My wife and I have discussed MMF, non bi, a few times over the years while being intimate. My question is, how should I go about convincing her to actually it. I have actually been fantasizing about it more lately and get really turned on just at the thought of sharing her. Any help with this is greatly appreciated.
How do I convince my wife to try MMF
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moonflasher
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bailadora
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Just because she talks about it, it doesn't mean she necessarily wants it to become a reality. Just sayin'.
Your best bet? Talk to *her*, openly and honestly. Gauge her reactions. Get her feedback. If this is something she wants to have happen, then *both* of you take steps to educate yourselves about all the possible ramifications and precautions you'd need to take. *Both* of you formulate an acceptable plan of action and move from there.
If this is something she doesn't want to have happen, leave it as spank bank material and move on. Lovers shouldn't try to coerce each other into something they really don't want to do.
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Eilan
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This. But don't have any serious conversations while you're "being intimate."
bobbyinhouston
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How to convince wife
That is so correct! After 19 years of marriage and a pretty satisfying sex life my wife took me to a swingers club for my 50th birthday. Part to shut me up about going and part just to celebrate a milestone.
We met an older couple and a single guy that night and had a tremendous amount of fun. Life has not been the same and we have met a number of folks we call friends and playmates.
I guess if she allows herself to indulge in your fantasy you should count yourself lucky and also have her enjoy her fantasy as well. Bobby.
That is so correct! After 19 years of marriage and a pretty satisfying sex life my wife took me to a swingers club for my 50th birthday. Part to shut me up about going and part just to celebrate a milestone.
We met an older couple and a single guy that night and had a tremendous amount of fun. Life has not been the same and we have met a number of folks we call friends and playmates.
I guess if she allows herself to indulge in your fantasy you should count yourself lucky and also have her enjoy her fantasy as well. Bobby.
NightL
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Convincing and sharing are two ugly words - particularly in this context.
Look how differently the following person addressed an interest in a similar area that both he and his wife share in.
How to deal with Craigslist (or other similar things)
My bet is that the poster I referenced will indeed share in experiences with his wife. No convincing and I doubt he will ever express any element of ownership of how he will get his own rocks off by sharing her. Sharing a mutually desired experience is in a totally different league then you convincing and chasing your selfish desires of observing your wife (property?) being shared.
Hypoxia
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Why do either of you want to try MFM? Have you talked-out your reasons?
Do either of you have someone specific in mind? What is your relationship with him?
Would either of you prefer an anonymous 3rd, or a non-close acquaintance, or what?
Is your married relationship strong enough to survive a 3rd body? Are you sure?
Have either of you stepped beyond the bounds of marriage before? Does the other know?
Are there special circumstances or pre-existing conditions? Here's an example:
I'll speak of a friend named Steve whose best pal was Dave. In high school, Steve and Dave shared two sisters sexually, together. A few years later, Dave move cross-country and married Carol. Traveling, Dave visited Steve and Carol's home for the first time. The next morning, Carol crawled into Dave's bed when Steve left for work. Carol had been curious about Dave and easily talked Steve into the intimate arrangement with his old pal. They lived together as a threesome for some months before bickering drove them apart. The marriage was stronger than the triad.
So, the special circumstances here were 1) the wife wanted the 3rd, 2) the 3rd was a close, trusted friend, and 3) all three were willing to try anything, including inviting other women at times.
NOTE: Steve died of cancer a few years later. Carol and her infant daughter then appeared at Dave's front door looking for shelter not long after Dave married Lyn. Lyn did NOT want an extended marriage, and turned Carol and child away. Thus the basic rule of any MFM of FMF triad: If the wife/partner doesn't want it, it won't happen.
Do either of you have someone specific in mind? What is your relationship with him?
Would either of you prefer an anonymous 3rd, or a non-close acquaintance, or what?
Is your married relationship strong enough to survive a 3rd body? Are you sure?
Have either of you stepped beyond the bounds of marriage before? Does the other know?
Are there special circumstances or pre-existing conditions? Here's an example:
I'll speak of a friend named Steve whose best pal was Dave. In high school, Steve and Dave shared two sisters sexually, together. A few years later, Dave move cross-country and married Carol. Traveling, Dave visited Steve and Carol's home for the first time. The next morning, Carol crawled into Dave's bed when Steve left for work. Carol had been curious about Dave and easily talked Steve into the intimate arrangement with his old pal. They lived together as a threesome for some months before bickering drove them apart. The marriage was stronger than the triad.
So, the special circumstances here were 1) the wife wanted the 3rd, 2) the 3rd was a close, trusted friend, and 3) all three were willing to try anything, including inviting other women at times.
NOTE: Steve died of cancer a few years later. Carol and her infant daughter then appeared at Dave's front door looking for shelter not long after Dave married Lyn. Lyn did NOT want an extended marriage, and turned Carol and child away. Thus the basic rule of any MFM of FMF triad: If the wife/partner doesn't want it, it won't happen.
NightL
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Never know though, your wife may well enjoy sharing experiences with her next husband.
Your progress to sharing an experience starts with you learning what it actually means to be a best friend, companion and having the utmost respect for your wife. She is not your property to share.
Perhaps she may get really turned on just at the thought of sharing you in a MMF.
Your progress to sharing an experience starts with you learning what it actually means to be a best friend, companion and having the utmost respect for your wife. She is not your property to share.
Perhaps she may get really turned on just at the thought of sharing you in a MMF.
Thank you all
First off, I don't claim ownership of my wife, it may have come out wrong when I wrote the thread. This is something we have discussed numerous times, mostly while being intimate and a few times while driving/sitting around. I believe she wants to try it, but doesn't or is afraid of how to go about doing it. I have seen a few of her posts with friends of hers in a group she is a member of, and this topic in round about ways was brought up in that group with her pretty much stating she would two guys. Also, she travels lots, and she has somewhat admitted to "something" happening on a trip or two, but will not say exactly what occurred, though I have me suspicions as to what happened due to a mutual friend, who is a co-worker of hers, passively mentioning something to me about it (female friend who is more like a sister/family to us).
All I intended, was to be able to get some guidance from others as to how I should approach her with the idea of actually going forward with this. Thank you for your replies thus far, it has been a help.
First off, I don't claim ownership of my wife, it may have come out wrong when I wrote the thread. This is something we have discussed numerous times, mostly while being intimate and a few times while driving/sitting around. I believe she wants to try it, but doesn't or is afraid of how to go about doing it. I have seen a few of her posts with friends of hers in a group she is a member of, and this topic in round about ways was brought up in that group with her pretty much stating she would two guys. Also, she travels lots, and she has somewhat admitted to "something" happening on a trip or two, but will not say exactly what occurred, though I have me suspicions as to what happened due to a mutual friend, who is a co-worker of hers, passively mentioning something to me about it (female friend who is more like a sister/family to us).
All I intended, was to be able to get some guidance from others as to how I should approach her with the idea of actually going forward with this. Thank you for your replies thus far, it has been a help.
tonguedancer
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I'm no expert on this stuff by any stretch, but I think before you try to convince her of a threesome, it might be important to learn about what "happened" on these business trips. To me, getting into doing things like threesomes requires a hell of a lot of trust between both people. It's like swingers who survive and swingers who end up divorced. The former had really good open communication, trust, an actual loving sharing relationship. The latter are getting into it to "try to rekindle their marriage" or to "spice up the marriage" and that usually means one, maybe both or just bored. One couple is looking to share and one to alieve frustration.
If your wife won't open up about what happened on the trips, then maybe she's "cheating" and doesn't want you involved. Not a good environment for things like threesomes. I'd say that before you try to "convince her" for this threesome, you should try to really open up the communication about what's going on with you and her.
Again, I'm no expert, but I know if it were my wife, I'd be suspicious and a "suspicious" relationship isn't good for swinging.
ntp
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The whole "convince" thing always bugs me a little when it comes up in threads... I guess i envision pleading, cajoling, bargaining, etc.. and none of that seems very conducive to things working out well. It just seems to me like if you want something to happen you have to put it out there that you'd like that thing to happen, and if your partner knows you want it and is game for it, it will happen. I guess ideally said partner would also feel open enough to say no if they're not game for it, too...
littlecordelera
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Yes. She has to want to. It really can't be said in any better way.
twister947
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@FD-
I agree with another poster, the one thing that would be a fly in the ointment to me is if you wife has actually done something while traveling, and is not talking about it, that is not good in general or if you are planning to try MMF or whatnot. If she has been getting stuff on the side, that is cheating, and it means she is able to compartmentalize stuff....it can indicate she would like to have sex with others, but it also sounds to me like she may enjoy it in the context of 'getting away' with having sex with others, if in fact she has cheated. Doing threesomes requires trust and communication, and how can you trust someone who if in fact they cheated, and is unwilling to admit it, to not do the same thing within a MMF? Obviously, you cannot assume she cheated, but if you feel she did,then I don't think you can go anywhere near this until you have it solved to your satisfaction; some will tell you flings and such don't mean anything, but if you wife has cheated and won't talk about it, it could be a)she has cheated a lot more than those couple of times and/or b)won't get off on a threesome, but rather gets a thrill out of cheating, which often can be a big part of why they cheat. Maybe talk to the friend and see if they can be coaxed into talking about it....
The other thing is she may be willing to have sex with more than 1 guy (and maybe she already has, who knows?) but won't do it with you, where again the thrill is on doing something 'naughty' on the side, something she can't do as a wife, since wives 'don't do those things', and would feel horrible about having sex with someone else and hubby...(yeah, it is a major inconsistency if she has had fun outside the marriage, but welcome to compartmentalization).....Again, from my standpoint, I wouldn't go anywhere near this until I was sure I could trust my partner, that she wouldn't have the MMF but then turn it into a full blown affair or something......having that doubt to me would make it uncomfortable to even attempt it from your side....
I don't want to be a downer with this, and maybe what happened with your wife is no big deal, it depends on how you are put together. If you think of her having sex with someone else and are okay she did that, then maybe you need, in the context of these discussions about MMF, to say something like "I like the idea of having an MMF, and I am turned on by you having sex with other guys, I just want you to know that it won't be a big deal for me" or something like that, to get her to open up.
Again, I know I sound like a Greek chorus on this, but I have seen enough to know that MMF or other kinds of non monogamous relationships have pitfalls in them that need to be looked at, as someone else said, if the marriage isn't strong, it is a disaster, and if secrets and such are common, not going to work. I have seen MMF's where the F falls in love with the other guy, has an affair with him, and ends up leaving the marriage, I have seen a couple of MMF's where the H ends up with the other guy, I have seen MMF's where the husband can't take it, says they can't do it any more, and the wife keeps on seeing the other M, seen MFF's where either the H or W ends up with the other gal, it is why open communication and a strong marriage are needed.
I don't think you can cajole someone else into doing something they simply aren't into, what you can do is get something that the other partner seems interested in, and help them get to the point where they feel comfortable doing it, big difference. If they are doing it just for you, to make you happy, they won't enjoy it, and quite honestly you won't, either, it will be obvious if that is the case, and it can lead to resentment on both party's parts. It is why one of the key things is if either partner finds it didn't work for them at all, they can't do it, that it is stopped, either forever, or until whatever caused the discomfort is worked through. You read in stories on here all the time about where there is agreement about an MMF, the H let's say says the safeword or no or whatever, and the wife basically says "tough, you wanted to do this, I am doing it", and while that is fiction, it does go on IRL, and that can't happen, it has to be mutual all the way through. If after the fact there are regrets and one or the other say "no more", it has to end, at least until the time when maybe whatever caused the issue is worked through, if they even want to.
I think the biggest thing is to figure out how you feel. You suspect your wife did something when traveling, at least once, how do you feel about that? Does it turn you on? Does it turn you on but get you angry that she did it behind your back? Does it upset you she may have cheated? While cheating is a different thing than an MMF, it at least is something to judge your own feelings on, something concrete.....
I also agree with someone else, the best place to talk about this is not in bed, when being intimate, there is just too strong a chance of one or the other partner of getting caught up in the eroticism, as a fantasy, and not really talking with their brain or real emotions. It needs to be done outside that moment, so it passes muster with everything, not just raging hormones or whatever
.
MMF seems to be a common fantasy among women, based on the adult romance books that do well, shockingly more than a few of them involve the guys being bi with each other (shocking meaning I am surprised, not that I am shocked by M M sex *lol*), so that may work in your favor, lot more than an MFF, but it also could just be a fantasy, too....
The key is talking about this and getting to the point where you know if she really is interested in it, and would be okay in trying it with you, and in establishing the trust to be able to do it. As I wrote above, for me finding out what the thing that 'happened' was, getting her to talk about it, because otherwise I couldn't go anywhere near this if I didn't trust my wife, if I felt she wanted to keep secrets from me, even though I made clear that I loved her enough that nothing she said would cause me not to love her, to build trust in her she could tell me the truth......
I wish you luck, would love to find out what happened.
I agree with another poster, the one thing that would be a fly in the ointment to me is if you wife has actually done something while traveling, and is not talking about it, that is not good in general or if you are planning to try MMF or whatnot. If she has been getting stuff on the side, that is cheating, and it means she is able to compartmentalize stuff....it can indicate she would like to have sex with others, but it also sounds to me like she may enjoy it in the context of 'getting away' with having sex with others, if in fact she has cheated. Doing threesomes requires trust and communication, and how can you trust someone who if in fact they cheated, and is unwilling to admit it, to not do the same thing within a MMF? Obviously, you cannot assume she cheated, but if you feel she did,then I don't think you can go anywhere near this until you have it solved to your satisfaction; some will tell you flings and such don't mean anything, but if you wife has cheated and won't talk about it, it could be a)she has cheated a lot more than those couple of times and/or b)won't get off on a threesome, but rather gets a thrill out of cheating, which often can be a big part of why they cheat. Maybe talk to the friend and see if they can be coaxed into talking about it....
The other thing is she may be willing to have sex with more than 1 guy (and maybe she already has, who knows?) but won't do it with you, where again the thrill is on doing something 'naughty' on the side, something she can't do as a wife, since wives 'don't do those things', and would feel horrible about having sex with someone else and hubby...(yeah, it is a major inconsistency if she has had fun outside the marriage, but welcome to compartmentalization).....Again, from my standpoint, I wouldn't go anywhere near this until I was sure I could trust my partner, that she wouldn't have the MMF but then turn it into a full blown affair or something......having that doubt to me would make it uncomfortable to even attempt it from your side....
I don't want to be a downer with this, and maybe what happened with your wife is no big deal, it depends on how you are put together. If you think of her having sex with someone else and are okay she did that, then maybe you need, in the context of these discussions about MMF, to say something like "I like the idea of having an MMF, and I am turned on by you having sex with other guys, I just want you to know that it won't be a big deal for me" or something like that, to get her to open up.
Again, I know I sound like a Greek chorus on this, but I have seen enough to know that MMF or other kinds of non monogamous relationships have pitfalls in them that need to be looked at, as someone else said, if the marriage isn't strong, it is a disaster, and if secrets and such are common, not going to work. I have seen MMF's where the F falls in love with the other guy, has an affair with him, and ends up leaving the marriage, I have seen a couple of MMF's where the H ends up with the other guy, I have seen MMF's where the husband can't take it, says they can't do it any more, and the wife keeps on seeing the other M, seen MFF's where either the H or W ends up with the other gal, it is why open communication and a strong marriage are needed.
I don't think you can cajole someone else into doing something they simply aren't into, what you can do is get something that the other partner seems interested in, and help them get to the point where they feel comfortable doing it, big difference. If they are doing it just for you, to make you happy, they won't enjoy it, and quite honestly you won't, either, it will be obvious if that is the case, and it can lead to resentment on both party's parts. It is why one of the key things is if either partner finds it didn't work for them at all, they can't do it, that it is stopped, either forever, or until whatever caused the discomfort is worked through. You read in stories on here all the time about where there is agreement about an MMF, the H let's say says the safeword or no or whatever, and the wife basically says "tough, you wanted to do this, I am doing it", and while that is fiction, it does go on IRL, and that can't happen, it has to be mutual all the way through. If after the fact there are regrets and one or the other say "no more", it has to end, at least until the time when maybe whatever caused the issue is worked through, if they even want to.
I think the biggest thing is to figure out how you feel. You suspect your wife did something when traveling, at least once, how do you feel about that? Does it turn you on? Does it turn you on but get you angry that she did it behind your back? Does it upset you she may have cheated? While cheating is a different thing than an MMF, it at least is something to judge your own feelings on, something concrete.....
I also agree with someone else, the best place to talk about this is not in bed, when being intimate, there is just too strong a chance of one or the other partner of getting caught up in the eroticism, as a fantasy, and not really talking with their brain or real emotions. It needs to be done outside that moment, so it passes muster with everything, not just raging hormones or whatever
. MMF seems to be a common fantasy among women, based on the adult romance books that do well, shockingly more than a few of them involve the guys being bi with each other (shocking meaning I am surprised, not that I am shocked by M M sex *lol*), so that may work in your favor, lot more than an MFF, but it also could just be a fantasy, too....
The key is talking about this and getting to the point where you know if she really is interested in it, and would be okay in trying it with you, and in establishing the trust to be able to do it. As I wrote above, for me finding out what the thing that 'happened' was, getting her to talk about it, because otherwise I couldn't go anywhere near this if I didn't trust my wife, if I felt she wanted to keep secrets from me, even though I made clear that I loved her enough that nothing she said would cause me not to love her, to build trust in her she could tell me the truth......
I wish you luck, would love to find out what happened.
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