Your Women of Character?

[Keroin]

I just finished an interview series on my writing blog that was so much fun! Because our novel features a strong female protagonist, I wanted to talk about some of the real life women who have inspired me. I made a list (it was long!) of all the women I knew that would be suitable, and tried to choose a variety of occupations.

These women came from different backgrounds and were born in different eras. There is a pilot, a foreign aid worker, a politician/community leader, a mechanical engineer, and a stunt woman. Very different women, but the one consistent thread I noticed was that when I asked what advice they would give to young girls, it was always a version of "Follow your dreams, be true to yourself, and don't give in to the expectations of others."

Anyway, I thought it would be cool to ask about the "women of character" you know.

Who has inspired you? How? What is it that you think makes them a "strong" woman? What advice would you give to young girls today?

(p.s. If you want to read the series, you can start here and work backwards: http://www.warpworld.ca/comm/)

 

[knot_sweet]

This is going to sound bad but...

I don't know any inspiring women.

At least none that are women I'd choose to be like.

Sure, I can read about plenty of them, but those people seem as relevant to my life as celebrities and multi billionaire corporate types.

I used to think that my mum was pretty cool, but as I've gotten older I've learned she's too hard, and her open mindedness and tolerance extends only surface deep.

A couple of the women I dance with have achieved a lot and are educated, witty women, but they try too hard to make me feel like there's this standard of femininity I'm failing. That's not just my paranoia talking, both of them have said at some point over the last couple of years "You're not very good at the girly thing, are you C....?"

I think the only woman I'm semi acquainted with that seems like the kind of person I'd want to be like is one of the doctors at my studio. And the funny part is, she thinks I'm cool and inspiring. Go figure...

So unfortunately, I seem to be deprived of a decent female role model. Actually, that explains plenty about why I am the way I am.

My dad is my biggest inspiration. I wish I could be half the man he is. Ya know, except for the penis bit...

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

What a wonderful series, K.

You are so using your powers for good.

I have always admired Dolley Madison and Julia Butterfly Hill. One used her smarts and personality to effect change when women had (more) limited access to power. The other saved a fucking 1500 year old tree (!) and, more importantly, made people take note that these sacred creatures are still being cut down and used to make fences and decks.

Thanks for asking.

 

[Keroin]

This is going to sound bad but...

I don't know any inspiring women.

At least none that are women I'd choose to be like.

It doesn't sound as bad as it does sad. There are so many amazing women in the world, I'm sorry you haven't had the opportunity to connect with them. But I understand, to some degree. I spent a lot of years cultivating friendships primarily with men, because I felt that they generally possessed more of the qualities I liked. I had some stereotypes about my own gender that I'm not proud of.

In my late twenties, I started shedding some of my prejudices and discovered that, holy cow, there really are a LOT of cool women out there. I am so thankful for my female friends, now. They really do inspire me.

I hope you find some inspirational women of your own, KS.

What a wonderful series, K.

You are so using your powers for good.

Thanks! I had a blast writing it. I feel as if there is a big social shift going on, that women are beginning to unite and stand up to be heard on a large scale. I really want to be part of that.

I have always admired Dolley Madison and Julia Butterfly Hill. One used her smarts and personality to effect change when women had (more) limited access to power. The other saved a fucking 1500 year old tree (!) and, more importantly, made people take note that these sacred creatures are still being cut down and used to make fences and decks.

Thanks for asking.

You're welcome! I don't know anything about Dolley Madison, but I see that she was a First Lady. I'll have to read up on her! And of course I know about Julia Butterfly Hill - what commie, Canuck, tree-hugger doesn't?

Great picks. Very inspirational!

What fascinated me was that when I approached each of the women in that series, none of them felt they were deserving of an interview - even on my itty bitty blog. This is also something I would like to see changed. I want women to be proud to speak up and to be recognized for who they are. We're raised to think of the spotlight as some kind of evil thing and that any time we raise our voices we're "bragging" or something. It's ridiculous.

Young girls need to see a different model.

 

[midwestyankee]

I'm reminded of a line from Timothy Leary: "Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition."

 

[Stella_Omega]

Currently alive women include Wendy Walker -- and every other progressive woman who keeps on standing up for us in spite of the feces hurled by the GOP chimps.

Barbara Cartland, turns out, was a hell of a writer.

Meh.

I hope that I will be inspirational to someone someday.

 

[Kim_Burly]

This is going to sound bad but...

I don't know any inspiring women.

At least none that are women I'd choose to be like.

Sure, I can read about plenty of them, but those people seem as relevant to my life as celebrities and multi billionaire corporate types.

I used to think that my mum was pretty cool, but as I've gotten older I've learned she's too hard, and her open mindedness and tolerance extends only surface deep.

A couple of the women I dance with have achieved a lot and are educated, witty women, but they try too hard to make me feel like there's this standard of femininity I'm failing. That's not just my paranoia talking, both of them have said at some point over the last couple of years "You're not very good at the girly thing, are you C....?"

I think the only woman I'm semi acquainted with that seems like the kind of person I'd want to be like is one of the doctors at my studio. And the funny part is, she thinks I'm cool and inspiring. Go figure...

So unfortunately, I seem to be deprived of a decent female role model. Actually, that explains plenty about why I am the way I am.

My dad is my biggest inspiration. I wish I could be half the man he is. Ya know, except for the penis bit...

Once you get to know everyone you find out that they all have their own quirks and foibles. That doesn't mean they shouldn't be admired. I'm sure even Amelia Earhart has her bad days. If you think a woman has to be perfect to be a role model, you will always be disappointed. I would be banned if I mentioned my biggest female hero. I won't say role model since she was an epic figure in history.

Another question is, do role models have to be gender specific. Can a woman not have a male hero, like your father. Does every hero for a boy have to be a man?

 

[Keroin]

Once you get to know everyone you find out that they all have their own quirks and foibles. That doesn't mean they shouldn't be admired.

Very good point. None of my female friends are perfect. It is a wonderful moment when you realize you can still be inspired by someone who is merely human.

Another question is, do role models have to be gender specific. Can a woman not have a male hero, like your father. Does every hero for a boy have to be a man?

Nope. A few of these women listed their father's as their role models, and I would do the same. But the point of this series, and this thread, was to shine the spotlight on women. I think in a world that so often showers praise on men, we need more recognition for women.

 

[Keroin]

I hope that I will be inspirational to someone someday.

Stella, I KNOW you've inspired women here. Myself included. You've opened my eyes and changed my mind on more than one topic.

 

[JMohegan]

If you're not inspired by Malala Yousafzai, you have no soul.

 

[cfuhrer]

I"m kinda with Knot, there aren't many women I look up to all that much. I'm sure I'm just hyper-critical, but very few seem to have what it takes to get my juices flowing. My short list includes:

Barbara Chocran who is in real estate and nearing mogul status.
Kim Kiyosaki, I love her investing advice for women.
Kappy Allen, was the 2000 NFR champion and earned enough money to qualify while still a practicing civil trial attorney.
My boss at my second job because she works more than full time, enthusiastically supports her husbands motorsports hobby/second career and STILL runs her own consulting business.
My mom because she went through a helluva divroce and managed to make sure nothing in our world changed while she struggled to get ahead.

But that's about it.

There are a couple local women business owners who I would like to get to know better but other than that I really don't look at many people (of either sex) and think "now that is someone I want to be like."

 

[graceanne]

Offhand, my grandma's. My mom's mom ran a farm by herself for most of her adult life. She left my grandpa, who was abusing her, back when women didn't do things like that. She was into homeopathic medicine and healthy eating when everyone else was eating white bread and microwave meals. And she did it all in a skirt, as she considered pants to be unladylike. lol My dad's mom wasn't the best mom, but she was a great grandma. Just as importantly, she was a late deafened adult who chose to make a difference with her disability. She was a large part of the force behind removing the laws that would take a hearing child from deaf parents, and she worked for an organization in the bay area that specifically advocated for deaf people. Shortly before her death she was given an award for her years of work. Plus, she was a lot like me and tended to collect children who wanted a mom.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Anoushka Shankar, the sitar-playing daughter of the famous sitarist. She learned from a man who didn't really believe that women were intrinsically creative, who tried to keep her in his shadow-- you can see their dynamic clearly in old videos. In spite of this lifelong brainwashing, (which I do not think was malicious, please note) she's surpassed her old man. She manages her concert musicians in a style that is as authoritative as his ever was, and twice as warm. And she's created music Ravi never even dreamed of.

Also, Liz Henry, who is an amazing investigative journalist and does it despite crippling pain that keeps her in a wheel chair half the time.

 

[knot_sweet]

To Keroin and Kim Burly.

It's not that there aren't any inspiring women, I just don't know any.

Reading about amazing women I don't know is great and all...But unless I know them personally, I can admire but aren't inspired as they aren't an immediate presence in my life.

And yes, I understand that people are just people and have faults and whatever. I don't have a great deal of gender prejudice, I don't understand women enough to be gender prejudiced.

It's just that the in the career and hobbies I have now and the career I want, the most inspirational people I know are men. I'm sure there are inspirational women in all those areas, but do I know them? Sadly...no.

Wish I did know some...

 

[JMohegan]

Anoushka Shankar, the sitar-playing daughter of the famous sitarist. She learned from a man who didn't really believe that women were intrinsically creative, who tried to keep her in his shadow-- you can see their dynamic clearly in old videos. In spite of this lifelong brainwashing, (which I do not think was malicious, please note) she's surpassed her old man. She manages her concert musicians in a style that is as authoritative as his ever was, and twice as warm. And she's created music Ravi never even dreamed of.

Good choice!

She's also an activist, fighting violence against women, world hunger, and cruelty to animals.

 

[intothewoods]

I know plenty of inspiring women personally but I don't really want to reveal personal information about them here. Let's just say amazing mothers, teachers, doctors, performers, writers, thought-provokers (is that a thing?) ... I mean, I really can't fathom not being able to name a single inspiring woman in my life.

Famous people? I mean, so many, and this will sound off the wall but I love Margaret Cho. Yes, she's just a comedian, but she's a sex positive, queer, feminist, truth-telling, uncompromising bad ass who is hilarious.

 

[JMohegan]

I know plenty of inspiring women personally but I don't really want to reveal personal information about them here. Let's just say amazing mothers, teachers, doctors, performers, writers, thought-provokers (is that a thing?) ... I mean, I really can't fathom not being able to name a single inspiring woman in my life.

I agree with all of this.

If thought-provokers isn't a thing, it should be. I dislike the Western custom of defining individuals by the job for which they get paid.

 

[Keroin]

If you're not inspired by Malala Yousafzai, you have no soul.

She's amazing.

I"m kinda with Knot, there aren't many women I look up to all that much. I'm sure I'm just hyper-critical, but very few seem to have what it takes to get my juices flowing. My short list includes:

Barbara Chocran who is in real estate and nearing mogul status.
Kim Kiyosaki, I love her investing advice for women.
Kappy Allen, was the 2000 NFR champion and earned enough money to qualify while still a practicing civil trial attorney.
My boss at my second job because she works more than full time, enthusiastically supports her husbands motorsports hobby/second career and STILL runs her own consulting business.
My mom because she went through a helluva divroce and managed to make sure nothing in our world changed while she struggled to get ahead.

But that's about it.

There are a couple local women business owners who I would like to get to know better but other than that I really don't look at many people (of either sex) and think "now that is someone I want to be like."

That sounds like a great list!

I think the key to this is recognizing that someone can inspire you without necessarily making you want to be like them. I don't want to be like anyone else, I want to be myself, but there are qualities other women possess that I admire or things they do that inspire me to try harder and reach further on my own path.

Not related to what you wrote, cfuher, but I also think it's high time that we started blowing apart this ridiculous stereotype of women as competitive and catty. Wherever this started, it needs to go. I'm a competitive person by nature but I also desperately want to support other women and see them succeed.

Offhand, my grandma's. My mom's mom ran a farm by herself for most of her adult life. She left my grandpa, who was abusing her, back when women didn't do things like that. She was into homeopathic medicine and healthy eating when everyone else was eating white bread and microwave meals. And she did it all in a skirt, as she considered pants to be unladylike. lol My dad's mom wasn't the best mom, but she was a great grandma. Just as importantly, she was a late deafened adult who chose to make a difference with her disability. She was a large part of the force behind removing the laws that would take a hearing child from deaf parents, and she worked for an organization in the bay area that specifically advocated for deaf people. Shortly before her death she was given an award for her years of work. Plus, she was a lot like me and tended to collect children who wanted a mom.

You have some wonderful genetics there, Gracie.

Reading about amazing women I don't know is great and all...But unless I know them personally, I can admire but aren't inspired as they aren't an immediate presence in my life.

Hm. I've been inspired by lots of people I don't know personally, not to mention non-humans. I'm frequently inspired by nature.

And yes, I understand that people are just people and have faults and whatever. I don't have a great deal of gender prejudice, I don't understand women enough to be gender prejudiced.

It's just that the in the career and hobbies I have now and the career I want, the most inspirational people I know are men. I'm sure there are inspirational women in all those areas, but do I know them? Sadly...no.

Wish I did know some...

I get this. When you work around mostly men and your hobbies also involve mostly men, it's easy to miss all the awesome females out there. I hope you do meet some because you're right, they're there.

I really can't fathom not being able to name a single inspiring woman in my life.

I had a difficult time choosing the women I did...there were just so many on my list!

I had an interesting discussion with my engineer friend around this interview. She said that when she first started in her field, the sexism and misogyny was really bad. Slowly, it improved, to the point where she felt it was only going to get better. In the last few years, however, she says she's noticed this disturbing backslide. She's hearing comments and witnessing behaviour she thought was long over. I'm also sensing this too, and it makes me a bit nervous.

There is a LOT of conflict brewing in the sci-fi writing/gaming community right now. Namely, a number of women are "coming out" with their stories of harassment in the industry (particularly gaming). My voice is not important enough (yet) to matter to anyone, but want to do my part in some small way to stand by my fellow females.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Good choice!

She's also an activist, fighting violence against women, world hunger, and cruelty to animals.

In some ways, activism is a little bit easier than facing and fighting the personal battles that I outlined. As difficult as it is for anyone to excel in their field, it's harder in every way for women. If their inner voice doesn't tear them down, men will-- or other women. Watching Anoushka interact with her musicians and direct them, seeing the respect and deference they give her as a sitarist-- that really does inspire me.

 

[Netzach]

Ruby Dee. In addition to being talented and a role model and a civil rights figure, here's someone who was open about being in an open marriage and could pull that off with poise and dignity. Quite an amazing thing in the American sexuality climate.

 

[Allyourbase]

For someone who doesn't really have 'heroes', I sure did have a lot of ideas reading this thread. Let's drop some random names here.


Writers who made me who I am:

Astrid Lindgren, because she wrote Pippi Longstocking and Ronia the Robbers' Daughter. Role model who invented role models. Meta.

There's a kids' book writer in Dutch as well, who wrote stories that might be conventional now, but were a little naughty in that era: Annie M.G. Schmidt. Towtruck Pluck is my fav, about a boy in a tiny red towtruck, who squats a tower room and rescues all kinds of animals. That's still rad now too.

-
And then some writers who might not list 'woman' as their gender, but what they do matters to me:

'Auntie Kate' Bornstein, who wrote My Gender Workbook and other stuff, that helped me figure out my gender. Sadly she's ill.

I'm a fan of the deliciously kinky Sinclair Sexsmith of Sugarbutch Chronicles.

And Ivan Coyote. Damn good storyteller.

And let me just list Stella

-

Then there's someone here called Leontien van Moorsel, world champion cyclist, She's the toughest Dutch woman in bicycle sports I've seen, also won the Tour Féminine twice (Tour de France is a huge thing here, this is the unofficial sister) and she overcame anorexia while doing it. I'm not a sports fan, but I have a soft spot for women on bikes.

Same thing for Lucia Rijker, she's a Surinam-Dutch world champion boxer, kick boxer, dubbed 'the most dangerous woman in the world', but also a serious buddhist practitioner, and very open open about that. I love that combo.

There's a lot more:
Vandana Shiva
Rachel Carson
Rachel Maddox
Margaret Cho
There's some great women making ethical porn.

And I'm not doing the historical thing yet. I have no idea whether that's even something you were asking about...

Okay it's really past bedtime here. But hey, at least it's weekend! Have a great one, peeps.

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

A personal hero has been Emily Davison, who died under the hooves of the King's racehorse on Epsom Downs, whilst trying to petition for votes for women. She had been an activist for years, enduring inprisonment, force feeding and what would be considered torture in todays society.
She stood up for and ultimately died to promote gender equality.

 

[Oubliette123]

Marina Abramovic

I find her inspiring because I feel much of her ideas and concepts in the performance art relates to her life and her sense of freedom and enslavement. She was born in Serbia, post WW2 and straight into a communist regime. Many people would judge this as being a horrific society to be born into, but having lived through the war perhaps communism then felt more like liberation, or the freedom within the mind of the master? I guess its all about perception.

Her performance art, particularly in the early days of her career was centred around pushing her body and mind to its limits. Her performances with her then lover Ulay was about trust. I relate to this aspect, as part of a couple in a loving relationship, where we both seek to break limits with each other.

Her mind is amazing, and knowing her background its easier to see why she does what she does. Definitely a woman of character.

 

[ecstaticsub]

There are quite a few famous women or women in the news who I greatly respect.

However, as far as women who have inspired me it would be women who I have know personally. My grandmother, my 9th grade geometry teacher, a female mentor during my residency. When I was struggling with my option of either being a stay at home mom or going back to work a good friend helped me be happy with my decision to give up my career for a few years to be full time with my babies.

My daughter inspires me with her confidence and bravery even with her difficulties.

These are the women who inspire me and who I admire,

 

[Evil_Geoff]

My maternal grandmother. She was active in the 40's and 50's as a peace activist (The Women's International League for Peace and Freedom) and an anti-nuclear weapons protestor, helping with Physicians for Social Responsibility well into the 1980's. In the 60's, she was a Freedom Rider and civil rights activist. In the 70's, she was running housing and education programs to get inner city/disadvantaged women off the streets, and into jobs where they could support themselves and their families.

She taught me that equality is never a gift to be handed out, but a right that had to be fought for, and that skin color and gender didn't dictate ability or character. And while saving humanity from itself might not be do-able, you don't need let that keep you from trying to make, and making, a difference.

The woman I consider to be my paternal grandmother. She was, biologically speaking, my father's aunt. But she raised him as her own when his own mother was too sick to care for him as an infant. I swear she could have been the prototype for "Granny" on The Beverly Hillbillies - she was short and thin, and I always remember her in those long dresses, apron, grey hair pulled in a bun, with glasses.

She taught me that I could cook ANYTHING, using cast iron cookware and not much else, if I put my mind to it and had a recipe to follow, that cookies and milk may not solve problems but they make you feel better when you tackle them. And that listening to others helps you figure out your own problems sometimes. And sometimes, even if you love someone very much, you have to let go and let them suffer the consequences of their own folly.