Teach-in Ghazal

[UnderYourSpell]

6th century Persian poem usually expressing the pain of loss and separation and the beauty of love despite of that pain. It consists of five or more couplets, each line having the same meter. The second line of each couplet ends with the repetition of a refrain of one or a few words (known as radif), preceded by a rhyme (known as qaafiyaa). In the first couplet, which introduces the theme, both lines end in the rhyme and refrain. There can be no enjambment across the couplets; each couplet must be a complete unit in itself, and could even be understood to be a poem on its own.

See her now a parody of that former life
face wrinkled, each line passage of her life.

Once all she knew beauty and worldly acclaim,
money and adoration back then, all were life.

Remembers sometimes, but mostly forgets,
the years in-between only seem to blur life.

Head bowed she walks the dirtied city streets
none now would ever guess that other life.

Her broken wings no more to soar to glory,
seeks newer love each day, another life.


Hands frail reaching out, a beauty glows within,
to see the wild birds closer throng, a richer life.

 

[champagne1982]

An older form of teach in by one of my favourite ghazalian poets - Cordelia

Ghazal​

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I think maybe on reflection my example doesn't meet the no enjambment rule

 

[UnderYourSpell]

This is the only other one I have got and even the last couplet isn't right so I will be striving to get it right alongside you

I sometimes wonder what my life's been worth
No great achievements really, only a routine worth.

A mother who from early age struck with words
Cutting like a knife scoring points to demean worth.

Striving but never quite gaining the right merits
Unable to understand in which way to glean worth

Picture a child, small and so shocked and afraid,
Waiting for a beating what is that scene worth?

Finding solace where a young girl should never go
leaving haunting memories of a dark unclean worth.
........
Perhaps on reflection my stubbornness to survive
Against all odds began there, proving unseen worth.

 

[Remec]

So far I just have this one from a few years back:

The Suitor

Unbidden, I come to you--an aching love
that seeks, from you, nothing more than making love.

With warm, whispered words I offer you myself,
anything to keep you from forsaking love.

I know how hard it can be to carry on;
it seems the world is bent on just taking love.

Just a smile brightens things considerably,
and our hearts simply cannot be faking love.

Let us not disturb you unwillingly,
or find we are mechanics of breaking love.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

So far I just have this one from a few years back:

The Suitor

Unbidden, I come to you--an aching love
that seeks, from you, nothing more than making love.

With warm, whispered words I offer you myself,
anything to keep you from forsaking love.

I know how hard it can be to carry on;
it seems the world is bent on just taking love.

Just a smile brightens things considerably,
and our hearts simply cannot be faking love.

Let us not disturb you unwillingly,
or find we are mechanics of breaking love.

lol sorry can't resist sounds a great insult. See that Remec he's a couplet short of a ghazal

 

[Angeline]

lol sorry can't resist sounds a great insult. See that Remec he's a couplet short of a ghazal

Lol. You're such a biotch sometimes!

Remec, dear man, avenge yourself.

 

[Ashesh9]

Lol. You're such a biotch sometimes!

Remec, dear man, avenge yourself.

Haatho pe phir Sharaab hai
Saach bol ta hu mai !
Sheeshe me mhtaab hai
Sach bol ta hu mai !

----original Urdu couplet sung by the Ghazal Maestro Pankaj Udhas

 

[Angeline]

Haatho pe phir Sharaab hai
Saach bol ta hu mai !
Sheeshe me mhtaab hai
Sach bol ta hu mai !

----original Urdu couplet sung by the Ghazal Maestro Pankaj Udhas

I know that there is a tradition of singing ghazals that still goes on quite often, like at Muslim celebrations in India, Pakistan, for example, right? I have listened to some on youtube. Very beautiful and haunting sounding, not that I know what they're saying.

It's helpful to me to get the tone of the form, just from hearing it sung.

 

[Mollie_F]

My first attempt at anything like it..I enjoyed the challenge


Twice Ghost

There is emptiness now, where she caressed my soul
only scars burn with pride, deep within this shy soul.

Made a promise did I, embraced whole by her ghost
I would wait and I'd search, keep hope lit soul by soul.

For our hearts had entwined, was too early to part
She left as I whispered, now soar bright love, fly soul.

Then vision in sunlight, purple heath under foot
Locking fiercely our gaze, knew her eyes belied soul.

It was neither the same, nor so different to then
I said wordless to her, I would caress thy soul.

She swift left me once more, fading out of my grasp
I hold tight no longer, this twice wept 'til dry soul.

 

[Ashesh9]

I know that there is a tradition of singing ghazals that still goes on quite often, like at Muslim celebrations in India, Pakistan, for example, right? I have listened to some on youtube. Very beautiful and haunting sounding, not that I know what they're saying.

It's helpful to me to get the tone of the form, just from hearing it sung.

Right on Attagirl Angie !

 

[Angeline]

Right on Attagirl Angie !

Don't cheer me on yet. I have a lot of reading to do before I can wrap my head around this form!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

My first attempt at anything like it..I enjoyed the challenge


Twice Ghost

There is emptiness now, where she caressed my soul
only scars burn with pride, deep within this shy soul.

Made a promise did I, embraced whole by her ghost
I would wait and I'd search, keep hope lit soul by soul.

For our hearts had entwined, was too early to part
She left as I whispered, now soar bright love, fly soul.

Then vision in sunlight, purple heath under foot
Locking fiercely our gaze, knew her eyes belied soul.

It was neither the same, nor so different to then
I said wordless to her, I would caress thy soul.

She swift left me once more, fading out of my grasp
I hold tight no longer, this twice wept 'til dry soul.

Looks good to me well done, just one thing I don't know if near rhymes are allowed i.e 3rd couplet *belied soul*

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Don't cheer me on yet. I have a lot of reading to do before I can wrap my head around this form!

I am expecting great things ........... this thread is especially for you

 

[Neonurotic]

Ya, I don't know if I can do ghazals. I guess it's because I really don't know how to write in meter, though I suspect I do unintentionally in poetry. But I don't realize it.

 

[todski28]

My brain is already starting to boil!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Ya, I don't know if I can do ghazals. I guess it's because I really don't know how to write in meter, though I suspect I do unintentionally in poetry. But I don't realize it.

Now I know who you are ........... yes you can! Ooops just realised that sounds awfully rude

 

[UnderYourSpell]

My brain is already starting to boil!

Remember Tod ....... no enjambment

 

[Wintermute01]

Remember Tod ....... no enjambment

Bugger!

 

[Angeline]

Remember Tod ....... no enjambment

Bugger!

My understanding is that you can enjamb within but not between the couplets. Each couplet stands on its own, with only the theme and the refrain connecting them. I think it's easier (for me, anyway) to write a couplet and think of it as a two line poem and then write another and so on. I just need to find the right material to build it around. That's always the hardest part for me--coming up with the initial idea.

As as Cordelia pointed out in her thread (which Champ kindly linked), it is probably easier to count syllables than worry about stressed and unstressed beats. And don't spank me Annie but I know there are modern ghazals that don't follow meter or count syllables.

 

[Angeline]

Here is one of my favorite modern ghazals. I love this poem and it is one of the reasons I want to try to write one.

Edited to add: There is additional info here that I find helpful.

 

[runningonblade]

I Saw Jennifer In Only Her Jeans

When I got there, I saw Jennifer wearing only her jeans
Because she had no clean clothes including some other jeans.

But that was fine with me because she was such a hot blond babe
That she would make anything look good and that includes her jeans.

That was before she had placed her hand between her open legs
And dared me to move it out of the way and unzip and remove her jeans.

But after I had done that, her father came in and saw hs daughter naked
On the sofa and my hand holding a firm grip on his daughter's jeans.

At first, both Jennifer and I thought that he would go Mount Saint Helens
Over the fact that I was standing in front of her and holding her jeans.

But instead, he said, "Her mother is washing her clothes. They will be ready
Soon. Oh, and please be careful with the way you're holding her jeans."

 

[champagne1982]

Ya, I don't know if I can do ghazals. I guess it's because I really don't know how to write in meter, though I suspect I do unintentionally in poetry. But I don't realize it.

Neo, I concentrate on line length vs. writing in metrical feet. In Love's Stain Upon Me, the rules I used were to have a 20 beat count, no matter the rhythm. Of course being a poem and me being a poet, meter crept in, regardless. Try it that way. I decided to follow the formula in my rhyme and stand alone verses. I chose an erotic theme and decided to emulate Rumi in talking about passion and wine fitting together to make me drunk (in a way). In the final verse, you can invoke your own name and a bit of booziness if you like. That's how Rumi did it, most often.

Ghazals can be rhyming, or free verse, metered or counted, erotic or not. They must always follow the stand-alone rule between strophes and you can keep the whole poem connected by using at least one word as a constant. BUT ABOVE ALL ELSE! LISTEN TO ANNIE! lols...

 

[UnderYourSpell]

When I got there, I saw Jennifer wearing only her jeans
Because she had no clean clothes including some other jeans.

But that was fine with me because she was such a hot blond babe
That she would make anything look good and that includes her jeans.

That was before she had placed her hand between her open legs
And dared me to move it out of the way and unzip and remove her jeans.

But after I had done that, her father came in and saw hs daughter naked
On the sofa and my hand holding a firm grip on his daughter's jeans.

At first, both Jennifer and I thought that he would go Mount Saint Helens
Over the fact that I was standing in front of her and holding her jeans.

But instead, he said, "Her mother is washing her clothes. They will be ready
Soon. Oh, and please be careful with the way you're holding her jeans."

Afraid I will have to mark this as a fail. Apart from other and daughter's (which because of the S doesn't rhyme with her anyway) you have repeated the same word throughout , it's only the last word (or phrase) that stays the same. Also a Ghazal expresses the pain of loss and separation NOT removing someones apparel

 

[UnderYourSpell]

My understanding is that you can enjamb within but not between the couplets. Each couplet stands on its own, with only the theme and the refrain connecting them. I think it's easier (for me, anyway) to write a couplet and think of it as a two line poem and then write another and so on. I just need to find the right material to build it around. That's always the hardest part for me--coming up with the initial idea.

As as Cordelia pointed out in her thread (which Champ kindly linked), it is probably easier to count syllables than worry about stressed and unstressed beats. And don't spank me Annie but I know there are modern ghazals that don't follow meter or count syllables.

I can't count syllables (there's online sites for that!) I just listen to the beat!