Punishment?

[Endless_Night]

Nonsexual punishment comes up in BDSM themed stories. I've noted it, passed on, and never given it much thought. It came up in a post in relation to stress relief (both parties) and I have to say I'm a bit intrigued.

How does that look in RL? What are the dynamics? What type of infractions are punishable?

I realized the above will vary from couple to couple. I'm not looking for a BDSM punishment primer! Just curious what works for other people.

Being something of a Type A personality I tend to high anxiety. This seems...potentially helpful.

Thanks.

 

[desertslave]

I've recently survived raising two teenagers. In my mind it's not all that different. It becomes an exercise in "hitting them where they live"...what sort of chore or privation will have the most meaning and the most sting for the intended victim? Making it relevant to the infraction helps, but isn't always necessary.

My son isn't exactly a social butterfly. Grounding him has little or no meaning, with the exception of one weekly event. Disable or remove a video game unit, however, and the world might as well just end now. I once stood in front of him with the cables for his PS/3 and a pair of scissors, and gave him a countdown until he got up and completed his chores.

 

[LallyH]

I once stood in front of him with the cables for his PS/3 and a pair of scissors, and gave him a countdown until he got up and completed his chores.

That's priceless! I'm stealing that one!!

 

[Endless_Night]

I once stood in front of him with the cables for his PS/3 and a pair of scissors, and gave him a countdown until he got up and completed his chores.

OMG! Not quite what I was looking for...but I laughed so hard I couldn't breath!

 

[seela]

When we did the punishment thing, the punishments that actually sort of worked were no internet/no tv/no books/no ice cream/no contact for a certain period of time. "Sort of worked" meaning it made the transgressions less frequent.

What didn't work was exercise (way to make someone hate exercising even more, I'm glad I realized that after the first "punishment jogging"), cleaning (it's my job anyways, so kinda moot as a punishment), anything physical (ie. spanking, corner time, or basically any of the stuff you have in porn).

We had a punishment dynamic only for a couple of months before it started to feel silly to me and suggested that we actually just discuss what's going on when I'm acting out. There pretty much always was/is a reason for why I'm acting like a three-year-old, which was the only thing for which I ever did get punished.

I had to give an explanation for my behavior even when there was a no tv/internet punishment, but it was more of a ritualistic "please forgive me, for I have sinned" thing rather than an actual discussion getting to the root of the problem.

The discussion method has worked really well for us. And I've become older and wiser, so that has helped as well. We were youngins when we started (I was 22, he a bit older).

The discussion method works for stress relief as well. When I feel like I need some manhandling or some such to help me blow off some steam/have a good cry/whatever, he's likely to provide, if I ask nicely.

 

[Endless_Night]

Whoops!

After reading through the odd - though hysterical - replies I realized I'd made a mistake in my initial posting.

I meant Sexual, not Nonsexual.

I guess that will teach me to proof.

 

[snookienz]

One day on the future his new wife will appreciate what he has been taught. You are truly a good mother!

 

[l1sha]

So you want sexual punishments, not non-sexual punishments? But do you mean the punishments are sexual or the punishments are for sexual infractions? I kind of like the ones where there will be spanking if sexual requirements aren't met. For example, you still can't deep throat so out comes the belt, and then you try again.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I like the idea of "punitive" sexual play. I'm looking for a partner who wants to endure this for me. You can stick a couple of clothespins someplace sensitive and then make tender love to them-- "Baby, does that hurt? I'm trying to be as gentle as I can!"

Or force orgasms as close together as possible. For guys, start working him before his refractory period is quite up.

Or keep someone on the edge. Obvs, verbal reminders that this is punishment-- mocking them for being so close to cumming-- helps turn this into what you intend it to be.

I played with a woman last night that might be able to understand this concept. I kept her on the edge for almost an hour before I let her come, and then I wouldn't let her take vibrator off of her clit for another four or five minutes. I want it to hurt so good!

I would have gone longer but... it was so late past my bedtime... I'd like to start her in the afternoon and make her eat dinner in a state of absolute need.

 

[gotherella]

hiya i am a high anxiety type as well and i can honestly say i have never been more relaxed and happy as i am with my mistress, she is very careful to explain to me the rules and if i break them i get punished, sometimes not very much just some spanking other times more depending on what i have done, but for us it is a lifestyle and i obey her rules everywhere not just the bedroom, but she takes care of me and looks after me so i never have any worries because i know she is doing everything to make sure that i am well cared for, my only responsibility is to obey everything she tells me to do, so if i get things wrong it feels better to me to be punished then i do not have to spend hours days weeks panicking because i got it wrong, i have tried the whole talking thing with exs and it does not work for me it just makes me more anxious and guilty, where as a good spanking, whipping or whatever punishment is over and done with and i can just get on with life after that

 

[desertslave]

I like the idea of "punitive" sexual play. I'm looking for a partner who wants to endure this for me. You can stick a couple of clothespins someplace sensitive and then make tender love to them-- "Baby, does that hurt? I'm trying to be as gentle as I can!"

Or force orgasms as close together as possible. For guys, start working him before his refractory period is quite up.

Or keep someone on the edge. Obvs, verbal reminders that this is punishment-- mocking them for being so close to cumming-- helps turn this into what you intend it to be.

I played with a woman last night that might be able to understand this concept. I kept her on the edge for almost an hour before I let her come, and then I wouldn't let her take vibrator off of her clit for another four or five minutes. I want it to hurt so good!

I would have gone longer but... it was so late past my bedtime... I'd like to start her in the afternoon and make her eat dinner in a state of absolute need.

This is Master's Ultimate Evil. He keeps at me, well beyond my ability to be coherent or to even appreciate the abundant orgasms, til I beg for mercy. And then he laughs and pushes me for a few more.

 

[Endless_Night]

So you want sexual punishments, not non-sexual punishments? But do you mean the punishments are sexual or the punishments are for sexual infractions?

Uhmm. So many choices! Originally, I think I meant something along the line of spankings. As a sort of punishment/release for the Type A obsessive behaviors I have trouble controlling. (Though punishments for sexual infractions might be fun! )

I like the idea of "punitive" sexual play. I'm looking for a partner who wants to endure this for me. You can stick a couple of clothespins someplace sensitive and then make tender love to them-- "Baby, does that hurt? I'm trying to be as gentle as I can!"

Or keep someone on the edge. Obvs, verbal reminders that this is punishment-- mocking them for being so close to cumming-- helps turn this into what you intend it to be.

I played with a woman last night that might be able to understand this concept. I kept her on the edge for almost an hour before I let her come, and then I wouldn't let her take vibrator off of her clit for another four or five minutes. I want it to hurt so good!

You're a cruel woman, Stella! Punitive play; another aspect I hadn't considered. It certainly holds possibilities. The idea of being teased until orgasm is both titillating and unnerving.

i have tried the whole talking thing with exs and it does not work for me it just makes me more anxious and guilty, where as a good spanking, whipping or whatever punishment is over and done with and i can just get on with life after that

My tendency is to control, but I'm also burdened with a strong desire to see others treated fairly. It leads to a lot of agonized second guessing, anxiety, and guilt. Talking doesn't seem to help. My thought is what you described. A physical punishment acting partly as a catharsis and partly as a resolution. Good to hear it works for someone!

Now, if I can just figure out a way to talk my partner into a few swats.

This is Master's Ultimate Evil. He keeps at me, well beyond my ability to be coherent or to even appreciate the abundant orgasms, til I beg for mercy. And then he laughs and pushes me for a few more.

As one who doesn't orgasm easily (the loss of control is just so embarrassing!) all this talk of multiple forced and torturous drawn out orgasms is mind blowing. I wish that was an option for punishment!

 

[Oubliette123]

Being a woman and therefore prone to mood swings up and down throughout the month non sexual punishment helps me in many ways. Whether its being told to stand in the corner with a couple of clothes pegs on my nipples, a session with his belt or the crop, a short sharp few minutes with the pinwheel etc all these small things are grounding and help me see things clearer. When I am feeling lost, or over creative in the sense I start to lose perspective a quick 10 min session will bring me back to reality quicker than any self analysing. Sometimes they end sexually, but that is his choice not mine.

With ref to a longer session of punishment (which usually ends or begins sexually) the release of stress and anxiety is immense, if it ends in tears or subspace then even more so. I honestly believe that I need these sessions to keep me on an even keel. I am an artist and spend much of my time 'up there' in the creative clouds barely touching base with life-the punishments bring me back down in a way I don't think anything else can.

 

[Stella_Omega]

<snip>

As one who doesn't orgasm easily (the loss of control is just so embarrassing!) all this talk of multiple forced and torturous drawn out orgasms is mind blowing. I wish that was an option for punishment!

A lot of us are the same way. What has worked for me, is to be told that it didn't matter if I came or not, she was going to do what she wanted to do and would stop when she felt like stopping... Then you have no pressure or responsibility to come. If you don't you don't. If you do, unexpectedly, then maybe next time you do sooner...



(I'm a switch BTW)

 

[Endless_Night]

Being a woman and therefore prone to mood swings up and down throughout the month non sexual punishment helps me in many ways. Whether its being told to stand in the corner with a couple of clothes pegs on my nipples, a session with his belt or the crop, a short sharp few minutes with the pinwheel etc all these small things are grounding and help me see things clearer. When I am feeling lost, or over creative in the sense I start to lose perspective a quick 10 min session will bring me back to reality quicker than any self analysing. Sometimes they end sexually, but that is his choice not mine.

This is what I've been thinking, though I'm afraid I haven't expressed it very well. The punishment may not lead to sex but it still focuses on the erogenous zones. My cycle has minimal affect on my moods, but my emotions are impacted by RL stress.

With my need to hold onto control, physical punishment seems an odd desire. But now that the idea is in my head (I think it was one of your previous posts that sparked the thought!) it just won't go away. For whatever reason, I feel like it would take down anxiety and reduce my overall stress.

Sigh. My partner is going to think I'm nuts....

A lot of us are the same way. What has worked for me, is to be told that it didn't matter if I came or not, she was going to do what she wanted to do and would stop when she felt like stopping... Then you have no pressure or responsibility to come. If you don't you don't. If you do, unexpectedly, then maybe next time you do sooner...

Good advice. And something, I think, my partner would try. Oral usually gets me to orgasm, but if it takes too long I get self-conscious and make him stop, which frustrates him no end. Now I just have to let him - the hard part.

On a slight side note. You'd think realizing, and trying to act out, one's kink would make sex smoother. You'd think.... I get soooo excited when we start to "play". More so than I've ever done before. But, invariably, something will break my concentration and I'll become embarrassed, to embarrassed to orgasm.

Finding kink shouldn't mean losing your orgasm. Who do I write to complain?

 

[CutieMouse]

When my brain refuses to slow down, or my anxiety levels are particularly high, I've learned to simply ask for whatever it is I feel will help. I don't view it as "punishment" (sexual or otherwise); I'm expressing a need/ desire and its his decision if/ how/ when to accommodate it. Thankfully, we've known one another long enough (and dealt with my thinkingness long enough), that I rarely have to say more than "I'm having an awfully difficult week..." or "I can't seem to slow my brain down..."

We always end up talking over whatever it is thats bothering either one if us, regardless. (I'm not the only one who sometimes needs a little kink for a attitude adjustment. )

 

[Stella_Omega]

It's kind of funny how closely this thread is correlating with something I'm trying to write. My character wants something like punishment. He wants a sense of inevitability... a notion that begging won't do any good, because his tormentors have no choice either. it's something that has to be endured, (heh heh heh)

Only-- he hasn't been bad. He pretty much has no ability to be bad. His tops have decided to call their scenes "treatments."

"We can't stop, darling. The timer hasn't gone off yet. You'll just have to hang on. Yes, I know, it hurts. It's good for you."

Maybe you, Endless Night, need treatment. "It's for your own good."

 

[Felonious1]

As 1st seen somewhere else on the board....

The masochist begs. " Sir, please hurt me! "

The sadist replies. " No! "

 

[Felonious1]

After reading through the odd - though hysterical - replies I realized I'd made a mistake in my initial posting.

I meant Sexual, not Nonsexual.

I guess that will teach me to proof.

You can go edit the opening post......and prevent some from going on the wrong tangent here.

I feel one thing needs defining for the newbies stumbling off into our dark alleyways here.

Most of us here of the masochist or sadist sexual inclination or subtype, do no consider striking/being struck for mutual sexual gratification a form of " punishment" per se. It's mutually desired within the S&M dynamic, and designed to be enjoyable for all parties involved.

This S & M dynamic, embedded within a big letter-little letter relationship, should be negotiated and renegotiated as the relationship moves along. Wants, needs, likes and dislikes need to be addressed as two people learn more about each other and move deeper towards working their respective kinks out.

Any sadist who's comfortable within said role, shouldn't have to set the maso half of the duo up for failure or disobedience via unrealistic expectations in order to have an excuse to inflict painful, yet erotic sensations upon their partner within scene.

Same principle for the maso. Don't act out to trigger angry " punishment". Just act like you're in the mood. The rest is nature taking its course as the sexual energy and primal sadistic need takes over.

This fabricated storyline of " bad girl gets punished and loves it " is cheesy wank fodder IMO. Doesn't drive out well once it's applied to adults in the context of a real relationship.

JMO.....

 

[sweet_lusciousdesire]

..................

 

[Stella_Omega]

As 1st seen somewhere else on the board....

The masochist begs. " Sir, please hurt me! "

The sadist replies. " No! "

I first saw that fifty years ago, in Playboy magazine jokes behind the centerfold. It struck me, at that very tender age, that such a response would be a fast way to lose a lover.

Which isn't much of a joke.

 

[sweet_lusciousdesire]

..................

 

[Stella_Omega]

50 years ago...omg does that make you 70?

It certainly makes me older than 50.

But Playboy wasn't magically invisible to my eyes until I turned 20, and that you would entertain the notion is... revealing. Likewise the fact that you think age is an insult.

 

[sweet_lusciousdesire]

.....................

 

[Stella_Omega]

No you're the one that likes to post the insults. Why don't you just leave this forum. No one invited you. No one wants to hear your crap anyways.

Upon which opinion we can all form our understanding of you and your abilities.

Jeeze, kid. Really.