Quick Proofing Help with 2nd Story

[Mello_SixtyNine]

Hi,

I just finished my second story (Mariella's Secret) and I'm currently proofreading it. I read the critiques and criticisms of my first submission (Baxter's Plan) to make improvements to my new story. I have a couple small things that I'm not sure of. Was wondering if someone could give me a hand.

This line for example:

"Bigger boobs wouldn't hurt too."

I believe that "too" is correct but I have a nagging feeling that it may be "to".


The other thing that's bugging me are these four lines:

"I can handle one large italian sausage Mr. Varone."
"Can I ask you for a little favor Mr. Varone?
"You're welcome Mr. Varone."
"Are you ready Mr. Varone?"

I think they should have commas but not sure:

"I can handle one large italian sausage, Mr. Varone."
"Can I ask you for a little favor, Mr. Varone?
"You're welcome, Mr. Varone."
"Are you ready, Mr. Varone?"


Any help would be appreciated.
Thanks!

 

[sr71plt]

yes, "too."

yes, commas.

 

[Mello_SixtyNine]

Thanks.

 

[SlutwifeInTraining]

Actually, I think that the negative of "wouldn't" means it should be "either" not to or too. As in "Bigger boobs wouldn't hurt either." Reference: http://www.grammar-quizzes.com/too-either.html

As for the commas, yes they are needed and yes you have placed them correctly. reference: http://www.grammarerrors.com/punctuation/commas-in-direct-address/

 

[sr71plt]

The use of "too" in that instances is just fine if the author prefers that one. We aren't often stuck to just one choice of word in English language usage.

 

[lovecraft68]

Actually, I think that the negative of "wouldn't" means it should be "either" not to or too. As in "Bigger boobs wouldn't hurt either." Reference: http://www.grammar-quizzes.com/too-either.html

As for the commas, yes they are needed and yes you have placed them correctly. reference: http://www.grammarerrors.com/punctuation/commas-in-direct-address/

Either reads and sounds much better that Too in that sentence. Too would work for "And she had bigger boobs too!"

 

[sr71plt]

Yes, perhaps, for you, in what you write. This isn't your writing, though. This is just another example of me backing up an author on maintaining her/his own choices and voice within the bounds of what is grammatical.

And we all know why you even bothered to post to this thread.

 

[_Lynn_]

Actually, I think that the negative of "wouldn't" means it should be "either" not to or too. As in "Bigger boobs wouldn't hurt either." Reference: http://www.grammar-quizzes.com/too-either.html

Either reads and sounds much better that Too in that sentence. Too would work for "And she had bigger boobs too!"

But the OP didn't ask which word worked best in the sentence.