How to Not Care

[Christopher2012]

Okay okay, so since this is still the best forum that I know of even though I have fought with pretty much everybody, I figured I'd post this here. Don't worry, no self-hatred or self-deprivation with this question.

So I recently started seeing a shrink. And he put me through a series of tests for all kinds of mental disorders including ADHD, depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, etc. Well, it turns out that all of my problems with social situations is just straight up anxiety and that I enjoy being alone more than I enjoy being out with people.

But my therapist said that there's one thing about me that is probably the most serious issue out of all - I care way too much about everything. He said that I just need to stop giving a fuck (exact words). Here are some examples:

1.) My super high work expectations from a business perspective. My employer has nearly impossible metrics to meet and at the same time, we're given very little staffing for the manpower to accomplish the goals.

Recently, I was actually written up by my supervisor for such terrible scores. My therapist asked me "Well, is your job even remotely at risk from this write-up or your low metric scores?"

My answer: "Well.... no. Not at all."

"Well then fuck 'em."

2.) My techs have told me that I'm one of the most unorganized pharmacists that they've met and they complain because I don't help them with counting and ringing up customers.

My therapist: "Is your job even remotely at risk from your tech's complaints about you as a pharmacist?"

My answer: "Well... no. Not at all."

"Well then fuck 'em."

3.) I spend all of my time alone and am seen as a loner.

My therapist asks me if I care about the people who see that as a problem...

My answer: "Well... no. Not at all."

"Well then fuck 'em."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know, it actually does make sense. I think I'd be happier if I just didn't care. The question is... how do you genuinely stop caring about things like this? There's no way I could possibly lose my job because so many pharmacists have quit because of the terrible work environment and my techs complain about EVERYTHING, not just me. Yet it all bothers me. The smallest, most minute remarks can ruin my day. If I can just not give a flying fuck about all of this, I truly believe that I can be happy. Because I think it would lead to a lifestyle that I choose rather than letting my fears of things control my actions. I might even become social just by not caring.

So who knows?

What are your opinions? Again, this isn't a self-deprivation thread and I won't turn it into one. And I won't argue with you. Just tell me your thoughts and I'll read them.

Thanks. Hope everybody is doing well!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Okay okay, so since this is still the best forum that I know of even though I have fought with pretty much everybody, I figured I'd post this here. Don't worry, no self-hatred or self-deprivation with this question.

So I recently started seeing a shrink. And he put me through a series of tests for all kinds of mental disorders including ADHD, depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, etc. Well, it turns out that all of my problems with social situations is just straight up anxiety and that I enjoy being alone more than I enjoy being out with people.

But my therapist said that there's one thing about me that is probably the most serious issue out of all - I care way too much about everything. He said that I just need to stop giving a fuck (exact words). Here are some examples:

1.) My super high work expectations from a business perspective. My employer has nearly impossible metrics to meet and at the same time, we're given very little staffing for the manpower to accomplish the goals.

Recently, I was actually written up by my supervisor for such terrible scores. My therapist asked me "Well, is your job even remotely at risk from this write-up or your low metric scores?"

My answer: "Well.... no. Not at all."

"Well then fuck 'em."

2.) My techs have told me that I'm one of the most unorganized pharmacists that they've met and they complain because I don't help them with counting and ringing up customers.

My therapist: "Is your job even remotely at risk from your tech's complaints about you as a pharmacist?"

My answer: "Well... no. Not at all."

"Well then fuck 'em."

3.) I spend all of my time alone and am seen as a loner.

My therapist asks me if I care about the people who see that as a problem...

My answer: "Well... no. Not at all."

"Well then fuck 'em."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know, it actually does make sense. I think I'd be happier if I just didn't care. The question is... how do you genuinely stop caring about things like this? There's no way I could possibly lose my job because so many pharmacists have quit because of the terrible work environment and my techs complain about EVERYTHING, not just me. Yet it all bothers me. The smallest, most minute remarks can ruin my day. If I can just not give a flying fuck about all of this, I truly believe that I can be happy. Because I think it would lead to a lifestyle that I choose rather than letting my fears of things control my actions. I might even become social just by not caring.

So who knows?

What are your opinions? Again, this isn't a self-deprivation thread and I won't turn it into one. And I won't argue with you. Just tell me your thoughts and I'll read them.

Thanks. Hope everybody is doing well!

I spent the 1st half of my life caring too much, and one day was so bad I couldn't possibly spread enough of my caring around to cover everything, it was impossible. And I had to put the caring where it mattered most. Then I discovered that I could do lotsa good and not care at all. All I really need to do is my duty, you cant do more. And no one is served when I stress me too much.

 

[sunandshadow]

That is a textbook description of how anxiety or anxious neurosis works. "Loss or lack of sense of scale for what is worth worrying about" is the characteristic symptom of anxiety. There are a ton of books that have multiple answers to your question from professional therapists. Is there a Half-Price Books near you? Go there and look at the psychology and self-help section.

 

[Noor]

For a pharmacist which are in short supply around here by the way, I would think as long as you are giving patients the correct MEDs in the correct dosages you should be good.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

My mentor was a Navy Corpsman from Pearl Harbor till the surrender. He said it was a goddamned nightmare from the git-go cuz there was one of him and 100s of sailors aboard his ship. During the kamakazi attacks he couldn't get to everyone and plenty perished. You do your duty the best you can and let the other go.

 

[Christopher2012]

For a pharmacist which are in short supply around here by the way, I would think as long as you are giving patients the correct MEDs in the correct dosages you should be good.

Aside from quantity mistakes (shorting a patient), I have only made one mistake. The script was written for Lorcet Plus, which is 7.5/650. I dispensed Hydrocodone/APAP 10/650 instead.

That's the only mistake that I've made so far in the first year of being a pharmacist. I'm very happy about that.

 

[glynndah]

As far as the rest of it goes, I'm with your therapist, but the thought of an unorganized pharmacist scares me.

 

[Christopher2012]

As far as the rest of it goes, I'm with your therapist, but the thought of an unorganized pharmacist scares me.

Hahahahaha Okay, so here's why the tech said I was unorganized.

Prescriptions are placed alphabetically according to a patient's name. For instance, "John Smith" would go in a bin that is SM. But when a pharmacist verifies a prescription, he doesn't just go walk over to the bin and place it there because that would take too much time. So he verifies it and places in baskets near his station.

My partner will verify prescriptions and place them in semi-alphabetical order. So he'll throw all the M-Z in one section and A-M in another. That helps the techs find recently filled scripts faster.

Me, I just throw the bags in the baskets regardless of what the name is. So, the whole alphabet is mixed and it's harder for the techs to find each recently filled prescription.

But here's my rebuttal. If the techs would do their damn jobs and put the prescriptions up before the baskets fill up, then this wouldn't be THAT big of a deal. But they wait until late afternoon to do it. So there are potentially 100 prescriptions A-Z laying in one section.

So that is why I'm "unorganized."

But to be fair, I have compromised. I no longer just randomly throw the prescriptions in the bin. I now semi organize it so that it's easier for them. And now they're complaining because I keep the bins closer to me and they'd rather I do it the old way.

The point: They complain regardless. I can't satisfy them.

 

[Christopher2012]

A couple of things hit me here. Firstly, well done on getting some help. That can be the hardest step.

I realise medication isnt the answer for everyone, and it's important to treat the person as well as the chemicals in them, but if your anxiety is this debilitating have you or your psych considered medicating for it? My sister suffers great anxiety and has struggled her whole life with managing it until she finally decided to medicate. She is now anxiety free and living a much happier life.

How to stop giving a fuck? I'm not sure about that, I am guilty of caring too much about a lot of things that probably I could/should let go. I'm also a worrier and I know exactly why or where that stems from but I think a certain amount of "caring less" comes with age, confidences, experiences etc. I don't pretend to know you but I know you're young and just starting your career. It is natural for you to want to perform and excel and care what your peers and colleagues think of you. It's just the level of caring that's an issue I guess. Maybe start trying to make active decisions, in your head, around what you will take on board and what you will let go. Placing levels of importance on things as they occur might help you to decipher what it is that really matters and what is just... filler.

Im not sure, and realise I'm maybe not supposed to answer here but I have seen a lot of people struggle through anxiety and I feel for you.

ETA: excuse the typos, fat fingering.

I have to answer quickly because I have to run.

I recently started Buspar, Prozac, and I'm still on Xanax. The problems with anxiety drugs are the sexual side effects. To me, it's absolutely intolerable. So my doc said that we'll stick with low doses and titrate to a point where I can tolerate it. It's a work in progress at this point.

I'm not as much of a worrier as I used to be... at least not about certain things. When I was a teenager, I was a hypochondriac(sp?). I thought I had life-threatening or permanent illnesses all the time, and I worried about unreasonable things. Now, though, I get stuck on things that have happened in the past. So I'll constantly replay mistakes that I've made and lay in bed at night reminded by bad memories (i.e. arguing with a customer or coworker).

Anyway, thanks. Hopefully it'll work itself out. If not, then evolution will weed me out. Haha

 

[Lord Pmann]

This isn't specifically about what you asked... But one thing I would recommend is just treating people better. You've made quite a bit of a reputation for yourself for being kind of an asshole to people. Often times to people who are just trying to help you. I don't know how you are in real life, but I presume you're probably similar (equally as pleasant). I'm not saying this to berate you or anything. Lord knows I've tried my damnedest to try to get you to try and do certain things.

But, my point is, putting positive things in your life will certainly change your outlook on things. Treating people better will make your life all around better. They will appreciate you more and you will feel better about who you are and everything. Depression is a cycle and I believe happiness can be as well. The more positivity you have, the better things will get.

And remember the people who do reach out to you. You may need them one day.

 

[Christopher2012]

This isn't specifically about what you asked... But one thing I would recommend is just treating people better. You've made quite a bit of a reputation for yourself for being kind of an asshole to people. Often times to people who are just trying to help you. I don't know how you are in real life, but I presume you're probably similar (equally as pleasant). I'm not saying this to berate you or anything. Lord knows I've tried my damnedest to try to get you to try and do certain things.

But, my point is, putting positive things in your life will certainly change your outlook on things. Treating people better will make your life all around better. They will appreciate you more and you will feel better about who you are and everything. Depression is a cycle and I believe happiness can be as well. The more positivity you have, the better things will get.

And remember the people who do reach out to you. You may need them one day.

I will say this... Your presumption is 1,000% wrong. How I treat people in real life is not even remotely close to how I treat people on forums. On a daily basis, I buy my coworkers whatever they ask for no matter the cost, I allow them to pretty much do as they please, and I never scold them for making mistakes. Last night, I bought a Spongebob Squarepants blow up ball just because she wanted it so badly and I have ZERO physical attraction to her. Daily, I announce to my team that I'm going to get something to drink up front and ask if anybody wants anything. I daily spend money on my techs just to be nice.

I never scold them. I never say bad things about them. I honestly just go out of my way to make sure they're taken care of at work. I buy them lunch, I never buy anything for myself without considering them, and I try to empathize with their situation.

So I'm not some bad guy that you think I am. I care genuinely.

 

[GrrlFriday]

You know, it actually does make sense. I think I'd be happier if I just didn't care. The question is... how do you genuinely stop caring about things like this? There's no way I could possibly lose my job because so many pharmacists have quit because of the terrible work environment and my techs complain about EVERYTHING, not just me. Yet it all bothers me. The smallest, most minute remarks can ruin my day. If I can just not give a flying fuck about all of this, I truly believe that I can be happy. Because I think it would lead to a lifestyle that I choose rather than letting my fears of things control my actions. I might even become social just by not caring.

What can help is taking a deep breath and keep on breathing deeply until you feel a bit calmer. Don't laugh at this idea - by doing this, you tend to disrupt the physical signs of anxiety (heart thumping, etc.) which in turn can make you feel more anxious.

Once you're breathing deeply, you can practice 'not caring'.

You might like to picture your therapist in your mind going 'is your job even remotely at risk from this?' or 'is this an actual problem for you?' etc. etc. etc. and then answering them in your mind.

It will feel like a Herculean effort to begin with, and you will have to constantly practice, but you'll eventually get better at calming down your over-active anxiety response and then choosing which stuff to care about, and how much to care about it.

 

[Noor]

Aside from quantity mistakes (shorting a patient), I have only made one mistake. The script was written for Lorcet Plus, which is 7.5/650. I dispensed Hydrocodone/APAP 10/650 instead.

That's the only mistake that I've made so far in the first year of being a pharmacist. I'm very happy about that.

Not so bad.

 

[Noor]

I will say this... Your presumption is 1,000% wrong. How I treat people in real life is not even remotely close to how I treat people on forums. On a daily basis, I buy my coworkers whatever they ask for no matter the cost, I allow them to pretty much do as they please, and I never scold them for making mistakes. Last night, I bought a Spongebob Squarepants blow up ball just because she wanted it so badly and I have ZERO physical attraction to her. Daily, I announce to my team that I'm going to get something to drink up front and ask if anybody wants anything. I daily spend money on my techs just to be nice.

I never scold them. I never say bad things about them. I honestly just go out of my way to make sure they're taken care of at work. I buy them lunch, I never buy anything for myself without considering them, and I try to empathize with their situation.

So I'm not some bad guy that you think I am. I care genuinely.

It's not a bad thing to treat people consistently throughout your life whether rl or on line, people can often tell when something feels off. You may also feel better about yourself.

 

[GorgeousGeekGirl]

Hi Chris, so I got a few things from this thread:

1. You let bitching of people under you get to you.

2. You do your job well even though those under you are lazy and complain you don't do their job also.

3. You try sucking up to the lazy whiners under you, which has resulted in they have no respect for you.

4. You're therapist is right- fuck em.

You're trying to find a magic wand to make you not concerned, including you be considering some sort of anti-anxiety med. What you actually need is to man the fuck up and tell them to do their jobs and shut their bitching holes. It's not going to come from your therapist, it has to be an internal motivation. Will it be hard? Yes. Will there be backlash? Yes. Will it eventually be worth it? If you stick to your guns, most definitely. The good news is that the more often you make the decision to fuck em, the easier it will get to keep doing it.

Try rehearsing this statement: " my job is to fill prescriptions. Your job is to organize those prescriptions so they are ready for patients. I do my job, I'm not doing yours". And when you say it, HABLA CON FUEGO!!! Speak with strength! Don't try to soften it or make it sound apologetic; it will just sound like whining. You want to sound like you got big brass balls and you're not taking their shit.

Now, if one of the techs asks you politely to split the meds into bins a-m/n-z, then say "sure, just make the two bins with clearly marked signs." When you grant a polite request while putting responsibility on them, it maintains your position of strength while you compromise.

The other good news, as you get older, you care less what petty people think. So as time rolls on, you'll learn to blow off bullshit. But in the meantime, why wait to be happy? Grow that steel sac and start enjoying your work. You became a pharmacist to help people, not to cater to whining of underlings. Let that be your focus.

 

[rider81]

Hi Chris, so I got a few things from this thread:

1. You let bitching of people under you get to you.

2. You do your job well even though those under you are lazy and complain you don't do their job also.

3. You try sucking up to the lazy whiners under you, which has resulted in they have no respect for you.

4. You're therapist is right- fuck em.

You're trying to find a magic wand to make you not concerned, including you be considering some sort of anti-anxiety med. What you actually need is to man the fuck up and tell them to do their jobs and shut their bitching holes. It's not going to come from your therapist, it has to be an internal motivation. Will it be hard? Yes. Will there be backlash? Yes. Will it eventually be worth it? If you stick to your guns, most definitely. The good news is that the more often you make the decision to fuck em, the easier it will get to keep doing it.

Try rehearsing this statement: " my job is to fill prescriptions. Your job is to organize those prescriptions so they are ready for patients. I do my job, I'm not doing yours". And when you say it, HABLA CON FUEGO!!! Speak with strength! Don't try to soften it or make it sound apologetic; it will just sound like whining. You want to sound like you got big brass balls and you're not taking their shit.

Now, if one of the techs asks you politely to split the meds into bins a-m/n-z, then say "sure, just make the two bins with clearly marked signs." When you grant a polite request while putting responsibility on them, it maintains your position of strength while you compromise.

The other good news, as you get older, you care less what petty people think. So as time rolls on, you'll learn to blow off bullshit. But in the meantime, why wait to be happy? Grow that steel sac and start enjoying your work. You became a pharmacist to help people, not to cater to whining of underlings. Let that be your focus.

Fantastic advice.
Part of the life experience is learning what to listen to, and what to ignore.

 

[Christopher2012]

Hi Chris, so I got a few things from this thread:

1. You let bitching of people under you get to you.

2. You do your job well even though those under you are lazy and complain you don't do their job also.

3. You try sucking up to the lazy whiners under you, which has resulted in they have no respect for you.

4. You're therapist is right- fuck em.

You're trying to find a magic wand to make you not concerned, including you be considering some sort of anti-anxiety med. What you actually need is to man the fuck up and tell them to do their jobs and shut their bitching holes. It's not going to come from your therapist, it has to be an internal motivation. Will it be hard? Yes. Will there be backlash? Yes. Will it eventually be worth it? If you stick to your guns, most definitely. The good news is that the more often you make the decision to fuck em, the easier it will get to keep doing it.

Try rehearsing this statement: " my job is to fill prescriptions. Your job is to organize those prescriptions so they are ready for patients. I do my job, I'm not doing yours". And when you say it, HABLA CON FUEGO!!! Speak with strength! Don't try to soften it or make it sound apologetic; it will just sound like whining. You want to sound like you got big brass balls and you're not taking their shit.

Now, if one of the techs asks you politely to split the meds into bins a-m/n-z, then say "sure, just make the two bins with clearly marked signs." When you grant a polite request while putting responsibility on them, it maintains your position of strength while you compromise.

The other good news, as you get older, you care less what petty people think. So as time rolls on, you'll learn to blow off bullshit. But in the meantime, why wait to be happy? Grow that steel sac and start enjoying your work. You became a pharmacist to help people, not to cater to whining of underlings. Let that be your focus.

First of all, thanks for the sound advice. You're spot on.

...HOWEVER, that is going to be hard as hell! Haha I honestly don't think I have it in me to do that. But I'm sure I'll eventually grow and mature. Hopefully my "sac" will harden into balls of steel over time rather than just over night. Who knows? Or maybe I'll always just be a shitty manager...

 

[subdued_passion]

I know this thread is about how not to care, but I just wanted to say that I can understand how it is easy to care about the little things when you are the kind of person who believes there are consequences to every action- direct or direct. Those ripples in the pond, the fall of the first domino, the butterfly flapping its wing somewhere, a missed stitch in the tapestry.

But does that mean we obsess about every misstep and make ourselves miserable?

You do your duty the best you can and let the other go.

I can't believe I'm saying this but I agree with Mr. Johnson. All you can do is your duty; duty does not just refer to a profession.

 

[GorgeousGeekGirl]

You're right sweetie, it is going to be hard as hell. But you can do this. All these people replied to you because they think you can do it. You got through pharmacist school which I'm sure wasn't easy. The lazy whiners who work under you didnt do that for you, they aren't paying your student loans, and if a script gets botched, it isn't their neck on the line. You willingly took on a critical job to take care of patients; if people can trust you with their lives, then petty bullshit whining isn't worth a moments consideration. You can do this, I promise!!!

 

[NightL]

...HOWEVER, that is going to be hard as hell!

you pluck obstacles as if they were leaves fluttering in front of you...

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

CHRIS I read your post that explains pharmacy and pharmacology. Then I thought about it and concluded that youre a pharmacy gofer not a licensed pharmacist. No one fucks with a licensed pharmacist, especially cashiers and clerks.

 

[NightL]

so?

and

So?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Someone needs to write an office politics survival manual that gets to the soul of workplace bullshit.

One of the funniest things I ever saw happened forty years ago.

The construction company I worked for was owned by an old man with bazillions of dollars, but he drove an old pickup, dressed in Pennys BIG MAC work clothes, and was indistinguishable from the lowliest laborer. We called him GRANDPA.

His son and grandson, on the other hand, played the role of Princes with the Cadillacs and jets and expensive young whores and gold chains.

So the son hired a 40ish lounge lizard for the construction department, and she used her sexual connection to the son to try and bully everyone.

Then one day the office manager asked lounge lizard to move a load of stuff to the warehouse before GRANDPA paid us a visit. Lounge lizard procrastinated until she was asked again to move the stuff out. And she waited some more I'M GONNA MAKE ONE OF THESE LIMP DICKS DO IT, AS SOON AS ONE COMES THRU HERE.

And a few minutes later she snagged an old man dressed in BIG MAC work clothes and demanded that he GET THAT PILE OF SHIT OUTTA HERE, NOW! And the old man says, MA'AM CAN IT WAIT 5 MINUTES TILL I TALK TO ROY (the comptroller). Lounge lizard barks, NO I WANT IT OUTTA HERE NOW!

So the old man finds a handtruck and lugs the boxes to the warehouse. A little later the grandson introduces him to Lounge Lizard. WE ALREADY MET, MIKE.

 

[Christopher2012]

CHRIS I read your post that explains pharmacy and pharmacology. Then I thought about it and concluded that youre a pharmacy gofer not a licensed pharmacist. No one fucks with a licensed pharmacist, especially cashiers and clerks.

I'm going to just take my therapist's advice concerning this post.

 

[Christopher2012]

You're right sweetie, it is going to be hard as hell. But you can do this. All these people replied to you because they think you can do it. You got through pharmacist school which I'm sure wasn't easy. The lazy whiners who work under you didnt do that for you, they aren't paying your student loans, and if a script gets botched, it isn't their neck on the line. You willingly took on a critical job to take care of patients; if people can trust you with their lives, then petty bullshit whining isn't worth a moments consideration. You can do this, I promise!!!

Thank you. I appreciate the encouragement.