"Get to know you better"

[theGM26]

When I complain about this I'm not complaining about it. haha Yes, that did not make sense. Subs, who know how to protect themselves, will wait when providing any pics, personal info, etc. Its just simply a good idea, when meeting anyone online. Doms should follow this guideline too.

Frustration takes over whenever I hear this phrase though. Why? Where do you draw that imaginary line where you "know" someone? Yes this lifestyle is all about trusting someone else. You could, however, make the argument that taking a risk is a show of trust. I could argue that unless you attach a name to pic or video its next to impossible for anyone you know to find it on the internet. Unless of course you are stupidly good with a computer.

I'm not questioning whether its a good idea; I'm questioning where that line is. So my question to everyone is: Where do you draw that line? Dom or sub I'm interested to know where both draw that line.

 

[Primalex]

Frustration takes over whenever I hear this phrase though. Why? Where do you draw that imaginary line where you "know" someone?

So you are frustrated because you can't tell before, how much time you have to invest, to get a picture?

 

[theGM26]

Sigh why am I not surprised.... If you had read the post... I am asking where you draw the line... NOT asking for advice... sheesh...

 

[luvnmyboys]

I don't mind sharing pics with people but I don't really push it past the pg-13 variety. I don't ask for more than that either. I think a little something left to the imagination is sexy.

 

[Wickedglinda]

It's very hard to draw the line, and then step over it. I think it depends on each individual situation.

 

[RawHumor]

If you've ever seen an episode of Catfish, the TV show, you'd know that with google images, it's pretty easy these days to do an internet search for a photo.

You can literally drag and drop a pic from your desktop onto the google image search area.

 

[KoPilot]

I dunno, I've only ever figured out where that line was for one person, and... we're married now.

Never even thought about where that line was before him, and I don't think I'll think about where it might be again.

Here's the answer you're not going to like: it depends. If we all could predict and quantify the exact moments and things that implied that sufficient trust had been built, I don't think we'd be human anymore.

 

[theGM26]

I dunno, I've only ever figured out where that line was for one person, and... we're married now.

Never even thought about where that line was before him, and I don't think I'll think about where it might be again.

Here's the answer you're not going to like: it depends. If we all could predict and quantify the exact moments and things that implied that sufficient trust had been built, I don't think we'd be human anymore.

That was kind of my point in beginning the thread. It does depend. I was curious to see where other people drew the line. I'm not really looking for one concrete answer to the question. I'm looking for a discussion on the topic.

 

[KoPilot]

That was kind of my point in beginning the thread. It does depend. I was curious to see where other people drew the line. I'm not really looking for one concrete answer to the question. I'm looking for a discussion on the topic.

I'm telling you that I can't even answer that because not only does it just depend on me being me, it depends on me being able to single out a single relationship (because that line is different for every person I know) and try and figure it out.

Its "it depends" all the way down.

I've gone over that line with a single person and I couldn't even tell you at what point it was crossed.

 

[Blase]

If I get into a relationship with a sub, at some point I at least expect her to share pics: I'm past the point where text-only does anything for me. I don't demand face pics, though: I can certainly respect the need to preserve anonymity, especially if you're a professional whose career could be harmed if your submission became public knowledge.

*Edited to add that of course some ladies are comfortable showing their faces, and that is always welcome.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I've had one cyber-sex relationship, and neither of us were expecting it to be a relationship-- it turned out that we had more to talk about than just sex We exchanged pics and phone numbers, once we figured that out.

 

[desertslave]

The only online relationship I've ever had was with my Master/Husband. We were strictly online at first, and it was only a few weeks before we were actually (by an incredible act of Serendipity) about to meet that we exchanged pix. Curiously, the relationship was pretty much already established and very little in the way of appearance would have shaken my need to meet him. I think I can venture to say that he felt pretty much the same way.

 

[Primalex]

Sigh why am I not surprised.... If you had read the post... I am asking where you draw the line...

What line? When people decide to dump someone for not sending a picture?

It's the entrance fee for those that are not entertaining enough with their texts. And if they are entertaining enough, there is no line where I would dump them. Why would I want to get rid of someone witty?

 

[Primalex]

You can literally drag and drop a pic from your desktop onto the google image search area.

Do we have the same definition of "literally"?

 

[Bramblethorn]

If you've ever seen an episode of Catfish, the TV show, you'd know that with google images, it's pretty easy these days to do an internet search for a photo.

You can literally drag and drop a pic from your desktop onto the google image search area.

Yep, and that's just "these days". The pics you upload today may still be out there on the net in ten years' time, and the search technology is likely to be significantly better than it is now. Image recognition and facial recognition are major areas of research.

 

[JMohegan]

When I complain about this I'm not complaining about it. haha Yes, that did not make sense. Subs, who know how to protect themselves, will wait when providing any pics, personal info, etc. Its just simply a good idea, when meeting anyone online. Doms should follow this guideline too.

Frustration takes over whenever I hear this phrase though. Why? Where do you draw that imaginary line where you "know" someone? Yes this lifestyle is all about trusting someone else. You could, however, make the argument that taking a risk is a show of trust. I could argue that unless you attach a name to pic or video its next to impossible for anyone you know to find it on the internet. Unless of course you are stupidly good with a computer.

I'm not questioning whether its a good idea; I'm questioning where that line is. So my question to everyone is: Where do you draw that line? Dom or sub I'm interested to know where both draw that line.

I don't do the online thing, because I don't see the appeal in it.

So my answer to your question about personal info (name and phone number) is: at a minimum, somewhere between 10 minutes and half an hour.

As for NSFW photos, I don't understand why anyone would take, much less send, them. [I'm talkin' to you, Anthony Weiner. Fucking idiot.]

 

[seela]

I don't do the online thing, because I don't see the appeal in it.

So my answer to your question about personal info (name and phone number) is: at a minimum, somewhere between 10 minutes and half an hour.

As for NSFW photos, I don't understand why anyone would take, much less send, them. [I'm talkin' to you, Anthony Weiner. Fucking idiot.]

Hear, hear!

Although if I'm interested in someone, I usually just meet them for a cup of coffee and exchange the more personal info there if I feel like we hit off on any significant level. I don't give photos to pretty much anyone, and if I do, they're of the type that you could show to your grandparents or employer, too. I give a brief, very general description of how I look like (and that does not include breast size or anything like that) and expect the same from the other party, and off we go to meet in the real world. This has usually happened after an hour or so of chatting online.

The only online-only thing I do is just casual chatting, and nothing even close to cyber sex of any kind comes to at play at any point. Some of my online friends know my name and some have seen my photo, but not all.

Then there's that one time when I broke almost all my rules (gave a photo and phone number, met for the first time at night at his place instead of in a public place), and after 7-ish years we're still together. But I still met him really soon after getting to know him online, so that was the rule that I held on to.

Oh, and for those who wish to remain anonymous (like myself, for the most part) -- it's not only telling your name and phone number that can identify you. I was shocked when I realized that it only takes two google searches to get to my real name and address, if you know what I study (a rare field of studies, even if I generalize a bit) and one of my hobbies (rare, too). After that I've been a lot more careful about what I tell people.