intentions, it was easy to fall.

 

[Rolando2]

I'm married 43 years, love my wife and right now I am talking to my high school sweetheart who I am still crazy about. she knows I love her, but she's married also but she's not in love with me. I'm just happy that she's still alive and is being treated decently by her hubby, so right now we're BFF.

to be forgotten by someone you can never forget is a tragedy

 

[captainoz]

Been there too.
What started out as simply sex on the side turned into something a lot more complicated.
We had stated if either started having feeling that we should stop. After about 4 months she tells me she is starting to fall in love. We didn't stop. A few months later I fell in love. The whole thing lasted two years before her husband found out. Both our world's came crashing down. Was really hard for some time. She had to quit her job, we had worked together.
After about a year I contacted her again. We started talking again. The friendship and love bond was to great to let it die. We still love each other to this day. We need each other in our lives even if we aren't together. That was almost 15 years ago.

 

[cailinDana]

I can completely understand where you are coming from, it's a hard path to travel even when the feelings are mutual, my own experience ended not too well, but we don't get to chose who we fall in love with. I will say though, even though it ended badly, i would not go back and change the time we had together for anything.
I hope you find some peace with yourself and things work out for the best.

 

[wesson45]

I fell in love with a woman we met had hot sex, and she is on this site, but to far a long distance romance but she is a awesome lady, and I am married, but more friends then husband and wife.