Losing Your "V" Card

[PrincessLeigha]

I was brought up to think that losing your virginity was supposed to be something special. I thought I had to wait for the right person. Someone who respected me and was caring, gentle, a little wicked . I always thought I had to wait for love. Recently, I've been talking with older men online. They are caring and understanding and willing to listen and help me with things and they tempt me. They are sexual. They know what they're about. They can get me off with their words and can accept all sorts of fantasies and kinks that I was primarily embarrassed about. And they have made me question if waiting for love is the right thing.

So far, romance of any kind has been elusive for me. I have never been kissed. I have never been on a date. But dear gosh, people have needs! How long can you play by yourself? I want a reprieve. I want it to be over with. I want sex!
But I want love too. I want someone to bring home and show off. A guy twice my age isn't really going to impress my dad. Let's face it. I'm Daddy's little girl and anything deemed inappropriate for me is a threat to my life and must be destroyed.

I am conflicted between my body, my mind, my morals...... what I want and what I need........

I suppose what I need is some help sorting this all out.

I know that losing your virginity isn't always pretty pink butterflies and fluffy bunnies. I don't think it ever is...... but still.......

 

[arjunindia]

My view

Leigha,

I see your conflict is like a question in a question. it's I'd like a multi city vacation. Keep one thing in mind, the first one to break your viriginity or u would want o loose to would not be the right one to take home or it might turn out that it is the one who you would take home... love will happen when it has to, there will be the one with who your frequency of understanding of love and needs with caring attitude will be there. don't get caught between the fire that loosing your viriginity would only be with the guy who would be like a Romeo ... who will sweep you away. it might happen it might not.

Also doesn't mean that you have to be fucked by a young man or old man, break tie viriginity when it feels right to you and not with right or wrong man.

Hope it helps !!!!

Ron

 

[PrincessLeigha]

When it feels right for me? Physically, mentally or morally? Ugh! I feel like a knot.

 

[arjunindia]

Leigha

when it feels right mentally, you will be fine morally and then physically will follow automatically. with time u will also see that sex is done first in the minds and then you need an outlet to release your thoughts and desires or fetishes. hence we all are here to meet like minded individuals and explore . without the mind this forum would be long gone....

physically a guy gets hard all the time but will be fuck every chick out there ... answer is no. same with a woman ... she might find the most uncommon guy cute but will she ever have his cock... mah be or may be not.... the most intense sexual encounters have always resulted from mismatch situations and partners.....

Ron

 

[PrincessLeigha]

What if I`m okay with it, but I`m afraid of how it will be interpreted.
Parents, family and friends would not be okay with it. Not with the older gentleman. They would worry. They would do what they could to stop it. I would have no one to talk to about it. I would be alone. And that just sucks. I hate that I have to think about other people regarding something that is supposedly only about two people.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I couldn't wait to "lose" that thing which I never felt existed in the first place. And I never missed it.

You won't either. Stop thinking of it as some kind of dividing crevasse between then and your real life. It's just one step on a regular old sidewalk, honestly. There are so many other decisions you will make that are far more important.

Also-- older men might know what they are doing. Or, they might have learned how to talk a good line.

 

[arjunindia]

Leigh

Apparently your interest has been with a older man I suppose and you are worried what is everyone going to think about and that all the folks around you would do anything to stop you.... if that is the case pursue your desire step by step... till you are convinced... and be discreet that is the only way for you. Correct me if am wrong Leigha .

Keep one thing in mind , no one is perfect: we as humans never want to show our weakness to anyone as it makes us feel low. it's human nature. also there might be a case where the guy is like is in perfect frame as ur family and friends want but be is not into u or u are not into him the way you want your man to be. anything is possible. hence it is very important ur ready mentally for any step

Ron

 

[PrincessLeigha]

Also-- older men might know what they are doing. Or, they might have learned how to talk a good line.

I don`t suppose there`s any way of telling the difference.....

 

[arjunindia]

Leigha

There is a way, also if u think ... girls if your age are probably with the boys having pleasure of cum and fulfilling their needs .... hence all u find is all older men

 

[TheLM]

My advice is not to rush.

The trauma and bad memories of this event will cause a lot of people to give you bad advice, do be careful. (you will hear "just get it over with!" like you'd be silly not to have sex asap, but sex is different for every human, and what might work for one might destroy another)

 

[sereneone4u]

My advice is not to rush.

The trauma and bad memories of this event will cause a lot of people to give you bad advice, do be careful. (you will hear "just get it over with!" like you'd be silly not to have sex asap, but sex is different for every human, and what might work for one might destroy another)

Very good advice!

 

[lilsarah91]

Hey Leigha, Despite what people say, what you hear in the media and on tv and crap ........ there's nothing wrong with being virgin. My best advice would be to keep it as long as you can and don't be in a hurry. If you feel pressured to sleep with a guy, then he's not the one and kick his ass to the curb. Your virginity is your one special gift in life. Give it to the guy that you feel is right, not to the guy that demands it from you. When the time is right, you'll know.


.

 

[HussarVanburen]

I was brought up to think that losing your virginity was supposed to be something special. I thought I had to wait for the right person. Someone who respected me and was caring, gentle, a little wicked . I always thought I had to wait for love. Recently, I've been talking with older men online. They are caring and understanding and willing to listen and help me with things and they tempt me. They are sexual. They know what they're about. They can get me off with their words and can accept all sorts of fantasies and kinks that I was primarily embarrassed about. And they have made me question if waiting for love is the right thing.

So far, romance of any kind has been elusive for me. I have never been kissed. I have never been on a date. But dear gosh, people have needs! How long can you play by yourself? I want a reprieve. I want it to be over with. I want sex!
But I want love too. I want someone to bring home and show off. A guy twice my age isn't really going to impress my dad. Let's face it. I'm Daddy's little girl and anything deemed inappropriate for me is a threat to my life and must be destroyed.

I am conflicted between my body, my mind, my morals...... what I want and what I need........

I suppose what I need is some help sorting this all out.

I know that losing your virginity isn't always pretty pink butterflies and fluffy bunnies. I don't think it ever is...... but still.......

Sexual pleasure is fleeting, self-respect and virtue are eternal.

It would be a degenerate and foolish thing to do to rob yourself of your purity to satisfy a curiousity about sexuality. What is proper and right is for you to wait until such time as you can utterly give yourself to a man in love, adoration, and supplication.

Moreover, I shall assure you this: It is infinitely more satisfying for a woman to know that she did not merely give into an animal curiousity. To know that she is now the beloved property of a beneficient master, and that you can serve him unreservedly, will greatly increase the satisfaction of an act, which in its proper context, is astounding.

 

[HussarVanburen]

Hey Leigha, Despite what people say, what you hear in the media and on tv and crap ........ there's nothing wrong with being virgin. My best advice would be to keep it as long as you can and don't be in a hurry. If you feel pressured to sleep with a guy, then he's not the one and kick his ass to the curb. Your virginity is your one special gift in life. Give it to the guy that you feel is right, not to the guy that demands it from you. When the time is right, you'll know.


.

Very good advice in the main. I would have altered the phrasing and some of the sentiment, but mostly I am in agreement.

 

[Hans101]

Never been kissed? Never been on a date?

I think if you put yourself out there and work on meeting people, you'll be able to find someone special. Not to boink with, but to be with.

I don't know where you live, but if it is a decent sized city of any description, there are places to go meet people. Believe it or not, bars and clubs are not always full of creeps.

When you do go out, go out to have fun. Don't be desperate, creeps can smell that a mile away.

 

[haurni]

Join clubs or groups of people who share your interests. Eventually someone will see what you have to offer.

I think society puts too much emphasis on sex, and people get fucked up (no pun intended) about it as a result. Guys are supposed to have it, and if they don't, they get reputations as losers or unmasculine. Girls aren't supposed to have it, and if they do, they get reputations as sluts. Either way, society sets up all sorts of expectations about when, where and with whom we're 'supposed' to do the deed, and the reality often doesn't meet those expectations. Sex can be uncomfortable, messy, awkward, funny, passionate, loving, boring, intense, and everything in between, and the only way to experience it is to do it. When you find the right person (or one of them) it'll be fluffy bunnies at least some of the time. The first time may very well be a let-down.

In terms of who you do it with, that's your own business. Keep your eyes open, be safe (both sexually, by which I mean use condoms for STDs and birth control, and personally, in terms of being aware of who you're with and where). Do it with someone because you want to, not because you feel pressured by your own urgency to lose it or because someone else is trying to talk you into it (anyone who ever uses the words "If you loved me, you would do it" should be dropped like a hot rock). If you want to do it just to see what it's like, go ahead. If you haven't dated at all, the first person you sleep with will probably not be the person you spend the rest of your life with, so don't make a big deal about the first time. Recognize and accept that some people are into it just for the physical sensation and that it won't necessarily turn into a relationship (this can be true for you as well as for someone else). Hopefully you are aware enough to tell if someone's trying to manipulate you into having sex. You don't say how old you are, but try to pick someone who'll be discreet - the high school football captain is probably not the best choice. Your feelings of self-worth are your own and don't depend on anybody else; anyone who comes down on you for having had sex (or not having had it) should be ignored.

In the end, it's your choice.

 

[klippert]

don't over think it you'll know...As a gent I lost my early....now 43 I could have waited....Had to keep up with the other lying bastards... Only after grad'eating H.S. did one guy tell me he was still a virgin...the other two said there girlfriends said "NO WAY".....

You've free will..I'm sure you want it over with....I just can't seem to get my hands round what has caused you to get so worked up over it... in this day and age of no self-control and 6 mins of fame on youTube....what's the rush...

 

[lakesailer_mi]

I think that what is most important in deciding to have sex with someone, whether you are a virgin and it is your first time or not, is whether it is a decision you are making for yourself, or for someone else.

I think a lot of the bad experiences with first time sex - for both men and women, but women especially - is because they have sex for the wrong reasons. They have sex to fit in with the crowd, or to "keep" a boyfriend/girlfriend, or because they think it makes them grown up, or some other silly reason.

The reasons to have sex are myriad. I would say though that the best situations are when you can completely trust and be yourself with someone. That you know them well enough and are comfortable enough with them to be able to have discussions about birth control, stds, and kinks and pleasures.

As for the parents and the older guy. I do worry about mismatches in age because they are often associated with mismatches in power in the relationship. But not always. If the older guy really is a gentleman, he will have no trouble looking your dad in the eyes and convincing him of his honest intentions. If the guy is just there to nail you. Well, that's not a problem with your family.

I hope this helps. Good Luck.

 

[Good2BeBad67]

If it's any consolation, I planned on waiting for someone special too. But in the heat of the moment, I give in. And the first time wasn't that good. I am not saying I regret losing it when I did, but if given the chance to go back and changing it, then I think I would.

Yes, I know there is only so much you can play with yourself, but it beats losing it to the wrong person too.

 

[john_johnson]

I didn't love the first or the second or third girl I slept with and although it felt great it wasn't all that special the fourth girl however I was in love with and that was all sex was meant to be in my mind.

The moral of that story is sex is much better when it is coupled with love but it will be beter even if it is your 1st 4th or 500th time.

 

[leoandlioness]

Virginity isn't a thing...it's being sexually inexperienced

Virginity in our society is incredibly overblown. You've already masturbated and that is real sex. Learning about yourself is perhaps the most important aspect of sexuality. Take your time, experiment, be creative.

Our society pretends girls don't masturbate and that masturbation isn't real sex. Self discovery should be encouraged, taught, welcomed, and practiced. It's real sex, self sex, discovery sex. What turns you on is important, how you cum is learning, how many ways you can cum is discovering.

Stepping from self sex to together sex is a step, it is not becoming sexual, it is not the beginning of sex. It's only a step, an important step, a very important step. A step taken with a lot of communication, with caring, learning, and discovery. Virginity is not a prize nor something to be rid of. It's a concept that's not very useful.

Most sexual first times with another person, "losing your virginity" is often disappointing precisely because so much emphasis has been put on it, so many expectations attached to it. It is a step in your sexuality, an important step, but only a step.

Most people don't marry the person they first have sex with. So don't trap yourself with false concepts of love. Love takes time, takes much communication, takes maturity, practice, discovery. You'll likely find many levels of love before you grow into a possible life long love. Many people, perhaps most, don't have lifelong loves.

You sound wise and ready. Don't hurry. Discover, learn, feel, care, and find someone who does the same. Even then it will take much practice before sex becomes all that it can be.

 

[NatashaluvBoris]

overated

My first time sucked, haha - there was no sucking. It was bad. Over too quickly and super embarrassing. Same with the 2nd and 3rd. We were in high school. He came too fast. First time he didn't really get it in and he came! But it was puppy love. We were crazy about eachother. I trusted him and we cared about eachother. That's whats important I think anyway. Don't pick some strange guy from online. Wait for someone you like and you trust! It doesn't have to be love. It doesn't have to be good. You'll get there.....eventually!

 

[StrongMaster7]

My advice is to first try making some friends, then see if you can go beyond friendship. Don't start in a psycho-sexual minefield.

My first time was not great. I'd be happy to take the blame, except what I learned many years later showed me it wasn't.

When my girlfriend and I finally had her family apartment to ourselves for several hours, we were prepared. She had some contraceptive foam thingy and I had condoms. We had made out hundreds of times, her jerking me off and me rubbing her crotch with my thigh giving her orgasms by the half-dozen. So, we stripped and got into bed, me with my condom on my raging boner. I positioned myself over her and took a few pokes. She grabbed my cock and guided me to...a roadblock. It was impossible to enter her vagina. Eventually, with pain and tears on my girlfriend's part, me scared to death, we got me a little way in and I came in the condom.

Eventually, she got a diaphragm and sex became much easier and frequent. Still not great, but who doesn't want frequent sex?

Many, many years later, I visit my old ex-girlfriend and she's hot to trot. As we moved to the bedroom, and got into bed, I noticed a large jar of Vaseline by the bed. She casually (and smoothly) dipped a hand in a applied it to her cooch. AH HA! She has vaginal dryness. As horned up as she was, I knew she was really aroused. We enjoyed a lot of foreplay on the sofa first.

All of the facts fell into place. That first time, she was dry. And with minimal lube on the condom and from the foam, a shitty first time was the result. Once she started with the diaphragm, the spermicidal jelly was a messy, but very slippery lube and we fucked like pros. And that last time, she had figured out what she needed to keep bedside so if she got lucky it would be 'smooth sailing'.