How did you overcome your women’s new found sexuality? Ladies how did you encourage

[hisplaceof]

How did you overcome your women’s new found sexuality? Ladies how did you encourage him?

My wife is in her 50s and hitting her kinky full stride (or at least things that have not been the norm for the past 20+ years of marriage). I am praying I can stay alongside for the ride. So far there have only been a few bumps in the road where I lost traction which is what brings me here.

I would appreciate any insights and advice from other couples who have experienced this.

I'd like to know:

Ladies, why did you ask it of him? How did you help him get comfortable with your requests? How did it turn out? Was it what you expected? How could you make the experience easier or better?

Men, how did you feel, respond, what were your thoughts on what your lady asked of you? How did you go about doing it? If it was out of your comfort zone, how did you overcome it?

 

[Hypoxia]

My wife is in her 50s and hitting her kinky full stride (or at least things that have not been the norm for the past 20+ years of marriage). I am praying I can stay alongside for the ride. So far there have only been a few bumps in the road where I lost traction which is what brings me here.

How kinky? What bumps?

 

[alice27]

How kinky? What bumps?

Can you give some examples? Are you uncomfortable? I can only suggest that you stay open and communicate, perhaps watch porn together if the "theme" she wants.

 

[NippleMuncher]

I've never had a partner that wanted to try more things than I was willing to give, so can't help you there.

you'll have to be more specific as to what is "normal" and what is now "kinky" and how all of this relates to your sensibilities. As far as I'm concerned, be thankful that she's still got her groove on and wants to experiment! Sexual repression sucks, embrace the new experiences and have fun with them.

 

[hisplaceof]

“How kinky? What bumps?”

Okay – my kinky is not any of your kinky I am certain but after 20+ years of a similar routine anything out of that is kinky to me.

New for my wife this past year: masturbation (not simple touchy feely but full out getting her groove on and orgasming), sex toy play, exhibitionism, more oral oooohhh the oral. Obviously what husband can't be comfortable with this? Then moving into this next year she begin adding more and when I am out of town I come home to new collections of vids and pics (again what husband wouldn't love this). She even sends me text, pics, and clips of it all. Holy moly a guy could injure himself with all the stimulus she provides. It’s overwhelming (not complaining here but Holy WOW!!! My eyes, my eyes) I think she has overloaded my brain.

The bumps are below…


“Can you give some examples? Are you uncomfortable? I can only suggest that you stay open and communicate, perhaps watch porn together if the "theme" she wants.”

Now she is asking the same of me. Waaayyyyyy out of my comfort zone. I am all what's good for the goose is good for the gander and what have you but how on earth is one supposed to get comfortable with it? It's so so so far out of my box. I fully understand that for you gentlemen you are most likely feeling the laughter rising up as you read this but remember my wife and I never fell into this arena before.

I had never seen her truly masturbate, NEVER had seen her use toys though she had them since her bridal shower. She had done some light stripping and pole dancing but NEVER exhibitionism like she does now. And of course she has gone down of me orally as well have I on her but never so many times back to back, during awkward and risqué timing, and never so much cum acceptance and play. Never in 20+ years so much cum. I had no idea one could be so creative with cum as she has been over the past several months. She continues to get kinkier and kinkier with it. It is all I can do not to shout “TIME OUT!” I do not want to stifle or hinder her so do you see my dilemma???


“I've never had a partner that wanted to try more things than I was willing to give, so can't help you there.”

Based on what you do over and over again over time becomes what is normal and after 20+ years we had a routine that was definitely our norm.

Thank goodness all of the above was a progression and I was able to catch my breath to get used to some of the “new her.” I married a simple woman (beautiful but simple sexually) and grew accustomed to our ways. I am welcoming the new sex but it is a bit overwhelming and often embarrassing. I do not know why but getting a picture on my phone out of the blue of my wife spread eagle with a large toy shoved in her (though I love it) can turn me beet red. And when I am in the hotel room clicking on a clip she attached, I am all alone and even then it can make my blush.

Crazy! I am a grown man married over 20 years, I see my wife nude all the time, bathing, dressing/undressing, laying around, walking around, when making love. Why on earth do I now feel so blasted off kilter? The same goes opposite, my wife has seen me nude as often and somehow now I find myself apprehensive getting hard in front of her when she is going at it with her new found sex drive.



“you'll have to be more specific as to what is "normal" and what is now "kinky" and how all of this relates to your sensibilities. As far as I'm concerned, be thankful that she's still got her groove on and wants to experiment! Sexual repression sucks, embrace the new experiences and have fun with them.”

What we had wasn’t repression for us it was merely where we were in our marriage. Obviously that has changed and Oooooh I am thankful, just trying to catch up mentally possibly even physically since my heart gets to racing so hard I could win Daytona.

 

[twister947]

I don't mean to minimize your angst, but you have no idea how many men would like to have your problems. Get a good grip, and try to stay in that saddle.

 

[Cathleen]

Menopause. It can send a woman's libido into the stratosphere. I felt like a kid in a candy store when it hit big. Your second post is great, really gives a good idea of where you are. No matter that lots of men would love to be in your position I can see how it could be a shock to the system.

Is it possible to say "Honey, can we talk?..." I don't see a problem with calling a time-out for a moment, it's not like you're not participating at all, you just want some direction from her. If there IS something you do not want to do, you need to say that. No one should be pushed past their limits.

Some may say talk about this outside the bedroom, which might be right, but I think it's fine to talk about some stuff while it's happening. I think sex can be funny as well as fun and chatting during can add to that fun. The things that truly pushes you outside your comfort zone should be address outside the bedroom.

It sounds like you've had a kind of meteor hit your bedroom.

 

[NippleMuncher]

What we had wasn’t repression for us it was merely where we were in our marriage. Obviously that has changed and Oooooh I am thankful, just trying to catch up mentally possibly even physically since my heart gets to racing so hard I could win Daytona.

I think you're kind of answering your own question, it's just a matter of trying to catch up.

Have you talked with your wife to see where this new found sexual freedom is coming from? What has changed in her life that may have triggered her libido?

Ultimately, this is a discussion that you'll need to have with her anyway, just to let her know that you're trying to keep up with her, you just aren't quite as fast with these new concepts as she is.

Again, embrace the new her, encourage her, and go with the flow.

 

[hisplaceof]

Menopause. It can send a woman's libido into the stratosphere. I felt like a kid in a candy store when it hit big. Your second post is great, really gives a good idea of where you are. No matter that lots of men would love to be in your position I can see how it could be a shock to the system.

Is it possible to say "Honey, can we talk?..." I don't see a problem with calling a time-out for a moment, it's not like you're not participating at all, you just want some direction from her. If there IS something you do not want to do, you need to say that. No one should be pushed past their limits.

Some may say talk about this outside the bedroom, which might be right, but I think it's fine to talk about some stuff while it's happening. I think sex can be funny as well as fun and chatting during can add to that fun. The things that truly pushes you outside your comfort zone should be address outside the bedroom.

It sounds like you've had a kind of meteor hit your bedroom.

Yes KaaaaaaBOOOOOOOOM!

We had a great discussion tonight and will be following it tomorrow and more.

We talk, I just want to find a way to catch up which is making some progress thanks to many insightful people sharing.

TY.

 

[NippleMuncher]

We had a great discussion tonight and will be following it tomorrow and more.

Care to share some of the conversation points? Just the highlights, we don't need gory details.

 

[Torinona]

Deja vu...

... as I began reading this thread, if it hadn't been for the age of the wife and then the sharing of some of the newly-discovered likes, kinks and twists, I would have been convinced it was my husband writing.

We are in a very similar boat, after knowing each other for over 25 years and many of those years married to each other, we'd developed a pleasant and enjoyable but nonetheless routine - add to that, 90% anything new was introduced, it came from me.

I have always feared of turning Hubby off with some of the things that really rev my engine - it's not that the vanilla sex is bad, it's top-notch quality and he always makes many varied efforts to make me cum and just make me feel good all-around.

But oh my... my twisted, pervy kinks and likes that he *has* embraced? I am a very lucky girl indeed, ya gotta love a man who makes an effort! I'm sure your wife simply adores you for trying to keep pace with her.

Hubby's advice for you after he read the thread: "Don't let the twin bitches of Mother Nature and Evolution win. Men mostly peak in their teens and 20's, women in their 40's and later. If you're living under the same roof as a sexually-peaked/peaking female, learn some yoga breathing and stretching, take your vitamin E and your Co Q10, keep a bottle of water by the bed and dive the fuck in there. Just tell her you need a night off once a week to let you rest up and avoid chaffing."

I can attest that Hubby's little regimen doesn't hurt, although I *do* hate going without and giving him nights off here and there. Ok, I know I know, play nicely with my toys so I can play with them again! ;-)

Hubby's pushing 50 and it doesn't show a bit. I always try to convince him it's the sex, because I think I certainly look happier and younger for a good long while after I'm well-fucked/well-loved!

T.

 

[amofiga]

How would I respond with a sexy woman wanting to explore and express her sexuality? With great enthusiasm and gratitude. Get on your knees every day and thank God for a woman who wants to be more sexual. Know that you are a very lucky man and do everything possible in your power to hang on for the ride and try to gain the strength to lead it when you can.

 

[Elixxxher]

Ride on dude. I've had a similar eye opener over the last year with my wife of 25 years. Talk to her on what your comfortable with and what you're not. Every guy has some fantasy, even if it's not really kinky, share with her and it will make for a much better experience.

I've seen that many folks who are having sexual difficulties with their partners or the interest in sex is one sided that have turned to Lit to discuss their problems and I think you're on the right track to seek some other's experiences. Good for you. She obviously has found something that excites her, and you should too. Just make sure to communicate so neither are left out while the other explores, it makes for a better journey if you both do it together. Enjoy!

 

[hisplaceof]

Care to share some of the conversation points? Just the highlights, we don't need gory details.

We discussed her new found openness. We both now agree that it is hormonal. She mentioned that it was like someone flipped a switch on. She finds herself in a constant state of arousal which produces openness (i.e. uninhibitedness) and she adds, "a desire to _ _ _ _!" My wife has never used that word. I was stunned. She still wants to make love and all that entails but she also wants to .... well you know what I mean. Of course we had a long talk about the difference in the two and dirty talking. I am going with the flow.

I made it very clear to my wife that I am more than fine with any self play she is into, wants to show off to me, take pictures of and video to show me. I also let her know that I am becoming more comfortable with masturbating for her and in front of the cameras. I still have yet to create a self made video for her (it feels so stupid - though I know for her it is not). Yes, I know baby steps.

So the conversation lead to her desire for me to be more free with my body and desires. We made an agreement that I would get myself off alone and tell her all about it afterwards. Next was to take pictures, eventually videoing it and watching It with her. I do not think I can sit there and watch a video of me getting off. So we discussed that. My wife agreed to watch it by herself.

 

[hisplaceof]

... as I began reading this thread, if it hadn't been for the age of the wife and then the sharing of some of the newly-discovered likes, kinks and twists, I would have been convinced it was my husband writing.

We are in a very similar boat, after knowing each other for over 25 years and many of those years married to each other, we'd developed a pleasant and enjoyable but nonetheless routine - add to that, 90% anything new was introduced, it came from me.

I have always feared of turning Hubby off with some of the things that really rev my engine - it's not that the vanilla sex is bad, it's top-notch quality and he always makes many varied efforts to make me cum and just make me feel good all-around.

But oh my... my twisted, pervy kinks and likes that he *has* embraced? I am a very lucky girl indeed, ya gotta love a man who makes an effort! I'm sure your wife simply adores you for trying to keep pace with her.

Hubby's advice for you after he read the thread: "Don't let the twin bitches of Mother Nature and Evolution win. Men mostly peak in their teens and 20's, women in their 40's and later. If you're living under the same roof as a sexually-peaked/peaking female, learn some yoga breathing and stretching, take your vitamin E and your Co Q10, keep a bottle of water by the bed and dive the fuck in there. Just tell her you need a night off once a week to let you rest up and avoid chaffing."

I can attest that Hubby's little regimen doesn't hurt, although I *do* hate going without and giving him nights off here and there. Ok, I know I know, play nicely with my toys so I can play with them again! ;-)

Hubby's pushing 50 and it doesn't show a bit. I always try to convince him it's the sex, because I think I certainly look happier and younger for a good long while after I'm well-fucked/well-loved!

T.

Are you or my wife either missing a clone?

I knew we were not the only couple to have this happen too. TY TY TY!

And thanks so much for "I'm sure your wife simply adores you for trying to keep pace with her" that is wonderful motivation! It lends some extra oomph to the adrenals.

And the toy issue, I mean she has gone toy purchase happy. Since we have so many now, I do not see any problem with her getting her rocks off all she could ever want and then some. She doesn't necessarily need me and I am fine with that but she seems to want me to be a major part of it ALL. I also do not mind this either and can be there with and for her whenever I am not working and apparently even when I am (i.e. the texts, emails, pics, and vid clips).

With all the aforementioned, why does she need/want me to do likewise?

 

[hisplaceof]

How would I respond with a sexy woman wanting to explore and express her sexuality? With great enthusiasm and gratitude. Get on your knees every day and thank God for a woman who wants to be more sexual. Know that you are a very lucky man and do everything possible in your power to hang on for the ride and try to gain the strength to lead it when you can.

Amen to being blessed and very thankful!

When it comes to leading, I have always been the one to take her hand and lead her to the counter or wall to kiss passionately, lead her to the bedroom and take her clothes off, and so forth. I still do this and now my wife does as well with the exception of leading me to romp, pound, or otherwise ravage her.

Ride on dude. I've had a similar eye opener over the last year with my wife of 25 years. Talk to her on what your comfortable with and what you're not. Every guy has some fantasy, even if it's not really kinky, share with her and it will make for a much better experience.

I've seen that many folks who are having sexual difficulties with their partners or the interest in sex is one sided that have turned to Lit to discuss their problems and I think you're on the right track to seek some other's experiences. Good for you. She obviously has found something that excites her, and you should too. Just make sure to communicate so neither are left out while the other explores, it makes for a better journey if you both do it together. Enjoy!

My wife already does so many things a husband could ever imagine, I have not found anything else I desire. I do share with her that I love to watch her use the toys and her fingers. I have always told her I thought she had the sexiest hands ever. I love to watch them on her, me, the toys, on anything, they are very sexy.

 

[amofiga]

We discussed her new found openness. We both now agree that it is hormonal. She mentioned that it was like someone flipped a switch on. She finds herself in a constant state of arousal which produces openness (i.e. uninhibitedness) and she adds, "a desire to _ _ _ _!" My wife has never used that word. I was stunned. She still wants to make love and all that entails but she also wants to .... well you know what I mean. Of course we had a long talk about the difference in the two and dirty talking. I am going with the flow.

I made it very clear to my wife that I am more than fine with any self play she is into, wants to show off to me, take pictures of and video to show me. I also let her know that I am becoming more comfortable with masturbating for her and in front of the cameras. I still have yet to create a self made video for her (it feels so stupid - though I know for her it is not). Yes, I know baby steps.

So the conversation lead to her desire for me to be more free with my body and desires. We made an agreement that I would get myself off alone and tell her all about it afterwards. Next was to take pictures, eventually videoing it and watching It with her. I do not think I can sit there and watch a video of me getting off. So we discussed that. My wife agreed to watch it by herself.

I have this long held theory that all women are secret sluts if given the chance. Most don't exercise or reveal it because of their upbringing and how they've been brainwashed by church, parents, etc from the time they are very young. However, some of them, by the time they reach their 40's and beyond, really start to change. They finally realize that they don't have to be what other's think they should be and they can finally be themselves and let out all that they've repressed. Some never do, but many have the same sort of "mid life crisis" that men do and they start to realize that you're only young once.

Fortunate is the man who's own wife decides to let him in on her "sexual rebirth" and doesn't go elsewhere. That's why husbands in the situation have to understand them and make them feel secure in opening up their sexuality. In my years, I've had relationships with other men's wives who did NOT give them their understanding, encouragement and non-judgmental freedom. I remember one who's husband thought she was going crazy in her middle age. But she told me, "All my life I've been a good girl. The good girl my parents told me to be and the good girl my husband expected from the mother of his children. Well, now my kids are grown and in college and I don't want to be a good girl anymore. I want to be bad and I need a man who wants me to be bad with him." Never, never judge a woman negatively if she gives you the privilege to see her secret slutty side. Relish it and nurture it and enjoy it.

 

[Torinona]

"With all the aforementioned, why does she need/want me to do likewise?"

"With all the aforementioned, why does she need/want me to do likewise?"

WHY? Because she loves you, she trusts you and wants you to be part of the bliss and joy and satistifcation and adventure that she's having.

If my poor Hubby were Superman and could manage to keep up with all I want when I want it, I would hardly ever have the time or energy to bother with Lit or my Yahoo buddies or phone friends.

Your lady doesn't want to step out or hook up with others, she wants you... give her what you can manage and talk to her about figuring out your personal preferences and limits, but at least give some things a try... my Hubby has surprised himself with embracing certain things I've requested from him, we joke that I've created a monster because of how much he enjoys something that he never gave much or any thought to.

Enjoy your woman!

Tori

 

[ragincajun99]

Holy cow! My wife is 52 and has been through menopause, but seems to have missed those side effects. Where can I sign her up for what you guys have! You have a dream come true!!!

Enjoy!!!

 

[Torinona]

Can't say this will work for all, but...

Ladies how did you encourage him?
...
How did you help him get comfortable with your requests?
How did it turn out?
Was it what you expected?
How could you make the experience easier or better?
...

I didn't address this angle before and I'm realizing now it may help others.

This is how I approached my husband about adding something new to our sexual repertoire, I think that you could probably shape this to suit asking someone to try just about anything.

There was a 10 minute amateur porn clip that I found amazing, especially its first scene. While it might not be kinky to some [a riding crop was used in the scene I liked], I was terrified that Hubby would think I wasn't enjoying sex with him or worse, that he might somehow be offended or repulsed as we'd never really traveled down this down and it was, for me, very different from my getting him to handle me a little rough once in a while or simply adding a new word or phrase to our dirty talk.

For 3 weeks, I worked on getting up my nerve and to think of a way to approach him in as non-threatening way as possible. I decided to be humorous and playful - sending him an email saying "Sweetie, I really love the first scene, the way her breasts sway and the way she moans when he crops her. Would I have to be a really good girl or a really bad girl to buy one of those for us to try on me? Or if it doesn't float your boat, no biggie. xoxo, me"

A day after I sent him the email, he came home from work with a big smile on his face and kissed me hard on the lips and said "You can buy anything you want for us to try and we'll figure out later whether you're a good or bad girl."

As for how it turned out, amazing beyond words. As for if it was what I expected, it was far better than I could have hoped for. We don't use it often, but when he reaches it for it, I get giddy over the fact that he's now initiating something I requested.

My biggest problem? Having to alternate between closing my eyes to enjoy the sensations more fully or keeping them open to watch his handsomely intent face as he works his magic - I can not concentrate enough to do either one for very long, poor me, how I suffer, LOL!

People will always say "communication is key" and that is SO true, but sometimes different tones are needed, different approaches. In this case, I really believe that a humorous and playful tone softened the relative shock he might've gotten from watching the clip and thinking "why does she like this?!"

Plus I also gave him an out, to relieve the pressure of having to say yes. If he said it wasn't his cup of tea, I would have hopefully started a dialogue with him of maybe milder versions of the same idea, to see if we could find something palatable for him. But if it bothered him on any intensity, I would accept that.

We have agreed that since I am the one who tends to suggest almost anything new that we try, he must be honest with me about his own enjoyment of itl, I told him if he just tolerates doing things I want, I know I simply won't enjoy it as much, I want him to be involved in getting some pleasure from it too, even if it isn't the exact same pleasure I'm getting out of it... hope my ramble made sense!

Tori

 

[Kerali]

Similar experience

...So I guess all of that is to say, keep talking and don't be reluctant to say let's slow this down a bit so that you can catch up. Or be able to break down where are the points you're ok with and where does the fear or panic or discomfort start. Everything is a continuum, right? It's not "kinky or no" - it's more like where does it go from "that's hot" to "umm, honey???". It's about what you BOTH want. For what it's worth, I think it's the sign of a great relationship for you to look for support so you can support her desires. Kerali

 

[hisplaceof]

That's why husbands in the situation have to understand them and make them feel secure in opening up their sexuality.

Aaahhhhh security, tops on so many women’s list. Good insights, thanks. That I am working diligently on, to make her feel secure as I overcome my inhibitions.

give her what you can manage and talk to her about figuring out your personal preferences and limits, but at least give some things a try... my Hubby has surprised himself with embracing certain things I've requested from him, we joke that I've created a monster because of how much he enjoys something that he never gave much or any thought to. Tori

Well I took your advice and stepped way out of the comfort zone this week, yesterday and am about to again today. This week was self-play in front of the vid camera. I asked my wife to make a recording for me to listen to which helped tremendously as I performed, eventually I was able to trick my mind and get into it. She watched it Friday night and got off to it several times she told me (I had to work later than usual).

Saturday morning was a big step, we watched it together AND I might add were totally nude and touching only ourselves. I was so turned on by her begin turned on I completely forgot about the video we were watching. She not only orgasmed several times I was able to as well. She wanted to carry it a bit further with some oral on oral which got us both aroused all over again.

This time my wife asked me to get off for her be myself talking about the video, what I did, why, how I felt, and what not. That was a bit more challenging but I was able to make it through. She was thrilled and of course before I orgasmed we wound up making love. It turned out to be a good experience with a great ending for the both of us.

Holy cow! My wife is 52 and has been through menopause, but seems to have missed those side effects. Where can I sign her up for what you guys have! You have a dream come true!!! Enjoy!!!

It is something to do with her hormones. I’d suggest get them checked out then use supplementation to help (not drugs). We are leaning more and more towards the incredible change in our eating and exercise regimen as the reason for her after menopause revival. The reason being, we are hearing it from other couples of same age with similar lifestyles.

I realized a few years ago that I am wired for multiples - polyamory and/or swinging (not the same thing) would be a wonderful lifestyle for me. My husband is more reserved - he's not judgmental but doesn't have that same desire for multiple partners or freedom. He has his own kinks that don't match up perfectly with mine, and we've been able to accommodate those pretty well over the years. Now we're being more forthright with each other about what we would love, if the other person is willing.

He needed time to adjust and I needed to let it go until he caught up. Now he's arranging for some of the things I want most and I'm arranging some of the things he wants most,

So I guess all of that is to say, keep talking and don't be reluctant to say let's slow this down a bit so that you can catch up. Or be able to break down where are the points you're ok with and where does the fear or panic or discomfort start. Everything is a continuum, right? It's about what you BOTH want. For what it's worth, I think it's the sign of a great relationship for you to look for support so you can support her desires. Kerali

So how have you been able to accommodate your husband’s kinks back when you were not so into sex? And now that you are more into sex how do you handle things that do not match up perfectly with your interests?

I agree that it takes time to adjust and get caught up. I have been saying woooooooooooo girl wooooo slow down quite a bit as of late. So if you are not into what your husband wants how do you go about arranging those things and I assume encourage him in them?

And thank you so very much for your ending thoughtfulness. It is nice to hear other’s remind you that you are doing a good thing. With all the clumsiness & awkwardness concerns it is so easy to forget to main reason I am doing all of this, to support my wife growing sexually.