New to BDSM

[kinkybaby83]

Hello everyone

I guess I should give a bit of background here. I'm female, 30+, and recently got involved with a guy who is into BDSM. I've always been curious but never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd get to experience it.

Anyway, our relationship isn't just about him being the dom and me the sub, we like it the other way round too. And whilst I enjoy tying him up and making him do things to me, I'd like some tips or ideas on how I can be the perfect dom for him. Afterall, I am new to all this and whilst he does give me ideas himself I really don't want him to have to do that, because he is my slave and shouldn't be allowed to speak but seriously, and advice would be appreciated

Thanks in advance

 

[Stella_Omega]

In order to be the perfect dom for him, you need to communicate with him and let him communicate with you. You can set the rules, yes-- but you need to know what your rules should be about.

No matter who you are partnering up with, no matter if you are on the top or bottom, or side-by-side, communication is always, always the key. I could tell you what would make a perfect partner for ME-- but you're not partnering me.

You might read the essay in my signature, see if it helps.

 

[kinkybaby83]

Thanks for the advice. I will give that essay a read. We are very communicative though and we are learning what the other likes. I guess because I am new to this I don't want to have to always rely on him to tell me *how* to be a dom? If that makes sense.

I'll give that essay a read though, thank you

 

[abvt75]

i sent you a PM. i have been there an done that what u want to do. we can discuss

 

[Stella_Omega]

Thanks for the advice. I will give that essay a read. We are very communicative though and we are learning what the other likes. I guess because I am new to this I don't want to have to always rely on him to tell me *how* to be a dom? If that makes sense.

I'll give that essay a read though, thank you

Yes, that totally makes sense!

How to be a dom;

1) decide what makes you happy.
2) direct your partner's will towards that goal.

i sent you a PM. i have been there an done that what u want to do. we can discuss

I bet she has two hundred PMS already, and counting. You might have to wait while she weeds out the asshats and the jack-offers hoping to get a freebie from a newbie. One of which might be you, for that matter, who knows?

We like to advise female posters to choose the invisible mode in the user CP, (upper right corner) to slow the flood.

 

[Dyslexicea]

We like to advise female posters to choose the invisible mode in the user CP, (upper right corner) to slow the flood.

^^This^^

I don't really have any advice for you kinkybaby83, I'm kind of new myself, what works for us may not work for you, What does work for us is communicating and exploring, even some things we didn't think would work.

I never though I could get aroused from humiliation but done the right way it surely does arouse me more that just a little bit.

I have racial reason to hate the word slave and I never thought I could respond in any way but with anger to it's use but I just melt when she calls me her slave.

 

[DVS]

Read about all of the labels, and decide what fits you. But only use labels for a starting point. Don't assume you have to fit into any one definition, exclusively. You might feel you fit mostly as a dom or a sub, but you don't always feel that way. There's nothing wrong with that. You can feel like a dom in your sex life, and nothing more. You can feel like a dom with one person, and not with another.

Basically, once you have a feeling for the labels, set them aside. From then on, it's up to you how you feel. If you still feel better sticking with labels, create your own label that fits you. Change a label to fit you, not the other way around.

Oh, and watch out for posters that offer to PM you and discuss things. There's nothing wrong with discussing in this forum. And while posting in this forum, you are actually helping others that might relate to your situation.

Not that everybody who offers to PM you will attempt to take advantage of your nativity, but some do. We suggest everybody keep the conversation in the forum, if possible. Aside from helping others who might read your thread, you get many opinions for your question, not just one from the person who PM'd you.

 

[kinkybaby83]

I bet she has two hundred PMS already, and counting. You might have to wait while she weeds out the asshats and the jack-offers hoping to get a freebie from a newbie. One of which might be you, for that matter, who knows?

We like to advise female posters to choose the invisible mode in the user CP, (upper right corner) to slow the flood.

Ah, yes I've had quite a few Going to make myself invisible momentarily Thank you.

 

[kinkybaby83]

Thanks for your advice everyone. I've been reading more on the forum and getting some ideas. This forum is very helpful

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

If you haven't ever seen it, check out the sex map. It's a pretty simple and thorough list o' possibilities.
C/C

http://www.humansexmap.com/