How do you do it?
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JAMESBJOHNSON
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Many men like the vicarious thrill, most secretly wish it was them. Its the result of social conditioning.
That's kind of a broad question...what is he looking for that you feel you can't provide? Many men like their women to be "slutty" (for them only) and that may be a stretch for some women...other men may want their women to be slutty with other men which is a horse of a different color all together...
Primalex
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Agree with the other answers whether serious or sarcastic. However, my suggestion would be to learn to let yourself go and tap into your slutty side. Truthfully, I think most women have a "secret slut" hidden away inside them and it's just been really repressed by social conditioning. Many women also learn that by letting that side of them out with someone they trust (perhaps a hubby that craves it), it can be quite liberating. Ask yourself why it seems to bother you that he wants you to be a little more "slutty" and it's hard for you? I've known women in the opposite situation. They love exercising their "slutty side" but their husbands are too inhibited or insecure to enjoy it with them.
Too many people out there married to the wrong person. Perhaps we should have a system that allows us to shuffle the deck every few years.
He would like me to be slutty with other men. Not something I am comfortable with doing.
If it was just with him there would be no problem.
Just IMO, but I think it's ok to draw a line ok what you are comfortable with and what you aren't...if you don't wanna be with other men then don't..let him decide what to do next...
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GrrlFriday
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Would you feel comfortable with telling a story to your husband in which you admired another man? Perhaps an actor or an anonymous ideal of a man? That way, it remains strictly in the fantasy realm, but it might be an ok way to explore that idea, if actually 'being slutty with other men' is far beyond the pale.
coastal-boy
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You can wear a blindfold then you wouldn't know whose hands were running over your body.
emap
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I do hope you are talking to him about this. If you are a one man woman then stay that way. If you agree to be slutty you won't be able to look at yourself in the mirror and your marriage will end even if he only wanted it once.
As has been suggested tell him stories. You don't have to screw other men you just take say the sex stories found on this site and then describe the same thing that happened in the story to him. He gets the thrill of dipping into used pussy even though it isn't used until he finishes.
If he still harps on you to slut around to other beds, I really think you should get counseling if not simply divorce him. Marriage counselors are not precisely cheap but it's that or get the divorce as your first recourse.
Do talk to him about this though, if you don't say anything like stop I won't he will keep talking about it and you will kick his ass to the curb just to get him to shut up.
As has been suggested tell him stories. You don't have to screw other men you just take say the sex stories found on this site and then describe the same thing that happened in the story to him. He gets the thrill of dipping into used pussy even though it isn't used until he finishes.
If he still harps on you to slut around to other beds, I really think you should get counseling if not simply divorce him. Marriage counselors are not precisely cheap but it's that or get the divorce as your first recourse.
Do talk to him about this though, if you don't say anything like stop I won't he will keep talking about it and you will kick his ass to the curb just to get him to shut up.
NippleMuncher
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I agree with emap, you have to stay true to yourself. If you maintaining your dignity means the end of your marriage, then you didn't have much of a marriage to begin with. NO ONE has the right to ask you to do things that are against your will or principles, and for anyone to try to guilt you into things you don't want to do is beyond reprehensible.
A relationship is a partnership, based on mutual trust and respect, if he is demanding this of you without compromise, then he does not respect or deserve you.
Communication is the key to all things. Talk to him, understand what it is exactly that he wants, and whether this desire is a "deal breaker" or not. If you can't come to a compromise that keeps your dignity intact and satisfies his kink, then maybe it's time to call it quits.
GorgeousGeekGirl
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So take on the situation from two directions:
1) Baby, I won't be with another man and I'm not good with you being with with another woman because there are way too many scary diseases out there and condoms break way too easy. Do you think the skank who gave AIDS to Magic Johnson looked sick? But I do have another idea...
2) I have this hot fantasy about a handyman doing a couple fixes then bending me over the table for payment. Saturday afternoon I'll send the kids out and you can put on the tool belt. I've also been thinking about what it would be like to get picked up by a guy in a bar and fuck him in the parking lot without even finding out his name. (This is when you slide a card from a local bar with a date and time to meet you. Get real tarted up for it, neckline too low, hemline too high, too much make up, and fuck me shoes and earrings.)
If he pushes for you to take multiple cocks, counter offer with dildos and vibrators, and re emphasize your fear of disease. The key isn't to find a good way to say no, but to negotiate well. Since he wants sex with you, you have a lot of leverage.
1) Baby, I won't be with another man and I'm not good with you being with with another woman because there are way too many scary diseases out there and condoms break way too easy. Do you think the skank who gave AIDS to Magic Johnson looked sick? But I do have another idea...
2) I have this hot fantasy about a handyman doing a couple fixes then bending me over the table for payment. Saturday afternoon I'll send the kids out and you can put on the tool belt. I've also been thinking about what it would be like to get picked up by a guy in a bar and fuck him in the parking lot without even finding out his name. (This is when you slide a card from a local bar with a date and time to meet you. Get real tarted up for it, neckline too low, hemline too high, too much make up, and fuck me shoes and earrings.)
If he pushes for you to take multiple cocks, counter offer with dildos and vibrators, and re emphasize your fear of disease. The key isn't to find a good way to say no, but to negotiate well. Since he wants sex with you, you have a lot of leverage.
All good thoughts. Good role play can be a lot of fun IF both parties are uninhibited "actors". If you treat it as a "game" than it takes the edge off. If you really want to role play, you have to try to make it as real as possible and get into it.
The multiple dildos and vibrators is a good thing too if it's done right. The key to any of this is letting your inhibitions go and that takes trust in your partner and knowing that he/she isn't going to bust your chops if you REALLY get into it.
subwannabe
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You don't happen to mention what the rest of your marriage is like. If this is the only problem then you just need to communicate to him that there will be no extras - period. If you have other problems on top of this I think the answer to your question about staying married is - don't!
Bramblethorn
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I think the rest of GGG's post is good advice, especially about looking for compromises/fantasies that work for you both. But I wouldn't make it all about fear of disease unless that actually is your concern. If the real issue is simply that you're emotionally 'wired' for monogamy and can't abide the thought of sleeping with somebody else, say so.
IME, if a couple has mismatched desires and still wants to work at having a healthy relationship, it's crucial for both to be honest about what their needs/limits are. Getting past that stuff requires a lot of cooperative negotiation and problem-solving; you really DON'T want to get into a situation where somebody puts a lot of energy into "solutions" that don't meet their partner's needs because they didn't understand what those needs were.
("Hiya honey, here's Bob, he just tested negative to every disease known to man so now we can do my fantasy, right? Wait, where are you going? What about if he just used a dildo on you, then there's no risk at all?")
maverick51
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many men like to have their wife be a "slut or whore" in the bedroom and a lady in public. could be a "guy" thing. Try it you just might enjoy it
Primalex
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And most men have a "secret gay" hidden away inside them and it's just been really repressed by social conditioning.
What next? Lesbians are mostly just women that didn't find the right guy?
Truthfully, I think you are just a sexist.
suckonsimon
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Hi LadySue and what a delightful name you have chosen here.
I've had a read elsewhere on your threads and I see that this issue is not a new one for you. Am I right in assuming that your husband has been pressuring you to swing even years after you have made it clear to him that this is not who you are?
I am a husband of many years. I am as sexed up as I ever was. For me, the very idea of a man pressuring his wife into anything sexual that he knows she is not comfortable with, is a gross violation of his commitment to cherish her. It is profoundly un-loving. It is a denial of the very essence of a husband's commitment to defend a place of security and peace in which his wife may flourish as herself to the full. Allow me to re-phrase your original question: "What is the next step on my journey to flourishing as my true self, at peace with myself?"
Yours respectfully LadySue.
Si
That is a nice thought.
poppadog
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So, you aren't totally against it then??
kelli_qcd
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interesting....
my Wife and i get along fabulously and i do prefer she be slutty with other men...
however... she has found that she also enjoys a bit of strange now and again.. and again.. and again...
but it did take us a few years and MANY MANY conversations and many nights of pillow talk about it before we were BOTH truly ok with the idea and then after the first time.. well it was like a damn burst..
HOWEVER,
i also know that if she EVER decided that she was done with being slutty.. i would lover her just as much if not more then i do now and that is an awful lot...
kelli_qcd
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DashDot
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You might also try doing it where someone might have a chance to watch you, like a beach, a rest area, a movie theatre, a motel room with drapes open a bit.
