Ideas for my first time

[johnob3]

Hi,
For years I fantasize to be a BDSM dominant. I finally met a woman that fantasizes to be submissive. The problem is that I don't know what to do for my first time
What's the best way to start? ropes? She already has little experience.
Do you guys have any ideas?

Thanks!

 

[KoPilot]

What sorts of things do you do in your fantasies? Your idea of "dominant", your sub's idea of "dominant", and our ideas of "dominant" are probably not going to line up neatly.

Best place to start is your personal interests.

 

[Stella_Omega]

What do you want to do?

 

[CBM514]

Hi,
For years I fantasize to be a BDSM dominant. I finally met a woman that fantasizes to be submissive. The problem is that I don't know what to do for my first time
What's the best way to start? ropes? She already has little experience.
Do you guys have any ideas?

Thanks!

How far can she go? Do her interests align with yours?

 

[johnob3]

Thank you for your quick answer.
This is my first time but my partner had one session that included face fucking, fisting and pissing with two men partners. So maybe bondage (I can only use the bed – hotel room) and some spanking could be a nice change for her and a good first time for me. Face fucking is a nice fantasy for me.
P.S
She wants me to surprise her without talking too much about what is going to happen.

Thanks!

 

[Felonious1]

My best suggestion for your first time is call this impending clusterfuck off until such time you educate yourself about the abbreviations known as SS&C and R.A.C.K. Then get to know your partner's wants, desires and limits via a checklist, plus share your own with her as well. Such frank discussions will reveal compatibility, or the lack thereof. In either case, insight is sorely needed before the fact.


Just know you're figuratively fucking around with something here that can wind your ass up in jail. Apply due diligence and look before you leap into something you can't get out of without a lawyer and/or jail time being served.

All and all......I' say you're no where ready for this encounter at this time.

JMO

 

[Stella_Omega]

Bondage and a spanking is an excellent first session, and if she's amenable to facefucking, you're golden.

Establish a safeword (so she can holler 'no' knowing you will ignore that, but if she says "red" you will stop immediately), and never leave anyone tied up and unattended.

 

[MooFloss]

(I can only use the bed – hotel room)

Hotel rooms are fascinating. . They offer a wide variety of surfaces in such a small space. There is not just a bed there..

Desk
Window
Shower
Bath
Floor
Walls

The sink. . Opposite a mirror

 

[CBM514]

I think you need to establish some parameters for both you and her prior to going at this...even if she wants to be "surprised" that needs to come with time and trust...you can always surprise her with the specifics of an event, but I think you need clarity about what is and is not allowable and be sure you know what you are doing so you don't hurt her or damage a new relationship...these things take time to develop honestly...some may play causally, but if it's your first time inflicting pain, etc. on someone a lot can go wrong...

 

[DVS]

I really don't understand why people are always asking for ideas, unless it's just those 14 year old boys looking for wank fodder again. It's like golden porn to them, because they still have pimples and their voices haven't changed yet.

But, if this is a serious question, I'd still say go with your instincts. Doing what someone else suggests is faking it and I don't think she wants a fake. She wants to know what comes from your mind when you think of her. She wants to know what YOUR kinky mind is like. She doesn't want you to take notes from someone else and then pawn it off on her as your own thoughts.

What are you going to do the second time? Or the third? Are you just going to get more ideas from other people and fake it again and again? Eventually, she's going to catch on or she's going to end up liking or disliking you by proxy. Just giver her what you have in your own mind. It might not be much at first, but at least you'll feel better that it's really from your mind. Honesty is very important in all relationships. BDSM is no different.

 

[Oubliette123]

But, if this is a serious question, I'd still say go with your instincts. Doing what someone else suggests is faking it and I don't think she wants a fake. She wants to know what comes from your mind when you think of her. She wants to know what YOUR kinky mind is like. She doesn't want you to take notes from someone else and then pawn it off on her as your own thoughts.

This. I agree, there is so much on the net these days to fuel ones imagination. Watch some porn together, communicate and experiment. Its the only way, stiltedly following someone else's recommendation will only result in forced activity. You need to find out her needs (and vice versa), this can only come from the two of you. Have fun

 

[Bramblethorn]

This. I agree, there is so much on the net these days to fuel ones imagination. Watch some porn together, communicate and experiment.

This, with the caveat that some of the stuff depicted in BDSM porn needs awareness of safety issues that aren't obvious from the porn itself. By all means use porn and experimentation to figure out what your turn-ons are, but don't rely on experiment for stuff like "how does breath play work?"

 

[DVS]

This, with the caveat that some of the stuff depicted in BDSM porn needs awareness of safety issues that aren't obvious from the porn itself. By all means use porn and experimentation to figure out what your turn-ons are, but don't rely on experiment for stuff like "how does breath play work?"

I know you're just trying to make a point, but they're idiots if they are trying breath play their first time together, or even second or third.

Porn is just porn. Everybody surely knows it's not always real. But, they can still get ideas from watching it. I still get ideas to this day and I've been dominant all my life.

 

[TwoShades]

You know what you want. Just take control of her. Thats probably what she craves more than anything. BE IN CHARGE. You don't need to tie her up. Just be yourself and be in charge. Everything will progress in its own time. And you will learn what YOU like and what she doesn't.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I know you're just trying to make a point, but they're idiots if they are trying breath play their first time together, or even second or third.

Sure. Breath play was probably a bad choice of example there; plenty of "milder" activities where the same caveat applies, e.g. most porn is unlikely to say "there's a reason we're avoiding the kidney area here!"

 

[kneelingb4u]

whipping humiliation - my first time

The first time I realised I was a sub was when i was 17. I was going out with a boy my own age who liked to fuck me roughly from behind and spank me while he did. for a few months he stayed still quite vanilla until one day he bought two friends home with him from the garage he worked at. As we sat in his room watching tv he started to tickle me making me squirm and giggle. it turned into a play fight and his friends watched amused. Suddenly he stood above me and grabbed a flat electrical cable from the shelf by the stereo. Before I knew it my legs were kicked wide apart and the cable came slicing down onto my pussy making me yelp and tingle. his friends cheered and called me a dirty bitch. he whipped my tingling pussy again until I admited how much it turned me on. 'If you want more you will have to strip for us' he said. That was the first time I have called anyone sir as I obeyed him and spent the rest of the evening being whipped spanked and teased by the three of them as they improvised with various objects in the room to use as sex toys on me.

 

[Dyslexicea]

I really don't understand why people are always asking for ideas, unless it's just those 14 year old boys looking for wank fodder again. It's like golden porn to them, because they still have pimples and their voices haven't changed yet.

But, if this is a serious question, I'd still say go with your instincts. Doing what someone else suggests is faking it and I don't think she wants a fake. She wants to know what comes from your mind when you think of her. She wants to know what YOUR kinky mind is like. She doesn't want you to take notes from someone else and then pawn it off on her as your own thoughts.

What are you going to do the second time? Or the third? Are you just going to get more ideas from other people and fake it again and again? Eventually, she's going to catch on or she's going to end up liking or disliking you by proxy. Just giver her what you have in your own mind. It might not be much at first, but at least you'll feel better that it's really from your mind. Honesty is very important in all relationships. BDSM is no different.

I have to say DVS most of the time your responses are well thought out and meaningful. You and a few of the other men here do help to restore my belief that there really are intelligent men in this world. I try to ignore those who have the opposite effect.

If I was the least bit inclined to men, I'd sit on your lap and give you a big kiss before assuming a different position upon your lap just to see where it may lead. In other words I kind of like you.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Fake it till you make it. Some people work that way, that's all. Other people cannot imagine that's legitimate.

 

[midwestyankee]

Those who have advised you to focus on doing activities that you're sure you'll both enjoy are onto something: in the end, this is supposed to be all about pleasure. If one or both of you don't derive pleasure from what you do together, one or both of you will want to stop seeing each other. You don't want that, so above all else make sure that you're both going to get out of this adventure what you need in order to enjoy it.

She says that she wants you to surprise her, but there is a hidden message in there that means "Don't you dare surprise me with something that I don't desire because if you do I'll leave you faster than a snowflake in July." Talk to each other. Settle on a long list of activities you both think you'll enjoy and then let it be your job to pick a few things from that list. It will still be a surprise that you picked items 14, 19, and 22 from the list but you'll both have confidence that your surprises won't be so surprising that she screams "RED" and the night is over on the spot.

Also, and I want to emphasize this, don't try to include every boner-making bdsm trick in the book in this first session. There's going to be plenty of time to try all those things if you treat her well in this first get-together. It will take you longer to set up and enjoy a bit of bondage than you think. And that's a good thing. You want to savor each thing you try and sometimes making someone submit to a certain position or activity for quite a long time makes the pleasure much more intense and satisfying than if you raced through it. Let time work for you instead of against you.

 

[DVS]

I have to say DVS most of the time your responses are well thought out and meaningful. You and a few of the other men here do help to restore my belief that there really are intelligent men in this world. I try to ignore those who have the opposite effect.

If I was the least bit inclined to men, I'd sit on your lap and give you a big kiss before assuming a different position upon your lap just to see where it may lead. In other words I kind of like you.

Thank you, for noticing. The male gender does sometimes make me wish I wasn't a member. When I hear some men talk about sex and the things they say when they see an attractive woman, I feel sorry for the women that end up with them.

It's not very easy getting women I meet to understand that I'm not like those men.

 

[twister947]

Start slowly, and don't swing for the fence until you know where the fence is. In other words, get to know each other.

 

[jtx122]

The first time I realised I was a sub was when i was 17. I was going out with a boy my own age who liked to fuck me roughly from behind and spank me while he did. for a few months he stayed still quite vanilla until one day he bought two friends home with him from the garage he worked at. As we sat in his room watching tv he started to tickle me making me squirm and giggle. it turned into a play fight and his friends watched amused. Suddenly he stood above me and grabbed a flat electrical cable from the shelf by the stereo. Before I knew it my legs were kicked wide apart and the cable came slicing down onto my pussy making me yelp and tingle. his friends cheered and called me a dirty bitch. he whipped my tingling pussy again until I admited how much it turned me on. 'If you want more you will have to strip for us' he said. That was the first time I have called anyone sir as I obeyed him and spent the rest of the evening being whipped spanked and teased by the three of them as they improvised with various objects in the room to use as sex toys on me.

^ Wank Fodder.

Do you know if it was planned - you make it sound like he was sort of starting down that path before...

 

[Netzach]

Honestly? If it's your first time, I'd avoid bondage altogether. It's going to have you wondering if you did it right, too tight, tight enough, is it lame etc...the whole time you should be enjoying a facefuck and flexing your authority. You should be finding out what kind of authority gets her going. If you're taking her to a tablecloth kind of dinner first, nothing hotter than to lean over and whisper something to her like "good girls sit with their legs closed" or "open your legs, you know you want it..." Play with authority, poke around in her head, and that face-fuck will feel like the only one worth doing by the time you get to it. You can have 100 percent vanilla fucking with someone who is completely amped up to 11 by the right kind of foreplay and it's a BDSM scene of the highest caliber.

I think red - yellow - green safewords are the most important tools the first time out, and I would not want to play for the first time with someone who was dismissive of their usefulness in early encounters. I'd use the WHOLE traffic light - red for stop, yellow for I like that but ease up a little - and green for "more please, harder, yes"

I think having the option to communicate that way makes it feel less like a value judgement to say any of those things to your new top, and it makes it a lot easier to relax if you know, as a top, that your bottom thinks "oh, nice to have these signals, I'll use them as needed " not "ewww, those are for wimps."

 

[enigmaticbeauty]

Short and to the point.... don't plan your session on your own.

There are two of you, so the two of you should plan. You don't know what presses her buttons, she doesn't know what presses yours.

Mouths are there for more than just licking, sucking, rimming... they are there for talking... communication is paramount.

 

[misskatuk]

You know what you want. Just take control of her. Thats probably what she craves more than anything. BE IN CHARGE. You don't need to tie her up. Just be yourself and be in charge. Everything will progress in its own time. And you will learn what YOU like and what she doesn't.

totally agree!