back after almost a years hiatus

[hisdarlingslut]

Hi
Used to be on here as wantonmama...met some great people...fell for one in particular...started online then moved to R/T and now - separated...filing for divorce....annnnnd back on the market again!!! A little gun shy but....

 

[OralDave]

Hi
Used to be on here as wantonmama...met some great people...fell for one in particular...started online then moved to R/T and now - separated...filing for divorce....annnnnd back on the market again!!! A little gun shy but....

I'm sure you'll find a lot of playmates. Now if I were going to the market looking for a wantonmama... but I guess I am!

 

[Primalex]

Hi
Used to be on here as wantonmama...met some great people...fell for one in particular...started online then moved to R/T and now - separated...filing for divorce....annnnnd back on the market again!!! A little gun shy but....

Do we have to marry?

 

[hisdarlingslut]

Do we have to marry?

@primalex-absolutely not! I was married but not to my Dom lol...

 

[OralDave]

@primalex-absolutely not! I was married but not to my Dom lol...

A dom and a hubby at the same time? Very interesting.......

 

[Hnter2011]

That was one busy year! Head stop spinning yet? You really ready for another go at it?

 

[jenibee]

A dom and a hubby at the same time? Very interesting.......

Maybe she has a new Dom? Or maybe she is/was polyamorous or just had an open marriage. Being poly, I didn't bat an eyelash at this.

hisdarlingslut, welcome back, and good luck on your search. I hope everything else goes smoothly for you as well.

 

[Que]

Maybe she has a new Dom? Or maybe she is/was polyamorous or just had an open marriage. Being poly, I didn't bat an eyelash at this.

hisdarlingslut, welcome back, and good luck on your search. I hope everything else goes smoothly for you as well.

See... I made the same leap Prime did...

I thought her quite impulsive...(not that there's anything wrong with that)

 

[hisdarlingslut]

Maybe she has a new Dom? Or maybe she is/was polyamorous or just had an open marriage. Being poly, I didn't bat an eyelash at this.

hisdarlingslut, welcome back, and good luck on your search. I hope everything else goes smoothly for you as well.

Hi
Thanks for the welcome...very sweet of you. My post was impulsive, very true. Just a sentence and it is misleading so I will clarify. I was married young and monogamous for 19 & 1/2 years to the same man. When did our marriage die? Not sure exactly when but I started reading about D/s for almost a year before I stumbled upon this site as I thought I wanted to write. Instead, I met a man who introduced me to the wild world of online play. 6 months into things, I told my husband I was done being married and began dismantling a lifetime together and household with two half grown kids. At that time, I moved into realtime play with my Dom and things got intense very quickly. He asked and I accepted his collar a month before I moved out on my own. He decided he would be moving across the country to fight for his kids and we ended things a month after that. The ending is always hard but the way it was done is the part I try to make sense of every day. How do you properly release your submissive? Online? Maybe if thats how you played. But if you are owned in real time, I feel it should be done face to face. Not having that respect and closure feels more like a slap in the face (well cyber slap that is lol)...

I am trying to keep hope alive and brave the deep end of the pool again. I am looking for my counterbalance, my rudder, my Dominant again.

Does that make more sense?

 

[jenibee]

Hi
Thanks for the welcome...very sweet of you. My post was impulsive, very true. Just a sentence and it is misleading so I will clarify. I was married young and monogamous for 19 & 1/2 years to the same man. When did our marriage die? Not sure exactly when but I started reading about D/s for almost a year before I stumbled upon this site as I thought I wanted to write. Instead, I met a man who introduced me to the wild world of online play. 6 months into things, I told my husband I was done being married and began dismantling a lifetime together and household with two half grown kids. At that time, I moved into realtime play with my Dom and things got intense very quickly. He asked and I accepted his collar a month before I moved out on my own. He decided he would be moving across the country to fight for his kids and we ended things a month after that. The ending is always hard but the way it was done is the part I try to make sense of every day. How do you properly release your submissive? Online? Maybe if thats how you played. But if you are owned in real time, I feel it should be done face to face. Not having that respect and closure feels more like a slap in the face (well cyber slap that is lol)...

I am trying to keep hope alive and brave the deep end of the pool again. I am looking for my counterbalance, my rudder, my Dominant again.

Does that make more sense?

Wow. *hugs* to you. Makes perfect sense. I wish you the best. IMO, it was very disrespectful on his part to release you online. The glue that makes a D/s relationship work is respect and trust. He let you down. I hope you are able to trust again.

 

[Prince Albert]

Hi
Thanks for the welcome...very sweet of you. My post was impulsive, very true. Just a sentence and it is misleading so I will clarify. I was married young and monogamous for 19 & 1/2 years to the same man. When did our marriage die? Not sure exactly when but I started reading about D/s for almost a year before I stumbled upon this site as I thought I wanted to write. Instead, I met a man who introduced me to the wild world of online play. 6 months into things, I told my husband I was done being married and began dismantling a lifetime together and household with two half grown kids. At that time, I moved into realtime play with my Dom and things got intense very quickly. He asked and I accepted his collar a month before I moved out on my own. He decided he would be moving across the country to fight for his kids and we ended things a month after that. The ending is always hard but the way it was done is the part I try to make sense of every day. How do you properly release your submissive? Online? Maybe if thats how you played. But if you are owned in real time, I feel it should be done face to face. Not having that respect and closure feels more like a slap in the face (well cyber slap that is lol)...

I am trying to keep hope alive and brave the deep end of the pool again. I am looking for my counterbalance, my rudder, my Dominant again.

Does that make more sense?

Yes it does make sense & sounds painful/hurting. Please take your time getting back into the scene.

 

[Primalex]

@primalex-absolutely not! I was married but not to my Dom lol...

I still didn't quite get what you are actually looking for though...

 

[MisterQ]

That was one busy year! Head stop spinning yet? You really ready for another go at it?

I guess now without husband it will be easier )

 

[hisdarlingslut]

I still didn't quite get what you are actually looking for though...

Hmmmm...do glad you asked! Here's a short list:
Ideal Dominant Traits
1-Someone who thrives on leadership and being the one in control. One whose self-control, self-discipline and personal success serve as an example to live by.
2-Someone who strives to be authentic, honest and practice integrity in all aspects of their life.
3- Someone for which dominance also includes displays of kindness, compassion and playfulness.
4- Someone whose interests, desires, and boundaries and limits are largely compatible with their submissive.
5- Someone who exerts their will for the benefit and well being of the submissive as well as the relationship.
6- Someone who is passionate about the craft of BDSM and uses a submissive as a canvas to quench their darkest desires. One who relishes pushing sensual and sexual boundaries taking their submissive to new levels of sensation and experience.
7-Someone who creates an atmosphere of safety and security. One who respects these boundaries and limits without question.
8 -Someone who communicates and maintains well defined boundaries yet remains open, accessible and respectful to their submissive.
9- Someone who has the courage to be honest even when they know the reaction will be negative.
10-Someone who communicates precisely what needs doing in order to satisfy all of their needs, sexually and otherwise. Like runway lights at the airport.
11-Someone who will make their submissive feel valued, treasured and needed regardless of distance or time constraints. For instance, don't assume that your submissive knows you miss them when your busy schedule takes you away from them.
12-Someone who accepts me for all I am. I will be many things to you as our relationship grows and I need to know you accept me as a person during each transition along the way. I need acceptance as a friend, lover as well as submissive.
13- Someone who understands the delicate balance of life with young children to care for along in a life that includes BDSM.
14- Someone who is consistent and reliable. I need to know you mean what you say. Trust blossoms from this and encourages my openness and vulnerability. Someone who helps to ground me.
15- Someone who gives the submissive regular tasks/assignments to strengthen the D/s bond and make the submissive feel valued and wanted.
16-Someone who likes pain play but understands I am not a true masochist.
17- Someone to help me grow and to be challenged. Left on my own, I'll become bored or stagnate within the boundaries I accepted in the beginning.
18- Someone who helps measure my progress and growth. Part of my make-up as a submissive makes me very goal-oriented. With your guidance and direction I can become more than I am.
19- Someone who knows the importance and enjoys expressing approval of me and/or my actions. Show me that I belong to you and make you proud.
20-Someone who accepts that when I am unsure of myself I may at times have an increased need for your affirmation. Or when I'm confused and/or apprehensive about a situation or new change, I may need to rely more deeply on your support and reassurance.
21- Someone who wants me to express myself fully to them - the good and the bad. Keep in mind, it may be difficult for me to put the negative things into words. Also, remember that I fear your rejection and hate disappointing you, so I may need a little space and time to voice all the things I need to say.
22- Someone who understands that I need to feel that I contribute and my life is one of service. My basic nature is to give of myself and you will be one of the primary recipient of my gifts. Allow me to contribute to our relationship and our journey together. To do less can leave me unfulfilled and feeling unneeded (which is the kiss of death for a submissive).
23-Someone who accepts my inherent need to share with them. Sharing with my Dominant is a compelling need and one of the cornerstones of my submissive nature. This includes the emotional and spiritual aspects of my being as well as the physical body I inhabit.
24- Someone who trusts me to share in their fears, failures and struggles. I'll never see you as weak or incapable because you have shown confidence in me by giving part of yourself in trust.
25- Someone who understands that through domination, I need to feel deeply cared for, respected, and protected in your ownership.

There are things I am curious but as of yet undecided on that lean toward M/s (ie discipline & punishment, sharing me with others, more control & domination in my everyday life besides wardrobe control, etc). I'm also not sure if whether my long term goal is to be in a committed D/s partnership 24/7 or not.

 

[CaringDaddy4U]

Welcome back to Lit. When relationships of any kind end it's always very painful and I'm sorry to hear that yours ended in a way that didn't allow for complete closure. It's my personal opinion that when a Dom collars his sub he is making a commitment to cherish and care for her and if life causes a situation where he must end their relationship then he should be Dom enough to do it in a way that is going to cause the least amount of pain and suffering to the woman that gave him the very special gift of her submission. In your case it sounds like it should have been done in person.

We have never met but I wish you the very best as you start this new and exciting part of your journey through life. From your detailed list of what you are looking for it sure sounds like you know what you want and need and that's an excellent first step.

 

[Hnter2011]

That is an excellent description of what I believe is in the heart of most subs. I think it should be read by every Dominate Man as a reminder of the gift We are given by these ladies and the role and responsibility we assume.

 

[jenibee]

Welcome back to Lit. When relationships of any kind end it's always very painful and I'm sorry to hear that yours ended in a way that didn't allow for complete closure. It's my personal opinion that when a Dom collars his sub he is making a commitment to cherish and care for her and if life causes a situation where he must end their relationship then he should be Dom enough to do it in a way that is going to cause the least amount of pain and suffering to the woman that gave him the very special gift of her submission. In your case it sounds like it should have been done in person.

We have never met but I wish you the very best as you start this new and exciting part of your journey through life. From your detailed list of what you are looking for it sure sounds like you know what you want and need and that's an excellent first step.

This ^^^

That is an excellent description of what I believe is in the heart of most subs. I think it should be read by every Dominate Man as a reminder of the gift We are given by these ladies and the role and responsibility we assume.

And this ^^^

I agree 100%. Best of luck to you.

 

[kyrie1595]

I agree wholeheartedly with Hnter2011. ~smiles softly~

 

[hisdarlingslut]

Thank you for saying what was in my heart about closure. I'd the relationship had remained online, had I never welcome him into my home, accepted his collar - it would have hurt like a bitch but I would have walked away with the gifts he gave me instead of empty handed after a year of my life.

I own the parts that are mine. As far as delusions go, this one was a doozy!

Perhaps I outgrew it. Time will tell.

 

[Primalex]

1-Someone who thrives on leadership and being the one in control. One whose self-control, self-discipline and personal success serve as an example to live by.
5- Someone who exerts their will for the benefit and well being of the submissive as well as the relationship.

What if personal success can only be obtained by putting the relationship on the second or third position?

6- Someone who is passionate about the craft of BDSM and uses a submissive as a canvas to quench their darkest desires.
7-Someone who creates an atmosphere of safety and security. One who respects these boundaries and limits without question.
17- Someone to help me grow and to be challenged.

Now what? If he challenges you, he doesn't respect your limits without question. If he doesn't challenge you, he doesn't help you grow and is not passionate.

9- Someone who has the courage to be honest even when they know the reaction will be negative.

21- Someone who wants me to express myself fully to them - the good and the bad. Keep in mind, it may be difficult for me to put the negative things into words.

So you reserve the right to not communicate properly, but he is expected to always do this.

I could go on and on with your list, but you wouldn't care much anyway.


In my rarely humble opinion, you should consider to look for a human instead - and keep the hands off everyone who comes up with "Yeah, all this and cream on top."


Good luck anyway.

 

[jenibee]

hisdarlingslut, don't feed the troll. We love you.

 

[eye_see_me]

hi

I just love your list. It should be shared by all doms and subs as a great starting point to discuss the relationship.

I was talking to a prospective sub and she was teasing me about taking the discussion of roles and expectations. I personally think its better to discuss it up front to see if the relationship should be pursued.

Anyway, great list and hope you find your dom.

 

[MBFemale]

Hmmmm...do glad you asked! Here's a short list:
Ideal Dominant Traits
1-Someone who thrives on leadership and being the one in control. One whose self-control, self-discipline and personal success serve as an example to live by.
2-Someone who strives to be authentic, honest and practice integrity in all aspects of their life.
3- Someone for which dominance also includes displays of kindness, compassion and playfulness.
4- Someone whose interests, desires, and boundaries and limits are largely compatible with their submissive.
5- Someone who exerts their will for the benefit and well being of the submissive as well as the relationship.
6- Someone who is passionate about the craft of BDSM and uses a submissive as a canvas to quench their darkest desires. One who relishes pushing sensual and sexual boundaries taking their submissive to new levels of sensation and experience.
7-Someone who creates an atmosphere of safety and security. One who respects these boundaries and limits without question.
8 -Someone who communicates and maintains well defined boundaries yet remains open, accessible and respectful to their submissive.
9- Someone who has the courage to be honest even when they know the reaction will be negative.
10-Someone who communicates precisely what needs doing in order to satisfy all of their needs, sexually and otherwise. Like runway lights at the airport.
11-Someone who will make their submissive feel valued, treasured and needed regardless of distance or time constraints. For instance, don't assume that your submissive knows you miss them when your busy schedule takes you away from them.
12-Someone who accepts me for all I am. I will be many things to you as our relationship grows and I need to know you accept me as a person during each transition along the way. I need acceptance as a friend, lover as well as submissive.
13- Someone who understands the delicate balance of life with young children to care for along in a life that includes BDSM.
14- Someone who is consistent and reliable. I need to know you mean what you say. Trust blossoms from this and encourages my openness and vulnerability. Someone who helps to ground me.
15- Someone who gives the submissive regular tasks/assignments to strengthen the D/s bond and make the submissive feel valued and wanted.
16-Someone who likes pain play but understands I am not a true masochist.
17- Someone to help me grow and to be challenged. Left on my own, I'll become bored or stagnate within the boundaries I accepted in the beginning.
18- Someone who helps measure my progress and growth. Part of my make-up as a submissive makes me very goal-oriented. With your guidance and direction I can become more than I am.
19- Someone who knows the importance and enjoys expressing approval of me and/or my actions. Show me that I belong to you and make you proud.
20-Someone who accepts that when I am unsure of myself I may at times have an increased need for your affirmation. Or when I'm confused and/or apprehensive about a situation or new change, I may need to rely more deeply on your support and reassurance.
21- Someone who wants me to express myself fully to them - the good and the bad. Keep in mind, it may be difficult for me to put the negative things into words. Also, remember that I fear your rejection and hate disappointing you, so I may need a little space and time to voice all the things I need to say.
22- Someone who understands that I need to feel that I contribute and my life is one of service. My basic nature is to give of myself and you will be one of the primary recipient of my gifts. Allow me to contribute to our relationship and our journey together. To do less can leave me unfulfilled and feeling unneeded (which is the kiss of death for a submissive).
23-Someone who accepts my inherent need to share with them. Sharing with my Dominant is a compelling need and one of the cornerstones of my submissive nature. This includes the emotional and spiritual aspects of my being as well as the physical body I inhabit.
24- Someone who trusts me to share in their fears, failures and struggles. I'll never see you as weak or incapable because you have shown confidence in me by giving part of yourself in trust.
25- Someone who understands that through domination, I need to feel deeply cared for, respected, and protected in your ownership.

There are things I am curious but as of yet undecided on that lean toward M/s (ie discipline & punishment, sharing me with others, more control & domination in my everyday life besides wardrobe control, etc). I'm also not sure if whether my long term goal is to be in a committed D/s partnership 24/7 or not.

Wow...just wow
And I agree, expectations should be discussed upfront

 

[PaganBull]

Hmmmm, plenty of food for thought and lines to read between there.